Marian Buck Murray

EFT and IFS for Sensitive, Creative People. Empower yourself self-compassion and deep understanding.

Connect With Yourself

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I hear from many clients that they feel distracted and overwhelmed.  A variety of obligations compete for space on their overcrowded to-do lists. They explain that they spend much of their time focusing on others’ needs.  Often, they feel disconnected from their own needs and desires.

To me, the obvious remedy is to shift their focus inward, on a daily basis.  In other words, to take moments throughout the day to focus on what’s going on internally. Yet, for many people, practicing meditation, sitting quietly, or tending to emotions seems difficult and out of reach.  Though it does take disciplined practice, I believe that inner exploration is the best way to transform disconnection into self-connection.

Taking the inner path opens the door to deeper creativity, focus, and a sense of inner peace.  It’s the only way to enhance your intuition, and discover who you really are. It’s the best way to form a stable connection to anchor you through life’s inevitable storms.  Best of all, daily practices don’t have to take a lot of time.  Below are some of my favorites.

A few ways to deepen  your connection with yourself:

Sit quietly for a few moments.  Breathe deeply.  Tune into your breath and your body.  Notice your thoughts and feelings.  Connect with yourself in the present moment.  Repeat throughout your day.

Meditate.  Meditation is a way to observe, rather than engage, your thoughts and feelings.  Meditation primes the brain to deal more effectively with stress.  It also trains the brain to tune out distractions, strengthening your ability to focus.  If you’re new to meditation, start with 5 minutes and build up gradually.  The Insight Timer  app has a vast variety of both guided meditations and music for meditation.

Journal – Write in a journal or notebook, or try an online service, such as 750 words. Journaling is a fabulous way to connect more deeply with yourself.  Ask questions to uncover information, or solutions to problems. Talk yourself up on a day when you need extra encouragement. Get in touch with part of you who is facing a challenge. Allow your words to flow, doing your best not to censor.

Tune in for Clarity.  Before you make a decision, or start a project, close your eyes, and tune in.  Ask yourself what your intentions are.  Clarify what you want to accomplish. Take time to envision your process, and the energy with which you’d like to show up. 

Read or Listen to Something Just for You.  Read poetry, or an inspirational book or article.  Listen to music, meditations, or a podcast which stirs your soul.  Find what speaks to you.  Have these goodies at the ready so you can dip in and out with ease.

When you regularly tune into your inner world, you will strengthen self-trust and inner guidance.  By listening to your heart, your feelings, and your body, you deepen self-connection.  In a world which strives for the best next thing, the journey within never gets old.  Let it take you on the adventure of your life.

Peace,

Marian

Contact me to find  out how EFT Tapping can help you form a deeper connection with yourself.

Lighten Your Load

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As we approach summer, we’re called to lighten up. Lighter clothing, lighter bedding, lighter foods.  And sometimes, a lighter workload. You know the drill.  We loosen and lighten up, in order to celebrate the freedom of the season.  Time to let go of the same-old, same-old, and welcome in something fresh. 

When we’re weighed down by the past, it’s difficult (or impossible) to feel lively, happy and free. Unprocessed limiting beliefs, hurts and resentments interfere with our daily lives.  Sometimes it can feel like ground hog’s day, every day. The same pattern, the same routine, on continual repeat.

When old patterns don’t change, or new plans don’t hold, there’s usually something from the past that’s holding us back.  Processing old pain and outdated beliefs is key to shifting limiting patterns.

Following are some ideas to lighten your load:

Resentment – Take a look at where resentment shows up in your life.  Old, festering resentments can impede the success of meaningful relationships.  Even when the resentment has nothing to do with the people involved.

Acknowledging that you feel resentment is the first step in letting go. You might find it hard to admit to resentment because you think you’re wrong to feel it.  Yet, resentment is very common. It arises from being wronged or hurt,  and/or feeling helpless to change your experience. The resulting disappointment, anger, and frustration, if not processed, will contribute to feelings of resentment.  Ongoing resentment will affect the way you communicate and relate with others.

Letting go of resentment will help you create more peace and joy in your relationships.  Meditation, EFT tapping, therapy and forgiveness practices such as ho’oponopono are powerful tools to help you loosen the grip of resentment. Try what works best for you.

Outdated Beliefs – It’s the beliefs that we don’t even question which are often the most outdated.  Though these beliefs might have nothing to do with our current circumstances, they can impact them in a negative way.  We hold fast to outdated beliefs because they’re what we’ve always believed.  For example, beliefs formed in childhood, such as ‘I’m not wanted’, or ‘I’ll never be good enough’, will exert enormous pressure on our lives.  We keep on believing the falsehoods – despite mountains of evidence to prove otherwise

Observe your beliefs, no matter what they are.  Determine which ones are worth keeping, and which ones hinder your growth.  With each, look to the past to see where, and from whom, the belief might have originated.  Create a list of beliefs you’d rather have, and look to role models for evidence that these new beliefs are indeed possible. 

Explore practices such as meditation, journaling, affirmations, EFT tapping, coaching, or therapy.  These tools will help you release outdated beliefs, and reinforce new beneficial beliefs.  Create a system that works for you.

Resistance – Resistance yields resistance. It builds, and it builds, until it feels like an insurmountable wall.  Often, the resistance is far more intense than whatever we’re resisting.

Resistance feeds upon fear, and the stories we tell ourselves.  Acknowledging  that resistance is a collection of feelings and thoughts, and not the thing you’re resisting, is a first step in moving beyond it. 

Next, looking deeper into the nature of your resistance will make it easier to resolve.  For example, is there fear that something will be too hard?  Or that you will feel vulnerable in an unwanted way?  Or that you will be rejected, criticized, embarrassed, hurt, or overwhelmed?  Deeper understanding will help lead you out of resistance. 

Proceed with an encouraging, non-judgemental mind. Keep your eye on the prize, and focus on how you’ll feel when  you take action.  Take a step, and then another, to build your momentum.  Happily, resistance often disappears once you’re actually doing what you were resisting. 

In addition, of course, meditation, EFT Tapping, movement, coaching, and therapy, will all assist you in moving forward.

Emotional heaviness zaps vitality, and squashes any sense of true freedom. Resentment, outdated beliefs, and resistance will drag you down. Period. Try some of the tools mentioned in this blog, or any others that work for you, to lighten  your load.

Release your way forward into more happiness, peace, and joy.

Peace,

Marian

 

 

Procrastination: What’s it really about?

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If you ever feel frustrated with your own procrastination, I know the feeling.  Procrastination can be very seductive, and it might feel impossible to resist. Whether it shows up as busy work, succumbing to addictive distractions, or doing nothing at all, it can be a mighty fearsome beast.

As if the results of procrastination weren’t punishing enough, we top it off by beating ourselves up. We say things like:  I’m so lazy.  I never get anything done.  I’ll never get ahead… so why bother?  It won’t work anyway.  I’m such a screw-up.  All of this feels pretty crappy, to say the least.

So what to do when the to-do list feels too hard to accomplish?  Or when you don’t have a clue of what to do.  Maybe you know what you ‘should’ do, but it’s the last thing you want to do. Perhaps you feel like there’s far too much to do, so why even try. 

There are many reasons we use to justify procrastination. Some might be completely justified.  Yet, ongoing procrastination will hold us hostage until we do something about it.

What I’ve found, is that procrastination is seldom solely about the willpower to accomplish more.  Sure, some of our habits might look like a lazy lack of willpower.  Yet, typically, somewhere underneath it all, there’s fear. Fear that might be hiding, or perhaps camouflaged, but strong enough to keep us stuck in procrastination.

The most common of these fears include:  Making a mistake. Being rejected. Shining too brightly. Being incompetent.  Not being enough.  Being too much.  And so on.

What I suggest, when you feel stuck in procrastination, is to proceed with compassionate for yourself.  Beating yourself up will only serve to make you feel worse.  This, of course, can lead to even more procrastination. Or, a flurry of over-activity, followed with a backlash of procrastination. (I’ve done it all…)

What if procrastination is actually a call to look more deeply within. 

What if it’s a call to ask ourselves, what’s triggering me? What am I afraid of? What do I believe about myself? What do I believe about the tasks at hand?  Asking questions is what helps us clarify our blocks and limiting perceptions.

So, once we find our blocks and limiting beliefs — what’s next? 

I highly recommend using EFT Tapping as a tool overcome the emotions and beliefs which underlie procrastination.  Meditation, matrix reimprinting, somatic work, journaling, and/or reaching out to a healing professional are very helpful as well.  Combine your preferred tools and resources to begin resolving the inner conflict which keeps you stuck. I truly believe that until we resolve the issues plaguing us from within, we can only go so far in life.

What I suggest, is to proceed one step at a time. Sometimes the to-do list might look unwieldy. Impossible, perhaps.  Yet, starting with one small action will help build momentum.  Start with one doable task from your list.  Add to that an underlying fear, and use tapping, meditation, or your preferred method, to help it release.

It’s important to take action towards both the tasks that need doing and the limiting beliefs and feelings.  Doing one will help build momentum with the other.  For example, accomplishing a task will help you feel better about yourself, and diminish fear.  Releasing fear and limiting beliefs will enable you get more done.

Start where you are.  Start with something.  Start with one action, one fear.  Build momentum, and go from there.

Here’s to your success!

Peace,

Marian

For a Tapping Video to Help  You Get It Done, Click Here.

Need help getting unstuck? I’m here to help. Reach out.

Get Centered When Life Feels Scattered

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“I have too much on my plate.”  “I’m being pulled in so many directions.”  “I feel so scattered and overwhelmed…”

This is what I hear so often from my friends and clients.  Most of them, as the sensitive, empathic people they are, feel responsible for much more than is truly necessary.  This includes other people’s emotions, behavior, expectations, over-all well-being, and more.  And then there are the daily tasks, workplace duties, volunteer obligations, and various family and friends who are calling for attention.

When we’re pulled in different directions, stretched beyond our limits, we get pushed off center. However, it’s when we’re centered and grounded that we can focus on our priorities.  In order to make meaningful progress in life, finding center is paramount.  It might feel impossible, but it’s not.  It might feel easier to try to handle it all, but it’s not.  Getting grounded and centered, is truly the way forward.

Following are some suggestions to help you get grounded and centered when life feels scattered:

Set the stage for the day ahead.
Allow time for yourself in the morning — before your mind fills with the worries of the day, and before you check your phone.  If necessary, go to bed earlier so you can rise earlier, without scrimping on sleep.  Use this time, even if it’s only 10 or 15 minutes, to meditate, write, take a walk, or do something which helps you connect with yourself.  Find a rhythm which feels doable, enjoyable, and centering.

Shift your vision from all that ‘needs’ doing, and towards what’s most important right now.
Acknowledge that you have a lot on your plate, but that you can’t do it all right now.  Decide what you can let go of for now.  Tune in, and ask yourself what are the 3 (or 2 or 1)  most important things for me to accomplish.  Sometime before the end of each day, decide upon priorities for the next day.  Start you day with a plan.

If you’re struggling to clarify priorities, perhaps you’re assuming that everything is a priority.
Take the time to tune in to see what might be clouding your vision.  Ask yourself any of the following: Am I trying to please someone else?  Am I trying to prove myself?  Why does this matter so much to me.  Is this really my responsibility?  How will this be beneficial for me?  How could this harm me?  Is this in alignment with what’s truly important right now? Is this in alignment with my values? Develop a practice to help yourself let go of what obscures your vision.  If you need help, contact me.

When you feel overly distracted, or overwhelmed, take a few minutes to ground yourself.
Get into your body, and out of your head.  If possible, go outside.  Feel the earth under your feet.  Breathe deeply to clear your lungs.  If you’re inside, exercise your core and lower body muscles.  Tap your heels on the floor, march in place, jump up and down, all with the intention of grounding and centering yourself.

Most importantly, remember that when life feels scattered, it’s time to take extra good care of yourself.  If you’re a sensitive, empathic person, you might believe you have to put others first.  Yet when we consistently put others first, ignoring self-care, we burn out.

It’s amazing what even small pockets of self-care can do to bring us back to center.  Self-care can be woven in throughout the day.  It’s in the nourishing foods we eat.  It’s in the nature walks, the meditations, the naps, the yoga, the good night’s rest, the visits to healing practitioners, and time spent with art, and music. When we feel well cared for, it’s easier to focus on what’s most important, and easier to let go of what’s not.

Wishing You Inner Peace,

Marian

Contact me to learn how EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting will help you feel more centered, and at peace with yourself.

 

 

Resolve Inner Conflict

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It happens.  You make a decision.  It feels right.  It feels good.  Then 30 minutes later, doubt creeps into your mind.  No, you think, this is the wrong decision.  There are so many reasons why this is the wrong decision.  Back and forth you go.  Yes. No. Yes. No. 

Inner conflict is no fun.  It can be confusing and cause us to shut down. Often, when we can’t make a clear decision, it feels better to do nothing at all. Sometimes this is the right solution.  Sometimes it’s not. What’s important, however, is to look closely at the inner conflict.

Inner conflict occurs when two or more parts, or shadows, want control.  Typically, each will have a different goal.  One might be the adventurer, eager to go out and explore.  Another might be the worrier, who wants to stay safe, and hidden.  Still another might be pestering the adventurer to take part in risky behavior.

These shadow parts often get triggered when confronted with life’s stressors and big decision. When triggered, they can throw us into a flurry of self doubt and second guessing.  As they pull us back and forth, they show us the places where we need healing.  Until these shadow parts are healed, they will continue to get triggered, and seek control during times of stress.

Inner conflict calls for conflict resolution.  Without it, it’s hard to make progress. It’s a matter of helping our frightened parts feel safe, supported, and empowered.  It also means helping the more critical, pushy parts to feel content with what’s most beneficial for us.

In order to resolve inner conflict, we must start with curiosity, acceptance, introspection, and commitment.  It’s about listening to the shadow parts which are influencing our lives. Which ones win most often?  Which ones are pushed aside?  Which ones are unduly influenced by other people’s opinions? 

Conflict resolution means listening to all sides, and doing the work to create consensus. Sometimes, this work is best done with a healing professional.  

When we resolve our own personal conflicts, we bring clarity to our challenges and decisions.  We find beneficial solutions.  We create a sense of inner strength and unity. This helps us build confidence, momentum, and inner peace.  It’s well worth it!

Helpful Practices for Resolving Inner Conflict Include:

Meditation – With meditation, you can train yourself to notice the differing thoughts and feelings which arise during your practice.  This will help illuminate conflicts to address.

Journaling – Use writing to dialogue with conflicting parts.  Ask questions.  Get to know your inner shadow parts — their motives, goals, fears, and dreams.  Ask what they need in order to resolve conflict.

Heart Breath – The Heart Breath helps you drop out of a conflicted mind, into the peace of your heart.  Using this breath will help you clarify true priorities and desires. To download a free Mp3 of my guided Heart Breath, enter your information in the box to the right of this post.  Or, listen to it on Insight Timer.

EFT Tapping – EFT Tapping is helpful for releasing the emotions associated with triggered shadow parts.  To learn more about EFT Tapping, contact me. 

Matrix Reimprinting – This technique facilitates a deep connection with shadow parts, in order to help transform outdated beliefs and pent-up feelings. To learn more about Matrix Reimprinting, contact me.

May you find peaceful resolution for all of your conflicts.

Peace,

Marian