Marian Buck Murray

EFT and IFS for Sensitive, Creative People. Empower yourself self-compassion and deep understanding.

Take Time For Your Feelings

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When life feels overwhelming,  take time to acknowledge what’s happening and how you feel.

So often, when we’re faced with monumental changes and events, we want to hurry ahead to fix things. Or, distract ourselves in order to avoid our feelings.  Often, we worry because we don’t know what to do.  We might feel helpless to visualize positive solutions.  All of this can feel downright paralyzing.

Yet, what if the clarity we need is right around the corner…

Clarity is crucial for forward motion.  However, clarity can feel impossible to attain after we’ve been hit by something big.  When life as we know it shifts, we can easily be thrown off center.  It’s during these difficult times that it’s good to grieve what we’ve lost, and acknowledge how hard things feel. This exploration of feelings will help us get the clarity we need to move forward.

So often we’re taught that we need to pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and forge ahead.  Certainly, sometimes this is absolutely necessary. Yet, when we continually soldier on, without taking time to grieve our losses, we carry them forward. Ultimately, we can get bogged down by our past.

Unresolved feelings have a habit of seeping into our daily lives, clouding vision, behavior, and overall wellbeing.  It’s as though we’re continually looking through the filters of past hurts and grievances.  These filters can really clog up after a while.  As with any filter, it’s crucial to clear out the gunk for best results.

Allowing space for uncomfortable feelings is what helps them clear.  This clearing contributes to the forward moving clarity we need. Taking time to sit with our feelings can actually free up invaluable time and energy for the future.

Here are some suggestions:

Take breaks, here and there, to sit with yourself.  Tune in.  Notice your feelings. If you can, imagine embracing your feelings with love and compassion. Allow yourself a good cry, if needed.  Simply giving your feelings some compassionate attention can help them soften.

Notice where you typically get triggered. Ask yourself what you’re telling yourself, and what you believe about yourself.  Question beliefs which feel limiting or hurtful. Use your feelings as a guide to a deeper understanding of yourself.

Know that chaotic, helpless feelings are just that.  They hurt, yet they are feelings. And, feelings, when worked with, can transform into better-feeling feelings.

Use EFT Tapping.  Tap to help soften and release uncomfortable feelings.  Focus on the feeling and locate where you feel it in your body.  Breathe deeply, and tap on the EFT tapping points.  No need to say words, but you can if you want to.  Here’s a link to the tapping points.

Change the channel. Spending time with your feelings doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in them.  Turn your focus to what feels positive and uplifting as well. This, combined with holding space for your pain, lets your nervous system know that you can toggle from one to the other.  In other words, it empowers you to get unstuck.

Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional. Allow yourself to ask for help.  Processing what has happened, or is happening, can be difficult.  A compassionate witness is sometimes what we need most.

Life is a mix of experiences and emotions, ups and downs, stillness and movement, and everything in between.  When we allow space for all of it, we’re able to surf life’s waves with less fear, and a lot more confidence.

Sending you oodles of compassion,

Marian

To learn more about using EFT and IFS, to process emotions, contact me.

 

 

Inner Peace for Changing Times

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How to Create Inner Peace during Changing & Challenging Times

It’s not always easy to stay calm, peaceful, and centered.  Sometimes it might feel downright impossible.  What’s happening in the world is hard to avoid.  It seeps into our consciousness through many sources.   The news.  Headlines on emails.  Conversations with friends and families.  Social media.

Certainly, it’s important to be aware of what’s happening around us.  For peace of mind, however, it’s crucial to set boundaries on information intake.  By creating boundaries with incoming information we can give it space, without allowing it to consume our focus and sense of wellbeing.

We all have inner parts who want to keep us safe.  These parts often use anxiety and hypervigilance as tools to keep us on edge and aware.  Unfortunately, habitual anxiety and hypervigilance only serve to weaken us, obscuring creativity and best solutions. By protecting and relaxing the nervous system, we give ourselves better access to inner guidance, new ideas, and feelings of inner peace.  Softening harsh feelings can feel incredibly empowering.

Here are some tips to help you create inner peace:

Notice where you are putting your attention.  Notice how you feel when you focus your attention on different aspects of your life, or the world around you.  To create more inner peace, help yourself focus more of your attention on what feels good, right, and empowering. Set boundaries where needed.

Commit to incorporating relaxation practices into your day.  If your nervous system is taking in more stress than usual, it is doubly important to unwind and relax.

Tune into uncomfortable feelings.  Be gentle and compassionate with these feelings, as if you were comforting a child.  Listening to your feelings will foster a sense of self-acceptance, and validation.  Sometimes, this is all that’s needed to quiet inner turmoil.

Use breathwork to help calm anxious feelings.  There are a variety of techniques which help to calm the nervous system. These include:  Box Breath, 5-7-8 Breath, Voo Breath, Heart Breath and more.  Find the techniques which work best for you. You’ll find many examples on YouTube.

Tap.  EFT tapping has been clinically documented as an effective technique for reducing cortisol.  Stress-related cortisol spikes can interfere with good sleep, cognitive clarity, emotional wellness, digestion, and immunity.  Just to name a few.  Try tapping while tuning into your feelings. You don’t need to say any words. Tapping can help release some of what is causing your discomfort.  For more information on tapping, contact me.

Try an acupressure mat.  An acupressure mat has rubber spikes which stimulate acupressure points.  At first it might feel uncomfortable, but when the endorphins kick in, it can feel incredibly relaxing, even sleep-inducing.

Meditate.  Find time during the day to meditate.  If you’re new to meditation, start with a few minutes, and build from there.  Consider reaching out to a meditation teacher for guidance.  If it’s helpful, listen to calming music, or a guided meditation, to help you get started.  Meditation has been shown to change the way our brains handle stress, in a very good way.

Find activities which light you up.  No matter how silly, frivolous, or unimportant they might seem.  Take a walk or a hike.  Sing.  Dance to your favorite music.  Create art.  Cook a favorite recipe.  Take a class. Visit with friends.  Watch something funny.  Read a great book. Listen to an uplifting podcast. Tap into what’s going right in the world.  Find what speaks to you.  Stay open to feelings of joy and wonder.

Essentially, so much of creating inner peace is about noticing which activities help you feel calm, centered and empowered, and which ones don’t.  Choose how to spend your precious time, attention, and energy. Empower yourself with practices to help relax your nervous system.  The more empowered you are, the easier it will be to navigate whatever you’re navigating.

Wishing you Peace,

Marian

Contact me for a complimentary Self Discovery Call. 

10 Ways To Love Yourself

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Why do I believe self-love is so important?  Well, I know from both personal and professional experience that when we practice self-love, we do more to improve our lives, and in turn, the world around us. Most importantly, it’s self-love that helps us build a deeper connection with the authentic self within. 

When we practice self-love, we can gradually let go of the defenses and facades we use for protection. Self-love is about accepting ourselves, including the parts we hide and avoid.  It’s about realizing that even our darkest weaknesses are indeed lovable.  Self-love is healing, and when we feel loved we begin to radiate love. 

Self-love is not about letting ourselves off the hook.  Rather, it’s about encouraging ourselves, and releasing the blocks that stand in our way.  It’s about taking true responsibility for our lives, in a loving, compassionate way.

Here are 10 ways to express self-love.  Use what works best for you.

Give yourself a hug each morning when you wake up. Hold yourself and tell yourself good morning!  Welcome yourself into the day.

When you feel an uncomfortable feeling — pause. Send love and compassion to your feeling.  When possible, ask yourself if the feeling has a message for you.

Spend quiet alone time with yourself, each day. Treasure this time with yourself.  Pay loving, kind attention to yourself.

Do something loving for yourself. Ask yourself: What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?

Close your eyes, and breath in and out from the area of your heart. Imagine that your heart is radiating love. Allow this love to expand through your body, and radiate even further outside of your body.  Allow yourself to rest in the field of love surrounding you.

Do something just for yourself. Something that will awaken your spirit, or nurture your soul.  Do it for you, not for self-growth, or achievement, but just for your enjoyment.

Make a list of all the things you like and love about yourself. Keep this list handy so you can add to it. Refer to it often, especially when you’re feeling down about yourself.

Catch your inner critic in the act. Help this voice find encouraging phrases to use instead.

Accept your mistakes and imperfections. Be gentle with yourself, and remind yourself that you are human.

Write yourself a love letter. Tell yourself what you truly appreciate about yourself.  Show compassion for what you are going through.  Draw special attention to strengths and kindnesses that might go unnoticed.  Write one of these letters once a week, once a month, or as needed.

When you practice self-love, little by little, you can fall in love with yourself.  Each and every act of self-love is worth it, and so are you!

Peace,

Marian

Get Centered When Life Feels Scattered

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“I have too much on my plate.”  “I’m being pulled in so many directions.”  “I feel so scattered and overwhelmed…”

This is what I hear so often from my friends and clients.  Most of them, as the sensitive, empathic people they are, feel responsible for much more than is truly necessary.  This includes other people’s emotions, behavior, expectations, over-all well-being, and more.  And then there are the daily tasks, workplace duties, volunteer obligations, and various family and friends who are calling for attention.

When we’re pulled in different directions, stretched beyond our limits, we get pushed off center. However, it’s when we’re centered and grounded that we can focus on our priorities.  In order to make meaningful progress in life, finding center is paramount.  It might feel impossible, but it’s not.  It might feel easier to try to handle it all, but it’s not.  Getting grounded and centered, is truly the way forward.

Following are some suggestions to help you get grounded and centered when life feels scattered:

Set the stage for the day ahead.
Allow time for yourself in the morning — before your mind fills with the worries of the day, and before you check your phone.  If necessary, go to bed earlier so you can rise earlier, without scrimping on sleep.  Use this time, even if it’s only 10 or 15 minutes, to meditate, write, take a walk, or do something which helps you connect with yourself.  Find a rhythm which feels doable, enjoyable, and centering.

Shift your vision from all that ‘needs’ doing, and towards what’s most important right now.
Acknowledge that you have a lot on your plate, but that you can’t do it all right now.  Decide what you can let go of for now.  Tune in, and ask yourself what are the 3 (or 2 or 1)  most important things for me to accomplish.  Sometime before the end of each day, decide upon priorities for the next day.  Start you day with a plan.

If you’re struggling to clarify priorities, perhaps you’re assuming that everything is a priority.
Take the time to tune in to see what might be clouding your vision.  Ask yourself any of the following: Am I trying to please someone else?  Am I trying to prove myself?  Why does this matter so much to me.  Is this really my responsibility?  How will this be beneficial for me?  How could this harm me?  Is this in alignment with what’s truly important right now? Is this in alignment with my values? Develop a practice to help yourself let go of what obscures your vision.  If you need help, contact me.

When you feel overly distracted, or overwhelmed, take a few minutes to ground yourself.
Get into your body, and out of your head.  If possible, go outside.  Feel the earth under your feet.  Breathe deeply to clear your lungs.  If you’re inside, exercise your core and lower body muscles.  Tap your heels on the floor, march in place, jump up and down, all with the intention of grounding and centering yourself.

Most importantly, remember that when life feels scattered, it’s time to take extra good care of yourself.  If you’re a sensitive, empathic person, you might believe you have to put others first.  Yet when we consistently put others first, ignoring self-care, we burn out.

It’s amazing what even small pockets of self-care can do to bring us back to center.  Self-care can be woven in throughout the day.  It’s in the nourishing foods we eat.  It’s in the nature walks, the meditations, the naps, the yoga, the good night’s rest, the visits to healing practitioners, and time spent with art, and music. When we feel well cared for, it’s easier to focus on what’s most important, and easier to let go of what’s not.

Wishing You Inner Peace,

Marian

Contact me to learn how EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting will help you feel more centered, and at peace with yourself.

 

 

Exit the Mind Loop

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In our society we’re trained to give the brain most of, if not all, the credit.  Many of us believe that the brain is the only place to go when we want to solve a problem.  We say things like:  I’m wracking my brain.  Let me think about it.  And, I’m trying to wrap my head around it…

When left unchecked, all of this brain activity takes an enormous amount of energy. Especially when we’re worried.  It’s easy to overthink and overanalyze our circumstances. And, sometimes, often without realizing it, we can get trapped in a punishing mind loop. 

The brain, of course, with its myriad functions, is an amazingly intricate and powerful organ. However, when we rely solely on the brain to help us, we miss out on the treasure chest of wisdom residing in the rest of the body.  A mind loop, after all, rarely resolves itself with thinking alone. 

And when it comes to accessing creative or intuitive flow, it’s the thinking brain that presents the biggest hurdles.  Typically, the more we think about being creative or intuitive, the more we doubt and second-guess ourselves.  A self-doubting, second-guessing mind blocks intuition, and cripples creative flow.  The longer we engage with the mind loop, the further we take ourselves from the luscious experience of flow. 

So, while recognizing and respecting the power of the brain, it’s important to consult the body and heart, in order to facilitate flow.   

Here are some ways to help yourself drop out of a busy mind loop:

Breath Deeply – Deep breath will help activate the relaxation response.  In addition, by focusing on your breath, you take your focus off of your busy mind. 

Move your Body Parts– Mindfully move different parts of your body.  Pay attention to your hand, your leg, your foot, etc.  Notice any sensations with that arise with each part of your body.  Notice any information or metaphors your body might be expressing. Observe what happens with your thoughts when you  purposefully steer them to your body.

Get up and Dance!  —  Dancing, especially to music you love, will help you break out of a troubling mind set.  Get silly and exaggerate your moves.  If you’re up for it, shake your body from top to toe.  Shaking will help release anxiety and loosen your body and mind.

Chant —  Chanting a simple mantra, such as Om, for 10 -20 minutes is an effective way to exit a mind loop. By focusing on a simple phrase, chanting will help you transcend the mind.  In addition, chanting helps activate the vagus nerve,  thereby relaxing the nervous system.   If you’re new to chanting, start with a few minutes, and work up to longer periods of time.

Use the Heart Breath —  The heart breath will help you relax a busy brain.  According to experts,  the heart’s electromagnetic energy field  is as much as 5000 times greater than the brain’s.  This means that we can use the heart to entrain the brain into a calmer brain wave state. This will help boost effective brain function.  Click here to access my Heart Breath Meditation on Insight Timer. 

Use EFT tapping –  An anxious mind can trigger a spike in cortisol.   EFT Tapping has been clinically proven to be one of the most effective techniques for reducing cortisol.  By reducing cortisol and calming the nervous system, we help ourselves drop out of the mind loop.  This enables us to think more clearly, in a solution-based way.  Contact me to learn more about EFT Tapping.

Here’s to giving your busy mind a well deserved break!

Peace,
Marian

Contact me to learn how EFT Tapping can help you exit a painful mind loop.