letting go

Get Centered When Life Feels Scattered

September 21, 2022 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

“I have too much on my plate.” “I’m being pulled in so many directions.” “I feel so scattered and overwhelmed…”

This is what I hear so often from my friends and clients. Most of them, as the sensitive, empathic people they are, feel responsible for much more than is truly necessary. This includes other people’s emotions, behavior, expectations, over-all well-being, and more. And then there are the daily tasks, workplace duties, volunteer obligations, and various family and friends who are calling for attention.

When we’re pulled in different directions, stretched beyond our limits, we get pushed off center. However, it’s when we’re centered and grounded that we can focus on our priorities. In order to make meaningful progress in life, finding center is paramount. It might feel impossible, but it’s not. It might feel easier to try to handle it all, but it’s not. Getting grounded and centered, is truly the way forward.

Following are some suggestions to help you get grounded and centered when life feels scattered:

Set the stage for the day ahead.
Allow time for yourself in the morning — before your mind fills with the worries of the day, and before you check your phone. If necessary, go to bed earlier so you can rise earlier, without scrimping on sleep. Use this time, even if it’s only 10 or 15 minutes, to meditate, write, take a walk, or do something which helps you connect with yourself. Find a rhythm which feels doable, enjoyable, and centering.

Shift your vision from all that ‘needs’ doing, and towards what’s most important right now.
Acknowledge that you have a lot on your plate, but that you can’t do it all right now. Decide what you can let go of for now. Tune in, and ask yourself what are the 3 (or 2 or 1) most important things for me to accomplish. Sometime before the end of each day, decide upon priorities for the next day. Start you day with a plan.

If you’re struggling to clarify priorities, perhaps you’re assuming that everything is a priority.
Take the time to tune in to see what might be clouding your vision. Ask yourself any of the following: Am I trying to please someone else? Am I trying to prove myself? Why does this matter so much to me. Is this really my responsibility? How will this be beneficial for me? How could this harm me? Is this in alignment with what’s truly important right now? Is this in alignment with my values? Develop a practice to help yourself let go of what obscures your vision. If you need help, contact me.

When you feel overly distracted, or overwhelmed, take a few minutes to ground yourself.
Get into your body, and out of your head. If possible, go outside. Feel the earth under your feet. Breathe deeply to clear your lungs. If you’re inside, exercise your core and lower body muscles. Tap your heels on the floor, march in place, jump up and down, all with the intention of grounding and centering yourself.

Most importantly, remember that when life feels scattered, it’s time to take extra good care of yourself. If you’re a sensitive, empathic person, you might believe you have to put others first. Yet when we consistently put others first, ignoring self-care, we burn out.

It’s amazing what even small pockets of self-care can do to bring us back to center. Self-care can be woven in throughout the day. It’s in the nourishing foods we eat. It’s in the nature walks, the meditations, the naps, the yoga, the good night’s rest, the visits to healing practitioners, and time spent with art, and music. When we feel well cared for, it’s easier to focus on what’s most important, and easier to let go of what’s not.

Wishing You Inner Peace,

Marian

Contact me to learn how EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting will help you feel more centered, and at peace with yourself.

When Things Don’t Go as Planned

November 4, 2021 by Marian Buck-Murray 4 Comments

On June 15 I was scheduled for my third aortic valve replacement. I was born with a bicuspid valve, (two flaps instead of three) and had my first replacement at age 38. This time, once again, I planned to get another biological valve.

A quick background on valves: Biological tissue valves last for 10-15 years– mine lasted 9 and 13. In contrast, mechanical valves are designed to last a lifetime, but require the blood thinner Coumadin. Coumadin is a vitamin K antagonist, and requires limited consumption of vitamin-K-rich-foods, especially leafy greens. For me, good nutrition, including eating lots of leafy greens, has always felt like part of my identity. I couldn’t imagine giving it up. Avoiding Coumadin was paramount, and I truly saw the surgeries as worthwhile.

As soon as I knew it was time for a new valve, I went into planning mode. I planned the date of my surgery so that I would recover in time for my annual trip to The Omega Institute to help with the EFT Professional Training. I planned what I would bring to the hospital. What I would tell my clients. When I would start up my practice again. What I had to do before my surgery. Which kindle books I would read in the hospital. The new pillow I would use to prop myself up in bed at home so I could rest more easily.

I planned well, and thoroughly. Then, on the day of my surgery, nothing went as planned.

Long story short, the anesthesiologist mistakenly injured a couple of major arteries. The valve surgery was halted. I then underwent two surgeries, that same day, to correct the injury.

I didn’t plan for any of this. No one did. But, there I was. I had no choice but to go through it, and then to prepare for yet another surgery.

In an instant, my summer plans had all dissolved into ‘not this summer’.

So I did the best that I could. I meditated. I lay on my acupressure mat. I worked with a fabulous EFT practitioner who helped me release some of the trauma. I asked for help, again and again. I leaned on family and friends. I reconsidered my choice of aortic valves. And I listened deeply to my heart.

What I know is that on June 15, I was incredibly close to the edge. I truly didn’t know if I would make it. The experience shook me to my core. Waking up in recovery, I knew that I had very difficult decisions to make about my upcoming valve replacement.

Fortunately, during the time between surgeries, I met with a brilliant doctor (recommended by a doctor I met in the hospital). This doctor is an expert on cardiac valves. In fact, she spoke at a valve conference the very week I met with her. She suggested a recently developed mechanical valve, and explained why it would likely be the best fit for me. She based her suggestion on my constitution, medical history, relatively young age, and personal needs and desires. The valve she recommended requires less Coumadin, and is currently in clinical trials with a safer blood thinner.

Deep down I knew I couldn’t put my heart through yet another surgery in 10-15 years. So I changed my mind. I let go of what I believed was a necessary part of my identity — the part that told me that a biological valve was the only choice for me. Instead I listened to what my heart was telling me, and I chose the mechanical valve for my August surgery.

I do take Coumadin now, but less than for other mechanical valves. It’s been somewhat of a struggle to make the dietary shifts. I now have to closely monitor my diet in order to keep my blood at the prescribed level of anti-coagulation. However, I’ve decided to make sure I have the best possible nutrition, even with the adjustments.

If all goes well with the clinical trials, in one or two years, I will be able to switch to a safer blood thinner. One that’s not a Vitamin K antagonist. No matter what, this mechanical valve is designed to last me for the rest of my life. No more valve replacements. And, as I get older, I know this to be a wise decision, especially for my heart.

It’s not what I planned for. But I see that as painful as it was, my June disaster was a divine intervention. Banging me on the head, telling me that it was time to let go of outdated beliefs that no longer served me. Clearly showing me that I am getting older, and it’s time to honor where I am in my life. It was because of the pain, that I was able open up enough to see clearly what I had not allowed myself to see before. My heart is worth the effort, and discomfort. And I can handle it, even if it’s not at all what I planned.

We can plan and prepare, all good and important, but it’s when we let go of our fixed outcomes, that we can realize how strong we truly are.

Sending Love,

Marian

Let Go of Over-Responsibility

June 13, 2018 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

We tend to grasp onto what feels familiar, no matter how limiting or uncomfortable. If you’re a sensitive person, you might be holding onto the belief that you’re responsible for far more than is actually possible. It may feel incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to let go of responsibility.

Many of my clients complain of feeling overwhelmed, and sometimes resentful of the load they’re carrying. Fortunately, even in the most challenging circumstances, it’s possible to make changes that will lighten the load.

Here are some signs you might be dealing with over-responsibility:

Feeling responsible for Others’ Feelings – How often do you walk around not only feeling others’ feelings, but also feeling responsible for changing them?

Feeling Responsible for Others’ Mistakes – Do you ever feel in some way responsible when a family member, partner, or friend, acts out in anger or other challenging ways?

Taking responsibility for Others’ Problems – How often do you step into the role of “the only one” who can solve the problems of the family, office, social setting?

Feeling like you have to fix or save the world – Do you ever feel overly stressed about problems in the world, and responsible to fix things?

How to let go of over-responsibility:

Practice awareness. Become aware of all that you feel responsible for. Notice the difference between the different types of responsibilities you take on. Which ones feel heavy? Which ones feel light? Which ones feel right? Which ones trigger resentment? Which ones feel impossible?

Decide which responsibilities are truly yours. For example, these responsibilities will typically include do-able practices and actions related to your health, your mood, your mind, and certain aspects of your job, family, and social and global situations.

Get clear about responsibilities that are not truly yours. Other people’s feelings, behavior, and problems…

Decide which responsibilities you’d like to let go. For example consider letting go of: Trying to fix someone’s mood. Taking on too much. The belief that you’re responsible for everything and everybody in your life. Feeling responsible for things you cannot control.

Ask for Help — Asking for help can feel difficult for the overly-responsible person. However, it’s crucial. Choose responsibilities to delegate or to share with another. Ask a family member, friend, or colleague for help. You might be surprised…people will often say YES.

Surrender overly-challenging or impossible responsibilities. On a piece of paper, draw a line down the center to form two columns. Label the left-hand column MINE, and write down responsibilities you know you can handle. Label the right-hand column UNIVERSE and write down responsibilities that aren’t yours, or those that you struggle with. Imagine surrendering these responsibilities to a greater source of help and inspiration. Imagine the possibility of welcome solutions, and new forms of assistance.

Another way to do this is to write each overly-challenging/impossible responsibility on a small piece of paper. Place them in a box or jar labeled Universe. (or Surrender, or Source, or God, or Goddess….)

Use Meditation and Creative Visualization: Meditate on letting go of extra layers of responsibility and stress. See yourself able to easily let go of what’s not yours to handle. Instead of engaging with each responsibility, allow your breath to assist the release. Envision yourself centered in your strength, knowing what’s yours, and letting go of the rest.

Use EFT Tapping: EFT tapping is effective for helping to release stress and anxiety when you’re feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities. Tapping helps to lower cortisol, and increases blood flow to the thinking part of the brain. This will help you deal more effectively with your challenges. Click here for an illustrated guideline of the tapping points. Contact me to learn more about using EFT.

Let go, surrender, allow.

In Love and Courage,

Marian

August 31, 2015 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

A couple of weeks ago 5 Monks from the Drepung Loseling Monastery in India visited my hometown of Maplewood NJ. Their purpose: to create this stunning sand mandala. They spent more than 30 hours, over the course of 6 days, to complete it.

The Green Tara mandala was chosen as the design for this project. The Green Tara symbolizes protection, health, happiness, wisdom, abundance and success. The mandala is created with the intention of activating these healing energies.

Each day the crowds would gather in Maplewood’s Woodland Center to watch as the Monks painstakingly laid grains of sand into the Green Tara design. Mesmerized, we gazed at the beauty of the expanding mandala, grateful to step out of the summer heat into this place of otherworldly peace. A community experience like none before.

When the mandala was completed, the Monks brought the project to a close with a ceremony of deep chanting. Next, one of the monks stepped forward to sweep the entire design into a swirl of colored sand.

The intricate design, that took days to create, destroyed within a matter of minutes.

The sand was later poured in a nearby brook, allowing the water to carry the healing energies throughout the world.

And then it was over. And the Monks went on their way, leaving us to ponder this message of impermanence.

It was hard. Hard letting go of that stunning mandala. Hard letting go of the Monks. Hard letting go of the rare, ethereal community experience.

It felt so unusual. To witness and celebrate the destruction of such incredible beauty. And then to let it go. I didn’t want to let go.

And then I remembered the meaning of the lesson. That NOTHING at all is permanent. Letting go is essential.

Whether or not we resist letting go determines our experience. Holding on to what’s gone, no matter how beautiful, only leads to suffering. It’s in the letting go of a moment’s beauty that we allow it to emerge again and again.

But alas, it’s not just the good moments that are impermanent. It’s the challenging ones as well. If nothing is permanent, we get to let go of it all.

When nothing is permanent, everything is possible.

Marian

Ready to let go of what’s holding you back? Apply for a free 30 Minute Unleash Your Creative Genius Clarity Call to pinpoint what’s stopping you from expressing your true talents. Mini EFT Round included as part of this free call!