Marian Buck Murray

EFT and Matrix Reimprinting for Sensitive, Empathic, Creative People. Step out of the shadows and share your gifts and talents.

Don’t Be Afraid of Your Shadow

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Many of us spend a lot of time avoiding our shadows.   Those places we don’t want to talk about.  Those places we don’t want anyone to see.  Those places that sometimes get so triggered.  It’s easy to be scared of these places.  They’re distressing, and they hold all sorts of uncomfortable feelings. 

But, what if, at the same time we’re scared of our shadows, our shadows are scared of us?

Think about it.   Think about all the judgement and criticism we throw at our shadows.  Banishing them into exile, under lock and key.  Demeaning them, belittling them, refusing to accept them. 

How would you feel if you were treated that way?

Imagine instead, that your shadow, or shadows, are eager for your attention.  Just like a child who yearns for parental love and acceptance.  The more you push them away, the more they act up, or the more they shy away.  They show up in our lives in a variety of ways — from unhealthy habits, and relationship problems to issues with career, happiness, success, and more.

A shadow, simply, is a part of ourselves which we  avoid or push away.  It can be anything from a hidden gift or talent, to a painful memory, tucked away into the subconscious mind.   Because they live in the subconscious mind, shadows hold enormous power in our lives.  Even when we’re not aware of them. Experts have reported that our subconscious mind is responsible for more than 90% of what we say, think and act. 

Learning about our shadows is paramount.   And, we can’t learn about them if we’re busy avoiding them.  When we approach our shadows with compassion and curiosity, we’re able to discover the origins of our limiting patterns, so we can begin to unravel them.

Our shadows hold potent information, waiting for us to tap in.  Tapping in helps us soften the pain that keeps us stuck.  Embracing them allows us to harness long-lost gifts, talents, and power.

If you’re scared of looking into your shadows, it’s completely understandable.  It’s important to feel safe when you do any type of shadow work.  Because shadows live in the dark, it’s helpful, and sometimes necessary, to do shadow work with a healing professional.

Below I offer a few suggestions on reducing fear around shadow work.   

    • Imagine your shadow is actually a younger you.  As much as you can, summon compassion for this younger you.  When you see your shadow this way, it can feel a lot less frightening.
    • Understand that your shadow is simply a part of you that has been pushed away for some reason. So often it’s not the shadow that’s scary.  It’s typically the feelings of judgement surrounding the shadow that feel scary.  Ask for assistance from a healing professional if you need help navigating your feelings.
    • Open up a conversation with your shadow. Get curious.  Ask questions.  For more information on how to talk to your shadow click here.  For a video, click here.
    • Use EFT Tapping to reduce fear surrounding shadow exploration. No need to start with the shadow itself.  Simply notice any fear you feel about exploring your shadow, and tap through the EFT acupressure points.  For more information about tapping, click here.  Again, reach out for help  if you need it.

May your shadows illuminate your way forward.

Peace,

Marian

To learn more about shadow work, and how it can help you transform your life, contact me.

Shadow Talk

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I’m all about befriending our shadows.  It’s part of my self-care practice and a big part of my work with clients.  And, as a person who used to be terrified of my own shadows, I am so thankful I’ve learned how to make friends.  It’s helped me feel so much lighter, happier, and free to truly be myself.  What’s more, it has helped me unravel old, stuck, sabotaging patterns which have interfered with my success.

One practice I do on a regular basis is talk with my shadows.  I find that when I get to know them on a deeper level, I discover the clues to a specific challenge I might be experiencing.  For example, a shadow of my Unmotivated Teen might come up when I think about doing the work in front of me.   This shadow might urge me to zone out and avoid my work.  Obviously it’s hard to get my best work done when there’s a shadow urging me to avoid it.  So, rather than shunning this shadow, I take the time to learn more about it, and everything changes.

Here’s how to strike up a conversation with your own shadows:

When you notice a limiting pattern coming up for you, perhaps a self-sabotaging pattern, pause.  Notice the emotions you’re feeling.  Notice what you are being urged to do or not do. Notice how young you feel.  As best you can, form a picture in your mind of a character (human or other) which represents this limiting pattern.

Approach this character as if it’s a shadow within you.  You might want to give it a name. Do your best to cultivate a sense of curiosity, with the intent to be accepting and non-judgemental. 

Here are some sample questions you might want to ask.  For each question, pause, listen, and tune in to the answers that come up.

  • Can you tell me more about why you’re here right now?
  • What’s going on for you, what are you feeling?
  • Is there something you’d like me to understand about you?
  • What would help you feel better?
  • What do you need?
  • Is there anything else you want to tell me?se

You can take this conversation deeper by using a journal to dialogue with your shadow.  Create back and forth journal entries between you and your shadow.  Ask questions, stay curious, invite your shadow to answer the questions. 

No matter how you do it, the practice of conversing with your shadows is powerful.   It encourages self-forgiveness, and resolution of inner conflict.  It makes it easy to bring compassion and understanding to the shadowy, dark places within.  It’s informative and transformative.  It’s something, once you get going, that you’ll likely want to come back to, again and again. 

Peace,

Marian

NOTE:  If you’re dealing with trauma, or feel that your pain is unbearable, reach out to a professional who can assist you with this practice.  Contact me to learn more about using EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting to work with your shadows.

Make Friends with Fear

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Halloween — a month-long celebration of spooks.  The kids on my street decorate early, with skeletons lazing in front yards, spiders poking out from curbside gardens, dangerous looking pumpkins standing guard on front porches.  Neighboring streets have spooky graveyards, inflated black cats,  sound machines, you name it.  All in fun…and of course the prospect of trick-or-treating always helps to soothe fearful feelings.  

Why then, can it feel so hard to celebrate the fears that arise daily? The fears that stop us in our tracks.  The fears that keep us small? 

How do we actually make friends with fear? The answers, fortunately, are numerous:   Feel it.  Sit with it.  Understand it.  Stay with it.  Heal it.

Here are some steps to help fear feel more friendly:

Understand it. The more you sit with your fear, the more you’ll be able to see underneath it.  Often our fears stem from a younger place within us.  A time when we were scared, perhaps with no one to help us.  The longer you observe your fear, the more information you will receive to help it heal.

Bring compassion. Compassion for your fear is crucial.  Rather than making your fear ‘wrong’, approach it with a sense of compassion.  Imagine a child who feels afraid.  How would you respond to this child?  With a hug? Reassurance? Love?

Ask yourself what you need in this moment to feel more courageous. Do you need some friendly encouragement?  Assistance or guidance of some sort?  Do you need more information?  When you know what you need, take action to give yourself what you need.

Recognize fear as a friend who wants to keep you safe. Fear is a natural aspect of your biological fight/flight/freeze response.  Although your fear might feel inappropriate for the scope of your circumstances, it is triggered by the part of the brain tasked with keeping you safe.  Often, this response has been conditioned by previous experiences.  Accepting this will make it easier for you to add space between you and your fear, recognizing that it stems from a conditioned, habitual response, not an actual danger. 

Relate to your fear in the moment. Most times our fears are related to past experiences, or future worries.  Getting clear with fear in the moment will help you become more centered.  Rather than being consumed by a scary mind-story — get present and real with your fear.  With practice, you’ll begin to see fear as a feeling, and nothing more.  Remember:  If the fear is true fear, warning you of true danger, you’ll respond most effectively grounded in the present moment.

Meditate. Consistent, daily meditation helps your brain become more effective during times of stress.  It helps facilitate easier access to the relaxation response.  It helps you disentangle from the emotions that seem to control you.  If you’re new to meditation, start with short periods of time.  Even 5 minutes. Gradually build your endurance so that you can sit for longer and longer amounts of time.  Remember, it’s okay that you don’t feel ‘bliss’ right away.  Sitting with your fear, will help it begin to dissipate.  It’s this patience observance of your feelings that helps them transform.

Use EFT Tapping.  EFT Tapping helps neutralize fear, and other painful emotions.   EFT has been clinically proven to reduce cortisol, the major stress hormone, which is elevated during times of fear.  By reducing cortisol, you turn on the relaxation response, allowing your nervous system to relax.  For a video on how to use EFT tapping, click here.

The bottom line:  Making friends with your fear might just be one of the greatest gifts you’ll ever give yourself!

In Courage,

Marian

Need help with fear and anxiety?  Contact me.

Stay With Yourself — Be Here Now

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I just got back from a beautiful week at the Omega Institute, assisting Dawson Church with the EFT Practitioner Training program.  Throughout the week, we helped participants transform limiting feelings and beliefs with both EFT Tapping and meditation.  It was a transformative, and in many ways miraculous, week for us all.

What became so clear to me (once again), is the importance of accepting all feelings, no matter how uncomfortable.  It’s in the acceptance of these feelings, that we are able to transform our experience.

In this world of ours, so often it’s the striving that takes front seat. How, for example, will we succeed if we don’t strive for more?  And more? And more? And so often, once we get ‘more’, we don’t feel the success we imagined.

The problem with striving is that we’re frequently propelled by a feeling that we’re not enough, or complete, without whatever it is we’re striving for.  You know the refrain:  I’ll be happy when___________. 

The underlying feeling of inadequacy will follow us, until we find a way to stay with it long enough to transform it.

To stay with yourself, to be here now, means to be present with whatever is going on.  Not off in the future, hoping for something better.  Not back in the past, wishing things were different.  Here now, whether it’s comfortable, or not.

It’s when we avoid the now-moment that we lose power.  That we abandon ourselves.  Unfortunately, by avoiding our feelings with substances and experiences, we will never feel better about ourselves.

True transformation happens when we accept ourselves exactly as we are, exactly where we are, right now.

Easy to say, and usually, not so easy to do.  Yet, it gets easier once you begin to realize how truly powerful you are.

Next time you find yourself avoiding, whether it’s with food, internet, tv, shopping, alcohol, or any other type of escape, ask yourself what you’re avoiding. Be gentle with yourself.  Pause and notice what you’re feeling.  If you can, stay with yourself.

Stay with yourself, through thick and thin.  Stay at the time when you need yourself the most.  Stay to reveal the truth of who you are.

Ideas to help you stay:

  1. Sit, close your eyes, and notice what you feel.  Don’t push anything away.  Just sit.  Don’t worry if you don’t feel peaceful or enlightened.  Just sit and notice.  Stay with any discomfort.

  2. Breathe deeply, from your belly, and notice the flow of your breath. Notice the beat of your heart. Notice this power within you. Know that this power is always with you.

  3. Send love and compassion to any discomfort you feel. Any and all discomfort is worthy of your love and compassion.  If you can’t summon feelings of love and compassion, that’s okay too.  Stay with what you are feeling. Notice any insights that arise.

  4. Use EFT Tapping to tap on your feelings. Accept them, and if they’re ready, allow them to release. For information on how to use EFT Tapping, click here.

  5. Connect with your higher consciousness.  Use meditation to tune into your higher consciousness. Ask it to help you during challenging times.  This added assistance will help you tune into solutions, and relief,  you didn’t see before.

For most of us, it’s not possible to stay present at all times.  Escapes can be pleasurable and sometimes necessary.  And, we can choose to stay present with any escape.  However, when escapes turn into chronic avoidance, we will always experience more pain.  We can’t maintain the bliss of the escape, so we fall into a funk, or look for new ways to escape.

The key to all of this is to stay.  Stay with the discomfort, with love and acceptance, so that it can begin to transform. By being here now, we find the true bliss of a clear mind and soul, as we open to the gifts of the universe.

Peace,

Marian

Do you need help transforming your discomfort? contact me.

18 Ways to Empower Yourself in 2018

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It’s time.  Time to empower ourselves so we can navigate the tumultuous terrain ahead.  We’re being called to step up, stand up, and make change happen. 

What I truly believe, is that the more we honor our sensitivity and compassion, the more sensitivity and compassion we’ll bring to our sometimes insensitive world.  Too often, it’s the sensitive soul who stays in the background.  It’s time to take a stand for the beauty and love within all of us. 

It’s time for Bold Sensitivity.

Here are 18 ways to help yourself feel more empowered this year, and beyond.

Clean up Your Food – Eat clean, green, and lean.  Detoxify your system, of excess sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and carbs, all of which will weaken your system.

Boost Your Immunity – Use herbs and superfoods such as astragalus, hibiscus, maca, green drinks, shiitakes, burdock, probiotic foods, and umeboshi plum.  All will help strengthen your immunity.

Strengthen your boundaries – By giving and doing for too many, you will deplete your power.  Set clear, healthy boundaries around your time and space.  If you find yourself overwhelmed by loose boundaries, tackle them one by one, starting with a simple one.

Meditate each morning – Morning meditation will help empower you throughout your entire day. 

Clean up your self-talk — Negative self-talk will weaken your spirit.  Here’s a way to clean it up: Get a pen and paper. In the left-hand column, write down a list of negative things you commonly say to yourself.  In the right column, write a list of corresponding positive responses you can tell yourself instead. Practice your positive responses. 

Challenge yourself – Open up to challenges. Expand your limits.  Don’t be afraid of being a beginner, or of making mistakes. The more you challenge yourself, the more proficient you’ll become, and the more powerful you’ll feel!

Exercise your core – The third chakra, the abdominal area, is our power center.  The more you exercise it, the more centered and powerful you’ll feel. Try yoga, pilates, sit-ups, crunches, and/or any other exercises that will strengthen your core.

Clear Your Energy System — Use EFT Tapping to clear unwanted feelings. EFT tapping works to clear energy disruptions, allowing you to access your authentic power more easily.  Click here for a diagram of the points.

Create Nurturing, Empowering Routines — Incorporate nurturing, empowering, routines into your daily life.  How will you start your day?  How will you help yourself enjoy and fully participate in your day?  How will you end your day, so that you sleep well, and wake refreshed?   

Surround yourself with encouraging people — Surround yourself with people who will help build you up when you’re down, and who will encourage your strengths, abilities, and dreams. 

Do a media detox — There’s a lot of toxicity in the news these days. Too much of it can feel depleting, exhausting, and overwhelming.  Allow yourself a detox by limiting your exposure, turning off notifications, switching the channel. Decide how and when you will get the news.  Be in control.

Do something you’re passionate about – Engage your passions!  Whatever they are!  Read, write, play music, sing, create art, volunteer, speak up, take a stand. Ignite your passions feel the sense of true empowerment.

Do Something Scary — It doesn’t have to be a big scary.  Anything scary will do.  What I hear about most from my clients (and myself) is the big sense of relief that comes from getting it over with.  And, often it’s not as bad as we thought.  The best part is that you’ll emerge feeling more empowered, with a renewed sense of courage.

Watch an inspiring movie — Watch a fact-based documentary about someone who inspires you.  Use your inspiration to express yourself in a bold new way.

Ask for help – Asking for help can be very empowering.  If you need help, connect with a trustworthy friend, coach, counselor, or therapist.  We can’t do everything alone — we become far more powerful when we work together.

Get an accountability partner —   Ask a friend or colleague to assist you in committing to self-empowerment. The more you show up for your commitments, the more empowered you’ll feel.

Create a list of power words – Create a list of words that give a sense of self-empowerment, or that describe ways in which you’d like to feel.  For example, use words such as:  productive, courageous, prosperous, prolific, and strong.  Post these words around your space so that you see them regularly.

Listen – Listen to whatever empowers you. Music. Radio. Podcasts. Meditations.  There’s a wealth of inspiration out there in the sound waves.

Do what empowers you. Let go of what depletes you. The world needs your light.

Happy 2018!

In Courage,

Marian

Need some help with self-empowerment? Contact me.