Marian Buck Murray

Release, Relax, Tap into Your Brilliance. EFT Tapping to help you unleash your creative genius.

You Are Enough: How to Cultivate Self-Love

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Without ample self-love, you will never feel good enough, successful enough, beautiful enough, or loveable enough.  It truly is that simple.  And…if only it were that simple!

Self-love, authentic, non-egoic self-love, can feel tricky.  We’re often taught to diminish ourselves, so as not to brag or boast. And, for sensitive people, it can feel especially tricky. Sometimes it feels okay to love and accept everyone, except, of course, ourselves.

But, tricky as it is, self-love is crucial for a genuinely happy, successful life.  It’s something I am continually cultivating for myself.  Something I’ve finally learned how to do for myself. Something I’ve finally realized is the key to it all.

Here are some ways to cultivate self-love.

You Are Not Your Negative Self-Talk — Get really clear about this.  All of your negative self-talk, and limiting beliefs, come from somewhere else. We learn what to say and believe about ourselves from our family, teachers, and friends. We pick it up from the air that we breathe.  We see it everywhere we look.  And even if seems to be true, that doesn’t make it true.  It is societal hearsay, and it’s certainly NOT who you are.

Clear Out the Clouds of Doubt and Negativity — Use techniques, such as EFT Tapping,  to clear out the clouds of doubt and negativity.  Again, no matter where the negativity comes from, it doesn’t belong in your body and mind. EFT Tapping is a wonderful technique for deactivating old negative feelings and thought patterns. Contact me to learn more.

Forgive Yourself –Without forgiveness, your negative self-beliefs will stay in the dark, pestering you again and again.  Punishing yourself for the past helps no one.  Make amends as appropriate, then move forward.  Try using Ho’oponopono to help yourself let go of self-blame. To use Ho’oponopono, bring to mind something you’re blaming yourself for, hold your hand over your heart, and repeat the words:  I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You.  By repeating this mantra, you will help yourself release negative feelings towards yourself.

Cultivate Self-Loving Habits — Daily habits.  Ask yourself, what is the most loving thing I can do for myself?  It might be getting up early to meditate. Or carving out daily alone time.  Or taking a luxurious bath.  Or honoring your needs with a series of wellness sessions. It might mean committing to a new health routine which will benefit your overall well being.  Be clear about the difference between loving and ‘improving’ yourself.  Each day, ask yourself: “How can I love myself today”, and keep this question fresh throughout your day. 

Use Loving Affirmations — Create a collection of affirmations and mantras which will help you increase feelings of self love.  Use affirmations such as “I love myself, exactly as I am,” or “I can do it,” or “I am open and receptive to love.”  Find what works for you.  And, remember, repetition is crucial for success.  Repeated affirmations will gradually help your subconscious mind believe what you don’t currently believe about yourself. 

Say I Love You To Yourself — Put your hand on your heart, close your eyes, and say: “I love you.” Repeat for 5 minutes.  Simple, and powerful. 

Meditate on a Love Bubble — Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe deeply, from deep down in your belly.  As you breathe, deeply and slowly, imagine that you are surrounded by an iridescent bubble. Imagine that this bubble is filled with unconditional love.  And that this love is here to soothe you, hold you, and love you. The more you practice this, the more powerful it will become.

Stay with yourself —  Even, and especially when the going gets tough.  Stay in the moment, instead of avoiding with drink, food, tv, internet, or whatever you use to avoid tough feelings. When you’re going through a tough time, allow yourself to stay with the feelings, loving them as you would love a hurt child. It’s this love and acceptance that will help you transform the darkness.

Even when you waver in and out of self-love, it’s always there for you.  Come back to it.  Cultivate it.  Remember,  love is here for you, even in your darkest moments.

In Love and Gratitude,

Marian

Want more self love?  Come to YOU ARE ENOUGH, DAILY PRACTICES TO BOOST SELF LOVE, February 24 at the Lotus Lounge Holistic Sanctuary in Morristown NJ.  Click here for more info and registration. 

Clear and Focused

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January is a time to reboot, refocus, and get clear about our lives.  Despite the cold here in New Jersey, it’s an invigorating time of year, and I love it.  As I look out my back window, past the bare winter branches, the view is clear, far, and wide.  The possibilities feel endless. 

Along with these endless possibilities, comes the need for focused clarity.  Gazing into the far off  yonder feels freeing, and inspiring, yet I know I can’t stay there.  It’s time to get back to work.  Back into focus. It’s time for renewed clarity.

Here are some tips to get back into focus after a distracting holiday season, or at any time that you feel the need to clear your mind of all the muddle.

Meditate  — The practice of meditation will help you clarify and calm your mind. The act of focusing on your breath helps train your mind to focus when and where you need to focus.  I talk about meditation all the time, because it works.

Fresh Air – With colder weather, it might be tempting to stay inside.  Ignore the temptation.  Being out in the fresh air allows you to breathe in more oxygen. When your brain gets more oxygen, it functions more efficiently, boosting clarity and concentration.

EFT Tapping —  EFT tapping does wonders for a distracted, overworked mind.  The act of tapping helps bring you back into your body. In addition, it helps lower cortisol, thereby returning more blood to the thinking part of your brain, increasing its efficiency.  And, tapping helps bring your brainwave state from a beta level to an alpha level.  An alpha brainwave state will help you feel more calm and focused. Contact me to learn more about EFT Tapping.

Get Clear about Fear – Sometimes fear will make us choose distraction over focused action.  Often, we’re not fully aware that fear is causing us to stay distracted. Take time to look at what you’re avoiding by being distracted. Notice any fear that comes up around whatever it is you’re avoiding.  Sometimes it’s enough just to acknowledge the fear, and take action anyway. Other times you might want to use EFT Tapping, or talk with a practitioner or therapist for help. Contact me if you’d like help releasing fear.

Positive Self-Talk – Keep your eye on the prize.  Notice what you’re saying to yourself.  Keep yourself in a positive space by continually telling yourself you can do it.  For example, repeat to yourself that you love being creative, productive, successful, disciplined,  etc.   In her book Becoming, Michelle Obama describes how she successfully uses the refrain : Am I Enough? – Yes I am, to help herself overcome big challenges.  Remember that you too, are enough! Get the positive talk going, and keep it going.  It’s amazing what it can do to improve your self-perceptions.

Eat Green and Clean —  A clean, green diet will do wonders to increase clarity and focus.  Dark green and cruciferous vegetables are especially helpful for detoxifying the blood.  The fewer toxins in your system, the more focused you will be.  In addition to increasing vegetable consumption,  reduce or eliminate foods that contribute to toxification.  These foods include refined carbohydrates, wheat products, sugar, alcohol, and processed foods with artificial ingredients.  And, remember to drink plenty of water.

Music —  I use an app called Focus@Will. This works so well for me that I sometimes actually resist it when I don’t want to get down to work.  There are numerous apps with music designed specifically for studying, writing, working, etc.  Used regularly, this type of music will cue your mind to come into focus. 

Aromatherapy – Aromatherapy is another way to cue the mind.  Candles scented with herbs can be effective.  Aromatherapy infusers, using your favorite essential oils, are also useful.  Experiment, and find what works for you. 

Happy New Year!  Wishing you a fabulous, amazing year, with oodles of LOVE, PROSPERITY, FRIENDSHIP, GOOD HEALTH, FUN, and ADVENTURE!

Peace,

Marian

 

 

Relax & Recharge Tips

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During the holiday season, it’s easy to feel depleted, especially if you’re a sensitive person.  At a time that feels stretched and overcrowded with obligations, it’s crucial to relax and recharge.  Here are a few tips to help.

Meditation —Meditation helps change the brain to make it more effective in times of stress.  Find what works for you.  Even 5 minutes at a time will help.

Breathe — Deep breathing, from the belly, helps to stimulate the vagus nerve, and turn on the relaxation response.

Take a Magnesium Salt bath — Magnesium helps relieve tension, and revitalize the body.

Spend Quality Time Alone — Take a quiet-time-alone break, to nurture and nourish yourself.

Listen to peaceful, uplifting music. —  Choose a favorite from your collection. Or, try the Insight Timer app for  a nice variety.

Use the Heart Breath — This will help you get out of a busy mind, into the peace and calm of your heart. To learn how to use this breath, click here.  (Once on this page, scroll down for the heart breath video)

Try EFT Tapping — Tapping on your karate chop, and other points, will help you feel more centered and relaxed. For a complimentary Peace and Calm guided EFT Audio, click here.

Spend Time Outdoors — Soak up the fresh air and natural beauty.

Move — Stretch, exercise, do yoga, go to the gym, dance, walk.  Movement will help you feel more energized and alive.

Eat green — Green vegetables are full of minerals that will help revitalize your system.

Reduce or Limit Caffeine, Refined Carbs, Alcohol — Caffeine will overwork your adrenal glands, making you feel even more tired.  Refined carbohydrates will cause a spike and drop in your blood sugar, draining your energy.  Alcohol is quite depleting.

Get enough sleep — Sleep in a darkened room, with minimal, or no, electronic devices.

Use what works for you.  Weave moments of relaxation throughout your day.  You’re worth it.

In Courage,

Marian

I’ve created some holiday specials on session packages, click here to learn more.

Let Go of Family Triggers So You Can Bring More Joy to Holiday Gatherings

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Family gatherings can be wonderful.  They can also trigger a host of uncomfortable feelings such as resentment, jealousy, anger, sadness, helplessness, etc.  No matter how old we are, or how many years have passed, it can sometimes feel as though we’re walking into a trance, where we  have no choice but to revert back to our old family roles.

Certainly, the healthier we are emotionally, the easier it is to navigate the family landscape.  We might even feel as though we’re ‘over’ whatever issues we faced in the past.  

But just in case any remnants of those old patterns and feelings get triggered, here are some tips to help your time with family feel easier, and more joyful.

Before You Go:

Try Ho’oponopono – Ho’oponopono is a Hawaiian prayer that’s useful for forgiving old wounds. It can be used to clear resentments and negative feelings towards anyone, including family members.  To use Ho’oponopono, bring someone to mind, hold your hand over your heart, and repeat the words:  I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You.  It doesn’t matter if you feel you were ‘wronged’ by this person.  By repeating this mantra, you will help yourself release negative feelings towards the person.

Send Love — There are a number of meditations which you can use to send love to your family members. You can use the heart breath meditation to create a field of heart energy which you imagine you are extending to family members.  Also effective is the Eco Meditation, created by Dawson Church.  In this meditation  you can imagine sending a beam of love and light to a family member.  To learn how to use the eco meditation, click here.

Use Creative Visualization – Use creative visualization before an event to imagine it going smoothly. Don’t be concerned with too many details.  Instead, imagine yourself feeling relaxed and happy.  Imagine peaceful conversations, and laughter.  This type of visualization will help you feel more relaxed about the event, and it will make it more likely that you will act in the way you desire, even if others don’t.

EFT Tapping – EFT Tapping is a wonderful tool to help reduce any anxiety you feel about a family event. In addition, EFT can be used to release specific feelings towards family members. For a video to learn how to use EFT Tapping click here.  For one-on-one guidance in EFT to assist you in navigating a family issues, contact me.

While You’re There

Focus on Beauty — Be truly present with your family, and your surroundings.  Show your heart-felt appreciation for any food, gifts, decorations, etc.  Take time to look at each family member and guest. Find something you admire, appreciate, love, like, or are willing to lovingly accept about each.

Don’t Engage with Drama — It’s easy to get triggered by family members, and it’s easy to react in an old, habitual way.  Remember that everyone, including your family members, has their own triggers.  Disengage with the need to react to someone else’s trigger, to avoid reverting to old reactive patterns.  Be mindful of these patterns.  When you feel triggered, or when someone else is triggered, notice the trigger, and allow the intensity of it to pass before responding.  This might mean stepping away for a moment, counting to ten, breathing deeply, or tapping.  Coming back to a place of inner peace will help you communicate in the kindest, most effective way. *See note below

Get Curious – It’s likely you usually feel most comfortable talking with certain family members over others. Step out of your comfort zone and reach out to those you tend to avoid.  Get curious about their lives.  Open your heart, and your ears, to listen to what they have to tell you.  Reach out to make the connection, instead of waiting for someone to do it first.

Honor your needs with self care. Finally, take care of yourself.  Family gatherings can be overwhelming.  Between the work, the anxiety, the emotions, the late hours, it’s easy to get overly saturated.  Especially if you’re a sensitive person.  Taking care of yourself might mean taking a walk outside, excusing yourself for a quick meditation, leaving early, or sitting quietly in a darkened room for a bit.  For extended gatherings, weave moments of self-care throughout. 

In Peace, Love, and Gratitude,

Marian

 

*For an abusive or volatile situation, emotional or physical, give yourself permission to decline the invitation, or leave early when necessary.  Seek help when needed.

 

Coming Back to Center

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Centering, it’s what we need more of right now.  The holiday season is full of distractions, pulling us here, pulling us there.  Top it off with a contentious election season, and the seemingly non-stop series of tumultuous events —  it can feel nearly impossible to stay centered, calm, and relaxed.

Getting pushed off center is like losing our power connection.  Every time we get pulled away, thinking thoughts of how things should or shouldn’t be, we lose power.

Our minds sometimes have us convinced that we need to be worried, concerned, or somehow attentive to all that’s going on. The emails, the tasks, the phone calls, the news, the problems, all grabbing at our attention.  If we’re not careful, these distractions will continually force us off center.

Problem is, when we’re off center, we’re out of sync with our intuition, and our connection to all that is.  We may think we’re doing something important by worrying, or obsessing, but if we’re pulled out of the present moment, we’re off center.  When we’re off center, we’re weakened, and we limit our access to fresh ideas, solutions, and insights.

Getting back to center means letting go of distracting thoughts and concerns, so we can settle into our intuitive, powerful strength.  It means dropping from a busy beta brain wave state, into a slower, more relaxing alpha brain wave state.  This alpha brain wave state is where we find access to new insights, intuition, and deeper connection with the universal field. This alpha state is what helps our brains work more effectively, allowing us to function more powerfully.

Here’s how to get back to center

Meditate.  I know. I talk about meditation all the time.  I talk about it because it truly is that powerful.  Sitting quietly for even 5-10 minutes in the morning, and/or at different times throughout the day, does wonders to center the mind.  Don’t worry if you can’t ‘get rid’ of distracting thoughts. Allowing yourself to observe the distracting thoughts, as opposed to engaging with them, will help you come back to center.  As you get more practiced with meditation, it will help you deepen your sense of inner peace and connection.

Use the Heart Breath.  The heart breath is a very powerful way to drop out of a busy mind, into the peace and calm of your heart. The heart’s electromagnetic field is far more powerful than that of the brain.  By breathing slowly and deeply, while imagining that you’re breathing through your heart, you will help yourself become centered in your body.  This heart breath will increase the power of your heart’s electromagnetic field. This expanded heart field will entrain your brain, bringing it from the beta brain wave state, to a more relaxed alpha or deeper.  For a video to learn more about the Heart Breath, click here.

Use Insight Timer — Insight timer is one of my absolute favorite apps.  It’s free, and it offers thousands of free meditations. Find the meditations, music, and sounds that work best for you.  Check out the binaural beats, which will work with your brain to help it come to a more relaxed, centered place.

Take a Magnesium Salt Bath — Step out of the fray, into the soothing comfort of a nice, hot, bath.  Magnesium will help you relax.  Water will help you feel more centered.

Take a Walk in Nature — Being fully present in Nature, without the distraction of phones and computers, is one of the best ways to come back to center.  Help yourself stay centered by doing a walking meditation, observing and expressing gratitude for Nature’s gifts along your way.

Practice Yoga — Yoga will help you feel more aligned, grounded, and centered.

Use EFT Tapping — Tapping is one of the most effective ways to bring yourself back to center.  Just by tapping on your karate chop, you begin to bring yourself back into your body.  By continuing with the points, you help reduce the cortisol that keeps you on edge. Often, you don’t even need to use words while tapping.  You can simply tap through the points, breathing deeply, and allow yourself to come back to center.  Click here for more info.

Come back to your center, it’s where you’ll find your beautiful Self.

In Love and Courage,

Marian