Marian Buck Murray

EFT and Matrix Reimprinting for Sensitive, Empathic, Creative People. Step out of the shadows and share your gifts and talents.

Make Friends with Fear

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Halloween — a month-long celebration of spooks.  The kids on my street decorate early, with skeletons lazing in front yards, spiders poking out from curbside gardens, dangerous looking pumpkins standing guard on front porches.  Neighboring streets have spooky graveyards, inflated black cats,  sound machines, you name it.  All in fun…and of course the prospect of trick-or-treating always helps to soothe fearful feelings.  

Why then, can it feel so hard to celebrate the fears that arise daily? The fears that stop us in our tracks.  The fears that keep us small? 

How do we actually make friends with fear? The answers, fortunately, are numerous:   Feel it.  Sit with it.  Understand it.  Stay with it.  Heal it.

Here are some steps to help fear feel more friendly:

Understand it. The more you sit with your fear, the more you’ll be able to see underneath it.  Often our fears stem from a younger place within us.  A time when we were scared, perhaps with no one to help us.  The longer you observe your fear, the more information you will receive to help it heal.

Bring compassion. Compassion for your fear is crucial.  Rather than making your fear ‘wrong’, approach it with a sense of compassion.  Imagine a child who feels afraid.  How would you respond to this child?  With a hug? Reassurance? Love?

Ask yourself what you need in this moment to feel more courageous. Do you need some friendly encouragement?  Assistance or guidance of some sort?  Do you need more information?  When you know what you need, take action to give yourself what you need.

Recognize fear as a friend who wants to keep you safe. Fear is a natural aspect of your biological fight/flight/freeze response.  Although your fear might feel inappropriate for the scope of your circumstances, it is triggered by the part of the brain tasked with keeping you safe.  Often, this response has been conditioned by previous experiences.  Accepting this will make it easier for you to add space between you and your fear, recognizing that it stems from a conditioned, habitual response, not an actual danger. 

Relate to your fear in the moment. Most times our fears are related to past experiences, or future worries.  Getting clear with fear in the moment will help you become more centered.  Rather than being consumed by a scary mind-story — get present and real with your fear.  With practice, you’ll begin to see fear as a feeling, and nothing more.  Remember:  If the fear is true fear, warning you of true danger, you’ll respond most effectively grounded in the present moment.

Meditate. Consistent, daily meditation helps your brain become more effective during times of stress.  It helps facilitate easier access to the relaxation response.  It helps you disentangle from the emotions that seem to control you.  If you’re new to meditation, start with short periods of time.  Even 5 minutes. Gradually build your endurance so that you can sit for longer and longer amounts of time.  Remember, it’s okay that you don’t feel ‘bliss’ right away.  Sitting with your fear, will help it begin to dissipate.  It’s this patience observance of your feelings that helps them transform.

Use EFT Tapping.  EFT Tapping helps neutralize fear, and other painful emotions.   EFT has been clinically proven to reduce cortisol, the major stress hormone, which is elevated during times of fear.  By reducing cortisol, you turn on the relaxation response, allowing your nervous system to relax.  For a video on how to use EFT tapping, click here.

The bottom line:  Making friends with your fear might just be one of the greatest gifts you’ll ever give yourself!

In Courage,

Marian

Need help with fear and anxiety?  Contact me.

Growing Self Love

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I’m amazed sometimes, by the number of friends and clients, who profess that they don’t love themselves.  Or, that they would like to love themselves, but it feels too hard, or they just don’t know how.  

And when I take a real good look at myself, usually during times of meditation, I notice all the ways in which I’m holding back my own self-love.

Why is it so hard to love ourselves?  Perhaps because we’re all good students, and we took to heart all the many criticisms and nasties thrown at us throughout our lives.  We’re taught to be nice to others, but not to ourselves.  And, many of us were taught that self-love is egotistical, and just plain wrong.

But what I believe, from my experience, and  from what I’ve witnessed with my clients, is that the best way to express authentic love and compassion for others, is to first love ourselves.

Self-love is what will help you take better care of yourself.  It will help you navigate the world with more confidence and courage.  It will help you stop procrastinating, so you can get more done.  It will help you create boundaries to keep you safe.  Self-love is the one elixir we cannot thrive without.

As important as it is however, self-love is often pushed to the far back burner of our lives. 

To consistently tap into feelings of self-love, it’s crucial to create rituals and routines which will help you.  And because self love might be a somewhat foreign concept, repetition is essential. Following are some of my personal favorites.

Here are some ways to grow self-love:

Acknowledge Yourself.  Write down a list of personal qualities and attributes you like or love about yourself.  For example, “I love the way I get up early in the morning” or “I love my kindness”, or “I love the way I am with animals”, or “I love the way I listen to others”.  Write down as many authentic qualities/attributes as possible. Keep this list handy and read it to yourself daily.  Add to it frequently.

Spend 5 Minutes Meditating on Loving Yourself.  Set a timer for 5 minutes.  Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and begin to scan your body, contemplating your love for your hands, your feet, your mouth, etc.  As you do this, consider the ways in which your body helps you. (Don’t focus on how it looks.) Next, allow yourself to feel love for your heart, your digestive system,  your reproductive system, your lungs, your skin and your brain. Follow this with love for your intuition, your kindness, your sense of compassion, and any other personal qualities that come to mind.  Experiment with this technique by doing it daily for 1 week or more, and adjust as feels right for you.

Write a letter to yourself from a younger, or older self.  Sometimes it helps to view yourself from a different angle.  Write a letter from a younger self, describing the ways all she loves you.  Write a letter from an older self with words of compassion and encouragement.

Use EFT Tapping.  EFT Tapping can be very helpful to release unwanted emotions and negative mind chatter.  When we’re feeling anxious, sad, angry, or irritated, it’s hard to feeling loving towards ourselves, or others. If you’re familiar with the tapping points, focus on an unwanted feeling, while tapping on the points. This will help release the feeling.  If you’d like to learn more about EFT Tapping, contact me.  For an illustrated diagram of the tapping points, click here.

Visualize Yourself In A Field of Unconditional Love.  Here’s a visualization adapted from a technique I use with my Matrix Reimprinting clients.   Close your eyes.  Imagine you are standing in a field.  Allow the field to fill with Divine Unconditional Love – whatever way you choose to see it.  Allow yourself to be caressed and nurtured by this love. Allow yourself to feel the gentle compassion of unconditional love, that notices nothing but your inherent beauty.  Stay here as long as you like

Take Care of your Body.  The better you take care of yourself, the better you’ll feel about yourself.  Eat a nourishing, healthy diet.  Get plenty of rest.  Drink lots of water.  Get regular exercise.  Meditate.  As needed, or as afforded, schedule yourself for massage, chiropractic, reiki, EFT tapping, or any other body-mind modality that will assist you in feeling the best you can feel.

Lots of Love,

Marian

Move Forward — Even When Your Nay-Saying Inner-Critic Tries to Stop You.

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Let’s just say you’d like to step out in a new way.  Maybe it’s a new job.  A creative adventure.  A new relationship.  A public performance…..

But just as you start to imagine your new goal —  your nay-saying-inner-critic steps in to stop you.

From years of working with my private clients, I’ve come to realize that most of us (myself included) share some of the same negative inner-criticisms.  It’s what stops us from enjoying the success we desire. It’s what makes us give up, when we’re so close to success.  And it’s why I’m determined to do my part to help tame the inner critic — I know first-hand the damage it can create.

We all have an inner critic.  Unfortunately, when we believe the inner critic, we allow it to hold us back from our dreams.

Here are 5 common self-beliefs, reinforced by the nagging, nay-saying inner critic:

  1.  I’ll never do it.  —   Quite simply, if you believe this, you probably never will reach your goal.  This stifling belief is enough to make you give up before you even start.  You might believe that even though it’s possible for others, it’s impossible for you.
  2. I’m not good enough  —  This common,  poisonous  belief will zap your sense of self-worth.  When you struggle with feelings of low self-worth,  it feels easier to hold back, even when you are fully qualified.
  3. I’ll mess it up —  Thoughts of failure can make any challenge seem daunting.  When the possibility of failure looms large, moving forward can feel scary — even dangerous.
  4. It’s too good to be true.   Sometimes success can feel too good.  It can stir up worries that something will go wrong. Denying yourself success is one way to prevent future disappointments.
  5. They won’t like it (me).  Stepping out in a new way can feel especially threatening if you’re worried about reactions from family, friends, and the public.  If you continually tell yourself that they won’t like it, you might never try.  Or, you might spend eternity striving for elusive perfection.

No question —  the inner-critic gets in our way — disrupting and interrupting our progress.  

Fortunately, there are some very effective techniques to quiet and  the critical voice.   Here are a few that work well  for me, and for my clients.  Regular practice with any or all of the following techniques will help you feel more confident, and self-accepting as you step out in new ways.

How to stop your inner critic from stopping you:

  1. Use EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to clear old, limiting beliefs.  Email me for the basic EFT recipe.  Use EFT Tapping on each belief or criticism to release the associated feelings.
  2.  Be compassionate with yourself.  Understand that many people feel the same way you do.  Feel compassion for the way that you feel when you listen to your critic.  Feel compassion for yourself for mistakes you believe you’ve made.  Self compassion will help soothe anxiety, and reduce the fight-flight-freeze response.  When you feel calm and self-accepting, it will be easier to move forward.
  3. Make a list of your successes.  Connect with the energy you felt when you enjoyed each success. Feel into this energy as you imagine new successes. Keep your success list handy for regular practice.
  4. Begin with small success steps.  Feeling a sense of safety is crucial as you step out in new ways.  Start with easy steps towards your goal.  Next, take more challenging steps, amongst safe, encouraging people. Keep taking step after successful step.
  5. Contact me for a Transform Your Inner Critic EFT Session.  It’s my newest process.  My clients have been amazed at how powerful it is.

Read what people are saying about the Transform Your Inner Critic EFT Session.

Bottom line — When you hear your critical voice chime in —  send yourself a big dose of loving, encouraging, compassion.  It’s what we all need.

Be Kind To Yourself,

Marian