Marian Buck Murray

EFT and IFS for Sensitive, Creative People. Empower yourself self-compassion and deep understanding.

How to Enjoy Vacation with Extended Family and Friends

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Okay.  I love my family.  I do.  Yet, getting together for a week-long vacation, with my mother, brother, husband, daughters, sisters, nephews, nieces, additional extended-family members, and assorted friends, can be trying for a sensitive person like myself. 

And that’s just what I did. Down the Jersey Shore. I had a blast!

Like most sensitive people, I crave alone-time, serenity, harmony, and lots of quiet.  It’s not that none of that was available during my vacation.  Many times, though, I had to actively cultivate it for myself.  

Most importantly, it’s what I allowed myself to do, knowing that by honoring my need for self-care, I would be more able to enjoy my family and friends.

Here are some tips to help you make your gatherings more enjoyable:

Take time for yourself.  This is crucial.  Get up early to take a walk by yourself.  Go on a solo adventure.  Meditate.  Read. Do some EFT Tapping.  Taking time for yourself will help you get centered, grounded, and present.  And…more able to enjoy the people around you.

Limit alcohol consumption.  If you drink, consider reducing what you’d normally drink on vacation. Alcohol can easily build up, leaving you feeling groggy and even depressed.  Alcohol, of course can also contribute to heated discussions and arguments.  Instead, keep yourself hydrated with water and  herbal drinks.

Disengage from drama.  When heated discussions or arguments do arise, step back from the drama.  Unless it’s crucial to clarify a point, there’s no need to fuel drama.  Expectations, and often emotions, run high during gatherings with family and friends. Stepping back as a more neutral observer will help you keep the peace. And, peace, for the sensitive person, is bliss.

Stretch yourself by communing with your vacation-mates.  Strike up a conversation with someone you don’t normally talk to.  Find out more about the people you’re with.  Participate in activities you’d normally skip.  Stretch and experience the experience!  By consistently allowing yourself downtime, stretching in new ways will be a whole lot easier!

Bring reading materials— Easy-reads work best in distraction-filled environments. Treat yourself, and read something that truly appeals to your senses.  Good reading materials are key to enjoying yourself during down-times, and inclement weather.

Plan Meals in Advance – Who will be cooking meals? Will you be bringing pre-cooked meals? How will expenses, shopping,  and kitchen duties be shared?  Any special diets?  Will you be eating out?  Getting clear about kitchen duties will help you by-pass a lot of confusion, and discontent.

Plan Activities in Advance – If your vacation includes sight-seeing, and/0r out-door activities,  make sure to research and plan accordingly. Where possible, stay flexible, and open to compromise.  Consider consulting with a travel agent to help you customize your travel plans to satisfy the different members of your group.

Participate and contribute – Give your fair share in terms of expenses, and effort, yet don’t be afraid to ask for help. Do your part to keep things equitable for yourself and others.

Enjoy!  And don’t forget to take lots of photos.

In Love and Courage,

Marian

Contact me to learn how to use EFT Tapping to help you clear family conflict.

Let Go of Over-Responsibility

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We tend to grasp onto what feels familiar, no matter how limiting or uncomfortable.  If you’re a sensitive person, you might be holding onto the belief that you’re responsible for far more than is actually possible.  It may feel incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to let go of responsibility.

Many of my clients complain of feeling overwhelmed, and sometimes resentful of the load they’re carrying.  Fortunately, even in the most challenging circumstances, it’s possible to make changes that will lighten the load.

Here are some signs you might be dealing with over-responsibility:

Feeling responsible for Others’ Feelings – How often do you walk around not only feeling others’ feelings, but also feeling responsible for changing them? 

Feeling Responsible for Others’ Mistakes – Do you ever feel in some way responsible when a family member, partner, or friend, acts out in anger or other challenging ways?

Taking responsibility for Others’ Problems – How often do you step into the role of “the only one” who can solve the problems of the family, office, social setting?

Feeling like you have to fix or save the world – Do you ever feel overly stressed about problems in the world, and responsible to fix things?

How to let go of over-responsibility:

Practice awareness. Become aware of all that you feel responsible for. Notice the difference between the different types of responsibilities you take on.  Which ones feel heavy?  Which ones feel light? Which ones feel right?  Which ones trigger resentment?  Which ones feel impossible?

Decide which responsibilities are truly yours. For example, these responsibilities will typically include do-able practices and actions related to your health, your mood, your mind, and certain aspects of your job, family, and social and global situations.

Get clear about responsibilities that are not truly yours.  Other people’s feelings, behavior, and problems…

Decide which responsibilities you’d like to let go. For example consider letting go of: Trying to fix someone’s mood. Taking on too much.  The belief that you’re responsible for everything and everybody in your life.  Feeling responsible for things you cannot control.

Ask for Help — Asking for help can feel difficult for the overly-responsible person.  However, it’s crucial.  Choose responsibilities to delegate or to share with another.  Ask a family member, friend, or colleague for help.  You might be surprised…people will often say YES.

Surrender overly-challenging or impossible responsibilities. On a piece of paper, draw a line down the center to form two columns. Label the left-hand column MINE, and write down responsibilities you know you can handle.  Label the right-hand column UNIVERSE and write down responsibilities that aren’t yours, or those that you struggle with. Imagine surrendering these responsibilities to a greater source of help and inspiration.  Imagine the possibility of welcome solutions, and new forms of assistance.

Another way to do this is to write each overly-challenging/impossible responsibility on a small piece of paper.  Place them in a box or jar labeled Universe.  (or Surrender, or Source, or God, or Goddess….)

Use Meditation and Creative Visualization: Meditate on letting go of extra layers of responsibility and stress.  See yourself able to easily let go of what’s not yours to handle.  Instead of engaging with each responsibility, allow your breath to assist the release.  Envision yourself centered in your strength, knowing what’s yours, and letting go of the rest.

Use EFT Tapping: EFT tapping is effective for helping to release stress and anxiety when you’re feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities.  Tapping helps to lower cortisol, and  increases blood flow to the thinking part of the brain.  This will help you deal more effectively with your challenges.  Click here for an illustrated guideline of the tapping points.  Contact me to learn more about using EFT.

Let go, surrender, allow.

In Love and Courage,

Marian

Embrace The Metaphors Within You

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Metaphors have always been there, reaching out to guide me — even when didn’t notice, or when I tried to push them away.  And, now, when I open to their call, I begin to see them everywhere. In every challenge, every pain, every place of beauty. They’re here for us each day, in every moment.  

The poetry of life, waiting for us to embrace its eternal, loving guidance.

It was one day, many years ago, when I realized the power of what was inside me, begging to be seen.  It was a hot day in August, and as I listened to the cicadas sizzling in the trees, it dropped, right smack into my consciousness.  A neat little package of metaphors, it was the answer to the questions I had been asking for over 15 years.  Finally, I knew, without a doubt, why I had gotten sick, over and over again.

My heart, my body, my spirited inner child, were all in it together, creating the poetry that would guide me back to health.  Urging me to open my heart.  Showing me where I had shut down.  Painting the picture I needed to see to finally wake up from my pain.

It turned out, that each symptom, each autoimmune illness, each heart surgery, were all pieces of the same puzzle. When I saw them all together, they revealed the divine map I needed to heal from the trauma I had experienced many years earlier, when I lost my sister to suicide.

In my work with clients, metaphors appear everywhere. They show up as a restriction, or pain in the throat, for a client who’s afraid to speak her truth.  Or as a tight heaviness in the shoulders, for someone who feels as though she carries the world on her shoulders.  Sensitive digestion, is often a sign of deep sensitivity, and an inability to digest all the worries of the world.

Though these metaphors can sometimes seem obvious, it’s usually not that simple. 

Layers of meaning abound, and for each one of us, they are uniquely personal.  It’s where we go next after that first glimpse of the metaphor. What lies underneath?  What guidance do we need to follow? What pain is asking to be loved and released?

Both EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting are the perfect tools to help my clients uncover hidden metaphors within their pain.  As we gently unwrap the layers, pain is released, and messages are discovered.  Wisdom emerges, leading to even deeper healing.

The way I see it, it all comes back to a call for love.  The metaphors within us, the metaphors all around us, are beckoning us to love ourselves more.  To forgive, to let go, and to open up to the love that’s all around us.  Simply, and profoundly, they are love poems, ready and waiting to be read.

Curious about the metaphors within you?  Contact me!

In Love and Courage,

Marian

How To Honor Your Sensitivity

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Being sensitive means many things.  As a sensitive, empathic person myself, I know how painful it can be to feel or see certain things more deeply than other people. Over the years I have learned how to manage my sensitivity so that it has transformed into a gift I truly embrace.  It’s this process that I  share with my clients and students.

If you’re a sensitive person, you might notice that when others’ don’t share your depth of experience, you wind up feeling misunderstood, or even excluded. You might have heightened sensitivities to noise, smell, foods, and environment. If so, these sensitivities can easily contribute to feelings of weakness, illness, and irritability.

In addition, by believing society’s negative critique of sensitivity, you might think that you’re wrong for being ‘so sensitive’.  Nothing could be further from the truth! 

What’s important for a sensitive person, is to take steps to honor your sensitivity so that it transforms from something painful into a true gift of beauty and strength.

Below are some key steps to turn your sensitivity into a gift that will enrich your life, over and over again.

Understand Your Sensitivity – Understand that if you are one of the estimated 20% of folks with heightened sensitivity, you have a nervous system that feels things more deeply than most. This means that you need to care for yourself differently than someone without your depth of sensitivity. Get to know yourself better. Read up on the different aspects of sensitivity – there are a number of good books on the topic. Understanding yourself will help you increase feelings of self-acceptance.  And, self-acceptance is key to honoring your sensitivity.

Get Clear About What Feels Right for You – We’re often brought up to believe that we ‘should’ enjoy certain experiences that others enjoy.  Getting clear on what feels right for you might mean you don’t go to that party, or you opt for one or two good friends over a group of friends.  Get clear about your ‘shoulds’ versus your true desires. Trust your intuition to help you find the right balance for you.

Honor Your Need for Downtime –  Sensitive people need downtime. And, it can be easy to implement.  Treat yourself to a peaceful nature walk, or sit quietly in a darkened room.  A quick nap can do wonders to calm an overwhelmed mind and nerves.  Throughout each day, allow for short periods of downtime.  Regular breaks of just 5 minutes each can make a profound difference.

Create Self-Care Rituals —   As a sensitive person, you likely lead a rich inner life. Honor it by nourishing it.  Meditation, music, art, yoga, salt baths, and mind-body therapies are all wonderful tools to help you nourish your creative, intuitive soul.

Get Enough Sleep – Because sensitive people take in more information, more deeply, they need more sleep than people who are not highly sensitive.  This means a daily minimum of 8 hours of sleep, preferably 9.  If you have trouble sleeping, be sure to create a soothing bedtime ritual. Eliminate stimulants, and forgo electronics at least 1-2 hours before bed.  Know that by just closing your eyes, you will help to calm and replenish your nervous system. 

Take steps to honor your sensitivity.  It’s a divine gift.  And it’s a gift our world needs now. 

In Courage,

Marian

To schedule a FREE 30 Minute Call, where I’ll help you get clear on your best strategy to honor your sensitivity, and give you a tool to turn it into a superpower,  click here.

 

 

Turn Your Sensitivity into Your Superpower

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Have you ever been told you’re too sensitive?  Or, to grow a thicker skin?  Do you have a habit of taking on other people’s pain?  Do you consistently put others’ needs before your own?  Do you struggle with your sensitivity, at any time, in any way?

If you’re like me, you might be an empath, a highly-sensitive person, or maybe someone with an extra dose of sensitivity.  There’s a spectrum, and if you find that you have heightened sensitivity, you likely fall somewhere within the spectrum of empaths.

Although, as sensitive souls, we know how painful it can be, it’s important to know that sensitivity is actually a source of inner power.  What’s tricky, is knowing how to manage sensitivity — so that rather than disempowering us, it empowers us instead. 

There’s no question in my mind that sensitive people must be vigilant about self-care.  Daily self-care is not an option if you want to thrive as a sensitive person. And, fortunately, with the right methods and tools, it’s possible to turn your sensitivity into your superpower!

What do I mean by turning your sensitivity into your superpower? I mean nurturing your inner gifts, such as:  intuition, inner vision, deep knowing, psychic ability, love, compassion, healing energy, creativity, artistic vision, and so many more — and letting them shine.

Our creative abilities come from our senses, and we help them flourish by creating a nurturing inner environment.

Here are 4 Steps to Turn Your Sensitivity into Your Superpower:

 

STEP 1: EMBRACE

This is where you start. Tune your awareness to what lies within you.  How does sensitivity show up for you?  How does it assist you?  How does it hinder you?  Embrace everything that shows up with love, and acceptance.  Let go of judgement.

Write a list of all things you love about your sensitivity. Write a list of all that is painful.  Practice embracing yourself with love, when you notice either the pleasurable, or painful aspects of your sensitivity.

For one of my clients, when she learned how to embrace her sensitivity, without making it wrong, she was able to harness it in her work as an artist.  Now she infuses her sensitive gifts into her creative projects, and her work has blossomed.

STEP 2: CLEAR

This step creates space for the magical part of your sensitivity to assist you in ways you could never imagine.  Freeing ourselves from judgement, other people’s opinions, other people’s feelings, and all the old emotions we’ve stuffed down, is the key to allowing our sensitivity to shine.

Sensitive people are prone to experiencing intense bouts of self-doubt, anxiety, fear, sadness, and overwhelm.  In addition, because we are sensitive, we’re sometimes more likely to accept beliefs that aren’t even ours. When these emotions and beliefs get stuck in our system, they contribute to persistent limiting patterns.

Clearing out old stuck emotions, and releasing limiting beliefs and patterns is crucial for our sensitivity to truly thrive. Clearing techniques include:  meditation, deep breathing, yoga, EFT tapping, matrix reimprinting, heart breath, and various talk and/or touch therapies.     

Experiment with what works for you. Many times, if not most, it’s helpful to enlist professional help when dealing with old persistent patterns and stuck emotions.

And, remember, self-love is the healing elixir for clearing any, and all, old negativity.

STEP 3: RECHARGE

Cell phones, with all of their amazing apps, only work when they’re charged.  Think of your superpower, or your inner power, as a battery that needs recharging on a regular basis.  When we don’t recharge, we lose power.  Recharging is essential.

Recharging for sensitive people often means a daily self-care ritual, perhaps combined with services such as massage, sauna, salt therapy, and energy therapies.

It also means creating healthy routines to allow for alone-time, creative expression, sleep, and time in nature.

And perhaps the most important aspect of recharging, is the presence of healthy boundaries. Without them, overload and burn-out are almost guaranteed.  Boundaries can be firm, hard, loose, stretchy, soft, or any way you want them.  How ever you decide to create them, remember that boundaries are essential to protect yourself from unwanted energy, people, ideas, and anything else that’s not a match for your system.

STEP 4:  ACTIVATE

Once you’ve become clear on the different aspects of your sensitivity, you’ve begun to clear out old, stuck energy, and you’re regularly recharging your inner power, you’re ready to active your gifts.  As with anything, this is a process.  The more you repeat the steps in the process, the easier, and more powerful it will become. 

Decide now, which of your sensitive inner gifts will you expand?  Which of your natural sensitivities will help you enrich your work life?  Your relationships? Your Health?  Your Spiritual Life?  Your creative life?  How will you shine your gifts, and with whom?

When you begin to see the picture of how sensitivity can flow through your life, activate one aspect of your sensitivity.  For example if you have a lot of compassion, you might choose to volunteer as a way to share your compassion. Or, if you have a gift for sensing subtle energy, you could expand your knowledge of energy therapies. The possibilities are endless.  The goal here is to expand what you already possess, in the way that enriches your life.  This is what turns your sensitivity into your superpower.

Throughout the process of activating your inner gifts, it’s important to recycle through the first 3 steps.  Embrace, Clear, Recharge.  A continual act of self-love will help you continually activate your brilliance.

You deserve your own magnificence!

Here’s to Bold Sensitivity!

Marian

Contact me for a free 30-minute Clarity Call – I’ll help you get clear on your best strategy to manage your sensitivity, so you can turn it into your superpower.