Marian Buck Murray

EFT and IFS for Sensitive, Creative People. Empower yourself self-compassion and deep understanding.

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Resolving Polarization

October 31, 2024 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

 

In Internal Family Systems (IFS), a part is considered to be  place within which holds certain beliefs or feelings.  A polarization, or inner conflict, can occur when two or more parts hold different beliefs and feelings.

Inner polarization just doesn’t feel good.  It’s like being in continual conflict with yourself. It often leaves us feeling stuck and unable to see possible solutions.

In IFS, polarization is seen as a time when two or more parts are at odds with each other. It might show up as a conflict which feels impossible to resolve.  For example, one part who wants to create necessary boundaries with a friend, and another part prefers to people please.  Or a part who wants to linger with the pain of a challenging event, and another who would much rather stay positive.

Sometimes, when we’re faced with inner polarization, we feel unable to take action.  If we do take action, it’s typically from the more dominant part of us.  When this happens, we’ll likely face some inner backlash.  In other words, we might feel triggered by disappointment or uncertainty, which in the end will leave us feeling more conflicted.

What’s important with polarizations, whether internal, or external, is that we listen to all sides of the story.  In IFS, this means we listen to our parts without making them right or wrong. It’s about inviting each part to be heard and seen – without judgement.

Typically, when we feel heard and seen, we’re more likely to soften towards a less extreme position.  It’s when we feel ignored, misunderstood, or dismissed, that we tend to intensify our positions. This holds true for our inner parts, as well as with the people in our lives.

The first step in resolving inner polarization is to listen, with open curiosity, to what each part (side) has to say.  The following exercise is designed to help you get to know more about the parts involved in a conflict.  Use pen and paper to jot down any insights that arise.

First, tune into your conflict.  Choose a conflict which keeps you stuck, or feels challenging to solve. You may want to close your eyes.  Notice how it feels to have this conflict.  Do you notice parts with opposing or differing positions in this conflict? There might also be a part who feels like the conflict is impossible to solve.  Jot down what you notice.

Next, ask yourself if you can stay neutral, and curious, just for this moment.  When you feel like you can temporarily let go of making one part right or wrong, choose one part to focus on first. 

Bring your focus to the first part.  You may want to close your eyes.  Listen with open curiosity.  Ask the following questions, and allow the answers to come.  Jot down the insights you receive.

  1. Ask this part what it really hopes to accomplish.
  2. Ask what it is afraid of happening if it doesn’t succeed.
  3. Ask if there is more that it wants you to know.  

Next, repeat the process.  Bring your focus to the second part, and then again to any additional parts related to the conflict.

When you have finished listening to all parts involved, tune into the conflict again.  Notice how you feel about it.  Notice any shifts in perception.  Are you aware of possible solutions?

This first step is crucial in order to make further progress.  Acceptance and appreciation for our parts is what helps create a sense of inner safety.  This safety is what eventually offers an opening for resolution. 

After doing this exercise you might notice that it’s easier to come to a resolution, because you’ll be more aware of what’s truly important for you. Even if there’s more work involved, you will be on your way.

Learning to resolve our own inner conflicts is what eases our approach to the conflicts in our communities and beyond. 

Wishing You Inner Peace,

Marian

If you’d like help connecting with your parts, sign up for a complimentary Self-Discovery Call.

Filed Under: IFS, Uncategorized Tagged With: conflict resolution, feeling seen and heard, IFS, IFS Informed, inner conflict resolution, Internal Family Systems, listen to your parts, resolve conflict, Resolving Polarization

Resolve Inner Conflict

July 13, 2022 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

 

It happens.  You make a decision.  It feels right.  It feels good.  Then 30 minutes later, doubt creeps into your mind.  No, you think, this is the wrong decision.  There are so many reasons why this is the wrong decision.  Back and forth you go.  Yes. No. Yes. No. 

Inner conflict is no fun.  It can be confusing and cause us to shut down. Often, when we can’t make a clear decision, it feels better to do nothing at all. Sometimes this is the right solution.  Sometimes it’s not. What’s important, however, is to look closely at the inner conflict.

Inner conflict occurs when two or more parts, or shadows, want control.  Typically, each will have a different goal.  One might be the adventurer, eager to go out and explore.  Another might be the worrier, who wants to stay safe, and hidden.  Still another might be pestering the adventurer to take part in risky behavior.

These shadow parts often get triggered when confronted with life’s stressors and big decision. When triggered, they can throw us into a flurry of self doubt and second guessing.  As they pull us back and forth, they show us the places where we need healing.  Until these shadow parts are healed, they will continue to get triggered, and seek control during times of stress.

Inner conflict calls for conflict resolution.  Without it, it’s hard to make progress. It’s a matter of helping our frightened parts feel safe, supported, and empowered.  It also means helping the more critical, pushy parts to feel content with what’s most beneficial for us.

In order to resolve inner conflict, we must start with curiosity, acceptance, introspection, and commitment.  It’s about listening to the shadow parts which are influencing our lives. Which ones win most often?  Which ones are pushed aside?  Which ones are unduly influenced by other people’s opinions? 

Conflict resolution means listening to all sides, and doing the work to create consensus. Sometimes, this work is best done with a healing professional.  

When we resolve our own personal conflicts, we bring clarity to our challenges and decisions.  We find beneficial solutions.  We create a sense of inner strength and unity. This helps us build confidence, momentum, and inner peace.  It’s well worth it!

Helpful Practices for Resolving Inner Conflict Include:

Meditation – With meditation, you can train yourself to notice the differing thoughts and feelings which arise during your practice.  This will help illuminate conflicts to address.

Journaling – Use writing to dialogue with conflicting parts.  Ask questions.  Get to know your inner shadow parts — their motives, goals, fears, and dreams.  Ask what they need in order to resolve conflict.

Heart Breath – The Heart Breath helps you drop out of a conflicted mind, into the peace of your heart.  Using this breath will help you clarify true priorities and desires. To download a free Mp3 of my guided Heart Breath, enter your information in the box to the right of this post.  Or, listen to it on Insight Timer.

EFT Tapping – EFT Tapping is helpful for releasing the emotions associated with triggered shadow parts.  To learn more about EFT Tapping, contact me. 

Matrix Reimprinting – This technique facilitates a deep connection with shadow parts, in order to help transform outdated beliefs and pent-up feelings. To learn more about Matrix Reimprinting, contact me.

May you find peaceful resolution for all of your conflicts.

Peace,

Marian

Filed Under: EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), Uncategorized Tagged With: Certified EFT Practitioner, conflict resolution, conflicted thoughts, Create consensus, Create inner unity, Decision making, EFT tapping, handling stress, inner conflict resolution, inner peace, Journaling, matrix reimprinting, meditation, relief for second guessing, resolve inner conflict, tapping for inner peace

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Recent Posts

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The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with nature.

Joseph Campbell
Certified EFT Practitioner

Disclaimer: The information and concepts presented on this website are for educational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any disease or condition. It is not intended to substitute for the advice, treatment and/or diagnosis of a qualified licensed medical professional.

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