Let’s just say you’d like to step out in a new way. Maybe it’s a new job. A creative adventure. A new relationship. A public performance…..
But just as you start to imagine your new goal — your nay-saying-inner-critic steps in to stop you.
From years of working with my private clients, I’ve come to realize that most of us (myself included) share some of the same negative inner-criticisms. It’s what stops us from enjoying the success we desire. It’s what makes us give up, when we’re so close to success. And it’s why I’m determined to do my part to help tame the inner critic — I know first-hand the damage it can create.
We all have an inner critic. Unfortunately, when we believe the inner critic, we allow it to hold us back from our dreams.
Here are 5 common self-beliefs, reinforced by the nagging, nay-saying inner critic:
- I’ll never do it. — Quite simply, if you believe this, you probably never will reach your goal. This stifling belief is enough to make you give up before you even start. You might believe that even though it’s possible for others, it’s impossible for you.
- I’m not good enough — This common, poisonous belief will zap your sense of self-worth. When you struggle with feelings of low self-worth, it feels easier to hold back, even when you are fully qualified.
- I’ll mess it up — Thoughts of failure can make any challenge seem daunting. When the possibility of failure looms large, moving forward can feel scary — even dangerous.
- It’s too good to be true. Sometimes success can feel too good. It can stir up worries that something will go wrong. Denying yourself success is one way to prevent future disappointments.
- They won’t like it (me). Stepping out in a new way can feel especially threatening if you’re worried about reactions from family, friends, and the public. If you continually tell yourself that they won’t like it, you might never try. Or, you might spend eternity striving for elusive perfection.
No question — the inner-critic gets in our way — disrupting and interrupting our progress.
Fortunately, there are some very effective techniques to quiet and the critical voice. Here are a few that work well for me, and for my clients. Regular practice with any or all of the following techniques will help you feel more confident, and self-accepting as you step out in new ways.
How to stop your inner critic from stopping you:
- Use EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to clear old, limiting beliefs. Email me for the basic EFT recipe. Use EFT Tapping on each belief or criticism to release the associated feelings.
- Be compassionate with yourself. Understand that many people feel the same way you do. Feel compassion for the way that you feel when you listen to your critic. Feel compassion for yourself for mistakes you believe you’ve made. Self compassion will help soothe anxiety, and reduce the fight-flight-freeze response. When you feel calm and self-accepting, it will be easier to move forward.
- Make a list of your successes. Connect with the energy you felt when you enjoyed each success. Feel into this energy as you imagine new successes. Keep your success list handy for regular practice.
- Begin with small success steps. Feeling a sense of safety is crucial as you step out in new ways. Start with easy steps towards your goal. Next, take more challenging steps, amongst safe, encouraging people. Keep taking step after successful step.
- Contact me for a Transform Your Inner Critic EFT Session. It’s my newest process. My clients have been amazed at how powerful it is.
Bottom line — When you hear your critical voice chime in — send yourself a big dose of loving, encouraging, compassion. It’s what we all need.
Be Kind To Yourself,