Marian Buck Murray

EFT and Matrix Reimprinting for Sensitive, Empathic, Creative People. Step out of the shadows and share your gifts and talents.

10 Ways To Love Yourself

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Why do I believe self-love is so important?  Well, I know from both personal and professional experience that when we practice self-love, we do more to improve our lives, and in turn, the world around us. Most importantly, it’s self-love that helps us build a deeper connection with the authentic self within. 

When we practice self-love, we can gradually let go of the defenses and facades we use for protection. Self-love is about accepting ourselves, including the parts we hide and avoid.  It’s about realizing that even our darkest weaknesses are indeed lovable.  Self-love is healing, and when we feel loved we begin to radiate love. 

Self-love is not about letting ourselves off the hook.  Rather, it’s about encouraging ourselves, and releasing the blocks that stand in our way.  It’s about taking true responsibility for our lives, in a loving, compassionate way.

Here are 10 ways to express self-love.  Use what works best for you.

Give yourself a hug each morning when you wake up. Hold yourself and tell yourself good morning!  Welcome yourself into the day.

When you feel an uncomfortable feeling — pause. Send love and compassion to your feeling.  When possible, ask yourself if the feeling has a message for you.

Spend quiet alone time with yourself, each day. Treasure this time with yourself.  Pay loving, kind attention to yourself.

Do something loving for yourself. Ask yourself: What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?

Close your eyes, and breath in and out from the area of your heart. Imagine that your heart is radiating love. Allow this love to expand through your body, and radiate even further outside of your body.  Allow yourself to rest in the field of love surrounding you.

Do something just for yourself. Something that will awaken your spirit, or nurture your soul.  Do it for you, not for self-growth, or achievement, but just for your enjoyment.

Make a list of all the things you like and love about yourself. Keep this list handy so you can add to it. Refer to it often, especially when you’re feeling down about yourself.

Catch your inner critic in the act. Help this voice find encouraging phrases to use instead.

Accept your mistakes and imperfections. Be gentle with yourself, and remind yourself that you are human.

Write yourself a love letter. Tell yourself what you truly appreciate about yourself.  Show compassion for what you are going through.  Draw special attention to strengths and kindnesses that might go unnoticed.  Write one of these letters once a week, once a month, or as needed.

When you practice self-love, little by little, you can fall in love with yourself.  Each and every act of self-love is worth it, and so are you!

Peace,

Marian

Procrastination: What’s it really about?

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If you ever feel frustrated with your own procrastination, I know the feeling.  Procrastination can be very seductive, and it might feel impossible to resist. Whether it shows up as busy work, succumbing to addictive distractions, or doing nothing at all, it can be a mighty fearsome beast.

As if the results of procrastination weren’t punishing enough, we top it off by beating ourselves up. We say things like:  I’m so lazy.  I never get anything done.  I’ll never get ahead… so why bother?  It won’t work anyway.  I’m such a screw-up.  All of this feels pretty crappy, to say the least.

So what to do when the to-do list feels too hard to accomplish?  Or when you don’t have a clue of what to do.  Maybe you know what you ‘should’ do, but it’s the last thing you want to do. Perhaps you feel like there’s far too much to do, so why even try. 

There are many reasons we use to justify procrastination. Some might be completely justified.  Yet, ongoing procrastination will hold us hostage until we do something about it.

What I’ve found, is that procrastination is seldom solely about the willpower to accomplish more.  Sure, some of our habits might look like a lazy lack of willpower.  Yet, typically, somewhere underneath it all, there’s fear. Fear that might be hiding, or perhaps camouflaged, but strong enough to keep us stuck in procrastination.

The most common of these fears include:  Making a mistake. Being rejected. Shining too brightly. Being incompetent.  Not being enough.  Being too much.  And so on.

What I suggest, when you feel stuck in procrastination, is to proceed with compassionate for yourself.  Beating yourself up will only serve to make you feel worse.  This, of course, can lead to even more procrastination. Or, a flurry of over-activity, followed with a backlash of procrastination. (I’ve done it all…)

What if procrastination is actually a call to look more deeply within. 

What if it’s a call to ask ourselves, what’s triggering me? What am I afraid of? What do I believe about myself? What do I believe about the tasks at hand?  Asking questions is what helps us clarify our blocks and limiting perceptions.

So, once we find our blocks and limiting beliefs — what’s next? 

I highly recommend using EFT Tapping as a tool overcome the emotions and beliefs which underlie procrastination.  Meditation, matrix reimprinting, somatic work, journaling, and/or reaching out to a healing professional are very helpful as well.  Combine your preferred tools and resources to begin resolving the inner conflict which keeps you stuck. I truly believe that until we resolve the issues plaguing us from within, we can only go so far in life.

What I suggest, is to proceed one step at a time. Sometimes the to-do list might look unwieldy. Impossible, perhaps.  Yet, starting with one small action will help build momentum.  Start with one doable task from your list.  Add to that an underlying fear, and use tapping, meditation, or your preferred method, to help it release.

It’s important to take action towards both the tasks that need doing and the limiting beliefs and feelings.  Doing one will help build momentum with the other.  For example, accomplishing a task will help you feel better about yourself, and diminish fear.  Releasing fear and limiting beliefs will enable you get more done.

Start where you are.  Start with something.  Start with one action, one fear.  Build momentum, and go from there.

Here’s to your success!

Peace,

Marian

For a Tapping Video to Help  You Get It Done, Click Here.

Need help getting unstuck? I’m here to help. Reach out.

Accept Where You Are & Move Forward

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With January comes a fresh start.  A new year.  And all of those well-intentioned plans to change something about our lives.  It’s well known, however, that by the time February rolls around, many of us have managed to neglect, or even forget, our best-laid plans.   The pain of this ‘failure’ to reach our goals can often lead us into even more self sabotage.

In my experience, both personally, and professionally, we often start with steps that are simply too big to follow.  Sometimes, based on what we’ve heard, read, or seen, we believe we have to make big strides in order to reach our goals.  It’s great to dream big.  However, our eager big strides often throw us so far out of our comfort zones, that we scramble back to the safety of sabotage.  Or, perhaps they’re so big that we never muster the courage to get started.

Self sabotage, of course, is often, if not always, tied to the desire to stay safe and comfortable. It acts as a form of self-protection.  So, rather than beating yourself up for failing to stick to an exercise routine, or get that project finished, send yourself some compassion.  Realize that continued sabotage is a call to look deeper into why it feels safer to sabotage than move forward.  You may want to ask a professional to help you uncover the deeper issues that may be keeping you stuck.

The belief that it’s not okay to be where we are often leads us to seek quick fixes.  The problem with quick fixes is that they rarely work. We usually fall back to where we started, or even further back, when we fail to make quick progress.  This just breeds more dissatisfaction with ourselves, which can trigger unhealthy coping behaviors, seeking yet another quick fix, or giving up completely.

As hard as it is, when we accept where we are, warts and all, we can begin to take the appropriate steps to move forward.  We can ask for help where we need help.  We can commit to activities which are most beneficial for our current situation.   What’s more, we can clarify what works for us, and what doesn’t.

Often it’s the slow, consistent path that’s actually the fastest route to our goal.  When we’re able to commit to a doable plan, we find our way forward.   One step leads to another, and another, building momentum, and a beautiful sense of accomplishment. 

Acceptance, as opposed to resistance, is about fully acknowledging exactly where we are.  So often we spend far too much time resisting or denying our circumstances. This resistance just keeps us stuck, preventing us from taking the most beneficial steps to move forward. 

What I’m recommending here is to accept that a current situation feels uncomfortable, or painful.  To accept that perhaps we’ve made mistakes that have contributed to our situation.  Or perhaps that we’ve been betrayed in some way.  To get real about where we are, so that we can get clear about our next step forward.

This form of acceptance might not feel good, but it’s crucial.  It’s this acceptance that leads to deeper understanding of what we truly need in the moment to help us move forward.  Conversely, when we refuse to accept, or feel, what’s really going on, we risk falling down the self-sabotage rabbit hole.

When we’re not ready for them, the giant steps, the rigid schedule, the diet, the intense exercise routine, are rarely, if ever, sustainable. It’s the small, doable steps that get us closer to our goals.  We make these small steps by first understanding where we are, what we need, and what’s in our way.  Grounded in this understanding is truly the way forward.

Happy Moving Forward,

Marian

Contact me if you’d like to experience to power of EFT Tapping to help you move forward.

 

Stay With Yourself — Be Here Now

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I just got back from a beautiful week at the Omega Institute, assisting Dawson Church with the EFT Practitioner Training program.  Throughout the week, we helped participants transform limiting feelings and beliefs with both EFT Tapping and meditation.  It was a transformative, and in many ways miraculous, week for us all.

What became so clear to me (once again), is the importance of accepting all feelings, no matter how uncomfortable.  It’s in the acceptance of these feelings, that we are able to transform our experience.

In this world of ours, so often it’s the striving that takes front seat. How, for example, will we succeed if we don’t strive for more?  And more? And more? And so often, once we get ‘more’, we don’t feel the success we imagined.

The problem with striving is that we’re frequently propelled by a feeling that we’re not enough, or complete, without whatever it is we’re striving for.  You know the refrain:  I’ll be happy when___________. 

The underlying feeling of inadequacy will follow us, until we find a way to stay with it long enough to transform it.

To stay with yourself, to be here now, means to be present with whatever is going on.  Not off in the future, hoping for something better.  Not back in the past, wishing things were different.  Here now, whether it’s comfortable, or not.

It’s when we avoid the now-moment that we lose power.  That we abandon ourselves.  Unfortunately, by avoiding our feelings with substances and experiences, we will never feel better about ourselves.

True transformation happens when we accept ourselves exactly as we are, exactly where we are, right now.

Easy to say, and usually, not so easy to do.  Yet, it gets easier once you begin to realize how truly powerful you are.

Next time you find yourself avoiding, whether it’s with food, internet, tv, shopping, alcohol, or any other type of escape, ask yourself what you’re avoiding. Be gentle with yourself.  Pause and notice what you’re feeling.  If you can, stay with yourself.

Stay with yourself, through thick and thin.  Stay at the time when you need yourself the most.  Stay to reveal the truth of who you are.

Ideas to help you stay:

  1. Sit, close your eyes, and notice what you feel.  Don’t push anything away.  Just sit.  Don’t worry if you don’t feel peaceful or enlightened.  Just sit and notice.  Stay with any discomfort.

  2. Breathe deeply, from your belly, and notice the flow of your breath. Notice the beat of your heart. Notice this power within you. Know that this power is always with you.

  3. Send love and compassion to any discomfort you feel. Any and all discomfort is worthy of your love and compassion.  If you can’t summon feelings of love and compassion, that’s okay too.  Stay with what you are feeling. Notice any insights that arise.

  4. Use EFT Tapping to tap on your feelings. Accept them, and if they’re ready, allow them to release. For information on how to use EFT Tapping, click here.

  5. Connect with your higher consciousness.  Use meditation to tune into your higher consciousness. Ask it to help you during challenging times.  This added assistance will help you tune into solutions, and relief,  you didn’t see before.

For most of us, it’s not possible to stay present at all times.  Escapes can be pleasurable and sometimes necessary.  And, we can choose to stay present with any escape.  However, when escapes turn into chronic avoidance, we will always experience more pain.  We can’t maintain the bliss of the escape, so we fall into a funk, or look for new ways to escape.

The key to all of this is to stay.  Stay with the discomfort, with love and acceptance, so that it can begin to transform. By being here now, we find the true bliss of a clear mind and soul, as we open to the gifts of the universe.

Peace,

Marian

Do you need help transforming your discomfort? contact me.

Finding Gratitude in the Dark

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With all that’s happening right now in the world, I’m actually finding it easier to feel grateful for what I have.  This good, since gratitude is something I use to lift my spirits and optimism.

Frequently, during my meditations, I envision my negative feelings, habits, and beliefs, as gems, hidden in the dark. Sometimes, I envision a friendly group of light-beings with a spray bottles of love, misting me with unconditional LOVE. 

Always, during these meditations, I feel a sense of gratitude for my dark places.  I shift into a new perception of the deeper meaning of my feelings and habits. Afterwards, I often notice a change in my behavior and life experience.  

What I noticed recently, was an ability for me to feel gratitude for some of my ‘faults’ but not others.  In other words, I could easily send unconditional love to some of my dark places, but not others.  I found myself automatically justifying my negative judgement of certain behaviors or habits, while easily forgiving others. This new perception is now helping me let go of crusty, old self-judgements I took for granted.

And, yeah, okay, some things in life really suck.  And it’s not that I want to bury things, or pretend everything’s okay when it’s not (been there, done that, doesn’t work.)  Rather, I believe that it’s important to first acknowledge the pain, and then to find gratitude.

This is not a head-thing. It’s not a matter of deciding to be grateful and waiting for it to happen.  It’s not a matter of pretending to be grateful. It’s not about ‘shoulding’ yourself to be grateful.

This is about finding gratitude.  Finding hidden gems in dark places.  Going on a treasure hunt right smack in the middle of the places you’d much rather avoid.

Here are some questions that will assist you in finding gratitude in the dark:

  1. PHYSICAL PAIN OR ILLNESS – When I found gratitude for my own illnesses and heart surgeries, I was able to see how they had enabled me to deepen my spirituality.  From my physical pain, I was able to learn what I needed to heal emotionally.  In addition, I met wonderful people, learned how to receive love, got really healthy, and on and on and on.

Helpful Questions:  What is this illness/pain telling me? What am I learning that will help enhance my life? What enjoyable experiences am I having as a result of this illness? 

  1. PERSONAL QUALITIES —  My sensitivity always seemed to be a weakness.  I was prone to feeling hurt and misunderstood. I was constantly being worried about other people’s feelings and opinions.  When I began to find gratitude for my sensitivity I saw all of its  incredible qualities:  Deep understanding for my clients, strong intuition, compassion for humankind, and so much more.  This gratitude helped me let go of so much of the pain.

Helpful Questions:  How is this quality helping me be the person I want to be?  How did this quality help me navigate a difficult time? How can this quality help me understand myself more deeply?

  1. CURRENT LIFE SITUATIONS: It’s can be really tough to feel grateful for tough times.  I’ve found however, that it’s my gratitude that helps shift my situation.  For example, by feeling grateful for ‘lean times’ I can see all the ways in which I am not a victim, and how I can actually use the situation to strengthen myself and learn new helpful habits and skills. 

Helpful Questions:  How is this situation helping me change what needs to change?  How is this situation deepening my spirituality or inner strength? How is this situation teaching me something valuable for my future?

  1. CURRENT GLOBAL SITUATIONS: Okay, sometimes it might feel downright impossible to feel grateful for a dictator, an environmental disaster, human rights violations, or political disarray.  Without condoning, or excusing anything about what seems unacceptable, you can find gratitude for what happens as a result.  For example, finding gratitude for new revelations, new innovations, grassroots efforts, or a deeper understanding of the human condition.   Despite my own upset over the current political climate in the USA, I am grateful for my growing ability to discern what’s truly valuable to me, and to speak out more vocally.

Helpful Questions:  How is this situation causing positive ripple effects?  How could this situation lead to new innovations?  How has my awareness changed as a result of this situation? What can I do to help?

Experiment with gratitude in unlikely places. 

In Love and Gratitude,

Marian

 

For a free EFT Tapping Audio, Overcome Your Fear of Shining, click here.