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Get Centered When Life Feels Scattered

September 21, 2022 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

“I have too much on my plate.” “I’m being pulled in so many directions.” “I feel so scattered and overwhelmed…”

This is what I hear so often from my friends and clients. Most of them, as the sensitive, empathic people they are, feel responsible for much more than is truly necessary. This includes other people’s emotions, behavior, expectations, over-all well-being, and more. And then there are the daily tasks, workplace duties, volunteer obligations, and various family and friends who are calling for attention.

When we’re pulled in different directions, stretched beyond our limits, we get pushed off center. However, it’s when we’re centered and grounded that we can focus on our priorities. In order to make meaningful progress in life, finding center is paramount. It might feel impossible, but it’s not. It might feel easier to try to handle it all, but it’s not. Getting grounded and centered, is truly the way forward.

Following are some suggestions to help you get grounded and centered when life feels scattered:

Set the stage for the day ahead.
Allow time for yourself in the morning — before your mind fills with the worries of the day, and before you check your phone. If necessary, go to bed earlier so you can rise earlier, without scrimping on sleep. Use this time, even if it’s only 10 or 15 minutes, to meditate, write, take a walk, or do something which helps you connect with yourself. Find a rhythm which feels doable, enjoyable, and centering.

Shift your vision from all that ‘needs’ doing, and towards what’s most important right now.
Acknowledge that you have a lot on your plate, but that you can’t do it all right now. Decide what you can let go of for now. Tune in, and ask yourself what are the 3 (or 2 or 1) most important things for me to accomplish. Sometime before the end of each day, decide upon priorities for the next day. Start you day with a plan.

If you’re struggling to clarify priorities, perhaps you’re assuming that everything is a priority.
Take the time to tune in to see what might be clouding your vision. Ask yourself any of the following: Am I trying to please someone else? Am I trying to prove myself? Why does this matter so much to me. Is this really my responsibility? How will this be beneficial for me? How could this harm me? Is this in alignment with what’s truly important right now? Is this in alignment with my values? Develop a practice to help yourself let go of what obscures your vision. If you need help, contact me.

When you feel overly distracted, or overwhelmed, take a few minutes to ground yourself.
Get into your body, and out of your head. If possible, go outside. Feel the earth under your feet. Breathe deeply to clear your lungs. If you’re inside, exercise your core and lower body muscles. Tap your heels on the floor, march in place, jump up and down, all with the intention of grounding and centering yourself.

Most importantly, remember that when life feels scattered, it’s time to take extra good care of yourself. If you’re a sensitive, empathic person, you might believe you have to put others first. Yet when we consistently put others first, ignoring self-care, we burn out.

It’s amazing what even small pockets of self-care can do to bring us back to center. Self-care can be woven in throughout the day. It’s in the nourishing foods we eat. It’s in the nature walks, the meditations, the naps, the yoga, the good night’s rest, the visits to healing practitioners, and time spent with art, and music. When we feel well cared for, it’s easier to focus on what’s most important, and easier to let go of what’s not.

Wishing You Inner Peace,

Marian

Contact me to learn how EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting will help you feel more centered, and at peace with yourself.

Exit the Mind Loop

August 24, 2022 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

In our society we’re trained to give the brain most of, if not all, the credit. Many of us believe that the brain is the only place to go when we want to solve a problem. We say things like: I’m wracking my brain. Let me think about it. And, I’m trying to wrap my head around it…

When left unchecked, all of this brain activity takes an enormous amount of energy. Especially when we’re worried. It’s easy to overthink and overanalyze our circumstances. And, sometimes, often without realizing it, we can get trapped in a punishing mind loop.

The brain, of course, with its myriad functions, is an amazingly intricate and powerful organ. However, when we rely solely on the brain to help us, we miss out on the treasure chest of wisdom residing in the rest of the body. A mind loop, after all, rarely resolves itself with thinking alone.

And when it comes to accessing creative or intuitive flow, it’s the thinking brain that presents the biggest hurdles. Typically, the more we think about being creative or intuitive, the more we doubt and second-guess ourselves. A self-doubting, second-guessing mind blocks intuition, and cripples creative flow. The longer we engage with the mind loop, the further we take ourselves from the luscious experience of flow.

So, while recognizing and respecting the power of the brain, it’s important to consult the body and heart, in order to facilitate flow.

Here are some ways to help yourself drop out of a busy mind loop:

Breath Deeply – Deep breath will help activate the relaxation response. In addition, by focusing on your breath, you take your focus off of your busy mind.

Move your Body Parts– Mindfully move different parts of your body. Pay attention to your hand, your leg, your foot, etc. Notice any sensations with that arise with each part of your body. Notice any information or metaphors your body might be expressing. Observe what happens with your thoughts when you purposefully steer them to your body.

Get up and Dance! — Dancing, especially to music you love, will help you break out of a troubling mind set. Get silly and exaggerate your moves. If you’re up for it, shake your body from top to toe. Shaking will help release anxiety and loosen your body and mind.

Chant — Chanting a simple mantra, such as Om, for 10 -20 minutes is an effective way to exit a mind loop. By focusing on a simple phrase, chanting will help you transcend the mind. In addition, chanting helps activate the vagus nerve, thereby relaxing the nervous system. If you’re new to chanting, start with a few minutes, and work up to longer periods of time.

Use the Heart Breath — The heart breath will help you relax a busy brain. According to experts, the heart’s electromagnetic energy field is as much as 5000 times greater than the brain’s. This means that we can use the heart to entrain the brain into a calmer brain wave state. This will help boost effective brain function. Click here to access my Heart Breath Meditation on Insight Timer.

Use EFT tapping – An anxious mind can trigger a spike in cortisol. EFT Tapping has been clinically proven to be one of the most effective techniques for reducing cortisol. By reducing cortisol and calming the nervous system, we help ourselves drop out of the mind loop. This enables us to think more clearly, in a solution-based way. Contact me to learn more about EFT Tapping.

Here’s to giving your busy mind a well deserved break!

Peace,
Marian

Contact me to learn how EFT Tapping can help you exit a painful mind loop.

Resolve Inner Conflict

July 13, 2022 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

It happens. You make a decision. It feels right. It feels good. Then 30 minutes later, doubt creeps into your mind. No, you think, this is the wrong decision. There are so many reasons why this is the wrong decision. Back and forth you go. Yes. No. Yes. No.

Inner conflict is no fun. It can be confusing and cause us to shut down. Often, when we can’t make a clear decision, it feels better to do nothing at all. Sometimes this is the right solution. Sometimes it’s not. What’s important, however, is to look closely at the inner conflict.

Inner conflict occurs when two or more parts, or shadows, want control. Typically, each will have a different goal. One might be the adventurer, eager to go out and explore. Another might be the worrier, who wants to stay safe, and hidden. Still another might be pestering the adventurer to take part in risky behavior.

These shadow parts often get triggered when confronted with life’s stressors and big decision. When triggered, they can throw us into a flurry of self doubt and second guessing. As they pull us back and forth, they show us the places where we need healing. Until these shadow parts are healed, they will continue to get triggered, and seek control during times of stress.

Inner conflict calls for conflict resolution. Without it, it’s hard to make progress. It’s a matter of helping our frightened parts feel safe, supported, and empowered. It also means helping the more critical, pushy parts to feel content with what’s most beneficial for us.

In order to resolve inner conflict, we must start with curiosity, acceptance, introspection, and commitment. It’s about listening to the shadow parts which are influencing our lives. Which ones win most often? Which ones are pushed aside? Which ones are unduly influenced by other people’s opinions?

Conflict resolution means listening to all sides, and doing the work to create consensus. Sometimes, this work is best done with a healing professional.

When we resolve our own personal conflicts, we bring clarity to our challenges and decisions. We find beneficial solutions. We create a sense of inner strength and unity. This helps us build confidence, momentum, and inner peace. It’s well worth it!

Helpful Practices for Resolving Inner Conflict Include:

Meditation – With meditation, you can train yourself to notice the differing thoughts and feelings which arise during your practice. This will help illuminate conflicts to address.

Journaling – Use writing to dialogue with conflicting parts. Ask questions. Get to know your inner shadow parts — their motives, goals, fears, and dreams. Ask what they need in order to resolve conflict.

Heart Breath – The Heart Breath helps you drop out of a conflicted mind, into the peace of your heart. Using this breath will help you clarify true priorities and desires. To download a free Mp3 of my guided Heart Breath, enter your information in the box to the right of this post. Or, listen to it on Insight Timer.

EFT Tapping – EFT Tapping is helpful for releasing the emotions associated with triggered shadow parts. To learn more about EFT Tapping, contact me.

Matrix Reimprinting – This technique facilitates a deep connection with shadow parts, in order to help transform outdated beliefs and pent-up feelings. To learn more about Matrix Reimprinting, contact me.

May you find peaceful resolution for all of your conflicts.

Peace,

Marian

Getting Unstuck, When You Don’t Know Where To Start

June 23, 2022 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

Many of us are going through some heavy challenges right now. A number of my friends and clients are either at a crossroads, or feeling incredibly stuck, and unable to move forward.

It’s during these trying times that we yearn to know what’s next. We feel frustrated that we don’t know what ‘next’ is, or how to get there. Often we get so mired in what might happen in the future, that we immerse ourselves in piles of worry and confusion. Needless to say, it can be a very uncomfortable place to be.

What’s important to realize is that when we can’t see ahead, it’s time to look right in front of us. Not backwards, or forwards. Rather, right here in the present moment. It’s here, in this moment, where we’re able to course correct and clarify our vision.

Sounds good, but how do we do that? We start, simply, by tuning in to ourselves. We notice what’s going on within — our emotions, our needs, our desires. By making this internal connection, we’re able to determine what we need in order to move forward. This is the first crucial step.

We equip ourselves for the challenge ahead by asking: ‘how can I help myself right now?’ — and by committing to the answers we find.

This might mean getting more sleep. Or eating a healthier diet. Or meditating more often. Or releasing pent-up emotions. It might mean reaching out to a trusted friend or healing professional. Perhaps it’s finally reading that book we’ve been meaning to read. It could mean anything. Only you will know what’s most meaningful for you right now.

Any time we move forward, we need to let go of something in order to lighten our load. For example, letting go of what we think will happen or what we think must happen. In addition, letting go of resentments, grudges, and pent-up emotions will serve us enormously. By letting go of what clouds our vision, our vision begins to clear. Seeing more clearly eases our way forward.

If you’re feeling stuck right now, pause, and tune in. Listen to your inner wisdom. Take action to care for your needs. Get clear on what’s most important to you. Determine what you need to let go, and begin the process. Once you begin to clarify your vision, it will become easier to take the steps towards transformation.

Some Useful Tools to Help You Get Unstuck:

Meditation. There are many ways to meditate. Find what’s best for you. If you don’t know how, there are many helpful books and teachers on the topic. Insight Timer is an app which offers a vast array of guided meditations and meditation music, along with a timer for silent meditations. Regular meditation will help you access your wise inner guidance.

EFT Tapping. EFT tapping is a wonderful tool to help you release the emotions and beliefs which are clouding your vision. In addition, tapping helps to reduce cortisol, making your brain more efficient. Efficient brain function, and a calm nervous system will do wonders to assist you in finding solutions to face any challenge. To learn more about EFT Tapping, contact me.

Heart Breath. The Heart Breath meditation will help you drop out of a depleting, defeating, mind loop. By calming your heart, you will help calm your mind, and open up to new possibilities and solutions. For a free download of my guided Heart Breath Meditation, enter your email in the Heart Breath box to the right of this post. Or, find me on Insight Timer, where I’ve posted a number of meditations, including the Heart Breath.

My best wishes for your road ahead.

Peace,

Marian

Shadow Talk

March 9, 2022 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

I’m all about befriending our shadows. It’s part of my self-care practice and a big part of my work with clients. And, as a person who used to be terrified of my own shadows, I am so thankful I’ve learned how to make friends. It’s helped me feel so much lighter, happier, and free to truly be myself. What’s more, it has helped me unravel old, stuck, sabotaging patterns which have interfered with my success.

One practice I do on a regular basis is talk with my shadows. I find that when I get to know them on a deeper level, I discover the clues to a specific challenge I might be experiencing. For example, a shadow of my Unmotivated Teen might come up when I think about doing the work in front of me. This shadow might urge me to zone out and avoid my work. Obviously it’s hard to get my best work done when there’s a shadow urging me to avoid it. So, rather than shunning this shadow, I take the time to learn more about it, and everything changes.

Here’s how to strike up a conversation with your own shadows:

When you notice a limiting pattern coming up for you, perhaps a self-sabotaging pattern, pause. Notice the emotions you’re feeling. Notice what you are being urged to do or not do. Notice how young you feel. As best you can, form a picture in your mind of a character (human or other) which represents this limiting pattern.

Approach this character as if it’s a shadow within you. You might want to give it a name. Do your best to cultivate a sense of curiosity, with the intent to be accepting and non-judgemental.

Here are some sample questions you might want to ask. For each question, pause, listen, and tune in to the answers that come up.

Can you tell me more about why you’re here right now?
What’s going on for you, what are you feeling?
Is there something you’d like me to understand about you?
What would help you feel better?
What do you need?
Is there anything else you want to tell me?se

You can take this conversation deeper by using a journal to dialogue with your shadow. Create back and forth journal entries between you and your shadow. Ask questions, stay curious, invite your shadow to answer the questions.

No matter how you do it, the practice of conversing with your shadows is powerful. It encourages self-forgiveness, and resolution of inner conflict. It makes it easy to bring compassion and understanding to the shadowy, dark places within. It’s informative and transformative. It’s something, once you get going, that you’ll likely want to come back to, again and again.

Peace,

Marian

NOTE: If you’re dealing with trauma, or feel that your pain is unbearable, reach out to a professional who can assist you with this practice. Contact me to learn more about using EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting to work with your shadows.