Marian Buck Murray

EFT and Matrix Reimprinting for Sensitive, Empathic, Creative People. Step out of the shadows and share your gifts and talents.

Get Centered When Life Feels Scattered

by Leave a Comment

 

“I have too much on my plate.”  “I’m being pulled in so many directions.”  “I feel so scattered and overwhelmed…”

This is what I hear so often from my friends and clients.  Most of them, as the sensitive, empathic people they are, feel responsible for much more than is truly necessary.  This includes other people’s emotions, behavior, expectations, over-all well-being, and more.  And then there are the daily tasks, workplace duties, volunteer obligations, and various family and friends who are calling for attention.

When we’re pulled in different directions, stretched beyond our limits, we get pushed off center. However, it’s when we’re centered and grounded that we can focus on our priorities.  In order to make meaningful progress in life, finding center is paramount.  It might feel impossible, but it’s not.  It might feel easier to try to handle it all, but it’s not.  Getting grounded and centered, is truly the way forward.

Following are some suggestions to help you get grounded and centered when life feels scattered:

Set the stage for the day ahead.
Allow time for yourself in the morning — before your mind fills with the worries of the day, and before you check your phone.  If necessary, go to bed earlier so you can rise earlier, without scrimping on sleep.  Use this time, even if it’s only 10 or 15 minutes, to meditate, write, take a walk, or do something which helps you connect with yourself.  Find a rhythm which feels doable, enjoyable, and centering.

Shift your vision from all that ‘needs’ doing, and towards what’s most important right now.
Acknowledge that you have a lot on your plate, but that you can’t do it all right now.  Decide what you can let go of for now.  Tune in, and ask yourself what are the 3 (or 2 or 1)  most important things for me to accomplish.  Sometime before the end of each day, decide upon priorities for the next day.  Start you day with a plan.

If you’re struggling to clarify priorities, perhaps you’re assuming that everything is a priority.
Take the time to tune in to see what might be clouding your vision.  Ask yourself any of the following: Am I trying to please someone else?  Am I trying to prove myself?  Why does this matter so much to me.  Is this really my responsibility?  How will this be beneficial for me?  How could this harm me?  Is this in alignment with what’s truly important right now? Is this in alignment with my values? Develop a practice to help yourself let go of what obscures your vision.  If you need help, contact me.

When you feel overly distracted, or overwhelmed, take a few minutes to ground yourself.
Get into your body, and out of your head.  If possible, go outside.  Feel the earth under your feet.  Breathe deeply to clear your lungs.  If you’re inside, exercise your core and lower body muscles.  Tap your heels on the floor, march in place, jump up and down, all with the intention of grounding and centering yourself.

Most importantly, remember that when life feels scattered, it’s time to take extra good care of yourself.  If you’re a sensitive, empathic person, you might believe you have to put others first.  Yet when we consistently put others first, ignoring self-care, we burn out.

It’s amazing what even small pockets of self-care can do to bring us back to center.  Self-care can be woven in throughout the day.  It’s in the nourishing foods we eat.  It’s in the nature walks, the meditations, the naps, the yoga, the good night’s rest, the visits to healing practitioners, and time spent with art, and music. When we feel well cared for, it’s easier to focus on what’s most important, and easier to let go of what’s not.

Wishing You Inner Peace,

Marian

Contact me to learn how EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting will help you feel more centered, and at peace with yourself.

 

 

Resolve Inner Conflict

by Leave a Comment

 

It happens.  You make a decision.  It feels right.  It feels good.  Then 30 minutes later, doubt creeps into your mind.  No, you think, this is the wrong decision.  There are so many reasons why this is the wrong decision.  Back and forth you go.  Yes. No. Yes. No. 

Inner conflict is no fun.  It can be confusing and cause us to shut down. Often, when we can’t make a clear decision, it feels better to do nothing at all. Sometimes this is the right solution.  Sometimes it’s not. What’s important, however, is to look closely at the inner conflict.

Inner conflict occurs when two or more parts, or shadows, want control.  Typically, each will have a different goal.  One might be the adventurer, eager to go out and explore.  Another might be the worrier, who wants to stay safe, and hidden.  Still another might be pestering the adventurer to take part in risky behavior.

These shadow parts often get triggered when confronted with life’s stressors and big decision. When triggered, they can throw us into a flurry of self doubt and second guessing.  As they pull us back and forth, they show us the places where we need healing.  Until these shadow parts are healed, they will continue to get triggered, and seek control during times of stress.

Inner conflict calls for conflict resolution.  Without it, it’s hard to make progress. It’s a matter of helping our frightened parts feel safe, supported, and empowered.  It also means helping the more critical, pushy parts to feel content with what’s most beneficial for us.

In order to resolve inner conflict, we must start with curiosity, acceptance, introspection, and commitment.  It’s about listening to the shadow parts which are influencing our lives. Which ones win most often?  Which ones are pushed aside?  Which ones are unduly influenced by other people’s opinions? 

Conflict resolution means listening to all sides, and doing the work to create consensus. Sometimes, this work is best done with a healing professional.  

When we resolve our own personal conflicts, we bring clarity to our challenges and decisions.  We find beneficial solutions.  We create a sense of inner strength and unity. This helps us build confidence, momentum, and inner peace.  It’s well worth it!

Helpful Practices for Resolving Inner Conflict Include:

Meditation – With meditation, you can train yourself to notice the differing thoughts and feelings which arise during your practice.  This will help illuminate conflicts to address.

Journaling – Use writing to dialogue with conflicting parts.  Ask questions.  Get to know your inner shadow parts — their motives, goals, fears, and dreams.  Ask what they need in order to resolve conflict.

Heart Breath – The Heart Breath helps you drop out of a conflicted mind, into the peace of your heart.  Using this breath will help you clarify true priorities and desires. To download a free Mp3 of my guided Heart Breath, enter your information in the box to the right of this post.  Or, listen to it on Insight Timer.

EFT Tapping – EFT Tapping is helpful for releasing the emotions associated with triggered shadow parts.  To learn more about EFT Tapping, contact me. 

Matrix Reimprinting – This technique facilitates a deep connection with shadow parts, in order to help transform outdated beliefs and pent-up feelings. To learn more about Matrix Reimprinting, contact me.

May you find peaceful resolution for all of your conflicts.

Peace,

Marian

Call Back Your Energy

by Leave a Comment

 

Many of my clients talk about feeling fatigued and overwhelmed by all that is happening with the people in their lives and in the world.  It definitely makes a lot of sense.  And, it’s certainly important to do what we can for those in need — our world needs more of it.  However, when boundaries are loose, or non-existent, empathy and compassion for others can easily morph into a belief of being responsible for their well-being.

 I am not suggesting we ignore the well-being of others.  Rather, I am suggesting that the belief that we’re responsible for another’s well-being is what contributes to fatigue and overwhelm.  This belief pushes us to over-give, overextend, micromanage, self-censor, worry, and more.  It can easily leave us feeling completely drained.  When we’re completely drained, it’s impossible, to participate in our lives at our highest potential.

It takes a great deal of energy to take responsibility for another person.  It takes more even more energy to worry about that person.  Add to that the worry for people and creatures around the world, and energy depletion is guaranteed.

I understand, that for many of us, especially sensitive people, it usually doesn’t feel like a choice.  It can feel as though if we don’t take responsibility, no one will. Most often, there are life circumstances which have led to these conclusions.  Because it’s a repetitive pattern, it feels natural, no matter how uncomfortable.  In fact, it typically feels like the ‘right’ or most compassionate thing to do.   

So how do we stay compassionate and caring, without depleting energy? How do we take a step back to spend more time tending to our own needs?   It’s not always easy, but it’s definitely possible.  And the rewards are truly worth it.

Here are some of the mindset shifts and tools that are working for me, and for my clients:

Let Go of Feeling Responsible  — We need to always remember that each person is ultimately responsible for their own well-being.  It can be a tricky dance, but the more we’re able to let go of feeling responsible for another’s well-being, the better.  

It’s a balance that we need to find.  There’s nothing wrong with giving, and helping, and extending ourselves — but letting go of feeling responsible is necessary.  When we feel less burdened by responsibility, we’re able to come from a more genuine, loving place.  This enables us to be truly compassionate, rather than overburdened or resentful.

Certainly, there are those for whom we need to take some or more responsibility, including young children, disabled loved ones, and elderly loved ones.  But even here, there are limits.  Allowing for another’s independence, inner-wisdom, and true nature is paramount.  

Stop Trying to Control What You Cannot Control  — No matter how distressing, we can’t control what happens in the world.  We can’t control what people believe, or how they react or feel.  The same is true for much of what happens with our families, and friends.  Sometimes, we can’t even control what happens to us.  By wanting, imagining, or exerting control over what’s impossible to control, we deplete essential energy.  It’s when we let go of trying to control that we reclaim this energy.  When we reclaim our energy, it’s much easier to manage our responses to our current circumstances. 

When Triggered, Pause and Look Within — When you find yourself triggered, or are afraid of triggering another, it’s time to pause and look within.  Ask yourself what you are trying to stop from happening.  What are you trying to make happen?  What emotions or reactions are you trying to avoid, either in yourself or another?  

Pausing to check in with yourself will help you bring your energy back. This in itself will help de-escalate the trigger.  By checking in, you can focus on your emotions and needs.  This will enable you to do what’s necessary for your own well-being.  This might mean taking a break, doing a meditation, journaling, or reaching out to a healing professional.  All of this will help you call back your energy.

Spend Time Alone – Spend time alone, whether it’s a 15 minute break, a soothing bath,  or a walk in nature.  This will help you let go of external influences, and regroup your energy.

Meditate —  The more you’re able to meditate, the more you will realize that there’s a whole world within, beyond the noise outside.  Maintaining a consistent meditation practice will help you reduce stress, and focus your attention on what’s important to you.  Meditation is a perfect way to call back your energy.

Tap —  EFT Tapping will help you calm your nervous system, and release emotions that keep you on edge.  By physically tapping on acupressure points, you automatically begin to focus your energy back to your body and mind. EFT can also assist you in resolving issues that keep you stuck in energy-depleting patterns.  Click here to learn more about EFT Tapping. 

Practice the Heart Breath — The Heart Breath is a beautiful way to drop out of a worried, distracted, mind, into the power of your heart.  This breath can be incredibly relaxing, and energizing.   An overactive, worried mind depletes an enormous amount of energy. By using the heart breath, you can call back your energy, and harness the power of your heart.  To learn how to use the heart breath, contact me.  To access my Heart Breath Audio Meditation, find me on Insight Timer, or enter your email in the Heart Breath box to the right of this post.

Here’s to more energy!

Peace,

Marian

To experience the power of EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting to call back your energy, contact me.

 

Shadow Talk

by Leave a Comment

 

I’m all about befriending our shadows.  It’s part of my self-care practice and a big part of my work with clients.  And, as a person who used to be terrified of my own shadows, I am so thankful I’ve learned how to make friends.  It’s helped me feel so much lighter, happier, and free to truly be myself.  What’s more, it has helped me unravel old, stuck, sabotaging patterns which have interfered with my success.

One practice I do on a regular basis is talk with my shadows.  I find that when I get to know them on a deeper level, I discover the clues to a specific challenge I might be experiencing.  For example, a shadow of my Unmotivated Teen might come up when I think about doing the work in front of me.   This shadow might urge me to zone out and avoid my work.  Obviously it’s hard to get my best work done when there’s a shadow urging me to avoid it.  So, rather than shunning this shadow, I take the time to learn more about it, and everything changes.

Here’s how to strike up a conversation with your own shadows:

When you notice a limiting pattern coming up for you, perhaps a self-sabotaging pattern, pause.  Notice the emotions you’re feeling.  Notice what you are being urged to do or not do. Notice how young you feel.  As best you can, form a picture in your mind of a character (human or other) which represents this limiting pattern.

Approach this character as if it’s a shadow within you.  You might want to give it a name. Do your best to cultivate a sense of curiosity, with the intent to be accepting and non-judgemental. 

Here are some sample questions you might want to ask.  For each question, pause, listen, and tune in to the answers that come up.

  • Can you tell me more about why you’re here right now?
  • What’s going on for you, what are you feeling?
  • Is there something you’d like me to understand about you?
  • What would help you feel better?
  • What do you need?
  • Is there anything else you want to tell me?se

You can take this conversation deeper by using a journal to dialogue with your shadow.  Create back and forth journal entries between you and your shadow.  Ask questions, stay curious, invite your shadow to answer the questions. 

No matter how you do it, the practice of conversing with your shadows is powerful.   It encourages self-forgiveness, and resolution of inner conflict.  It makes it easy to bring compassion and understanding to the shadowy, dark places within.  It’s informative and transformative.  It’s something, once you get going, that you’ll likely want to come back to, again and again. 

Peace,

Marian

NOTE:  If you’re dealing with trauma, or feel that your pain is unbearable, reach out to a professional who can assist you with this practice.  Contact me to learn more about using EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting to work with your shadows.

What Your Inner Saboteur Really Wants

by Leave a Comment

Sabotage is tricky.  It’s seductive.  It can trap us, making us feel like we have no way out.  Often it feels shameful, so we hide it from others.  It disrupts our lives, our plans, our happiness.  And yet, sometimes it feels so safe, so incredibly comfortable, that we give in without a fight.

This sense of safe comfort is why we keep going back for more.  The pull is sometimes too strong to resist.  Afterwards, we beat ourselves up for doing it again.  Or perhaps we’ve become so numb we no longer notice the impact sabotage is making in our lives.

Based on my personal and professional experience, I’ve come to understand self-sabotage as a form of protection.  It aims to protect us from rejection, failure, judgement, pain, grief, and more.  Most often it stems from childhood, or young adulthood, when we needed coping skills to handle painful circumstances.  

To heal these sabotaging coping strategies, we need to proceed with love, compassion and understanding.  In fact, love, compassion and understanding are crucial for transformation. It’s exactly what our younger selves needed during painful experiences.  Additionally, it’s especially crucial for our adult selves, as we dive into the work of healing. 

Sabotaging behavior can be traced back to earlier painful experiences.  For example, a young child, eager to show off his singing voice, might be hushed  or teased by family members.  This experience, especially if repeated, could lead to beliefs that it’s not safe to sing in front of people, or that he isn’t important, or good enough.  A natural response to this would be to protect himself from further pain by sabotaging, or squashing, his desire to sing.  He might use tactics such as playing small, busying himself with work,  or refusing to participate in musical endeavors.

Other examples include:

A child who experiences the pain of neglectful parents, might believe that no one shows up for her, or that she’s unlovable.  Later in life, she might attempt to protect herself from further rejection.  For example, she might avoid  or even sabotage social situations, neglect self care , or adopt some form of addictive behavior.

A child who grows up with a highly critical parent will likely develop a hefty critical voice, and tend towards perfectionism, procrastination, and dependence on others for validation.  All to protect against the pain of criticism. 

A traumatic event can feel overwhelming for all of us, especially children.  Common feelings resulting from trauma include shame, helplessness, and grief.  When not processed, these often unbearable feelings can lead to substance abuse, self-neglect, and other risky behaviors.  As harmful as these behaviors are, they’re a form of protection against difficult feelings.  It’s important to reach out for help to safely process these feelings.

It’s clear that all of these situations call for love, understanding, and healing.  Action and discipline are certainly necessary to create new behavior patterns.  The real work, however, is giving ourselves the help we needed in the first place.  Without healing, action and discipline will have far less impact.  

Suggestions for going deeper:

  • Journal to dialog with your younger self to get to know her and what she needs.
  • Write a compassionate, loving letter to your younger self.
  • Join a support group for your particular form of self-sabotage.
  • Reach out for help. Contact a Mental Health Professional.  EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting are effective tools for releasing the painful emotions that can lead to sabotage.  Contact me if you’d like to learn more.

Sabotage can show up in a variety of behaviors.  You’ll know it’s sabotage if it consistently gets in the way of your success and happiness.  It can hide itself in seemingly positive behaviors such busy work, care-giving, and perfectionism. Or show up as risky behaviors, procrastination, self-neglect, and more.   No matter how it shows up for you, your inner saboteur is asking you to look deeply within.  It’s reaching out for love and compassion, and, most of all, healing.   

Take compassionate care of yourself,

Marian