Blog | Marian Buck Murray

How to Have That Difficult Conversation

December 5, 2023 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

The elephant gets awfully heavy when it hangs around the same room for too long. It might seem easier to avoid difficult conversations, but after a while, it distances us from the ones we love. Those invisible distances grow wider the longer we delay saying what needs to be said.

Typically fear gets in the way, as we conjure up scenarios that scare us into silence. Many times, however, those scenarios never actually happen. Sometimes, our conversations don’t go as we wish. Fortunately, there are ways to proceed which will help create more harmony for everyone involved.

Here are some tips to help you navigate difficult conversations with more ease.

Get clear about what you intend to say. Clarity will help help you articulate more effectively. Decide what is truly important, and do your best to let go of the rest. Even if you don’t attain your desired outcome, you will empower yourself by saying what needs to be said.

Prepare yourself emotionally. Before your conversation, attend to emotional triggers. The less emotionally charged you are, the easier it will be to articulate clearly. Additionally, it will be easier for others to understand you when you’re coming from a calm clear place.

To soothe emotional triggers, try tapping, or any other self-soothing technique. Readjust your intention, if necessary, in order to help yourself feel more at ease. You might choose to work with a healing professional to help prepare.

Visualize your conversation going well. Imagine feeling confident, calm, and relaxed. Visualize a fruitful conversation where you’re satisfied with the outcome. See yourself speaking with integrity and clear intention.

Let go of trying to prove you’re right. Trying to convince someone that you’re right can prevent you from truly hearing the other person. This creates conflict rather than harmony. Instead of trying to control the outcome, allow for what’s most beneficial for all involved. If this feels hard, you’re not alone. It can feel very uncomfortable. It takes courage to persevere through the discomfort, while remaining open to others’ opinions. And courage is a good thing.

Get curious. Ask questions to learn about different points of view. Show interest in others’ experiences. Listen deeply and tune into what’s happening for them. Compassionate curiosity will help bridge division. It might also encourage the same curiosity from others.

Share ideas for helpful solutions. Be open to compromise. Allow yourself to express your own opinions, even if others don’t share them. Remind yourself, and others, that the best outcome is one that holds benefit for all.

In these time of conflict and division, I believe it’s crucial to find ways to reconnect with the ones we love, and in turn, our friends and neighbors. These suggestions are culled my own experiences, and those of my clients.

Because each situation is different, some suggestions might not apply to your situation. For example, there can be times when compromise is not possible, or beneficial. Yet, speaking from a calm clear place is always helpful. In other words, start by creating harmony within, and go from there.

Wishing You Peace and Harmony,

Marian

Need help preparing for a difficult conversation? Contact me.

How to Take Time for Yourself (even when you don’t have time)

September 26, 2023 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

It’s a struggle for so many of us. Certainly it’s difficult for a lot of my clients. Taking self-time that is. Meaning, time that is for you and you alone. Time used specifically for the purpose of self-care, in what ever form it might be.

Why so hard? It could be a busy schedule. Or a pile of obligations that keep piling up. Or the belief that it’s selfish or frivolous to take time for yourself. Whatever the reasons, the mere thought of stepping away for a dose of self-time often triggers feelings of guilt.

Taking quality time for ourselves is one of the best ways to replenish depleted energy reserves. This is especially important during busy times. Vibrant energy reserves are crucial to effectively navigate the complexities of daily life. While this might sound obvious, it’s often ignored. Not necessarily because we don’t know how important it is, but because we feel that we don’t have time to take time.

It can feel as if our obligations take priority over our own needs.

It’s important to understand why self-time is so important, and how it will help you. This will make it easier to commit to taking action. Next, it’s helpful to know how to take time, especially when you feel like you have none to take. Read on to learn more.

Taking Time for Self-Care will help you:

Increase your ability to focus on priorities
Reduce feelings of frustration and resentment due to an overwhelming schedule
Increase your overall sense of well-being
Feel more centered, grounded, and able to handle your day.
Deepen your understanding of yourself, enabling you to more easily speak up for yourself.
Increase feelings of self-love and appreciation

How to take time for yourself when you feel like you have no time:

Incorporate Pockets of Self-Care Throughout Day – A minute of deep breathing. A few minutes sitting quietly. A step outdoors for fresh air. It’s amazing how powerful a few minutes can be to calm an overloaded mind.

Start Your Day with Self Care –Dedicate time in the morning to practice self care. This could include meditation, journaling, prayer, bathing, reading, quiet time with a cup of tea, etc. Even 15 minutes in the morning can make a huge difference for the rest of your day.

Go to Bed Earlier –Quality sleep is essential for effective brain function, immune function, heart health, stress relief, and mood. Getting enough sleep means more energy, along with clearer thinking during the day. More energy and clearer thinking means easier everything.

Schedule Self Care – Make it a priority, just like anything else you would put on your calendar. Schedule time for meditation, therapy, a nature walk, art work, a yoga class, a sumptuous meal, a talk with a friend.

Set Clear Boundaries — Honor your time by setting boundaries around your time. Do this with the people in your life, and primarily with yourself. If you struggle with boundaries, start small. For example, choose a specific time during the day , or week, when you are not available to others. Stick to this boundary, and make it clear that it is to be taken seriously. When you feel ready, set additional boundaries.

Give your Mind a Break. Take a moments throughout the day to bring your mind back from wherever it is. Drop into your body. Bring your focus to each part of your body. Notice your breath. Notice what your senses are sensing. Bring your attention to this moment now.

Above all, appreciate yourself. The more you appreciate yourself, the easier it will be to prioritize time for yourself. Struggling with self-care can indicate a lack of self-love and/or worthiness. Make a list of what you truly appreciate about yourself. Refer to it and add to it often. Working with a trusted healing professional can be helpful to unravel feelings of unworthiness and self judgement.

Nourish yourself. Care for yourself. Love yourself. Take time for yourself.

Peace,

Marian

Contact me to find out how EFT Tapping can help you create healthy boundaries for yourself.

Bad Day? Try This.

July 18, 2023 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

I’ve had a few of ‘those’ days lately. You know, those days when nothing seems to go right. From problems with my computer and email, to issues with my mother’s care, and so on. And then of course, occasionally, there are disappointments I face as a self-employed person. When too many glitches combine at the same time, it can make a day feel utterly horrible.

What’s important, on a day like that, is to avoid sliding into a punishing rabbit hole. That place that beckons when things feel their worst. That place that blames, shames, and tells us how wrong we are. And then, sternly reminds us that nothing will work out. It’s a truly awful place to be.

In my opinion, the descent into the rabbit hole serves only to add salt to the wound. It’s bad enough to have things go wrong. To add punishment and shame on top, is especially cruel. So if you do find yourself in the rabbit hole, be kind to yourself, and know that there are ways to find stable ground again.

Here are some ways you can help lift yourself to a better feeling place.

Pause. Pause and look around. Pause to notice how you feel about what is happening. Do what you can to help yourself relieve your feelings. Try some EFT tapping. Take a walk outside. Call a friend. The goal here is to interrupt your thought pattern, release, and refresh. This will help you re-engage with more clarity.

Ask. What is here for me to learn? What ‘s one thing I can do to help myself right now? What can I do differently which will help in the future? Who can I ask for help? What matters most right now? What can I let go of? How can I see this situation differently? Asking questions will open your mind to additional solutions and possibilities.

Look. Look around to notice what’s going right. Look for something you can accomplish right now. Look for others who have succeeded in similar circumstances. Look at what you’re already doing successfully. Noticing success will enable you to create success more easily.

Encourage Yourself. Remind yourself of times you’ve gotten through tough situations. Tell yourself that you can get through this. Assure yourself that you’ve got what it takes to move forward, even if it’s a baby step. Above all, be compassionate with yourself. Compassion and encouragement will empower you to do what’s most beneficial.

The goal here is to get to a better feeling place. A place where you feel more confident and hopeful. A place where you feel inspired to take action. It’s here where you will find the energy to move forward.

My best wishes for your success in whatever you’re facing right now.

Peace,

Marian

For a tapping video to help you through a bad day, click here.

Lighten Your Load

May 29, 2023 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

As we approach summer, we’re called to lighten up. Lighter clothing, lighter bedding, lighter foods. And sometimes, a lighter workload. You know the drill. We loosen and lighten up, in order to celebrate the freedom of the season. Time to let go of the same-old, same-old, and welcome in something fresh.

When we’re weighed down by the past, it’s difficult (or impossible) to feel lively, happy and free. Unprocessed limiting beliefs, hurts and resentments interfere with our daily lives. Sometimes it can feel like ground hog’s day, every day. The same pattern, the same routine, on continual repeat.

When old patterns don’t change, or new plans don’t hold, there’s usually something from the past that’s holding us back. Processing old pain and outdated beliefs is key to shifting limiting patterns.

Following are some ideas to lighten your load:

Resentment – Take a look at where resentment shows up in your life. Old, festering resentments can impede the success of meaningful relationships. Even when the resentment has nothing to do with the people involved.

Acknowledging that you feel resentment is the first step in letting go. You might find it hard to admit to resentment because you think you’re wrong to feel it. Yet, resentment is very common. It arises from being wronged or hurt, and/or feeling helpless to change your experience. The resulting disappointment, anger, and frustration, if not processed, will contribute to feelings of resentment. Ongoing resentment will affect the way you communicate and relate with others.

Letting go of resentment will help you create more peace and joy in your relationships. Meditation, EFT tapping, therapy and forgiveness practices such as ho’oponopono are powerful tools to help you loosen the grip of resentment. Try what works best for you.

Outdated Beliefs – It’s the beliefs that we don’t even question which are often the most outdated. Though these beliefs might have nothing to do with our current circumstances, they can impact them in a negative way. We hold fast to outdated beliefs because they’re what we’ve always believed. For example, beliefs formed in childhood, such as ‘I’m not wanted’, or ‘I’ll never be good enough’, will exert enormous pressure on our lives. We keep on believing the falsehoods – despite mountains of evidence to prove otherwise

Observe your beliefs, no matter what they are. Determine which ones are worth keeping, and which ones hinder your growth. With each, look to the past to see where, and from whom, the belief might have originated. Create a list of beliefs you’d rather have, and look to role models for evidence that these new beliefs are indeed possible.

Explore practices such as meditation, journaling, affirmations, EFT tapping, coaching, or therapy. These tools will help you release outdated beliefs, and reinforce new beneficial beliefs. Create a system that works for you.

Resistance – Resistance yields resistance. It builds, and it builds, until it feels like an insurmountable wall. Often, the resistance is far more intense than whatever we’re resisting.

Resistance feeds upon fear, and the stories we tell ourselves. Acknowledging that resistance is a collection of feelings and thoughts, and not the thing you’re resisting, is a first step in moving beyond it.

Next, looking deeper into the nature of your resistance will make it easier to resolve. For example, is there fear that something will be too hard? Or that you will feel vulnerable in an unwanted way? Or that you will be rejected, criticized, embarrassed, hurt, or overwhelmed? Deeper understanding will help lead you out of resistance.

Proceed with an encouraging, non-judgemental mind. Keep your eye on the prize, and focus on how you’ll feel when you take action. Take a step, and then another, to build your momentum. Happily, resistance often disappears once you’re actually doing what you were resisting.

In addition, of course, meditation, EFT Tapping, movement, coaching, and therapy, will all assist you in moving forward.

Emotional heaviness zaps vitality, and squashes any sense of true freedom. Resentment, outdated beliefs, and resistance will drag you down. Period. Try some of the tools mentioned in this blog, or any others that work for you, to lighten your load.

Release your way forward into more happiness, peace, and joy.

Peace,

Marian

10 Ways To Love Yourself

March 13, 2023 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

Why do I believe self-love is so important? Well, I know from both personal and professional experience that when we practice self-love, we do more to improve our lives, and in turn, the world around us. Most importantly, it’s self-love that helps us build a deeper connection with the authentic self within.

When we practice self-love, we can gradually let go of the defenses and facades we use for protection. Self-love is about accepting ourselves, including the parts we hide and avoid. It’s about realizing that even our darkest weaknesses are indeed lovable. Self-love is healing, and when we feel loved we begin to radiate love.

Self-love is not about letting ourselves off the hook. Rather, it’s about encouraging ourselves, and releasing the blocks that stand in our way. It’s about taking true responsibility for our lives, in a loving, compassionate way.

Here are 10 ways to express self-love. Use what works best for you.

Give yourself a hug each morning when you wake up. Hold yourself and tell yourself good morning! Welcome yourself into the day.

When you feel an uncomfortable feeling — pause. Send love and compassion to your feeling. When possible, ask yourself if the feeling has a message for you.

Spend quiet alone time with yourself, each day. Treasure this time with yourself. Pay loving, kind attention to yourself.

Do something loving for yourself. Ask yourself: What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?

Close your eyes, and breath in and out from the area of your heart. Imagine that your heart is radiating love. Allow this love to expand through your body, and radiate even further outside of your body. Allow yourself to rest in the field of love surrounding you.

Do something just for yourself. Something that will awaken your spirit, or nurture your soul. Do it for you, not for self-growth, or achievement, but just for your enjoyment.

Make a list of all the things you like and love about yourself. Keep this list handy so you can add to it. Refer to it often, especially when you’re feeling down about yourself.

Catch your inner critic in the act. Help this voice find encouraging phrases to use instead.

Accept your mistakes and imperfections. Be gentle with yourself, and remind yourself that you are human.

Write yourself a love letter. Tell yourself what you truly appreciate about yourself. Show compassion for what you are going through. Draw special attention to strengths and kindnesses that might go unnoticed. Write one of these letters once a week, once a month, or as needed.

When you practice self-love, little by little, you can fall in love with yourself. Each and every act of self-love is worth it, and so are you!

Peace,

Marian