Marian Buck Murray

Release, Relax, Tap into Your Brilliance. EFT Tapping to help you unleash your creative genius.

Let Go of Trying to Fix It

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I hear it again and again from my clients.  And in the meetup group I run for sensitive, empathic people.  It’s hard to let go of the desire to fix what’s wrong.  It seems that for sensitive people, there’s truly is an innate sense of responsibility that drives us not only to help people, but to try to fix what’s wrong as well.

There’s nothing wrong with helping.  There’s nothing wrong with showing compassion and empathy for others. Sometimes, there’s nothing wrong with fixing.  What gets us into a pickle is when we believe it’s our responsibility to fix other people’s problems.

It might feel natural to want to fix things.  And that’s okay.  So often, however, we want to fix things because we feel uncomfortable when others are uncomfortable. 

Because we easily pick up on what others are feeling, it’s only natural that we would want to stop what hurts.

This, however, is not always possible.  Nor is it warranted.  Just because we have an innate sense of responsibility, it doesn’t mean we need to take responsibility in all situations. 

So, what do we do when we are confronted with the discomfort and disappointment of others? 

As hard as it might feel, it’s truly about surrendering to the moment, and accepting whatever is happening.  It’s about relaxing into the discomfort of not-knowing.  It’s in this allowing that we are able to respond most effectively. It’s in this acceptance that we sometimes realize that our love and compassion is all that’s needed.    

Recently my daughter became quite ill from anesthesia she received for a minor surgery. She couldn’t even hold down water. She eventually became so severely dehydrated that we took her to the ER. 

As a mother, I wanted to fix things.  I wanted to tell her exactly what to do to feel better.  I wanted to find the answers that would solve her problem.  But, no matter what I tried, I couldn’t help her.  She just kept throwing up.  And so, I relaxed.  I relaxed into the not-knowing.  I relaxed into the extreme discomfort.  I relaxed into letting go of how I thought things should be. 

And it was in that relaxation that I found the strength to truly be there for her as she struggled through her pain.  It was all I could do.  All I was meant to do.  All that was needed.  Once we got to the ER, I took care of necessary details, and then I stepped back and allowed the nurses and doctors to help her.  I also allowed the disappointment that even this help didn’t prove to immediately heal her. 

Thankfully, my daughter did recover, the effects from the anesthesia finally dissipated, and she’s back on her feet.  The ER fluids were likely a life-safer.  But in the end, it was a daily waiting game until she finally healed.

Here are Some Steps to Let Go of Trying to Fix Things:

Relax – This will allow you the clarity you need.  Clarity will allow you to see if your help is actually needed, or warranted.  In order to relax, try a combination of deep breathing, EFT Tapping, meditation, soothing music, Tulsi tea, yoga, aromatherapy, or any other technique that helps you.

Get Comfortable with Discomfort — Let go of resisting someone else’s pain.  Instead, step into the role of compassionate witness.  Compassionate witnessing allows you to honor and validate someone’s pain.  This witnessing, without fixing, can be profoundly helpful.

Respond – As necessary.  Fixing and helping are not the same thing.  You can help someone without fixing their problems.  You can be there for a person, to truly help them during their time of need.  Often, that’s the best help there is.  And, in some situations, sometimes saying “NO, I can’t help right now” might be the most helpful response of all.  

With practice we can learn to create balance.  We can learn to ask for help as we need it.  We can let go of believing we’re responsible for fixing what cannot be fixed.

Sometimes, we just have to surrender, and wait it out.

Blessings,

Marian

Need help letting go of feeling so responsible?  Contact me.

Clear and Focused

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January is a time to reboot, refocus, and get clear about our lives.  Despite the cold here in New Jersey, it’s an invigorating time of year, and I love it.  As I look out my back window, past the bare winter branches, the view is clear, far, and wide.  The possibilities feel endless. 

Along with these endless possibilities, comes the need for focused clarity.  Gazing into the far off  yonder feels freeing, and inspiring, yet I know I can’t stay there.  It’s time to get back to work.  Back into focus. It’s time for renewed clarity.

Here are some tips to get back into focus after a distracting holiday season, or at any time that you feel the need to clear your mind of all the muddle.

Meditate  — The practice of meditation will help you clarify and calm your mind. The act of focusing on your breath helps train your mind to focus when and where you need to focus.  I talk about meditation all the time, because it works.

Fresh Air – With colder weather, it might be tempting to stay inside.  Ignore the temptation.  Being out in the fresh air allows you to breathe in more oxygen. When your brain gets more oxygen, it functions more efficiently, boosting clarity and concentration.

EFT Tapping —  EFT tapping does wonders for a distracted, overworked mind.  The act of tapping helps bring you back into your body. In addition, it helps lower cortisol, thereby returning more blood to the thinking part of your brain, increasing its efficiency.  And, tapping helps bring your brainwave state from a beta level to an alpha level.  An alpha brainwave state will help you feel more calm and focused. Contact me to learn more about EFT Tapping.

Get Clear about Fear – Sometimes fear will make us choose distraction over focused action.  Often, we’re not fully aware that fear is causing us to stay distracted. Take time to look at what you’re avoiding by being distracted. Notice any fear that comes up around whatever it is you’re avoiding.  Sometimes it’s enough just to acknowledge the fear, and take action anyway. Other times you might want to use EFT Tapping, or talk with a practitioner or therapist for help. Contact me if you’d like help releasing fear.

Positive Self-Talk – Keep your eye on the prize.  Notice what you’re saying to yourself.  Keep yourself in a positive space by continually telling yourself you can do it.  For example, repeat to yourself that you love being creative, productive, successful, disciplined,  etc.   In her book Becoming, Michelle Obama describes how she successfully uses the refrain : Am I Enough? – Yes I am, to help herself overcome big challenges.  Remember that you too, are enough! Get the positive talk going, and keep it going.  It’s amazing what it can do to improve your self-perceptions.

Eat Green and Clean —  A clean, green diet will do wonders to increase clarity and focus.  Dark green and cruciferous vegetables are especially helpful for detoxifying the blood.  The fewer toxins in your system, the more focused you will be.  In addition to increasing vegetable consumption,  reduce or eliminate foods that contribute to toxification.  These foods include refined carbohydrates, wheat products, sugar, alcohol, and processed foods with artificial ingredients.  And, remember to drink plenty of water.

Music —  I use an app called Focus@Will. This works so well for me that I sometimes actually resist it when I don’t want to get down to work.  There are numerous apps with music designed specifically for studying, writing, working, etc.  Used regularly, this type of music will cue your mind to come into focus. 

Aromatherapy – Aromatherapy is another way to cue the mind.  Candles scented with herbs can be effective.  Aromatherapy infusers, using your favorite essential oils, are also useful.  Experiment, and find what works for you. 

Happy New Year!  Wishing you a fabulous, amazing year, with oodles of LOVE, PROSPERITY, FRIENDSHIP, GOOD HEALTH, FUN, and ADVENTURE!

Peace,

Marian

 

 

Relax & Recharge Tips

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During the holiday season, it’s easy to feel depleted, especially if you’re a sensitive person.  At a time that feels stretched and overcrowded with obligations, it’s crucial to relax and recharge.  Here are a few tips to help.

Meditation —Meditation helps change the brain to make it more effective in times of stress.  Find what works for you.  Even 5 minutes at a time will help.

Breathe — Deep breathing, from the belly, helps to stimulate the vagus nerve, and turn on the relaxation response.

Take a Magnesium Salt bath — Magnesium helps relieve tension, and revitalize the body.

Spend Quality Time Alone — Take a quiet-time-alone break, to nurture and nourish yourself.

Listen to peaceful, uplifting music. —  Choose a favorite from your collection. Or, try the Insight Timer app for  a nice variety.

Use the Heart Breath — This will help you get out of a busy mind, into the peace and calm of your heart. To learn how to use this breath, click here.  (Once on this page, scroll down for the heart breath video)

Try EFT Tapping — Tapping on your karate chop, and other points, will help you feel more centered and relaxed. For a complimentary Peace and Calm guided EFT Audio, click here.

Spend Time Outdoors — Soak up the fresh air and natural beauty.

Move — Stretch, exercise, do yoga, go to the gym, dance, walk.  Movement will help you feel more energized and alive.

Eat green — Green vegetables are full of minerals that will help revitalize your system.

Reduce or Limit Caffeine, Refined Carbs, Alcohol — Caffeine will overwork your adrenal glands, making you feel even more tired.  Refined carbohydrates will cause a spike and drop in your blood sugar, draining your energy.  Alcohol is quite depleting.

Get enough sleep — Sleep in a darkened room, with minimal, or no, electronic devices.

Use what works for you.  Weave moments of relaxation throughout your day.  You’re worth it.

In Courage,

Marian

I’ve created some holiday specials on session packages, click here to learn more.

Coming Back to Center

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Centering, it’s what we need more of right now.  The holiday season is full of distractions, pulling us here, pulling us there.  Top it off with a contentious election season, and the seemingly non-stop series of tumultuous events —  it can feel nearly impossible to stay centered, calm, and relaxed.

Getting pushed off center is like losing our power connection.  Every time we get pulled away, thinking thoughts of how things should or shouldn’t be, we lose power.

Our minds sometimes have us convinced that we need to be worried, concerned, or somehow attentive to all that’s going on. The emails, the tasks, the phone calls, the news, the problems, all grabbing at our attention.  If we’re not careful, these distractions will continually force us off center.

Problem is, when we’re off center, we’re out of sync with our intuition, and our connection to all that is.  We may think we’re doing something important by worrying, or obsessing, but if we’re pulled out of the present moment, we’re off center.  When we’re off center, we’re weakened, and we limit our access to fresh ideas, solutions, and insights.

Getting back to center means letting go of distracting thoughts and concerns, so we can settle into our intuitive, powerful strength.  It means dropping from a busy beta brain wave state, into a slower, more relaxing alpha brain wave state.  This alpha brain wave state is where we find access to new insights, intuition, and deeper connection with the universal field. This alpha state is what helps our brains work more effectively, allowing us to function more powerfully.

Here’s how to get back to center

Meditate.  I know. I talk about meditation all the time.  I talk about it because it truly is that powerful.  Sitting quietly for even 5-10 minutes in the morning, and/or at different times throughout the day, does wonders to center the mind.  Don’t worry if you can’t ‘get rid’ of distracting thoughts. Allowing yourself to observe the distracting thoughts, as opposed to engaging with them, will help you come back to center.  As you get more practiced with meditation, it will help you deepen your sense of inner peace and connection.

Use the Heart Breath.  The heart breath is a very powerful way to drop out of a busy mind, into the peace and calm of your heart. The heart’s electromagnetic field is far more powerful than that of the brain.  By breathing slowly and deeply, while imagining that you’re breathing through your heart, you will help yourself become centered in your body.  This heart breath will increase the power of your heart’s electromagnetic field. This expanded heart field will entrain your brain, bringing it from the beta brain wave state, to a more relaxed alpha or deeper.  For a video to learn more about the Heart Breath, click here.

Use Insight Timer — Insight timer is one of my absolute favorite apps.  It’s free, and it offers thousands of free meditations. Find the meditations, music, and sounds that work best for you.  Check out the binaural beats, which will work with your brain to help it come to a more relaxed, centered place.

Take a Magnesium Salt Bath — Step out of the fray, into the soothing comfort of a nice, hot, bath.  Magnesium will help you relax.  Water will help you feel more centered.

Take a Walk in Nature — Being fully present in Nature, without the distraction of phones and computers, is one of the best ways to come back to center.  Help yourself stay centered by doing a walking meditation, observing and expressing gratitude for Nature’s gifts along your way.

Practice Yoga — Yoga will help you feel more aligned, grounded, and centered.

Use EFT Tapping — Tapping is one of the most effective ways to bring yourself back to center.  Just by tapping on your karate chop, you begin to bring yourself back into your body.  By continuing with the points, you help reduce the cortisol that keeps you on edge. Often, you don’t even need to use words while tapping.  You can simply tap through the points, breathing deeply, and allow yourself to come back to center.  Click here for more info.

Come back to your center, it’s where you’ll find your beautiful Self.

In Love and Courage,

Marian

 

Wavering In Faith

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Faith. What does it mean to have faith?  To be faithful?  To stand strong in faith? To have unwavering faith?

Truthfully, so much of the time, I find myself wavering.

I ask myself, faith in what?  Faith in a higher power? Faith in family and friends to show up when I need them? Faith in myself? Faith that everything will turn out all right?

Looking inward, I see different strands of faith stretching into many places.  Some quite desirable, others not so pleasant.  I see places where building my faith will assist my growth.  Some, such as faith in my weaknesses, my errors, my mind’s inner critic, only serve to diminish me.

So, I ponder, where do I want to grow my faith. What is it that I truly value? How do I build my faith to expand my values? And where do I need to let go?

Listening to my heart, my list of values begins to form. My family, of course.  My friends and community. My body and my health. The food that I eat. The air, the earth, the sun, the moon, and all of nature. The creative process. The healing spirit within me.  My soul’s expression. The universe in all its infinite power.  Peace. Love.

As I look at my growing list, I see my yearning for the expansion of my spirit, and alignment with my soul.  I see my continual asking.  And I realize, that when I ask without giving, without showing up, I limit my ability to receive, wavering my faith.

It’s in the places my heart so values, where I am called to show up. Where I am called to build my faith.  When I neglect to show up, I neglect my heart’s values.  That’s when faith in myself, Spirit, and all that I value, begins to waver.  And, that’s also my cue to show up — perhaps in a way I haven’t before.

Showing up, even as I waver, is what helps me build my faith. It’s my continual practice of meditation that helps me build faith in both my intuition, and something larger than myself.  Showing up to this page, even as my mind wavers, builds my faith in the ever-presence of creative process.  And, as I continue to heal old wounds, I renew my faith in the power of love, and in the healing spirit within me.

Faith, I realize, needs to be cultivated. And sometimes, where our faith brings us to harm, it needs to be dismantled.  

Faith is how I show up in life. I get to choose where to build my faith, based on the wisdom of my heart. When I show up to do my part, with grateful heart and deep appreciation, the universe shows up for me. Guiding me, teaching me, showing me the way. It’s in this place that my faith finds its ground.

In Love and Courage,

Marian