Marian Buck Murray

Release, Relax, Tap into Your Brilliance. EFT Tapping to help you unleash your creative genius.

Your True Value

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Recently I went to the store to buy a large pad of paper.  My collage teacher had told me that I needed larger paper to allow for ample white space for my ongoing collage work.  She says the white space will give my collages the value, and respect, they deserve.

So, thinking I knew exactly what I needed, I eagerly went off to my favorite art store.  Once there, however, I realized I hadn’t checked the dimensions of the paper I had been using.  I couldn’t seem to find a pad which looked like the next size larger.  So, I purchased a pad which was obviously larger, even though it seemed too big.

Once home, I immediately realized the paper was far too big.  Knowing I needed the dimensions of the original pad, I peeked inside the bag where I store my collage materials.  And, there, in plain sight, were the dimensions printed on the lower corner of pad’s cover.

If only I had taken one extra second to check in ….

So, feeling eager, dimensions in hand,  I set out the next day to purchase the ‘right’ pad of paper.  This time I found a pad which seemed to be the proper size. Strangely, though, something didn’t seem quite right.  I couldn’t put my finger on it.  So, I purchased the pad, and went home, excited to finally have what I needed.  Or so I thought…

You guessed it.  Once home, to my great chagrin, and embarrassment, I realized I had AGAIN purchased the wrong paper.

This time, though, as I pulled the original pad from its storage bag, I realized my mistake. Instead of 140-pound paper (which I had purchased the first time around) I had twice purchased paper that was only 98 pounds.  I purchased Mixed Media paper instead of Watercolor.  The wrong value, wrong quality, for the work I was creating.

UGH!!!

Feeling so disappointed in myself, I knew I needed to shift out of my foul mood.  I also knew that my inner critic was running wild and needed some loving attention.

So I meditated.  And during my meditation,  I hugged my inner critic with love and compassion.

I saw that in my eagerness, my playful glee, I had gone to the store without taking time to see what I truly needed.  In other words, I had forgotten to check in.  A common error, and one I could forgive.

What I saw next was even more important.  In forgiving myself, I saw what I had truly missed. I had missed the original value, or weight, of the paper. 

So, I went for the bigger, cheaper versions,  neither of which worked.

And, isn’t that what we’re always doing?  Forgetting our value, and looking outside of ourselves for bigger, cheaper versions of ourselves? Versions that will never align with who we truly are?

The facades we wear.  The secrets we keep to avoid exposure.  The criticisms we take to heart.  After a while, we forget who we are.  We forget how valuable we are.  And the more we forget, the farther away we go.

Two pads of paper.  Both wrong, because I failed to check in to see what was right for me.  Wrong because I hadn’t appreciated the value of the original pad.

The white space surrounding my collage helps me see it’s true value.  Stepping out of our busy minds, checking in with ourselves, helps us create the space to see our own.

If you need to  get in touch with your true value, contact me.  I can help.

Peaceful Blessings,

Marian

 

 

 

Tap Into Your Creative Flow

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I recently signed up for a collage class at my local adult school. The first thing my teacher told us was to stop thinking, and allow our subconscious minds to take over.  I knew right then and there that this was the right class for me.

In essence, it’s exactly what I tell my clients, my students, my husband, and myself, again and again.  Drop out of your mind and let your creative flow do the job.

Simple, profound, and sometimes quite difficult.

The mind has a way of convincing us that it knows best.  It’s also damn good at reminding us of all the ways in which we’re screwing up.  It promises us solutions, if we stay just a little bit longer. And that’s when we get stuck, there in the discomfort of our minds, scouring every nook and cranny in search of the right answers. It’s at that moment that our creative flow comes to a screeching halt.

It is easy to get stuck, and it’s easy to stay stuck.  That’s why it’s important to continually tap into,  nourish, and encourage your creative flow.

Here are some ways to tap into creative flow:

Free flow writing – Free-flow writing means writing without censoring.  Julia Cameron, author of the Artist’s Way, recommends writing 3 handwritten pages, first thing each morning.  Another technique is to choose a word prompt, and write whatever comes to the page. Free-flow writing will allow you to come up with ideas you never could have thought up.

Free flow art – Again, like free-flow writing, free-flow art such as sketching, or collage, will help you to tap into your creative flow.  Allow your art to come from this deeper place within you.  By regularly practicing, you will become more and more familiar with the power of your subconscious creative flow.  And, you will come up with creations you never could have planned.

Prepare and Let Go – Of course, sometimes it is best to prepare.  For information- or skill-based projects, preparation is key.  Once you’ve substantially prepared yourself, though, it’s time to let go and allow your subconscious to guide you.  I frequently practice this technique, when I speak publicly, or teach a class.  I prepare my talk, and let go.  My preparation allows me to speak confidently without notes, my creative flow provides me with on-point spontaneity.   

Brainstorming – Good old brainstorming.  How often do we allow ourselves to brainstorm.  The key to brainstorming is to let go of the censor, and allow anything to come up, no matter how ‘impractical’.  It’s these ideas that sometimes hold the magic gems we desire,  but can’t ‘figure out’ with our everyday brains.

Walk in New Surroundings — Shake things up. Take a new way to work, explore an unfamiliar part of town, hike a hidden wooded trail, travel to a different locale.  Take yourself out of familiar surroundings,  and use adventure to  revive your creative flow!

Heart Breath—Negative mind chatter is one of the biggest deterrents of creative flow.  The Heart Breath is one of the fastest ways to drop out of negative mind, into a deeper, more creative, alpha brainwave state.  It’s easy to do, learn more here.

EFT Tapping – EFT Tapping is another powerful technique to help you drop into your creative flow. EFT is one of the most effective techniques for reducing cortisol, which gets triggered when we’re under stress.  Reducing cortisol, will help you relax, and drop into a deeper alpha brain state.  Contact me to learn more about using EFT Tapping to enrich your creative flow.

Listen to Music Infused with Binaural Beats – This type of music will help your brain shift into a deeper brainwave state.  Especially helpful for times when you’re working on creative projects.  Insight Timer, my favorite meditation app, has a number of free Binaural Beat meditations.  Hemisync  and  Silencio Music are two other sources I use.

Show Up and Stay a While — Most importantly — show up! Show up to the page, the easel, the screen, the mat, the place where you create.  Show up and stay.  Stay with your discomfort.  Stay with your unknowing. Stay a little longer.  And a little longer after that. Show up and trust the creative flow that’s here, right now.

Each one of us is gifted with our own unique, creative flow.  Use whatever techniques work best to tap into yours, and let it ROLL!

Happy Creating!

Marian

Let Go of Trying to Fix It

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I hear it again and again from my clients.  And in the meetup group I run for sensitive, empathic people.  It’s hard to let go of the desire to fix what’s wrong.  It seems that for sensitive people, there’s truly is an innate sense of responsibility that drives us not only to help people, but to try to fix what’s wrong as well.

There’s nothing wrong with helping.  There’s nothing wrong with showing compassion and empathy for others. Sometimes, there’s nothing wrong with fixing.  What gets us into a pickle is when we believe it’s our responsibility to fix other people’s problems.

It might feel natural to want to fix things.  And that’s okay.  So often, however, we want to fix things because we feel uncomfortable when others are uncomfortable. 

Because we easily pick up on what others are feeling, it’s only natural that we would want to stop what hurts.

This, however, is not always possible.  Nor is it warranted.  Just because we have an innate sense of responsibility, it doesn’t mean we need to take responsibility in all situations. 

So, what do we do when we are confronted with the discomfort and disappointment of others? 

As hard as it might feel, it’s truly about surrendering to the moment, and accepting whatever is happening.  It’s about relaxing into the discomfort of not-knowing.  It’s in this allowing that we are able to respond most effectively. It’s in this acceptance that we sometimes realize that our love and compassion is all that’s needed.    

Recently my daughter became quite ill from anesthesia she received for a minor surgery. She couldn’t even hold down water. She eventually became so severely dehydrated that we took her to the ER. 

As a mother, I wanted to fix things.  I wanted to tell her exactly what to do to feel better.  I wanted to find the answers that would solve her problem.  But, no matter what I tried, I couldn’t help her.  She just kept throwing up.  And so, I relaxed.  I relaxed into the not-knowing.  I relaxed into the extreme discomfort.  I relaxed into letting go of how I thought things should be. 

And it was in that relaxation that I found the strength to truly be there for her as she struggled through her pain.  It was all I could do.  All I was meant to do.  All that was needed.  Once we got to the ER, I took care of necessary details, and then I stepped back and allowed the nurses and doctors to help her.  I also allowed the disappointment that even this help didn’t prove to immediately heal her. 

Thankfully, my daughter did recover, the effects from the anesthesia finally dissipated, and she’s back on her feet.  The ER fluids were likely a life-safer.  But in the end, it was a daily waiting game until she finally healed.

Here are Some Steps to Let Go of Trying to Fix Things:

Relax – This will allow you the clarity you need.  Clarity will allow you to see if your help is actually needed, or warranted.  In order to relax, try a combination of deep breathing, EFT Tapping, meditation, soothing music, Tulsi tea, yoga, aromatherapy, or any other technique that helps you.

Get Comfortable with Discomfort — Let go of resisting someone else’s pain.  Instead, step into the role of compassionate witness.  Compassionate witnessing allows you to honor and validate someone’s pain.  This witnessing, without fixing, can be profoundly helpful.

Respond – As necessary.  Fixing and helping are not the same thing.  You can help someone without fixing their problems.  You can be there for a person, to truly help them during their time of need.  Often, that’s the best help there is.  And, in some situations, sometimes saying “NO, I can’t help right now” might be the most helpful response of all.  

With practice we can learn to create balance.  We can learn to ask for help as we need it.  We can let go of believing we’re responsible for fixing what cannot be fixed.

Sometimes, we just have to surrender, and wait it out.

Blessings,

Marian

Need help letting go of feeling so responsible?  Contact me.

You Are Enough: How to Cultivate Self-Love

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Without ample self-love, you will never feel good enough, successful enough, beautiful enough, or loveable enough.  It truly is that simple.  And…if only it were that simple!

Self-love, authentic, non-egoic self-love, can feel tricky.  We’re often taught to diminish ourselves, so as not to brag or boast. And, for sensitive people, it can feel especially tricky. Sometimes it feels okay to love and accept everyone, except, of course, ourselves.

But, tricky as it is, self-love is crucial for a genuinely happy, successful life.  It’s something I am continually cultivating for myself.  Something I’ve finally learned how to do for myself. Something I’ve finally realized is the key to it all.

Here are some ways to cultivate self-love.

You Are Not Your Negative Self-Talk — Get really clear about this.  All of your negative self-talk, and limiting beliefs, come from somewhere else. We learn what to say and believe about ourselves from our family, teachers, and friends. We pick it up from the air that we breathe.  We see it everywhere we look.  And even if seems to be true, that doesn’t make it true.  It is societal hearsay, and it’s certainly NOT who you are.

Clear Out the Clouds of Doubt and Negativity — Use techniques, such as EFT Tapping,  to clear out the clouds of doubt and negativity.  Again, no matter where the negativity comes from, it doesn’t belong in your body and mind. EFT Tapping is a wonderful technique for deactivating old negative feelings and thought patterns. Contact me to learn more.

Forgive Yourself –Without forgiveness, your negative self-beliefs will stay in the dark, pestering you again and again.  Punishing yourself for the past helps no one.  Make amends as appropriate, then move forward.  Try using Ho’oponopono to help yourself let go of self-blame. To use Ho’oponopono, bring to mind something you’re blaming yourself for, hold your hand over your heart, and repeat the words:  I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You.  By repeating this mantra, you will help yourself release negative feelings towards yourself.

Cultivate Self-Loving Habits — Daily habits.  Ask yourself, what is the most loving thing I can do for myself?  It might be getting up early to meditate. Or carving out daily alone time.  Or taking a luxurious bath.  Or honoring your needs with a series of wellness sessions. It might mean committing to a new health routine which will benefit your overall well being.  Be clear about the difference between loving and ‘improving’ yourself.  Each day, ask yourself: “How can I love myself today”, and keep this question fresh throughout your day. 

Use Loving Affirmations — Create a collection of affirmations and mantras which will help you increase feelings of self love.  Use affirmations such as “I love myself, exactly as I am,” or “I can do it,” or “I am open and receptive to love.”  Find what works for you.  And, remember, repetition is crucial for success.  Repeated affirmations will gradually help your subconscious mind believe what you don’t currently believe about yourself. 

Say I Love You To Yourself — Put your hand on your heart, close your eyes, and say: “I love you.” Repeat for 5 minutes.  Simple, and powerful. 

Meditate on a Love Bubble — Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe deeply, from deep down in your belly.  As you breathe, deeply and slowly, imagine that you are surrounded by an iridescent bubble. Imagine that this bubble is filled with unconditional love.  And that this love is here to soothe you, hold you, and love you. The more you practice this, the more powerful it will become.

Stay with yourself —  Even, and especially when the going gets tough.  Stay in the moment, instead of avoiding with drink, food, tv, internet, or whatever you use to avoid tough feelings. When you’re going through a tough time, allow yourself to stay with the feelings, loving them as you would love a hurt child. It’s this love and acceptance that will help you transform the darkness.

Even when you waver in and out of self-love, it’s always there for you.  Come back to it.  Cultivate it.  Remember,  love is here for you, even in your darkest moments.

In Love and Gratitude,

Marian

Want more self love?  Come to YOU ARE ENOUGH, DAILY PRACTICES TO BOOST SELF LOVE, February 24 at the Lotus Lounge Holistic Sanctuary in Morristown NJ.  Click here for more info and registration. 

Clear and Focused

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January is a time to reboot, refocus, and get clear about our lives.  Despite the cold here in New Jersey, it’s an invigorating time of year, and I love it.  As I look out my back window, past the bare winter branches, the view is clear, far, and wide.  The possibilities feel endless. 

Along with these endless possibilities, comes the need for focused clarity.  Gazing into the far off  yonder feels freeing, and inspiring, yet I know I can’t stay there.  It’s time to get back to work.  Back into focus. It’s time for renewed clarity.

Here are some tips to get back into focus after a distracting holiday season, or at any time that you feel the need to clear your mind of all the muddle.

Meditate  — The practice of meditation will help you clarify and calm your mind. The act of focusing on your breath helps train your mind to focus when and where you need to focus.  I talk about meditation all the time, because it works.

Fresh Air – With colder weather, it might be tempting to stay inside.  Ignore the temptation.  Being out in the fresh air allows you to breathe in more oxygen. When your brain gets more oxygen, it functions more efficiently, boosting clarity and concentration.

EFT Tapping —  EFT tapping does wonders for a distracted, overworked mind.  The act of tapping helps bring you back into your body. In addition, it helps lower cortisol, thereby returning more blood to the thinking part of your brain, increasing its efficiency.  And, tapping helps bring your brainwave state from a beta level to an alpha level.  An alpha brainwave state will help you feel more calm and focused. Contact me to learn more about EFT Tapping.

Get Clear about Fear – Sometimes fear will make us choose distraction over focused action.  Often, we’re not fully aware that fear is causing us to stay distracted. Take time to look at what you’re avoiding by being distracted. Notice any fear that comes up around whatever it is you’re avoiding.  Sometimes it’s enough just to acknowledge the fear, and take action anyway. Other times you might want to use EFT Tapping, or talk with a practitioner or therapist for help. Contact me if you’d like help releasing fear.

Positive Self-Talk – Keep your eye on the prize.  Notice what you’re saying to yourself.  Keep yourself in a positive space by continually telling yourself you can do it.  For example, repeat to yourself that you love being creative, productive, successful, disciplined,  etc.   In her book Becoming, Michelle Obama describes how she successfully uses the refrain : Am I Enough? – Yes I am, to help herself overcome big challenges.  Remember that you too, are enough! Get the positive talk going, and keep it going.  It’s amazing what it can do to improve your self-perceptions.

Eat Green and Clean —  A clean, green diet will do wonders to increase clarity and focus.  Dark green and cruciferous vegetables are especially helpful for detoxifying the blood.  The fewer toxins in your system, the more focused you will be.  In addition to increasing vegetable consumption,  reduce or eliminate foods that contribute to toxification.  These foods include refined carbohydrates, wheat products, sugar, alcohol, and processed foods with artificial ingredients.  And, remember to drink plenty of water.

Music —  I use an app called Focus@Will. This works so well for me that I sometimes actually resist it when I don’t want to get down to work.  There are numerous apps with music designed specifically for studying, writing, working, etc.  Used regularly, this type of music will cue your mind to come into focus. 

Aromatherapy – Aromatherapy is another way to cue the mind.  Candles scented with herbs can be effective.  Aromatherapy infusers, using your favorite essential oils, are also useful.  Experiment, and find what works for you. 

Happy New Year!  Wishing you a fabulous, amazing year, with oodles of LOVE, PROSPERITY, FRIENDSHIP, GOOD HEALTH, FUN, and ADVENTURE!

Peace,

Marian