Marian Buck Murray

EFT and Matrix Reimprinting for Sensitive, Empathic, Creative People. Step out of the shadows and share your gifts and talents.

Don’t Be Afraid of Your Shadow

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Many of us spend a lot of time avoiding our shadows.   Those places we don’t want to talk about.  Those places we don’t want anyone to see.  Those places that sometimes get so triggered.  It’s easy to be scared of these places.  They’re distressing, and they hold all sorts of uncomfortable feelings. 

But, what if, at the same time we’re scared of our shadows, our shadows are scared of us?

Think about it.   Think about all the judgement and criticism we throw at our shadows.  Banishing them into exile, under lock and key.  Demeaning them, belittling them, refusing to accept them. 

How would you feel if you were treated that way?

Imagine instead, that your shadow, or shadows, are eager for your attention.  Just like a child who yearns for parental love and acceptance.  The more you push them away, the more they act up, or the more they shy away.  They show up in our lives in a variety of ways — from unhealthy habits, and relationship problems to issues with career, happiness, success, and more.

A shadow, simply, is a part of ourselves which we  avoid or push away.  It can be anything from a hidden gift or talent, to a painful memory, tucked away into the subconscious mind.   Because they live in the subconscious mind, shadows hold enormous power in our lives.  Even when we’re not aware of them. Experts have reported that our subconscious mind is responsible for more than 90% of what we say, think and act. 

Learning about our shadows is paramount.   And, we can’t learn about them if we’re busy avoiding them.  When we approach our shadows with compassion and curiosity, we’re able to discover the origins of our limiting patterns, so we can begin to unravel them.

Our shadows hold potent information, waiting for us to tap in.  Tapping in helps us soften the pain that keeps us stuck.  Embracing them allows us to harness long-lost gifts, talents, and power.

If you’re scared of looking into your shadows, it’s completely understandable.  It’s important to feel safe when you do any type of shadow work.  Because shadows live in the dark, it’s helpful, and sometimes necessary, to do shadow work with a healing professional.

Below I offer a few suggestions on reducing fear around shadow work.   

    • Imagine your shadow is actually a younger you.  As much as you can, summon compassion for this younger you.  When you see your shadow this way, it can feel a lot less frightening.
    • Understand that your shadow is simply a part of you that has been pushed away for some reason. So often it’s not the shadow that’s scary.  It’s typically the feelings of judgement surrounding the shadow that feel scary.  Ask for assistance from a healing professional if you need help navigating your feelings.
    • Open up a conversation with your shadow. Get curious.  Ask questions.  For more information on how to talk to your shadow click here.  For a video, click here.
    • Use EFT Tapping to reduce fear surrounding shadow exploration. No need to start with the shadow itself.  Simply notice any fear you feel about exploring your shadow, and tap through the EFT acupressure points.  For more information about tapping, click here.  Again, reach out for help  if you need it.

May your shadows illuminate your way forward.

Peace,

Marian

To learn more about shadow work, and how it can help you transform your life, contact me.

Call Back Your Energy

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Many of my clients talk about feeling fatigued and overwhelmed by all that is happening with the people in their lives and in the world.  It definitely makes a lot of sense.  And, it’s certainly important to do what we can for those in need — our world needs more of it.  However, when boundaries are loose, or non-existent, empathy and compassion for others can easily morph into a belief of being responsible for their well-being.

 I am not suggesting we ignore the well-being of others.  Rather, I am suggesting that the belief that we’re responsible for another’s well-being is what contributes to fatigue and overwhelm.  This belief pushes us to over-give, overextend, micromanage, self-censor, worry, and more.  It can easily leave us feeling completely drained.  When we’re completely drained, it’s impossible, to participate in our lives at our highest potential.

It takes a great deal of energy to take responsibility for another person.  It takes more even more energy to worry about that person.  Add to that the worry for people and creatures around the world, and energy depletion is guaranteed.

I understand, that for many of us, especially sensitive people, it usually doesn’t feel like a choice.  It can feel as though if we don’t take responsibility, no one will. Most often, there are life circumstances which have led to these conclusions.  Because it’s a repetitive pattern, it feels natural, no matter how uncomfortable.  In fact, it typically feels like the ‘right’ or most compassionate thing to do.   

So how do we stay compassionate and caring, without depleting energy? How do we take a step back to spend more time tending to our own needs?   It’s not always easy, but it’s definitely possible.  And the rewards are truly worth it.

Here are some of the mindset shifts and tools that are working for me, and for my clients:

Let Go of Feeling Responsible  — We need to always remember that each person is ultimately responsible for their own well-being.  It can be a tricky dance, but the more we’re able to let go of feeling responsible for another’s well-being, the better.  

It’s a balance that we need to find.  There’s nothing wrong with giving, and helping, and extending ourselves — but letting go of feeling responsible is necessary.  When we feel less burdened by responsibility, we’re able to come from a more genuine, loving place.  This enables us to be truly compassionate, rather than overburdened or resentful.

Certainly, there are those for whom we need to take some or more responsibility, including young children, disabled loved ones, and elderly loved ones.  But even here, there are limits.  Allowing for another’s independence, inner-wisdom, and true nature is paramount.  

Stop Trying to Control What You Cannot Control  — No matter how distressing, we can’t control what happens in the world.  We can’t control what people believe, or how they react or feel.  The same is true for much of what happens with our families, and friends.  Sometimes, we can’t even control what happens to us.  By wanting, imagining, or exerting control over what’s impossible to control, we deplete essential energy.  It’s when we let go of trying to control that we reclaim this energy.  When we reclaim our energy, it’s much easier to manage our responses to our current circumstances. 

When Triggered, Pause and Look Within — When you find yourself triggered, or are afraid of triggering another, it’s time to pause and look within.  Ask yourself what you are trying to stop from happening.  What are you trying to make happen?  What emotions or reactions are you trying to avoid, either in yourself or another?  

Pausing to check in with yourself will help you bring your energy back. This in itself will help de-escalate the trigger.  By checking in, you can focus on your emotions and needs.  This will enable you to do what’s necessary for your own well-being.  This might mean taking a break, doing a meditation, journaling, or reaching out to a healing professional.  All of this will help you call back your energy.

Spend Time Alone – Spend time alone, whether it’s a 15 minute break, a soothing bath,  or a walk in nature.  This will help you let go of external influences, and regroup your energy.

Meditate —  The more you’re able to meditate, the more you will realize that there’s a whole world within, beyond the noise outside.  Maintaining a consistent meditation practice will help you reduce stress, and focus your attention on what’s important to you.  Meditation is a perfect way to call back your energy.

Tap —  EFT Tapping will help you calm your nervous system, and release emotions that keep you on edge.  By physically tapping on acupressure points, you automatically begin to focus your energy back to your body and mind. EFT can also assist you in resolving issues that keep you stuck in energy-depleting patterns.  Click here to learn more about EFT Tapping. 

Practice the Heart Breath — The Heart Breath is a beautiful way to drop out of a worried, distracted, mind, into the power of your heart.  This breath can be incredibly relaxing, and energizing.   An overactive, worried mind depletes an enormous amount of energy. By using the heart breath, you can call back your energy, and harness the power of your heart.  To learn how to use the heart breath, contact me.  To access my Heart Breath Audio Meditation, find me on Insight Timer, or enter your email in the Heart Breath box to the right of this post.

Here’s to more energy!

Peace,

Marian

To experience the power of EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting to call back your energy, contact me.

 

Shadow Talk

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I’m all about befriending our shadows.  It’s part of my self-care practice and a big part of my work with clients.  And, as a person who used to be terrified of my own shadows, I am so thankful I’ve learned how to make friends.  It’s helped me feel so much lighter, happier, and free to truly be myself.  What’s more, it has helped me unravel old, stuck, sabotaging patterns which have interfered with my success.

One practice I do on a regular basis is talk with my shadows.  I find that when I get to know them on a deeper level, I discover the clues to a specific challenge I might be experiencing.  For example, a shadow of my Unmotivated Teen might come up when I think about doing the work in front of me.   This shadow might urge me to zone out and avoid my work.  Obviously it’s hard to get my best work done when there’s a shadow urging me to avoid it.  So, rather than shunning this shadow, I take the time to learn more about it, and everything changes.

Here’s how to strike up a conversation with your own shadows:

When you notice a limiting pattern coming up for you, perhaps a self-sabotaging pattern, pause.  Notice the emotions you’re feeling.  Notice what you are being urged to do or not do. Notice how young you feel.  As best you can, form a picture in your mind of a character (human or other) which represents this limiting pattern.

Approach this character as if it’s a shadow within you.  You might want to give it a name. Do your best to cultivate a sense of curiosity, with the intent to be accepting and non-judgemental. 

Here are some sample questions you might want to ask.  For each question, pause, listen, and tune in to the answers that come up.

  • Can you tell me more about why you’re here right now?
  • What’s going on for you, what are you feeling?
  • Is there something you’d like me to understand about you?
  • What would help you feel better?
  • What do you need?
  • Is there anything else you want to tell me?se

You can take this conversation deeper by using a journal to dialogue with your shadow.  Create back and forth journal entries between you and your shadow.  Ask questions, stay curious, invite your shadow to answer the questions. 

No matter how you do it, the practice of conversing with your shadows is powerful.   It encourages self-forgiveness, and resolution of inner conflict.  It makes it easy to bring compassion and understanding to the shadowy, dark places within.  It’s informative and transformative.  It’s something, once you get going, that you’ll likely want to come back to, again and again. 

Peace,

Marian

NOTE:  If you’re dealing with trauma, or feel that your pain is unbearable, reach out to a professional who can assist you with this practice.  Contact me to learn more about using EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting to work with your shadows.

Make Friends with Fear

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Halloween — a month-long celebration of spooks.  The kids on my street decorate early, with skeletons lazing in front yards, spiders poking out from curbside gardens, dangerous looking pumpkins standing guard on front porches.  Neighboring streets have spooky graveyards, inflated black cats,  sound machines, you name it.  All in fun…and of course the prospect of trick-or-treating always helps to soothe fearful feelings.  

Why then, can it feel so hard to celebrate the fears that arise daily? The fears that stop us in our tracks.  The fears that keep us small? 

How do we actually make friends with fear? The answers, fortunately, are numerous:   Feel it.  Sit with it.  Understand it.  Stay with it.  Heal it.

Here are some steps to help fear feel more friendly:

Understand it. The more you sit with your fear, the more you’ll be able to see underneath it.  Often our fears stem from a younger place within us.  A time when we were scared, perhaps with no one to help us.  The longer you observe your fear, the more information you will receive to help it heal.

Bring compassion. Compassion for your fear is crucial.  Rather than making your fear ‘wrong’, approach it with a sense of compassion.  Imagine a child who feels afraid.  How would you respond to this child?  With a hug? Reassurance? Love?

Ask yourself what you need in this moment to feel more courageous. Do you need some friendly encouragement?  Assistance or guidance of some sort?  Do you need more information?  When you know what you need, take action to give yourself what you need.

Recognize fear as a friend who wants to keep you safe. Fear is a natural aspect of your biological fight/flight/freeze response.  Although your fear might feel inappropriate for the scope of your circumstances, it is triggered by the part of the brain tasked with keeping you safe.  Often, this response has been conditioned by previous experiences.  Accepting this will make it easier for you to add space between you and your fear, recognizing that it stems from a conditioned, habitual response, not an actual danger. 

Relate to your fear in the moment. Most times our fears are related to past experiences, or future worries.  Getting clear with fear in the moment will help you become more centered.  Rather than being consumed by a scary mind-story — get present and real with your fear.  With practice, you’ll begin to see fear as a feeling, and nothing more.  Remember:  If the fear is true fear, warning you of true danger, you’ll respond most effectively grounded in the present moment.

Meditate. Consistent, daily meditation helps your brain become more effective during times of stress.  It helps facilitate easier access to the relaxation response.  It helps you disentangle from the emotions that seem to control you.  If you’re new to meditation, start with short periods of time.  Even 5 minutes. Gradually build your endurance so that you can sit for longer and longer amounts of time.  Remember, it’s okay that you don’t feel ‘bliss’ right away.  Sitting with your fear, will help it begin to dissipate.  It’s this patience observance of your feelings that helps them transform.

Use EFT Tapping.  EFT Tapping helps neutralize fear, and other painful emotions.   EFT has been clinically proven to reduce cortisol, the major stress hormone, which is elevated during times of fear.  By reducing cortisol, you turn on the relaxation response, allowing your nervous system to relax.  For a video on how to use EFT tapping, click here.

The bottom line:  Making friends with your fear might just be one of the greatest gifts you’ll ever give yourself!

In Courage,

Marian

Need help with fear and anxiety?  Contact me.

Growing Self Love

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I’m amazed sometimes, by the number of friends and clients, who profess that they don’t love themselves.  Or, that they would like to love themselves, but it feels too hard, or they just don’t know how.  

And when I take a real good look at myself, usually during times of meditation, I notice all the ways in which I’m holding back my own self-love.

Why is it so hard to love ourselves?  Perhaps because we’re all good students, and we took to heart all the many criticisms and nasties thrown at us throughout our lives.  We’re taught to be nice to others, but not to ourselves.  And, many of us were taught that self-love is egotistical, and just plain wrong.

But what I believe, from my experience, and  from what I’ve witnessed with my clients, is that the best way to express authentic love and compassion for others, is to first love ourselves.

Self-love is what will help you take better care of yourself.  It will help you navigate the world with more confidence and courage.  It will help you stop procrastinating, so you can get more done.  It will help you create boundaries to keep you safe.  Self-love is the one elixir we cannot thrive without.

As important as it is however, self-love is often pushed to the far back burner of our lives. 

To consistently tap into feelings of self-love, it’s crucial to create rituals and routines which will help you.  And because self love might be a somewhat foreign concept, repetition is essential. Following are some of my personal favorites.

Here are some ways to grow self-love:

Acknowledge Yourself.  Write down a list of personal qualities and attributes you like or love about yourself.  For example, “I love the way I get up early in the morning” or “I love my kindness”, or “I love the way I am with animals”, or “I love the way I listen to others”.  Write down as many authentic qualities/attributes as possible. Keep this list handy and read it to yourself daily.  Add to it frequently.

Spend 5 Minutes Meditating on Loving Yourself.  Set a timer for 5 minutes.  Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and begin to scan your body, contemplating your love for your hands, your feet, your mouth, etc.  As you do this, consider the ways in which your body helps you. (Don’t focus on how it looks.) Next, allow yourself to feel love for your heart, your digestive system,  your reproductive system, your lungs, your skin and your brain. Follow this with love for your intuition, your kindness, your sense of compassion, and any other personal qualities that come to mind.  Experiment with this technique by doing it daily for 1 week or more, and adjust as feels right for you.

Write a letter to yourself from a younger, or older self.  Sometimes it helps to view yourself from a different angle.  Write a letter from a younger self, describing the ways all she loves you.  Write a letter from an older self with words of compassion and encouragement.

Use EFT Tapping.  EFT Tapping can be very helpful to release unwanted emotions and negative mind chatter.  When we’re feeling anxious, sad, angry, or irritated, it’s hard to feeling loving towards ourselves, or others. If you’re familiar with the tapping points, focus on an unwanted feeling, while tapping on the points. This will help release the feeling.  If you’d like to learn more about EFT Tapping, contact me.  For an illustrated diagram of the tapping points, click here.

Visualize Yourself In A Field of Unconditional Love.  Here’s a visualization adapted from a technique I use with my Matrix Reimprinting clients.   Close your eyes.  Imagine you are standing in a field.  Allow the field to fill with Divine Unconditional Love – whatever way you choose to see it.  Allow yourself to be caressed and nurtured by this love. Allow yourself to feel the gentle compassion of unconditional love, that notices nothing but your inherent beauty.  Stay here as long as you like

Take Care of your Body.  The better you take care of yourself, the better you’ll feel about yourself.  Eat a nourishing, healthy diet.  Get plenty of rest.  Drink lots of water.  Get regular exercise.  Meditate.  As needed, or as afforded, schedule yourself for massage, chiropractic, reiki, EFT tapping, or any other body-mind modality that will assist you in feeling the best you can feel.

Lots of Love,

Marian