Marian Buck Murray

EFT and IFS for Sensitive, Creative People. Empower yourself self-compassion and deep understanding.

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Take Time For Your Feelings

April 1, 2025 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

 

When life feels overwhelming,  take time to acknowledge what’s happening and how you feel.

So often, when we’re faced with monumental changes and events, we want to hurry ahead to fix things. Or, distract ourselves in order to avoid our feelings.  Often, we worry because we don’t know what to do.  We might feel helpless to visualize positive solutions.  All of this can feel downright paralyzing.

Yet, what if the clarity we need is right around the corner…

Clarity is crucial for forward motion.  However, clarity can feel impossible to attain after we’ve been hit by something big.  When life as we know it shifts, we can easily be thrown off center.  It’s during these difficult times that it’s good to grieve what we’ve lost, and acknowledge how hard things feel. This exploration of feelings will help us get the clarity we need to move forward.

So often we’re taught that we need to pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and forge ahead.  Certainly, sometimes this is absolutely necessary. Yet, when we continually soldier on, without taking time to grieve our losses, we carry them forward. Ultimately, we can get bogged down by our past.

Unresolved feelings have a habit of seeping into our daily lives, clouding vision, behavior, and overall wellbeing.  It’s as though we’re continually looking through the filters of past hurts and grievances.  These filters can really clog up after a while.  As with any filter, it’s crucial to clear out the gunk for best results.

Allowing space for uncomfortable feelings is what helps them clear.  This clearing contributes to the forward moving clarity we need. Taking time to sit with our feelings can actually free up invaluable time and energy for the future.

Here are some suggestions:

Take breaks, here and there, to sit with yourself.  Tune in.  Notice your feelings. If you can, imagine embracing your feelings with love and compassion. Allow yourself a good cry, if needed.  Simply giving your feelings some compassionate attention can help them soften.

Notice where you typically get triggered. Ask yourself what you’re telling yourself, and what you believe about yourself.  Question beliefs which feel limiting or hurtful. Use your feelings as a guide to a deeper understanding of yourself.

Know that chaotic, helpless feelings are just that.  They hurt, yet they are feelings. And, feelings, when worked with, can transform into better-feeling feelings.

Use EFT Tapping.  Tap to help soften and release uncomfortable feelings.  Focus on the feeling and locate where you feel it in your body.  Breathe deeply, and tap on the EFT tapping points.  No need to say words, but you can if you want to.  Here’s a link to the tapping points.

Change the channel. Spending time with your feelings doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in them.  Turn your focus to what feels positive and uplifting as well. This, combined with holding space for your pain, lets your nervous system know that you can toggle from one to the other.  In other words, it empowers you to get unstuck.

Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional. Allow yourself to ask for help.  Processing what has happened, or is happening, can be difficult.  A compassionate witness is sometimes what we need most.

Life is a mix of experiences and emotions, ups and downs, stillness and movement, and everything in between.  When we allow space for all of it, we’re able to surf life’s waves with less fear, and a lot more confidence.

Sending you oodles of compassion,

Marian

To learn more about using EFT and IFS, to process emotions, contact me.

 

 

Filed Under: EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), IFS, Uncategorized Tagged With: clarity, EFT tapping, finding clarity, IFS Informed, IFS-Informed EFT Tapping, Process emotions, Sit with your feelings, Stay with yourself

Inner Peace for Changing Times

February 18, 2025 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

How to Create Inner Peace during Changing & Challenging Times

It’s not always easy to stay calm, peaceful, and centered.  Sometimes it might feel downright impossible.  What’s happening in the world is hard to avoid.  It seeps into our consciousness through many sources.   The news.  Headlines on emails.  Conversations with friends and families.  Social media.

Certainly, it’s important to be aware of what’s happening around us.  For peace of mind, however, it’s crucial to set boundaries on information intake.  By creating boundaries with incoming information we can give it space, without allowing it to consume our focus and sense of wellbeing.

We all have inner parts who want to keep us safe.  These parts often use anxiety and hypervigilance as tools to keep us on edge and aware.  Unfortunately, habitual anxiety and hypervigilance only serve to weaken us, obscuring creativity and best solutions. By protecting and relaxing the nervous system, we give ourselves better access to inner guidance, new ideas, and feelings of inner peace.  Softening harsh feelings can feel incredibly empowering.

Here are some tips to help you create inner peace:

Notice where you are putting your attention.  Notice how you feel when you focus your attention on different aspects of your life, or the world around you.  To create more inner peace, help yourself focus more of your attention on what feels good, right, and empowering. Set boundaries where needed.

Commit to incorporating relaxation practices into your day.  If your nervous system is taking in more stress than usual, it is doubly important to unwind and relax.

Tune into uncomfortable feelings.  Be gentle and compassionate with these feelings, as if you were comforting a child.  Listening to your feelings will foster a sense of self-acceptance, and validation.  Sometimes, this is all that’s needed to quiet inner turmoil.

Use breathwork to help calm anxious feelings.  There are a variety of techniques which help to calm the nervous system. These include:  Box Breath, 5-7-8 Breath, Voo Breath, Heart Breath and more.  Find the techniques which work best for you. You’ll find many examples on YouTube.

Tap.  EFT tapping has been clinically documented as an effective technique for reducing cortisol.  Stress-related cortisol spikes can interfere with good sleep, cognitive clarity, emotional wellness, digestion, and immunity.  Just to name a few.  Try tapping while tuning into your feelings. You don’t need to say any words. Tapping can help release some of what is causing your discomfort.  For more information on tapping, contact me.

Try an acupressure mat.  An acupressure mat has rubber spikes which stimulate acupressure points.  At first it might feel uncomfortable, but when the endorphins kick in, it can feel incredibly relaxing, even sleep-inducing.

Meditate.  Find time during the day to meditate.  If you’re new to meditation, start with a few minutes, and build from there.  Consider reaching out to a meditation teacher for guidance.  If it’s helpful, listen to calming music, or a guided meditation, to help you get started.  Meditation has been shown to change the way our brains handle stress, in a very good way.

Find activities which light you up.  No matter how silly, frivolous, or unimportant they might seem.  Take a walk or a hike.  Sing.  Dance to your favorite music.  Create art.  Cook a favorite recipe.  Take a class. Visit with friends.  Watch something funny.  Read a great book. Listen to an uplifting podcast. Tap into what’s going right in the world.  Find what speaks to you.  Stay open to feelings of joy and wonder.

Essentially, so much of creating inner peace is about noticing which activities help you feel calm, centered and empowered, and which ones don’t.  Choose how to spend your precious time, attention, and energy. Empower yourself with practices to help relax your nervous system.  The more empowered you are, the easier it will be to navigate whatever you’re navigating.

Wishing you Peace,

Marian

Contact me for a complimentary Self Discovery Call. 

Filed Under: EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), IFS, Uncategorized Tagged With: Breathing Techniques, Create Inner Peace, EFT tapping, IFS, IFS-Informed EFT Tapping, Information Intake Boundaries, inner peace, Inner Peace for Changing Times, Relax Your Nervous System, Relaxation Techniques

Going Deeper with IFS

September 16, 2024 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

 

I’m back.  I stepped away from the world for a while.  Not from my clients or family, but from as much as I could ignore.  There’s a part of me who finds true comfort in retreat.  But alas, summer is over, and it’s time to re-emerge.

On April 9, after a month of hospice, my mother Jo died.  She was a month shy of 101.  She was ready, and I thought I was too.  But still, it was a shock.  During the weeks before her death I put much of my life on hold so that I could be with her during her last days.  My oldest sister stayed as well, and my other sister and brother came regularly to help.  It was a profound time of loss, grief, anxiety, confusion, frustration, happy reunion, gratitude, awe, and continuing acceptance. 

She passed the day after the solar eclipse.  A few days after the earthquake that shook her NJ townhouse.   And the day after I began my training in Internal Family Systems (IFS). Those were impactful days, to say the least.

And though it was a challenge, I am grateful to have started my IFS training during this time.  Practicing IFS, along with EFT Tapping, helped me stay present and grounded.

So, what is IFS, and how does it work? 

Internal Family Systems is a method created by therapist Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.  According to IFS, each of us has multiple parts within us. By understanding and appreciating our parts we’re able to resolve inner conflict, and grow.

It’s during challenging times, when we’re thrown off course, that we often feel the most discomfort.  This discomfort invites us to deepen our self-exploration.  So, with the help of my fellow IFS students, and IFS practitioner, I explored my uncomfortable parts. For example, I visited with the part of me who hesitates to ask for help, even when she needs it.  I also visited with the part who urgently wants to get everything done, as well as the part who loves to procrastinate.

This is a just a snip-it of parts which emerged after my mother’s death, as I stepped into my role estate executor. They’re parts which hold memories, feelings, and outdated beliefs. They were activated by the profound changes in my life. With IFS I was able to go deeper to help unburden my parts.  This is what helped me cultivate more courage, confidence, and peace of mind.

In a nutshell, according to IFS, we all have the following parts: 

The Managers – These are protective parts who live in the future.  They aim to manage (and control) our lives to avoid triggering situations and difficult emotions. These are the parts who push and criticize us.  They urge us to strive for success, defend, people please, and avoid difficult feelings.  

The Firefighters – These are protective parts who live in the present.  They work to soothe and numb uncomfortable feelings. They usually rely on substances and habit-forming behaviors to get the job done. Firefighters often urge us to do what our managers will later shame us for.

The Exiles – The exiles are what our managers and firefighters attempt to protect.  They’re the parts we push away, hide, and neglect. Typically, exiles carry memories, outdated beliefs, and painful emotions.  Often we feel embarrassed, or scared, to show these parts to others, or even to ourselves.  Managers and firefighters work hard to keep exiles and their burdens hidden.

As Richard Schwartz describes in his book No Bad Parts, none of these parts are bad.  Both firefighters and managers try to protect us, even when their tactics prove unhelpful, or even harmful. The exiles typically carry the bulk of the pain.  So instead of scorn, what our parts really need is compassion, understanding, and a way to unburden their loads. Thankfully, this is possible with what IFS calls Self. 

Self –  Self can also be thought of as True Self, Higher Self, etc.  It’s the place within which allows us to witness our parts with curiosity and compassion. A practitioner trained in IFS is able to share her Self energy with clients, and guide them to access their own Self energy. 

It’s with Self energy that we help unburden our exiles and the parts who protect them.  When our parts feel safe, heard, seen, and understood, they can soften enough to let go of painful beliefs and patterns.  This unburdening allows our true gifts to unfold. It brings harmony to our parts and to our lives.

The IFS process invites us to relax and grow into the people we’re truly meant to be.  For this, I am incredibly grateful.  As an IFS-Informed EFT Practitioner, I now offer one-on-one sessions combining both IFS and EFT. For a complimentary call to learn more about how IFS can help you, contact me.

Here’s to the beautiful truth within us all.

Peace,

Marian

 

 

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: compassion, EFT tapping, feel heard and seen, IFS, IFS Informed, Internal Family Systems, my mother's death, Parts therapy, present and grounded, self acceptance, unburdening parts

Connect With Yourself

February 14, 2024 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

I hear from many clients that they feel distracted and overwhelmed.  A variety of obligations compete for space on their overcrowded to-do lists. They explain that they spend much of their time focusing on others’ needs.  Often, they feel disconnected from their own needs and desires.

To me, the obvious remedy is to shift their focus inward, on a daily basis.  In other words, to take moments throughout the day to focus on what’s going on internally. Yet, for many people, practicing meditation, sitting quietly, or tending to emotions seems difficult and out of reach.  Though it does take disciplined practice, I believe that inner exploration is the best way to transform disconnection into self-connection.

Taking the inner path opens the door to deeper creativity, focus, and a sense of inner peace.  It’s the only way to enhance your intuition, and discover who you really are. It’s the best way to form a stable connection to anchor you through life’s inevitable storms.  Best of all, daily practices don’t have to take a lot of time.  Below are some of my favorites.

A few ways to deepen  your connection with yourself:

Sit quietly for a few moments.  Breathe deeply.  Tune into your breath and your body.  Notice your thoughts and feelings.  Connect with yourself in the present moment.  Repeat throughout your day.

Meditate.  Meditation is a way to observe, rather than engage, your thoughts and feelings.  Meditation primes the brain to deal more effectively with stress.  It also trains the brain to tune out distractions, strengthening your ability to focus.  If you’re new to meditation, start with 5 minutes and build up gradually.  The Insight Timer  app has a vast variety of both guided meditations and music for meditation.

Journal – Write in a journal or notebook, or try an online service, such as 750 words. Journaling is a fabulous way to connect more deeply with yourself.  Ask questions to uncover information, or solutions to problems. Talk yourself up on a day when you need extra encouragement. Get in touch with part of you who is facing a challenge. Allow your words to flow, doing your best not to censor.

Tune in for Clarity.  Before you make a decision, or start a project, close your eyes, and tune in.  Ask yourself what your intentions are.  Clarify what you want to accomplish. Take time to envision your process, and the energy with which you’d like to show up. 

Read or Listen to Something Just for You.  Read poetry, or an inspirational book or article.  Listen to music, meditations, or a podcast which stirs your soul.  Find what speaks to you.  Have these goodies at the ready so you can dip in and out with ease.

When you regularly tune into your inner world, you will strengthen self-trust and inner guidance.  By listening to your heart, your feelings, and your body, you deepen self-connection.  In a world which strives for the best next thing, the journey within never gets old.  Let it take you on the adventure of your life.

Peace,

Marian

Contact me to find  out how EFT Tapping can help you form a deeper connection with yourself.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: connect with yourself, eft practitioner, EFT tapping, inner journey, intuition, Journaling, meditation, self connection, self trust, tune in, what speaks to you

How to Have That Difficult Conversation

December 5, 2023 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

The  elephant gets awfully heavy when it hangs around the same room for too long. It might seem easier to avoid difficult conversations, but after a while, it distances us from the ones we love.  Those invisible distances grow wider the longer we delay saying what needs to be said.

Typically fear gets in the way, as we conjure up scenarios that scare us into silence. Many times, however, those scenarios never actually happen.  Sometimes, our conversations don’t go as we wish. Fortunately, there are ways to proceed which will help create more harmony for everyone involved.

Here are some tips to help you navigate difficult conversations with more ease.

Get clear about what you intend to say. Clarity will help help you articulate more effectively. Decide what is truly important, and do your best to let go of the rest. Even if you don’t attain  your desired outcome, you will empower yourself by saying what needs to be said.

Prepare yourself emotionally.  Before your conversation, attend to emotional triggers. The less emotionally charged you are, the easier it will be to articulate clearly. Additionally, it will be easier for others to understand you when you’re coming from a calm clear place. 

To soothe emotional triggers, try tapping, or any other self-soothing technique. Readjust your intention, if necessary, in order to help yourself feel more at ease.  You might choose to work with a healing professional to help prepare.

Visualize your conversation going well. Imagine feeling confident, calm, and relaxed. Visualize a fruitful conversation where you’re satisfied with the outcome.  See yourself speaking with integrity and clear intention.

Let go of trying to prove you’re right.  Trying to convince someone that you’re right can prevent you from truly hearing the other person.  This creates conflict rather than harmony. Instead of trying to control the outcome, allow for what’s most beneficial for all involved.  If this feels hard, you’re not alone.  It can feel very uncomfortable.  It takes courage to persevere through the discomfort, while remaining open to others’ opinions.  And courage is a good thing.

Get curious. Ask questions to learn about different points of view.  Show interest in others’ experiences.  Listen deeply and tune into what’s happening for them. Compassionate curiosity will help bridge division. It might also encourage the same curiosity from others.

Share ideas for helpful solutions. Be open to compromise. Allow yourself to express your own opinions, even if others don’t share them. Remind yourself, and others, that the best outcome is one that holds benefit for all.

In these time of conflict and division, I believe it’s crucial to find ways to reconnect with the ones we love, and in turn, our friends and neighbors.  These suggestions are culled my own experiences, and those of my clients.

Because each situation is different, some suggestions might not apply to your situation.  For example, there can be times when compromise is not possible, or beneficial.  Yet, speaking from a calm clear place is always helpful.  In other words, start by creating harmony within, and go from there.

Wishing You Peace and Harmony,

Marian

Need help preparing for a difficult conversation?  Contact me.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: clear intentions, compromise, create harmony with others, EFT tapping, how to have difficult conversation, listen, speak with integrity, tips for difficult conversations, visualize fruitful conversation

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Recent Posts

  • Take Time For Your Feelings
  • Inner Peace for Changing Times
  • Forgive Yourself
  • Resolving Polarization
  • Going Deeper with IFS

The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with nature.

Joseph Campbell
Certified EFT Practitioner

Disclaimer: The information and concepts presented on this website are for educational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any disease or condition. It is not intended to substitute for the advice, treatment and/or diagnosis of a qualified licensed medical professional.

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