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5 Tips to Deal with Family Triggers

December 4, 2019 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

Ahhh. Holiday time. So often that means family-gathering time. And time with family can be wonderful. Unless, of course, it’s not.

For some, family gatherings mean a whole host of triggers getting triggered. Everything from old sibling squabbles, unresolved wounds, political or lifestyle differences, and even food choices, are game in the family trigger arena.

Even when we’re trying so hard to be ‘zen’ about it, old hurts can throw us right back into the ring.

So here, my friend, are some tips to help you actually feel a whole lot more zen, so maybe you can truly enjoy your family this season. Or, for that matter, anytime you get together, call, write, or somehow communicate with your family members. Enjoy.

Peace,
Marian

P.S. Reach out to me if you’d like help releasing old hurts and disappointments.

5 Tips to Conquer Holiday Overwhelm

November 21, 2019 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

I know you’re busy, so I’ll keep this short.

If you’re like my clients — big-hearted, compassionate, sensitive, and empathic — you might feel especially overwhelmed during the holiday season.

It creeps up, and before you know it, you’re smack in the middle of it. So many obligations, so much on your plate, so many people to please…

With this in mind, I’ve created a series of 3 videos to help you stay sane during the holidays. In this first video I give you tips to conquer overwhelm. Enjoy!

Stay tuned for the next 2 videos — 5 Tips to Overcome Social Anxiety, and 5 Tips to Deal with Family Triggers.

Take good care of yourself. Contact me for guidance in using EFT Tapping to help make life feel easier.

Peace,

Marian

Make Friends with Fear

October 23, 2019 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

Halloween — a month-long celebration of spooks. The kids on my street decorate early, with skeletons lazing in front yards, spiders poking out from curbside gardens, dangerous looking pumpkins standing guard on front porches. Neighboring streets have spooky graveyards, inflated black cats, sound machines, you name it. All in fun…and of course the prospect of trick-or-treating always helps to soothe fearful feelings.

Why then, can it feel so hard to celebrate the fears that arise daily? The fears that stop us in our tracks. The fears that keep us small?

How do we actually make friends with fear? The answers, fortunately, are numerous: Feel it. Sit with it. Understand it. Stay with it. Heal it.

Here are some steps to help fear feel more friendly:

Understand it. The more you sit with your fear, the more you’ll be able to see underneath it. Often our fears stem from a younger place within us. A time when we were scared, perhaps with no one to help us. The longer you observe your fear, the more information you will receive to help it heal.

Bring compassion. Compassion for your fear is crucial. Rather than making your fear ‘wrong’, approach it with a sense of compassion. Imagine a child who feels afraid. How would you respond to this child? With a hug? Reassurance? Love?

Ask yourself what you need in this moment to feel more courageous. Do you need some friendly encouragement? Assistance or guidance of some sort? Do you need more information? When you know what you need, take action to give yourself what you need.

Recognize fear as a friend who wants to keep you safe. Fear is a natural aspect of your biological fight/flight/freeze response. Although your fear might feel inappropriate for the scope of your circumstances, it is triggered by the part of the brain tasked with keeping you safe. Often, this response has been conditioned by previous experiences. Accepting this will make it easier for you to add space between you and your fear, recognizing that it stems from a conditioned, habitual response, not an actual danger.

Relate to your fear in the moment. Most times our fears are related to past experiences, or future worries. Getting clear with fear in the moment will help you become more centered. Rather than being consumed by a scary mind-story — get present and real with your fear. With practice, you’ll begin to see fear as a feeling, and nothing more. Remember: If the fear is true fear, warning you of true danger, you’ll respond most effectively grounded in the present moment.

Meditate. Consistent, daily meditation helps your brain become more effective during times of stress. It helps facilitate easier access to the relaxation response. It helps you disentangle from the emotions that seem to control you. If you’re new to meditation, start with short periods of time. Even 5 minutes. Gradually build your endurance so that you can sit for longer and longer amounts of time. Remember, it’s okay that you don’t feel ‘bliss’ right away. Sitting with your fear, will help it begin to dissipate. It’s this patience observance of your feelings that helps them transform.

Use EFT Tapping. EFT Tapping helps neutralize fear, and other painful emotions. EFT has been clinically proven to reduce cortisol, the major stress hormone, which is elevated during times of fear. By reducing cortisol, you turn on the relaxation response, allowing your nervous system to relax. For a video on how to use EFT tapping, click here.

The bottom line: Making friends with your fear might just be one of the greatest gifts you’ll ever give yourself!

In Courage,

Marian

Need help with fear and anxiety? Contact me.

Butterfly Wings

September 27, 2019 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

I came across this butterfly the other day as I walked in the wildflower garden in my local Reservation. She was on the ground, flapping her wings, not going very far. Above her, beckoning, were the wildflowers she had come for. But there she was, stuck in the dirt. At first glance I thought she was dying. At second glance I realized she was showing me exactly what I needed to know.

We are all butterflies in some stage of development.

While some of us are soaring high, many of us are cocooning, or struggling to fly. Like the butterfly in the garden, we often struggle on the ground, moving in circles, never enjoying full flight. Our wings, heavy with judgement, feel unable to lift us into the garden where we belong. Sometimes we’re so burdened with self-doubt that we can’t even budge our wings.

So, to that beautiful butterfly, I sent my love and deep appreciation for her being on my path that day. And though she continued to struggle, I held my vision of her well-deserved flight.

Within moments, just as I was about to move on along my path, the butterfly fluttered up into the garden, alighting on a nourishing blossom. Satisfied, and happy, I continued my walk and I immersed myself in the fragrant flowers, and the sounds of bees and crickets.

A while later I found myself back in the spot where I had seen the butterfly. She was gone. Though I looked for her in the flowers, on the ground, in the grasses at the edge of the path – I couldn’t find her anywhere. I began to wonder if she had fallen to the ground and staggered off to die.

So, in that moment, I asked for my higher power to show me the butterfly, or show me it was time to leave. I looked one more time, didn’t see her, and I turned to go.

And there, right as I turned to go, was the butterfly — flying high amongst the flowers.

Its when we surrender to the power of love, grace, and invisible sources of assistance, that we’re able to embody the power of our wings. Lifting off of the ground, we fly, reaching higher and higher, until we’re able to see that the garden was here all along.

Peace,

Marian

If you need help lifting your butterfly wings, contact me.