Marian Buck Murray

EFT and IFS for Sensitive, Creative People. Empower yourself self-compassion and deep understanding.

A Little Bit Better

by Leave a Comment

Just a little bit better.  What if that’s all it takes to eventually feel a lot better.  It’s something I’ve been playing with during my recovery from heart surgery last summer.  It’s been a long recovery, not quite sure why.  Perhaps because I’m getting older.  Perhaps because I have more to learn about loving myself unconditionally.  Perhaps because of a number of bumps along the way.  Perhaps all of the above and more.

It’s been rough.  Rough physically, but rougher still because I’ve struggled with beliefs about what healing truly means.  This was my third aortic valve replacement.  I was used to bouncing back quickly.  I was used to feeling incredibly healthy, despite health concerns.  So, I assumed this recovery would be quick.  When I realized it would be anything but quick, I grappled with a slew of negative, disheartening thoughts.  This, again, was not something I was used to.

What I’ve learned, is that the miracle of healing is sometimes so subtle it can be hard to notice.  As the days turned into weeks and months, I found I was very disappointed with my progress.  I dismissed small progress because it was not the full-on recovery I was seeking. This disappointment, and lack of gratitude,  led me down the  ‘nothing’s working, I’ll never feel better’ rabbit hole.

It was when I  decided I just couldn’t stand it any more that I began to hear: “just a little bit better”.  I heard it on podcast, in a workshop, from a healer, during my own meditations.  I asked myself if I could simply focus on feeling just a little bit better. What if that could be my daily goal.   Surely I could do that. 

And to the best of my ability, that’s what I’ve done since.  I’ve acknowledged subtle progress, and expressed gratitude for feeling a little bit better.  Right away I noticed that by taking my attention off what was going ‘wrong’, I began to see what was going right.  I opened up to more and more gratitude for the blessings I did have. 

In addition, I used a number of self-help techniques to help me relax and boost my mood.  I also reached out to a gifted EFT Practitioner for help in releasing thoughts and feelings that were not serving me.  Before long, I realized a number of my symptoms had improved —  I was feeling a lot better.

Now I’m not saying that this is what helped heal my symptoms.  Could be that it did, or maybe not.  And, I’m not completely out of the woods yet either.  The point here is that this practice helps me feel a lot better emotionally.  Feeling better emotionally helps me stretch into more joyful activity. Feeling better also helps me appreciate the numerous gifts within some of my darkest moments.

Here are some of the tools I used to help myself feel a little bit better:

A Walk in Nature – Fresh air does wonders to lift the spirit.  Sunshine brings vitamin D, a mood booster.  Nature’s beauty is a feast for grateful eyes.

Acupressure Mat – Lying on an acupressure mat helps reduce cortisol, and relax the nervous system, body and mind.  A perfect time to listen to a soothing audio.

An Uplifting Podcast – An upbeat, uplifting podcast, or radio show, or youtube video, can be a wonderful way to shift to a better feeling perspective.

Do Something Nice for Someone —  Contributing so someone else’s happiness is an effective way to boost feelings of connectedness and belonging.

Express Gratitude for Anything – Feeling grateful, truly grateful, for anything, is a good way to shift out of a negative head space. 

EFT Tapping – Sometimes we need to go deeper to help release distressing feelings and thoughts.  EFT tapping is a fast, effective tool.  Because EFT Tapping helps to reduce cortisol, it can also help release physical pain.  It can be used as both a self-help tool, and with a certified practitioner.

Meditation —  Silent or guided meditation can be very helpful for clearing the mind, and calming the nervous system.   It’s also a great tool for tapping into your intuition for guidance around your current issues.

More Self Help Tools—  Magnesium baths to detoxify and relax.  750 Words to encourage and uplift.  Nutrient-dense foods, herbal teas, lemon water, etc. to hydrate and nourish.

Reach Out To a Healing Professional — Self-help techniques are wonderful and effective.  Yet, there are times when a healing professional can help us face what might be too difficult to face alone. Reach out to someone you trust.

May you enjoy an abundance of well-being.

Peace,

Marian

Contact me to learn more about using EFT Tapping to feel better.

When Things Don’t Go as Planned

by 4 Comments

 

On June 15 I was scheduled for my third aortic valve replacement.  I was born with a bicuspid valve, (two flaps instead of three) and had my first replacement at age 38.   This time, once again, I planned to get another biological valve. 

A quick background on valves: Biological tissue valves last for 10-15 years– mine lasted 9 and 13. In contrast, mechanical valves are designed to last a lifetime, but require the blood thinner Coumadin.  Coumadin is a vitamin K antagonist, and requires limited consumption of vitamin-K-rich-foods, especially leafy greens.  For me, good nutrition, including eating lots of leafy greens, has always felt like part of my identity. I couldn’t imagine giving it up. Avoiding Coumadin was paramount, and I truly saw the surgeries as worthwhile.

As soon as I knew it was time for a new valve,  I went into planning mode.  I planned the date of my surgery so that I would recover in time for my annual trip to The Omega Institute to help with  the EFT Professional Training.  I planned what I would bring to the hospital.  What I would tell my clients.  When I would start up my practice again. What I had to do before my surgery.  Which kindle books I would read in the hospital. The new pillow I would use to prop myself up in bed at home so I could rest more easily.

I planned well, and thoroughly.  Then, on the day of my surgery, nothing went as planned.

Long story short, the anesthesiologist mistakenly injured a couple of major arteries.  The valve surgery was halted.  I then underwent two surgeries, that same day, to correct the injury.

I didn’t plan for any of this.  No one did. But, there I was. I had no choice but to go through it, and then to prepare for yet another surgery.

In an instant, my summer plans had all dissolved into ‘not this summer’.

So I did the best that I could.  I meditated.  I lay on my acupressure mat.  I worked with a fabulous EFT practitioner who helped me release some of the trauma.  I asked for help, again and again.  I leaned on family and friends. I reconsidered my choice of aortic valves. And I listened deeply to my heart.

What I know is that on June 15,  I was incredibly close to the edge.  I truly didn’t know if I would make it.  The experience shook me to my core. Waking up in recovery, I knew that I had very difficult decisions to make about my upcoming valve replacement.

Fortunately, during the time between surgeries, I met with a brilliant doctor (recommended by a doctor I met in the hospital).  This doctor is an expert on cardiac valves.  In fact, she spoke at a valve conference the very week I met with her.  She suggested a recently developed mechanical valve, and explained why it would likely be the best fit for me.  She based her suggestion on my constitution, medical history, relatively young age, and personal needs and desires.  The valve she recommended requires less Coumadin, and is currently in clinical trials with a safer blood thinner.

Deep down I knew I couldn’t put my heart through yet another surgery in 10-15 years. So I changed my mind. I let go of  what I believed was a necessary part of my identity — the part that told me that a biological valve was the only choice for me.  Instead I listened to what my heart was telling me, and I chose the mechanical valve for my August surgery. 

I do take Coumadin now, but less than for other mechanical valves.  It’s been somewhat of a struggle to make the dietary shifts.  I now have to closely monitor my diet in order to keep my blood at the prescribed level of anti-coagulation. However, I’ve decided to make sure I have the best possible nutrition, even with the adjustments.

If all goes well with the clinical trials,  in one or two years, I will be able to switch to a safer blood thinner.  One that’s not a Vitamin K antagonist.  No matter what, this mechanical valve is designed to last me for the rest of my life. No more valve replacements.  And, as I get older, I know this to be a wise decision, especially for my heart.

It’s not what I planned for.  But I see that as painful as it was, my June disaster was a divine intervention.  Banging me on the head, telling me that it was time to let go of outdated beliefs that no longer served me.  Clearly showing me that I am getting older, and it’s time to honor where I am in my life.  It was because of the pain, that I was able open up enough to see clearly what I had not allowed myself to see before.  My heart is worth the effort, and discomfort.  And I can handle it, even if it’s not at all what I planned.

We can plan and prepare, all good and important, but it’s when we let go of our fixed outcomes, that we can realize how strong we truly are.

Sending Love,

Marian