Marian Buck Murray

EFT and Matrix Reimprinting for Sensitive, Empathic, Creative People. Step out of the shadows and share your gifts and talents.

Shadow Love — A Call For Unity within Ourselves

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Unity, such a beautiful word.  During these times of deep division, many of us have been calling for it.  But, let’s face it, it can be hard to find common ground with those we call our enemies.  At a time when it might feel easy to dehumanize, condemn, or ‘cancel’ those whom we judge, why on Earth would we want unity?

It’s all very understandable — this ‘us and them’ mentality.  Yet, our lack of unity leaves us polarized.  And it’s difficult, if not impossible, to move forward when we’re feeling polarized.

Now I’m not suggesting that we befriend or agree with everyone.  Rather, what I am suggesting is that we seize this moment to befriend those parts of ourselves which we’ve condemned, hidden, neglected, and judged.  It’s when we make peace with ourselves that we find it easier to find peace with others.

We all live with some degree of inner polarization.  It shows up as that struggle to accept ourselves just as we are. That habit of hiding who we really are.  The masks we wear to please and impress. The lies we tell to save face. 

However, it’s when we reintegrate the shadowy places within us, that we find profound inner peace.

Sometimes we’re so afraid of our shadows, we’ll do everything possible to get away from them.  But, alas, we can’t outrun our shadows.  Avoidance won’t make them disappear.  In fact, they usually come back even stronger, popping into our lives when we least expect it. As long as we’re driven to avoid our shadows, they will continue to sabotage our lives. 

It’s when we turn to embrace our shadows, that they help us transform our lives.

During times of stress, it’s easy to fall back into our shadow patterns.  Those habits, behaviors, and moods, we’d rather not admit to.  So, what if,  instead of judging ourselves, we pause to notice what’s happening.  As painful as it might feel, our shadows are calling for healing.  When we move into acceptance, we can take a deeper dive to see what’s hiding beneath the surface.

So, how do we embrace what we don’t want to embrace?  How do we feel compassion for a part ourselves that we truly dislike?

A good start is to approach our shadows as we would a scared child.  When we approach ourselves with gentleness, compassion, and non-judgement, we can listen on a deeper level.  This simple act of compassion helps illuminate what’s truly needed to feel better, happier, and empowered to transform our lives.

It takes time, and commitment to work with our shadows.  But it’s worth it.  EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting are particularly helpful tools in shadow work.  Contact me to learn more.

Peace,

Marian

Interested in shadow work?  Learn more about my new Shadow Love Programs.

Triggered? Here’s What To Do

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We all know what it feels like to be triggered.  Triggered by something someone says.  Or does.  Or by something we read in the news, or on social media.  For some of us, sometimes all it takes is a song on the radio to trigger a round of tears.  Or, the sight of a particular person to send us spiraling into anger.

Usually when we feel triggered, we’re being reminded of something from our past.  In other words, we experience the same feelings as we did during a similar event(s) in the past.  It’s easy to blame our triggers on whatever is in front of us.  However, though our current situation might feel awful, it’s when we shine a light on our subconscious wounds, that we begin to eliminate our triggers.

What’s important to realize, is that when we are triggered, whether with anger, sadness, or fear, we are essentially disempowered.  We’re less able to think, or speak, clearly.  And, we’re more likely to react impulsively, and in ways we might later regret.

The goal is to help deactivate the triggers, so that we can face unpleasant, challenging, situations more effectively. 

So, how do we do this?   

Pause.  Honor what you’re feeling. And take a breath.

When you feel triggered, pause to notice what you’re feeling.  Slow your breath.  Begin breathing deeply from your belly.  Slow, deep, breathing turns on the relaxation response. 

Next, while breathing deeply, tune into what you’re feeling, and use your fingers to tap on the fleshy side of your hand.  (It doesn’t matter which hand.)  This tapping will help you interrupt your automatic trigger reaction. In addition, tapping helps to reduce cortisol,  reduce the intensity of the feeling, and bring blood back to your brain. 

All of this makes your brain more effective, and helps you feel better — enabling you to handle your situation in a more powerful way.

It’s simple.  By pausing, and interrupting your reaction, you will be more able to respond consciously, rather than unconsciously.

Because our triggers typically stem from painful events, they can actually lead us to the places we most need to heal.  If you struggle with strong triggers, reach out for professional guidance to learn how to manage them. 

For the video:  EFT Tapping For Feeling Triggered, see below…

Wishing You Peace and Wellbeing,

Marian

 

EFT Tapping is an efficient, quick way to deactivate, and neutralize triggers.  Contact me to learn more about how you can use EFT tapping to work with your triggers.

Befriend Your Shadow

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So often, especially for sensitive people, our personal shadow side is difficult to acknowledge. It’s as if acknowledging the shadow will somehow negate the good we’re doing in the world. Or perhaps the sheer presence of a shadow means we haven’t done enough ‘work’ on ourselves. Or that we’re not spiritual enough. Or, worse, that there’s something permanently wrong with us.

Yes.  Our shadows are tough to explore. They’re designed to be tough.  Tough enough to keep us away from those unwanted parts of ourselves, banished so long ago.  Sometimes we don’t even know they’re there.

The problem with shadows, though, is that they never truly stay hidden.  They creep into our behavior, our reactions, our moods, and our personalities. Sometimes they scream at us. And they always push us out of alignment.  They will continue to push us out of alignment, until we begin to take notice. Until we embrace them.  Simply put, until we befriend our shadows, we will never be able to find true fulfillment.

If you’re new to shadow work, here is a brief description of a few common types of shadows.

3 common types of shadows:

Dark Shadows:  These include mistakes, wrong-doings, and traumatic events.  This is where we harbor shame. We typically spend inordinate amounts of energy trying to hide, deny and avoid these dark shadows.  Neglected, they can lead to all sorts of negative, and even harmful, behavior towards ourselves and others.

Unacknowledged Gifts:  Here we find our natural strengths and talents which have been pushed into the shadows. This usually happens during youth, as a result of some form of rejection.  They can get triggered by someone else’s success, along with resentment, anger, or jealousy.  These shadows can lead to all sorts of self sabotage from unfulfilling jobs, to procrastination, to overall stagnation.

Light Shadows:  These shadows can stem from an inner belief that we’re not good, lovable, or valuable enough. Often these shadows include an unresolved need to be loved, or validated.  They can lead to overly-friendly, overly-giving, and overly-responsible behaviors.

An effective way of approaching any of our shadows is with forgiveness, compassion, and love. Woven into our shadows are layers of pain and suffering, yearning to be healed.  EFT Tapping, meditation, therapy, journaling, prayer, and deep self-care routines, are all helpful methods to assist you as you work with your shadows.

Remember, shadow work takes consistency, patience, compassion, love, and help from others.  It’s worth it.  It’s an experience that will truly transform your life.

 Reach out to me if you’d like to learn how to use EFT Tapping to work with your shadows.

With Love,

Marian

 

Awaken The Sloth: How To Build Momentum and Motivation

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I’ll admit it.  Sometimes I feel as slow as a sloth.  Sometimes I move as slow as a sloth. It’s been hot this summer, humid, and sticky too.  Add to that the drag of Covid, and the seemingly endless barrage of distressing news.  All of this was a seductive invitation for me to step back, slow down, and sit quietly for a while to process.  Not knowing quite what to do, I surrendered to stillness.  So, apart from the daily necessities, lots of reading, and my work with my clients, I’ve been somewhat off the grid.

Now, as Autumn approaches, a refreshing breeze reaches beyond the gathering inertia of my mind.  And I’m clear. 

It’s time to awaken the sloth.

What I know, is that even when it feels impossible to move forward, there are things we can do get the proverbial ball rolling again.

What I’ve noticed with myself, and my clients, is that getting stuck often starts with resistance.  Resistance to change.  Resistance to uncertainty.  Resistance to discomfort.  And the longer we stay in resistance, the more likely we will lapse into inertia.  We can get used to it, it’s comfortable. And, after a while, it’s easy to forget what we’re resisting in the first place.

Resistance is like a big fat bundle of thoughts that scares us into staying stuck.  A thought bundle that gets bigger and more forceful as time goes on.  Because this thought bundle seems so big and unwieldly, it feels too hard to tackle. So, it’s much easier to just to stay stuck.  And then wait, and wait, and wait…for motivation.

And, more times than I’d like to admit, I realize that motivation rarely, if ever, drops into my lap.  In fact, waiting for motivation usually creates far more frustration than actual motivation.

This said,  motivation is actually not incredibly difficult to find.  That’s because it’s often found on the other side of action.  Sometimes just one step will help build the momentum of yet another, and another step. This momentum leads to the motivation to keep on going.  These steps can include anything from a plan of action, a paragraph on a page, the outline of a project, or a preliminary sketch.  The goal here, is to start something, even when you don’t feel motivated, to gradually build momentum, and motivation.

This might not be new news.  But sometimes we (I) need to hear it again, and again.

Here are some tips to build momentum, and motivation.  During times like this, I like to keep this list handy:

Change up hypnotic routines. Include new, or rarely eaten, foods in your diet.  Take a walk in a completely different direction.  Add ritual and variety to your evening routines.  Make a new social connection.  By doing new things, you will help reduce resistance to uncertainty and unfamiliarity.  In addition, this will help activate your brain, making it easier to generate new ideas.

Awaken hidden talents.  Engage in enjoyable activities which will awaken aspects of yourself that may have fallen asleep. Think back to what you loved to do as a child, and would love to do again.  Begin with small, manageable actions to access this place within you.  Experiment with activities within music, art, literature, physical pursuits, or spirituality to spark your creative flow.  Awakening your hidden talents, with patience, and acceptance, will help you feel more alive, eager, inspired, and motivated to move forward.

Break goals into very small tasks, and write them down. This will help you break out of built-up resistance to big, impossible-feeling goals. Enjoy a sense of accomplishment as you check things off your list.  This sense of accomplishment will help you build momentum and motivation to do more.

Get comfortable with discomfort. Moving out of your comfort zone simply means you’ll feel uncomfortable.  And that’s okay.  We can all handle discomfort. It’s temporary.  Plus, moving through to the other side of discomfort feels GREAT!

Acknowledge your accomplishments, no matter how ‘small.’ When we only celebrate our biggest accomplishments, we devalue what it takes to get there.  Stay motivated by acknowledging your progress, step by step, along your way to reaching your goal.  When we’re aware of our progress, our goals feel much more accessible.

Give yourself enough structure. Structure will help you contain and focus your efforts. Finding the right structure, especially if you’re resistant to structure, is essential.  This might mean a schedule that fits your style, or some type of creative set-up for your workspace.  Organization and structure will help you clarify what works, and what you want.  And, clarity feeds motivation 

Show up. Have faith in your own creative process to help bring you forward. The creative process requires your commitment to take action, and show up, again, and again and again.

Though I didn’t include it on the list, EFT Tapping is a powerful way to release the fear and resistance that keeps us stuck.  In addition, tapping facilitates effective brain function, improved mood, and enhanced creative flow.  All of these, of course, are essential for forward movement. Contact me to learn more.

WIshing You Peace and Wellbeing,

Marian

Make Friends with the Unknown

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Face it, we really don’t know what life will look like when we get through all “this”.  If you’re like so many right now, myself included, you might be trying to figure out what you should do, or how things might go, or what next year will bring.

We’re in the middle of the big unknown.  A big pile of unknowns.  And because this is all so unfamiliar, it’s easy to approach it with alarm, and even dread.

But what if, in the midst of it all, we find what we’ve been yearning for. What if… we find ourselves.

What if we:

Go deeper into the pockets of our consciousness.

Let go of outdated beliefs and patterns.

Learn  more of what we’re meant to learn.

Explore more of our heart’s desires.

Find new avenues of joy to spark the creative spirit within.

Allow ourselves to imagine a big pile of best solutions, no matter how ‘impractical’ they seem.

The unknown, remember, is unlimited.  It’s when we limit it with worries that we forget how truly unlimited it is.  Here are a couple suggestions to move beyond some common struggles, to help it feel a little easier.  Enjoy!

Sending Love and Peace,

Marian

P.S. If you need help moving through your fears of the unknown, contact me to learn more about the fear-busting power of EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting.