Marian Buck Murray

EFT and Matrix Reimprinting for Sensitive, Empathic, Creative People. Step out of the shadows and share your gifts and talents.

When Things Don’t Go as Planned

by 4 Comments

 

On June 15 I was scheduled for my third aortic valve replacement.  I was born with a bicuspid valve, (two flaps instead of three) and had my first replacement at age 38.   This time, once again, I planned to get another biological valve. 

A quick background on valves: Biological tissue valves last for 10-15 years– mine lasted 9 and 13. In contrast, mechanical valves are designed to last a lifetime, but require the blood thinner Coumadin.  Coumadin is a vitamin K antagonist, and requires limited consumption of vitamin-K-rich-foods, especially leafy greens.  For me, good nutrition, including eating lots of leafy greens, has always felt like part of my identity. I couldn’t imagine giving it up. Avoiding Coumadin was paramount, and I truly saw the surgeries as worthwhile.

As soon as I knew it was time for a new valve,  I went into planning mode.  I planned the date of my surgery so that I would recover in time for my annual trip to The Omega Institute to help with  the EFT Professional Training.  I planned what I would bring to the hospital.  What I would tell my clients.  When I would start up my practice again. What I had to do before my surgery.  Which kindle books I would read in the hospital. The new pillow I would use to prop myself up in bed at home so I could rest more easily.

I planned well, and thoroughly.  Then, on the day of my surgery, nothing went as planned.

Long story short, the anesthesiologist mistakenly injured a couple of major arteries.  The valve surgery was halted.  I then underwent two surgeries, that same day, to correct the injury.

I didn’t plan for any of this.  No one did. But, there I was. I had no choice but to go through it, and then to prepare for yet another surgery.

In an instant, my summer plans had all dissolved into ‘not this summer’.

So I did the best that I could.  I meditated.  I lay on my acupressure mat.  I worked with a fabulous EFT practitioner who helped me release some of the trauma.  I asked for help, again and again.  I leaned on family and friends. I reconsidered my choice of aortic valves. And I listened deeply to my heart.

What I know is that on June 15,  I was incredibly close to the edge.  I truly didn’t know if I would make it.  The experience shook me to my core. Waking up in recovery, I knew that I had very difficult decisions to make about my upcoming valve replacement.

Fortunately, during the time between surgeries, I met with a brilliant doctor (recommended by a doctor I met in the hospital).  This doctor is an expert on cardiac valves.  In fact, she spoke at a valve conference the very week I met with her.  She suggested a recently developed mechanical valve, and explained why it would likely be the best fit for me.  She based her suggestion on my constitution, medical history, relatively young age, and personal needs and desires.  The valve she recommended requires less Coumadin, and is currently in clinical trials with a safer blood thinner.

Deep down I knew I couldn’t put my heart through yet another surgery in 10-15 years. So I changed my mind. I let go of  what I believed was a necessary part of my identity — the part that told me that a biological valve was the only choice for me.  Instead I listened to what my heart was telling me, and I chose the mechanical valve for my August surgery. 

I do take Coumadin now, but less than for other mechanical valves.  It’s been somewhat of a struggle to make the dietary shifts.  I now have to closely monitor my diet in order to keep my blood at the prescribed level of anti-coagulation. However, I’ve decided to make sure I have the best possible nutrition, even with the adjustments.

If all goes well with the clinical trials,  in one or two years, I will be able to switch to a safer blood thinner.  One that’s not a Vitamin K antagonist.  No matter what, this mechanical valve is designed to last me for the rest of my life. No more valve replacements.  And, as I get older, I know this to be a wise decision, especially for my heart.

It’s not what I planned for.  But I see that as painful as it was, my June disaster was a divine intervention.  Banging me on the head, telling me that it was time to let go of outdated beliefs that no longer served me.  Clearly showing me that I am getting older, and it’s time to honor where I am in my life.  It was because of the pain, that I was able open up enough to see clearly what I had not allowed myself to see before.  My heart is worth the effort, and discomfort.  And I can handle it, even if it’s not at all what I planned.

We can plan and prepare, all good and important, but it’s when we let go of our fixed outcomes, that we can realize how strong we truly are.

Sending Love,

Marian

Shadow Self Care Tips

by Leave a Comment

Self Care.  I just love a healthy dose of indulgent self care.

Time alone.  Meditation.  A salt bath.  A trip to the salon.  A couch, a book, and a cup of tea.  An afternoon nap. The list goes on.

Self care feels good.  And though it might feel indulgent, it is essential for our wellbeing.  It helps relax the nervous system, calm the mind, and rejuvenate depleted energy.  It’s especially crucial for sensitive, empathic people, who tend to absorb the troubles of friends, family, and the world.

Yet, often, our self care routines don’t go deep enough.  We hover at the surface, tending to the basics, when what lies beneath is begging for our attention.

Going deeper means tending to our shadows.  It doesn’t always feel pretty, or comfortable. But with consistent, compassionate care, our shadows will lead us into true alignment with ourselves.

Here are some tips to care for your shadow.  ENJOY!

Peace, Marian

 

 

Finding Flow

by Leave a Comment

When we’re in flow, we’re in the zone, that beautiful place of creative expression. It’s typically accompanied with ease, grace, and a lost sense of time.  Flow is place where new ideas sprout and grow.  It’s where we feel energized and engaged in creative pursuit.  In short, flow feels great.

Who doesn’t want flow?

But where do we find flow?  And how do we move into it when we’re reeling from the world around us?

The past year has been triggering, disruptive, distracting, overwhelming, and for some of us, downright traumatizing.  It has left so many of us feeling completely and utterly exhausted. It’s been easy, even necessary, to revert to old coping habits that allow us to escape, tune out, and numb down our feelings.  

And, it’s exceedingly hard to flow when we’re experiencing any of the above.

So, if this is where you find yourself, know that you have my compassion and deep understanding.  And, along with my compassion, I bring you some tips to find your flow again. Tips I use all the time to get back into my own flow.

Stay with your feelings —   Feelings, when embraced, will begin to dissipate, and feel more manageable.  This will allow you to stay in the moment, and it’s in the moment where we find flow.

Get your energy moving — Don’t wait for motivation.  Move your body on a daily basis.  Yoga, walks, workouts, dance.  Movement will break up stagnant energy, helping you move into flow.

Take one step ––  Get started.  Jumpstart momentum by doing one small thing at a time.  We strangle our flow by focusing only on the massive work we have to get done.  Focus instead on one thing at a time and you will get it done.  This helps you stay present, in the moment, and will increase feelings of accomplishment, and flow.

Let go of stagnating habits — Easier said than done, right? Yes, definitely, but here’s a way to start.

First, get clear about the habits which keep you stagnated. Notice which feelings trigger the desire to indulge in a habit.  Stay with these feelings. When you do indulge in your habit, notice what happens to your sense of flow.  No judgement here — just mindfulness.  Remember — limiting habits start as coping strategies.  The key is to stay with the feelings that we’re trying to avoid.  Again, staying with your feelings will them process and become more manageable.  This in itself will facilitate flow.

Acknowledge your shadows – Shadows are those disowned places within us.  These shadows are often activated more acutely during times of stress.   Learning to recognize them as they arise helps us form a new relationship with ourselves.  Click here for my video on working with your shadows.

Use energy work —  The goal of energy work is to help stuck energy move into a healthy flow. Recurring habits, reactions, and emotions signal that energy flow has been disrupted.  Practices such as EFT Tapping, Matrix Reimprinting, Acupuncture, along with other energy modalities, are effective for clearing disruptions to flow. 

Wishing you abundant flow,

Marian

For more information on using EFT Tapping to help let go of stagnation, and move into flow, click here.

 

 

Shadow Love — A Call For Unity within Ourselves

by Leave a Comment

 

Unity, such a beautiful word.  During these times of deep division, many of us have been calling for it.  But, let’s face it, it can be hard to find common ground with those we call our enemies.  At a time when it might feel easy to dehumanize, condemn, or ‘cancel’ those whom we judge, why on Earth would we want unity?

It’s all very understandable — this ‘us and them’ mentality.  Yet, our lack of unity leaves us polarized.  And it’s difficult, if not impossible, to move forward when we’re feeling polarized.

Now I’m not suggesting that we befriend or agree with everyone.  Rather, what I am suggesting is that we seize this moment to befriend those parts of ourselves which we’ve condemned, hidden, neglected, and judged.  It’s when we make peace with ourselves that we find it easier to find peace with others.

We all live with some degree of inner polarization.  It shows up as that struggle to accept ourselves just as we are. That habit of hiding who we really are.  The masks we wear to please and impress. The lies we tell to save face. 

However, it’s when we reintegrate the shadowy places within us, that we find profound inner peace.

Sometimes we’re so afraid of our shadows, we’ll do everything possible to get away from them.  But, alas, we can’t outrun our shadows.  Avoidance won’t make them disappear.  In fact, they usually come back even stronger, popping into our lives when we least expect it. As long as we’re driven to avoid our shadows, they will continue to sabotage our lives. 

It’s when we turn to embrace our shadows, that they help us transform our lives.

During times of stress, it’s easy to fall back into our shadow patterns.  Those habits, behaviors, and moods, we’d rather not admit to.  So, what if,  instead of judging ourselves, we pause to notice what’s happening.  As painful as it might feel, our shadows are calling for healing.  When we move into acceptance, we can take a deeper dive to see what’s hiding beneath the surface.

So, how do we embrace what we don’t want to embrace?  How do we feel compassion for a part ourselves that we truly dislike?

A good start is to approach our shadows as we would a scared child.  When we approach ourselves with gentleness, compassion, and non-judgement, we can listen on a deeper level.  This simple act of compassion helps illuminate what’s truly needed to feel better, happier, and empowered to transform our lives.

It takes time, and commitment to work with our shadows.  But it’s worth it.  EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting are particularly helpful tools in shadow work.  Contact me to learn more.

Peace,

Marian

Interested in shadow work?  Learn more about my new Shadow Love Programs.

Triggered? Here’s What To Do

by Leave a Comment



We all know what it feels like to be triggered.  Triggered by something someone says.  Or does.  Or by something we read in the news, or on social media.  For some of us, sometimes all it takes is a song on the radio to trigger a round of tears.  Or, the sight of a particular person to send us spiraling into anger.

Usually when we feel triggered, we’re being reminded of something from our past.  In other words, we experience the same feelings as we did during a similar event(s) in the past.  It’s easy to blame our triggers on whatever is in front of us.  However, though our current situation might feel awful, it’s when we shine a light on our subconscious wounds, that we begin to eliminate our triggers.

What’s important to realize, is that when we are triggered, whether with anger, sadness, or fear, we are essentially disempowered.  We’re less able to think, or speak, clearly.  And, we’re more likely to react impulsively, and in ways we might later regret.

The goal is to help deactivate the triggers, so that we can face unpleasant, challenging, situations more effectively. 

So, how do we do this?   

Pause.  Honor what you’re feeling. And take a breath.

When you feel triggered, pause to notice what you’re feeling.  Slow your breath.  Begin breathing deeply from your belly.  Slow, deep, breathing turns on the relaxation response. 

Next, while breathing deeply, tune into what you’re feeling, and use your fingers to tap on the fleshy side of your hand.  (It doesn’t matter which hand.)  This tapping will help you interrupt your automatic trigger reaction. In addition, tapping helps to reduce cortisol,  reduce the intensity of the feeling, and bring blood back to your brain. 

All of this makes your brain more effective, and helps you feel better — enabling you to handle your situation in a more powerful way.

It’s simple.  By pausing, and interrupting your reaction, you will be more able to respond consciously, rather than unconsciously.

Because our triggers typically stem from painful events, they can actually lead us to the places we most need to heal.  If you struggle with strong triggers, reach out for professional guidance to learn how to manage them. 

For the video:  EFT Tapping For Feeling Triggered, see below…

Wishing You Peace and Wellbeing,

Marian

 

EFT Tapping is an efficient, quick way to deactivate, and neutralize triggers.  Contact me to learn more about how you can use EFT tapping to work with your triggers.