Marian Buck Murray

EFT and IFS for Sensitive, Creative People. Empower yourself self-compassion and deep understanding.

10 Ways To Love Yourself

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Why do I believe self-love is so important?  Well, I know from both personal and professional experience that when we practice self-love, we do more to improve our lives, and in turn, the world around us. Most importantly, it’s self-love that helps us build a deeper connection with the authentic self within. 

When we practice self-love, we can gradually let go of the defenses and facades we use for protection. Self-love is about accepting ourselves, including the parts we hide and avoid.  It’s about realizing that even our darkest weaknesses are indeed lovable.  Self-love is healing, and when we feel loved we begin to radiate love. 

Self-love is not about letting ourselves off the hook.  Rather, it’s about encouraging ourselves, and releasing the blocks that stand in our way.  It’s about taking true responsibility for our lives, in a loving, compassionate way.

Here are 10 ways to express self-love.  Use what works best for you.

Give yourself a hug each morning when you wake up. Hold yourself and tell yourself good morning!  Welcome yourself into the day.

When you feel an uncomfortable feeling — pause. Send love and compassion to your feeling.  When possible, ask yourself if the feeling has a message for you.

Spend quiet alone time with yourself, each day. Treasure this time with yourself.  Pay loving, kind attention to yourself.

Do something loving for yourself. Ask yourself: What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?

Close your eyes, and breath in and out from the area of your heart. Imagine that your heart is radiating love. Allow this love to expand through your body, and radiate even further outside of your body.  Allow yourself to rest in the field of love surrounding you.

Do something just for yourself. Something that will awaken your spirit, or nurture your soul.  Do it for you, not for self-growth, or achievement, but just for your enjoyment.

Make a list of all the things you like and love about yourself. Keep this list handy so you can add to it. Refer to it often, especially when you’re feeling down about yourself.

Catch your inner critic in the act. Help this voice find encouraging phrases to use instead.

Accept your mistakes and imperfections. Be gentle with yourself, and remind yourself that you are human.

Write yourself a love letter. Tell yourself what you truly appreciate about yourself.  Show compassion for what you are going through.  Draw special attention to strengths and kindnesses that might go unnoticed.  Write one of these letters once a week, once a month, or as needed.

When you practice self-love, little by little, you can fall in love with yourself.  Each and every act of self-love is worth it, and so are you!

Peace,

Marian

Clear the Way

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For me, there’s something about January which feels light and fresh and clear. The end-of-year holiday congestion has dissipated.  The trees stand tall and bare, allowing the winter sun to make its way through my window.  The new calendar on my kitchen wall boasts a brand-new clean slate.

If only that were completely true.  While in many respects it does feel like a clean slate, I’ve found again and again that it’s never purely a clean slate.  Remnants from the months, and years past, still vie for attention.  It’s been a lot these past few years.  And despite my desire to move full steam ahead, I sense a part of me is holding back.

It’s the reason why so many of those lofty resolutions barely make into February.  Despite our best intentions, when we don’t let go of the past, it can feel difficult, even impossible, to move forward.  When we don’t take time to clear the residue, we repeat the same old patterns which keep us stuck.

Often, when I notice resistance around my intentions, I pause.  And, rather than giving up, or pushing forward, I look within to determine what’s still in my way. I tune into my fears and doubts so that I can help clear them away.  And, though I often do this, I don’t always.  So, this year,  I aspire to add more consistency to my practice.

During the first few days and weeks of January we are bombarded with countless practices to help detox and shape the body.  It’s assumed, especially after holiday excess, that January is the perfect time to begin paying more attention to the physical body. Yes, maybe this is true.  Yet, just like the physical body needs periodic cleansing, so does the emotional body.  Similar to any other toxin, our doubts and fears, when allowed to build up, form the sludge that weighs us down. 

I suggest that in order to cleanse the emotional/energetic body, we incorporate doable daily practices into our lives.  And, just with any type of exercise, consistency is key.  Consistently releasing old emotions, along with relaxing the nervous system, reaps benefits for every area of our lives. 

When I worked as a nutrition coach, I would recommend gradual dietary changes, and slow detoxes.  Slow and steady is what ensures lasting results.  The same goes for an emotional detox.  Little by little is what helps our system get used to the changes, allowing them to take hold.

Tapping, meditation, therapy, and body work are fabulous tools to help clear stuck emotions.  Some can be done in as little as 10 minutes a day.  Those with longer time commitments can be practiced less frequently. All will help clear out the pockets of sludge that weigh us down.  Find what realistically works for you, so that you can stay consistent.

Here’s to clearing your way forward! Commit to what you can do, and enjoy!

Happy New Year!

Marian

PS:  Watch my newest EFT Tapping Video:  I Can Do It!

Procrastination: What’s it really about?

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If you ever feel frustrated with your own procrastination, I know the feeling.  Procrastination can be very seductive, and it might feel impossible to resist. Whether it shows up as busy work, succumbing to addictive distractions, or doing nothing at all, it can be a mighty fearsome beast.

As if the results of procrastination weren’t punishing enough, we top it off by beating ourselves up. We say things like:  I’m so lazy.  I never get anything done.  I’ll never get ahead… so why bother?  It won’t work anyway.  I’m such a screw-up.  All of this feels pretty crappy, to say the least.

So what to do when the to-do list feels too hard to accomplish?  Or when you don’t have a clue of what to do.  Maybe you know what you ‘should’ do, but it’s the last thing you want to do. Perhaps you feel like there’s far too much to do, so why even try. 

There are many reasons we use to justify procrastination. Some might be completely justified.  Yet, ongoing procrastination will hold us hostage until we do something about it.

What I’ve found, is that procrastination is seldom solely about the willpower to accomplish more.  Sure, some of our habits might look like a lazy lack of willpower.  Yet, typically, somewhere underneath it all, there’s fear. Fear that might be hiding, or perhaps camouflaged, but strong enough to keep us stuck in procrastination.

The most common of these fears include:  Making a mistake. Being rejected. Shining too brightly. Being incompetent.  Not being enough.  Being too much.  And so on.

What I suggest, when you feel stuck in procrastination, is to proceed with compassionate for yourself.  Beating yourself up will only serve to make you feel worse.  This, of course, can lead to even more procrastination. Or, a flurry of over-activity, followed with a backlash of procrastination. (I’ve done it all…)

What if procrastination is actually a call to look more deeply within. 

What if it’s a call to ask ourselves, what’s triggering me? What am I afraid of? What do I believe about myself? What do I believe about the tasks at hand?  Asking questions is what helps us clarify our blocks and limiting perceptions.

So, once we find our blocks and limiting beliefs — what’s next? 

I highly recommend using EFT Tapping as a tool overcome the emotions and beliefs which underlie procrastination.  Meditation, matrix reimprinting, somatic work, journaling, and/or reaching out to a healing professional are very helpful as well.  Combine your preferred tools and resources to begin resolving the inner conflict which keeps you stuck. I truly believe that until we resolve the issues plaguing us from within, we can only go so far in life.

What I suggest, is to proceed one step at a time. Sometimes the to-do list might look unwieldy. Impossible, perhaps.  Yet, starting with one small action will help build momentum.  Start with one doable task from your list.  Add to that an underlying fear, and use tapping, meditation, or your preferred method, to help it release.

It’s important to take action towards both the tasks that need doing and the limiting beliefs and feelings.  Doing one will help build momentum with the other.  For example, accomplishing a task will help you feel better about yourself, and diminish fear.  Releasing fear and limiting beliefs will enable you get more done.

Start where you are.  Start with something.  Start with one action, one fear.  Build momentum, and go from there.

Here’s to your success!

Peace,

Marian

For a Tapping Video to Help  You Get It Done, Click Here.

Need help getting unstuck? I’m here to help. Reach out.

Get Centered When Life Feels Scattered

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“I have too much on my plate.”  “I’m being pulled in so many directions.”  “I feel so scattered and overwhelmed…”

This is what I hear so often from my friends and clients.  Most of them, as the sensitive, empathic people they are, feel responsible for much more than is truly necessary.  This includes other people’s emotions, behavior, expectations, over-all well-being, and more.  And then there are the daily tasks, workplace duties, volunteer obligations, and various family and friends who are calling for attention.

When we’re pulled in different directions, stretched beyond our limits, we get pushed off center. However, it’s when we’re centered and grounded that we can focus on our priorities.  In order to make meaningful progress in life, finding center is paramount.  It might feel impossible, but it’s not.  It might feel easier to try to handle it all, but it’s not.  Getting grounded and centered, is truly the way forward.

Following are some suggestions to help you get grounded and centered when life feels scattered:

Set the stage for the day ahead.
Allow time for yourself in the morning — before your mind fills with the worries of the day, and before you check your phone.  If necessary, go to bed earlier so you can rise earlier, without scrimping on sleep.  Use this time, even if it’s only 10 or 15 minutes, to meditate, write, take a walk, or do something which helps you connect with yourself.  Find a rhythm which feels doable, enjoyable, and centering.

Shift your vision from all that ‘needs’ doing, and towards what’s most important right now.
Acknowledge that you have a lot on your plate, but that you can’t do it all right now.  Decide what you can let go of for now.  Tune in, and ask yourself what are the 3 (or 2 or 1)  most important things for me to accomplish.  Sometime before the end of each day, decide upon priorities for the next day.  Start you day with a plan.

If you’re struggling to clarify priorities, perhaps you’re assuming that everything is a priority.
Take the time to tune in to see what might be clouding your vision.  Ask yourself any of the following: Am I trying to please someone else?  Am I trying to prove myself?  Why does this matter so much to me.  Is this really my responsibility?  How will this be beneficial for me?  How could this harm me?  Is this in alignment with what’s truly important right now? Is this in alignment with my values? Develop a practice to help yourself let go of what obscures your vision.  If you need help, contact me.

When you feel overly distracted, or overwhelmed, take a few minutes to ground yourself.
Get into your body, and out of your head.  If possible, go outside.  Feel the earth under your feet.  Breathe deeply to clear your lungs.  If you’re inside, exercise your core and lower body muscles.  Tap your heels on the floor, march in place, jump up and down, all with the intention of grounding and centering yourself.

Most importantly, remember that when life feels scattered, it’s time to take extra good care of yourself.  If you’re a sensitive, empathic person, you might believe you have to put others first.  Yet when we consistently put others first, ignoring self-care, we burn out.

It’s amazing what even small pockets of self-care can do to bring us back to center.  Self-care can be woven in throughout the day.  It’s in the nourishing foods we eat.  It’s in the nature walks, the meditations, the naps, the yoga, the good night’s rest, the visits to healing practitioners, and time spent with art, and music. When we feel well cared for, it’s easier to focus on what’s most important, and easier to let go of what’s not.

Wishing You Inner Peace,

Marian

Contact me to learn how EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting will help you feel more centered, and at peace with yourself.

 

 

Exit the Mind Loop

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In our society we’re trained to give the brain most of, if not all, the credit.  Many of us believe that the brain is the only place to go when we want to solve a problem.  We say things like:  I’m wracking my brain.  Let me think about it.  And, I’m trying to wrap my head around it…

When left unchecked, all of this brain activity takes an enormous amount of energy. Especially when we’re worried.  It’s easy to overthink and overanalyze our circumstances. And, sometimes, often without realizing it, we can get trapped in a punishing mind loop. 

The brain, of course, with its myriad functions, is an amazingly intricate and powerful organ. However, when we rely solely on the brain to help us, we miss out on the treasure chest of wisdom residing in the rest of the body.  A mind loop, after all, rarely resolves itself with thinking alone. 

And when it comes to accessing creative or intuitive flow, it’s the thinking brain that presents the biggest hurdles.  Typically, the more we think about being creative or intuitive, the more we doubt and second-guess ourselves.  A self-doubting, second-guessing mind blocks intuition, and cripples creative flow.  The longer we engage with the mind loop, the further we take ourselves from the luscious experience of flow. 

So, while recognizing and respecting the power of the brain, it’s important to consult the body and heart, in order to facilitate flow.   

Here are some ways to help yourself drop out of a busy mind loop:

Breath Deeply – Deep breath will help activate the relaxation response.  In addition, by focusing on your breath, you take your focus off of your busy mind. 

Move your Body Parts– Mindfully move different parts of your body.  Pay attention to your hand, your leg, your foot, etc.  Notice any sensations with that arise with each part of your body.  Notice any information or metaphors your body might be expressing. Observe what happens with your thoughts when you  purposefully steer them to your body.

Get up and Dance!  —  Dancing, especially to music you love, will help you break out of a troubling mind set.  Get silly and exaggerate your moves.  If you’re up for it, shake your body from top to toe.  Shaking will help release anxiety and loosen your body and mind.

Chant —  Chanting a simple mantra, such as Om, for 10 -20 minutes is an effective way to exit a mind loop. By focusing on a simple phrase, chanting will help you transcend the mind.  In addition, chanting helps activate the vagus nerve,  thereby relaxing the nervous system.   If you’re new to chanting, start with a few minutes, and work up to longer periods of time.

Use the Heart Breath —  The heart breath will help you relax a busy brain.  According to experts,  the heart’s electromagnetic energy field  is as much as 5000 times greater than the brain’s.  This means that we can use the heart to entrain the brain into a calmer brain wave state. This will help boost effective brain function.  Click here to access my Heart Breath Meditation on Insight Timer. 

Use EFT tapping –  An anxious mind can trigger a spike in cortisol.   EFT Tapping has been clinically proven to be one of the most effective techniques for reducing cortisol.  By reducing cortisol and calming the nervous system, we help ourselves drop out of the mind loop.  This enables us to think more clearly, in a solution-based way.  Contact me to learn more about EFT Tapping.

Here’s to giving your busy mind a well deserved break!

Peace,
Marian

Contact me to learn how EFT Tapping can help you exit a painful mind loop.