Marian Buck Murray

EFT and IFS for Sensitive, Creative People. Empower yourself self-compassion and deep understanding.

Get Centered When Life Feels Scattered

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“I have too much on my plate.”  “I’m being pulled in so many directions.”  “I feel so scattered and overwhelmed…”

This is what I hear so often from my friends and clients.  Most of them, as the sensitive, empathic people they are, feel responsible for much more than is truly necessary.  This includes other people’s emotions, behavior, expectations, over-all well-being, and more.  And then there are the daily tasks, workplace duties, volunteer obligations, and various family and friends who are calling for attention.

When we’re pulled in different directions, stretched beyond our limits, we get pushed off center. However, it’s when we’re centered and grounded that we can focus on our priorities.  In order to make meaningful progress in life, finding center is paramount.  It might feel impossible, but it’s not.  It might feel easier to try to handle it all, but it’s not.  Getting grounded and centered, is truly the way forward.

Following are some suggestions to help you get grounded and centered when life feels scattered:

Set the stage for the day ahead.
Allow time for yourself in the morning — before your mind fills with the worries of the day, and before you check your phone.  If necessary, go to bed earlier so you can rise earlier, without scrimping on sleep.  Use this time, even if it’s only 10 or 15 minutes, to meditate, write, take a walk, or do something which helps you connect with yourself.  Find a rhythm which feels doable, enjoyable, and centering.

Shift your vision from all that ‘needs’ doing, and towards what’s most important right now.
Acknowledge that you have a lot on your plate, but that you can’t do it all right now.  Decide what you can let go of for now.  Tune in, and ask yourself what are the 3 (or 2 or 1)  most important things for me to accomplish.  Sometime before the end of each day, decide upon priorities for the next day.  Start you day with a plan.

If you’re struggling to clarify priorities, perhaps you’re assuming that everything is a priority.
Take the time to tune in to see what might be clouding your vision.  Ask yourself any of the following: Am I trying to please someone else?  Am I trying to prove myself?  Why does this matter so much to me.  Is this really my responsibility?  How will this be beneficial for me?  How could this harm me?  Is this in alignment with what’s truly important right now? Is this in alignment with my values? Develop a practice to help yourself let go of what obscures your vision.  If you need help, contact me.

When you feel overly distracted, or overwhelmed, take a few minutes to ground yourself.
Get into your body, and out of your head.  If possible, go outside.  Feel the earth under your feet.  Breathe deeply to clear your lungs.  If you’re inside, exercise your core and lower body muscles.  Tap your heels on the floor, march in place, jump up and down, all with the intention of grounding and centering yourself.

Most importantly, remember that when life feels scattered, it’s time to take extra good care of yourself.  If you’re a sensitive, empathic person, you might believe you have to put others first.  Yet when we consistently put others first, ignoring self-care, we burn out.

It’s amazing what even small pockets of self-care can do to bring us back to center.  Self-care can be woven in throughout the day.  It’s in the nourishing foods we eat.  It’s in the nature walks, the meditations, the naps, the yoga, the good night’s rest, the visits to healing practitioners, and time spent with art, and music. When we feel well cared for, it’s easier to focus on what’s most important, and easier to let go of what’s not.

Wishing You Inner Peace,

Marian

Contact me to learn how EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting will help you feel more centered, and at peace with yourself.

 

 

Let Go of Family Triggers So You Can Bring More Joy to Holiday Gatherings

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Family gatherings can be wonderful.  They can also trigger a host of uncomfortable feelings such as resentment, jealousy, anger, sadness, helplessness, etc.  No matter how old we are, or how many years have passed, it can sometimes feel as though we’re walking into a trance, where we  have no choice but to revert back to our old family roles.

Certainly, the healthier we are emotionally, the easier it is to navigate the family landscape.  We might even feel as though we’re ‘over’ whatever issues we faced in the past.  

But just in case any remnants of those old patterns and feelings get triggered, here are some tips to help your time with family feel easier, and more joyful.

Before You Go:

Try Ho’oponopono – Ho’oponopono is a Hawaiian prayer that’s useful for forgiving old wounds. It can be used to clear resentments and negative feelings towards anyone, including family members.  To use Ho’oponopono, bring someone to mind, hold your hand over your heart, and repeat the words:  I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You.  It doesn’t matter if you feel you were ‘wronged’ by this person.  By repeating this mantra, you will help yourself release negative feelings towards the person.

Send Love — There are a number of meditations which you can use to send love to your family members. You can use the heart breath meditation to create a field of heart energy which you imagine you are extending to family members.  Also effective is the Eco Meditation, created by Dawson Church.  In this meditation  you can imagine sending a beam of love and light to a family member.  To learn how to use the eco meditation, click here.

Use Creative Visualization – Use creative visualization before an event to imagine it going smoothly. Don’t be concerned with too many details.  Instead, imagine yourself feeling relaxed and happy.  Imagine peaceful conversations, and laughter.  This type of visualization will help you feel more relaxed about the event, and it will make it more likely that you will act in the way you desire, even if others don’t.

EFT Tapping – EFT Tapping is a wonderful tool to help reduce any anxiety you feel about a family event. In addition, EFT can be used to release specific feelings towards family members. For a video to learn how to use EFT Tapping click here.  For one-on-one guidance in EFT to assist you in navigating a family issues, contact me.

While You’re There

Focus on Beauty — Be truly present with your family, and your surroundings.  Show your heart-felt appreciation for any food, gifts, decorations, etc.  Take time to look at each family member and guest. Find something you admire, appreciate, love, like, or are willing to lovingly accept about each.

Don’t Engage with Drama — It’s easy to get triggered by family members, and it’s easy to react in an old, habitual way.  Remember that everyone, including your family members, has their own triggers.  Disengage with the need to react to someone else’s trigger, to avoid reverting to old reactive patterns.  Be mindful of these patterns.  When you feel triggered, or when someone else is triggered, notice the trigger, and allow the intensity of it to pass before responding.  This might mean stepping away for a moment, counting to ten, breathing deeply, or tapping.  Coming back to a place of inner peace will help you communicate in the kindest, most effective way. *See note below

Get Curious – It’s likely you usually feel most comfortable talking with certain family members over others. Step out of your comfort zone and reach out to those you tend to avoid.  Get curious about their lives.  Open your heart, and your ears, to listen to what they have to tell you.  Reach out to make the connection, instead of waiting for someone to do it first.

Honor your needs with self care. Finally, take care of yourself.  Family gatherings can be overwhelming.  Between the work, the anxiety, the emotions, the late hours, it’s easy to get overly saturated.  Especially if you’re a sensitive person.  Taking care of yourself might mean taking a walk outside, excusing yourself for a quick meditation, leaving early, or sitting quietly in a darkened room for a bit.  For extended gatherings, weave moments of self-care throughout. 

In Peace, Love, and Gratitude,

Marian

 

*For an abusive or volatile situation, emotional or physical, give yourself permission to decline the invitation, or leave early when necessary.  Seek help when needed.

 

How To Honor Your Sensitivity

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Being sensitive means many things.  As a sensitive, empathic person myself, I know how painful it can be to feel or see certain things more deeply than other people. Over the years I have learned how to manage my sensitivity so that it has transformed into a gift I truly embrace.  It’s this process that I  share with my clients and students.

If you’re a sensitive person, you might notice that when others’ don’t share your depth of experience, you wind up feeling misunderstood, or even excluded. You might have heightened sensitivities to noise, smell, foods, and environment. If so, these sensitivities can easily contribute to feelings of weakness, illness, and irritability.

In addition, by believing society’s negative critique of sensitivity, you might think that you’re wrong for being ‘so sensitive’.  Nothing could be further from the truth! 

What’s important for a sensitive person, is to take steps to honor your sensitivity so that it transforms from something painful into a true gift of beauty and strength.

Below are some key steps to turn your sensitivity into a gift that will enrich your life, over and over again.

Understand Your Sensitivity – Understand that if you are one of the estimated 20% of folks with heightened sensitivity, you have a nervous system that feels things more deeply than most. This means that you need to care for yourself differently than someone without your depth of sensitivity. Get to know yourself better. Read up on the different aspects of sensitivity – there are a number of good books on the topic. Understanding yourself will help you increase feelings of self-acceptance.  And, self-acceptance is key to honoring your sensitivity.

Get Clear About What Feels Right for You – We’re often brought up to believe that we ‘should’ enjoy certain experiences that others enjoy.  Getting clear on what feels right for you might mean you don’t go to that party, or you opt for one or two good friends over a group of friends.  Get clear about your ‘shoulds’ versus your true desires. Trust your intuition to help you find the right balance for you.

Honor Your Need for Downtime –  Sensitive people need downtime. And, it can be easy to implement.  Treat yourself to a peaceful nature walk, or sit quietly in a darkened room.  A quick nap can do wonders to calm an overwhelmed mind and nerves.  Throughout each day, allow for short periods of downtime.  Regular breaks of just 5 minutes each can make a profound difference.

Create Self-Care Rituals —   As a sensitive person, you likely lead a rich inner life. Honor it by nourishing it.  Meditation, music, art, yoga, salt baths, and mind-body therapies are all wonderful tools to help you nourish your creative, intuitive soul.

Get Enough Sleep – Because sensitive people take in more information, more deeply, they need more sleep than people who are not highly sensitive.  This means a daily minimum of 8 hours of sleep, preferably 9.  If you have trouble sleeping, be sure to create a soothing bedtime ritual. Eliminate stimulants, and forgo electronics at least 1-2 hours before bed.  Know that by just closing your eyes, you will help to calm and replenish your nervous system. 

Take steps to honor your sensitivity.  It’s a divine gift.  And it’s a gift our world needs now. 

In Courage,

Marian

To schedule a FREE 30 Minute Call, where I’ll help you get clear on your best strategy to honor your sensitivity, and give you a tool to turn it into a superpower,  click here.

 

 

Turn Your Sensitivity into Your Superpower

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Have you ever been told you’re too sensitive?  Or, to grow a thicker skin?  Do you have a habit of taking on other people’s pain?  Do you consistently put others’ needs before your own?  Do you struggle with your sensitivity, at any time, in any way?

If you’re like me, you might be an empath, a highly-sensitive person, or maybe someone with an extra dose of sensitivity.  There’s a spectrum, and if you find that you have heightened sensitivity, you likely fall somewhere within the spectrum of empaths.

Although, as sensitive souls, we know how painful it can be, it’s important to know that sensitivity is actually a source of inner power.  What’s tricky, is knowing how to manage sensitivity — so that rather than disempowering us, it empowers us instead. 

There’s no question in my mind that sensitive people must be vigilant about self-care.  Daily self-care is not an option if you want to thrive as a sensitive person. And, fortunately, with the right methods and tools, it’s possible to turn your sensitivity into your superpower!

What do I mean by turning your sensitivity into your superpower? I mean nurturing your inner gifts, such as:  intuition, inner vision, deep knowing, psychic ability, love, compassion, healing energy, creativity, artistic vision, and so many more — and letting them shine.

Our creative abilities come from our senses, and we help them flourish by creating a nurturing inner environment.

Here are 4 Steps to Turn Your Sensitivity into Your Superpower:

 

STEP 1: EMBRACE

This is where you start. Tune your awareness to what lies within you.  How does sensitivity show up for you?  How does it assist you?  How does it hinder you?  Embrace everything that shows up with love, and acceptance.  Let go of judgement.

Write a list of all things you love about your sensitivity. Write a list of all that is painful.  Practice embracing yourself with love, when you notice either the pleasurable, or painful aspects of your sensitivity.

For one of my clients, when she learned how to embrace her sensitivity, without making it wrong, she was able to harness it in her work as an artist.  Now she infuses her sensitive gifts into her creative projects, and her work has blossomed.

STEP 2: CLEAR

This step creates space for the magical part of your sensitivity to assist you in ways you could never imagine.  Freeing ourselves from judgement, other people’s opinions, other people’s feelings, and all the old emotions we’ve stuffed down, is the key to allowing our sensitivity to shine.

Sensitive people are prone to experiencing intense bouts of self-doubt, anxiety, fear, sadness, and overwhelm.  In addition, because we are sensitive, we’re sometimes more likely to accept beliefs that aren’t even ours. When these emotions and beliefs get stuck in our system, they contribute to persistent limiting patterns.

Clearing out old stuck emotions, and releasing limiting beliefs and patterns is crucial for our sensitivity to truly thrive. Clearing techniques include:  meditation, deep breathing, yoga, EFT tapping, matrix reimprinting, heart breath, and various talk and/or touch therapies.     

Experiment with what works for you. Many times, if not most, it’s helpful to enlist professional help when dealing with old persistent patterns and stuck emotions.

And, remember, self-love is the healing elixir for clearing any, and all, old negativity.

STEP 3: RECHARGE

Cell phones, with all of their amazing apps, only work when they’re charged.  Think of your superpower, or your inner power, as a battery that needs recharging on a regular basis.  When we don’t recharge, we lose power.  Recharging is essential.

Recharging for sensitive people often means a daily self-care ritual, perhaps combined with services such as massage, sauna, salt therapy, and energy therapies.

It also means creating healthy routines to allow for alone-time, creative expression, sleep, and time in nature.

And perhaps the most important aspect of recharging, is the presence of healthy boundaries. Without them, overload and burn-out are almost guaranteed.  Boundaries can be firm, hard, loose, stretchy, soft, or any way you want them.  How ever you decide to create them, remember that boundaries are essential to protect yourself from unwanted energy, people, ideas, and anything else that’s not a match for your system.

STEP 4:  ACTIVATE

Once you’ve become clear on the different aspects of your sensitivity, you’ve begun to clear out old, stuck energy, and you’re regularly recharging your inner power, you’re ready to active your gifts.  As with anything, this is a process.  The more you repeat the steps in the process, the easier, and more powerful it will become. 

Decide now, which of your sensitive inner gifts will you expand?  Which of your natural sensitivities will help you enrich your work life?  Your relationships? Your Health?  Your Spiritual Life?  Your creative life?  How will you shine your gifts, and with whom?

When you begin to see the picture of how sensitivity can flow through your life, activate one aspect of your sensitivity.  For example if you have a lot of compassion, you might choose to volunteer as a way to share your compassion. Or, if you have a gift for sensing subtle energy, you could expand your knowledge of energy therapies. The possibilities are endless.  The goal here is to expand what you already possess, in the way that enriches your life.  This is what turns your sensitivity into your superpower.

Throughout the process of activating your inner gifts, it’s important to recycle through the first 3 steps.  Embrace, Clear, Recharge.  A continual act of self-love will help you continually activate your brilliance.

You deserve your own magnificence!

Here’s to Bold Sensitivity!

Marian

Contact me for a free 30-minute Clarity Call – I’ll help you get clear on your best strategy to manage your sensitivity, so you can turn it into your superpower.

 

How To Create Healthy Boundaries

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If you’re sensitive, like I am, you might very well struggle with boundaries.  Perhaps you have very few boundaries.  Perhaps your boundaries are weak, or full of holes.  Maybe you’ve constructed some extra rigid boundaries to protect yourself from being hurt. 

No matter what type of boundaries you have, if they’re too tight, too loose, or too weak, you won’t feel good.  And, true happiness might feel completely out of reach. 

Good, strong, healthy boundaries are crucial for everyone, especially sensitive people.  Here are some suggestions to create them.

Some tips before you get started:

Determine Your Limits — The clearer you are about your limits, the easier it will be to determine your boundaries.

Use Your Feelings as Your guide – Notice how you feel when you think about or experience something.  The stronger your feelings, either positive or negative, the more you need some sort of boundary to help limit or expand your experience.

Be Direct – Be clear and direct when communicating your boundaries with others.

Make Self-Care a Priority –  With self-care as your priority, healthy boundaries will be easier to create.

Start Small — One boundary at a time. Just get started, the momentum will build. 

For each category below, determine your limits.  Decide which boundaries you will create or transform.

Time – Do you feel short of time?  Do you need more time to do something you love? Do you spend too much time doing something that doesn’t fulfill you, or that disrupts your emotional well-being?  Make decisions on how to spend your time.  Carve out time for your innermost desires.  Let go of time-sucking extras and non-essential responsibilities.

Space – Sensitive people, especially, need space.  Space for rest and rejuvenation.  What do you need in terms of space?  Do you need time alone each day?  Do you need to experience nature on a regular basis?  Do you need a room of your own?  What can you do now to create more space in your life?

Social Life – Get clear on what depletes you and what nourishes you.  If large crowds deplete you, decide how you will limit your exposure to large crowds.  With people who annoy, diminish, or stress you out, how can you minimize, or alter your experiences with them?  If your social boundaries feel too rigid or tight, help yourself imagine comfortable ways to loosen them up. Which boundaries need to change so you can create a balanced, enjoyable social life?

Emotional Life —   What pushes your limits emotionally? What extends you beyond your limits?  Which activities cause you to stir up negativity, sadness, anger, shame, anxiety or discontent?  Which experiences help you shift into a place of happiness, contentment, satisfaction, enthusiasm, optimism and love?  What boundaries can you create to limit your negative experiences? How can you create boundaries to integrate more of what feels good into your life? 

Health — Which boundaries will help you maintain a healthy lifestyle?  Do certain foods or activities need to be off-limits, at least some of the time? Do you need to carve out time for exercise and self-care?  What will help you make your self-care a priority?

Personal Relationships — With family members, partners, or close friends, which of your boundaries need to loosen, which ones need to tighten? How can you create healthy boundaries to improve your experience in your personal relationships?

Healthy boundaries don’t happen over-night.  It takes time. But by creating just one healthy boundary, you will feel immediate results. The rewards are enormous, and life-giving. It’s the ultimate gift of self-love.

For help releasing your blocks around your own healthy boundaries, contact me.

In Courage,

Marian