Marian Buck Murray

EFT and Matrix Reimprinting for Sensitive, Empathic, Creative People. Step out of the shadows and share your gifts and talents.

Resolve Inner Conflict

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It happens.  You make a decision.  It feels right.  It feels good.  Then 30 minutes later, doubt creeps into your mind.  No, you think, this is the wrong decision.  There are so many reasons why this is the wrong decision.  Back and forth you go.  Yes. No. Yes. No. 

Inner conflict is no fun.  It can be confusing and cause us to shut down. Often, when we can’t make a clear decision, it feels better to do nothing at all. Sometimes this is the right solution.  Sometimes it’s not. What’s important, however, is to look closely at the inner conflict.

Inner conflict occurs when two or more parts, or shadows, want control.  Typically, each will have a different goal.  One might be the adventurer, eager to go out and explore.  Another might be the worrier, who wants to stay safe, and hidden.  Still another might be pestering the adventurer to take part in risky behavior.

These shadow parts often get triggered when confronted with life’s stressors and big decision. When triggered, they can throw us into a flurry of self doubt and second guessing.  As they pull us back and forth, they show us the places where we need healing.  Until these shadow parts are healed, they will continue to get triggered, and seek control during times of stress.

Inner conflict calls for conflict resolution.  Without it, it’s hard to make progress. It’s a matter of helping our frightened parts feel safe, supported, and empowered.  It also means helping the more critical, pushy parts to feel content with what’s most beneficial for us.

In order to resolve inner conflict, we must start with curiosity, acceptance, introspection, and commitment.  It’s about listening to the shadow parts which are influencing our lives. Which ones win most often?  Which ones are pushed aside?  Which ones are unduly influenced by other people’s opinions? 

Conflict resolution means listening to all sides, and doing the work to create consensus. Sometimes, this work is best done with a healing professional.  

When we resolve our own personal conflicts, we bring clarity to our challenges and decisions.  We find beneficial solutions.  We create a sense of inner strength and unity. This helps us build confidence, momentum, and inner peace.  It’s well worth it!

Helpful Practices for Resolving Inner Conflict Include:

Meditation – With meditation, you can train yourself to notice the differing thoughts and feelings which arise during your practice.  This will help illuminate conflicts to address.

Journaling – Use writing to dialogue with conflicting parts.  Ask questions.  Get to know your inner shadow parts — their motives, goals, fears, and dreams.  Ask what they need in order to resolve conflict.

Heart Breath – The Heart Breath helps you drop out of a conflicted mind, into the peace of your heart.  Using this breath will help you clarify true priorities and desires. To download a free Mp3 of my guided Heart Breath, enter your information in the box to the right of this post.  Or, listen to it on Insight Timer.

EFT Tapping – EFT Tapping is helpful for releasing the emotions associated with triggered shadow parts.  To learn more about EFT Tapping, contact me. 

Matrix Reimprinting – This technique facilitates a deep connection with shadow parts, in order to help transform outdated beliefs and pent-up feelings. To learn more about Matrix Reimprinting, contact me.

May you find peaceful resolution for all of your conflicts.

Peace,

Marian

Getting Unstuck, When You Don’t Know Where To Start

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Many of us are going through some heavy challenges right now.  A number of my friends and clients are either at a crossroads, or feeling incredibly stuck, and unable to move forward.

It’s during these trying times that we yearn to know what’s next.  We feel frustrated that we don’t know what ‘next’ is, or how to get there.  Often we get so mired in what might happen in the future, that we immerse ourselves in piles of worry and confusion. Needless to say, it can be a very uncomfortable place to be.

What’s important to realize is that when we can’t see ahead, it’s time to look right in front of us.  Not backwards, or forwards.  Rather, right here in the present moment.  It’s here, in this moment,  where we’re able to course correct and clarify our vision.

Sounds good, but how do we do that? We start, simply, by tuning in to ourselves.  We notice what’s going on within — our emotions, our needs, our desires.  By making this internal connection, we’re able to determine what we need in order to move forward.  This is the first crucial step.

We equip ourselves for the challenge ahead by asking: ‘how can I help myself right now?’ — and by committing to the answers we find.

This might mean getting more sleep. Or eating a healthier diet.  Or meditating more often. Or releasing pent-up emotions.  It might mean reaching out to a trusted friend or healing professional.  Perhaps it’s finally reading that book we’ve been meaning to read.  It could mean anything.  Only you will know what’s most meaningful for you right now.

Any time we move forward, we need to let go of something in order to lighten our load.  For example,  letting go of what we think will happen or what we think must happen.  In addition, letting go of resentments, grudges, and pent-up emotions will serve us enormously.  By letting go of what clouds our vision, our vision begins to clear.  Seeing more clearly eases our way forward.

If you’re feeling stuck right now, pause, and tune in. Listen to your inner wisdom. Take action to care for your needs.  Get clear on what’s most important to you.  Determine what you need to let go, and begin the process. Once you begin to clarify your vision, it will become easier to take the steps towards transformation.

Some Useful Tools to Help You Get Unstuck:

Meditation.  There are many ways to meditate.  Find what’s best for you.  If you don’t know how, there are many helpful books and teachers on the topic.  Insight Timer  is an app which offers a vast array of guided meditations and meditation music, along with a timer for silent meditations.  Regular meditation will help you access your wise inner guidance.

EFT Tapping.  EFT tapping is a wonderful tool to help you release the emotions and beliefs which are clouding your vision.  In addition, tapping helps to reduce cortisol, making your brain more efficient.  Efficient brain function, and a calm nervous system will do wonders to assist you in finding solutions to face any challenge. To learn more about EFT Tapping, contact me.

Heart Breath.  The Heart Breath meditation will help you drop out of a depleting, defeating, mind loop.   By calming your heart, you will help calm your mind, and open up to new possibilities and solutions.  For a free download of my guided Heart Breath Meditation, enter your email in the Heart Breath box to the right of this post.  Or, find me on Insight Timer, where I’ve posted a number of meditations, including the Heart Breath.

My best wishes for your road ahead.

Peace,

Marian

 

 

 

Don’t Be Afraid of Your Shadow

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Many of us spend a lot of time avoiding our shadows.   Those places we don’t want to talk about.  Those places we don’t want anyone to see.  Those places that sometimes get so triggered.  It’s easy to be scared of these places.  They’re distressing, and they hold all sorts of uncomfortable feelings. 

But, what if, at the same time we’re scared of our shadows, our shadows are scared of us?

Think about it.   Think about all the judgement and criticism we throw at our shadows.  Banishing them into exile, under lock and key.  Demeaning them, belittling them, refusing to accept them. 

How would you feel if you were treated that way?

Imagine instead, that your shadow, or shadows, are eager for your attention.  Just like a child who yearns for parental love and acceptance.  The more you push them away, the more they act up, or the more they shy away.  They show up in our lives in a variety of ways — from unhealthy habits, and relationship problems to issues with career, happiness, success, and more.

A shadow, simply, is a part of ourselves which we  avoid or push away.  It can be anything from a hidden gift or talent, to a painful memory, tucked away into the subconscious mind.   Because they live in the subconscious mind, shadows hold enormous power in our lives.  Even when we’re not aware of them. Experts have reported that our subconscious mind is responsible for more than 90% of what we say, think and act. 

Learning about our shadows is paramount.   And, we can’t learn about them if we’re busy avoiding them.  When we approach our shadows with compassion and curiosity, we’re able to discover the origins of our limiting patterns, so we can begin to unravel them.

Our shadows hold potent information, waiting for us to tap in.  Tapping in helps us soften the pain that keeps us stuck.  Embracing them allows us to harness long-lost gifts, talents, and power.

If you’re scared of looking into your shadows, it’s completely understandable.  It’s important to feel safe when you do any type of shadow work.  Because shadows live in the dark, it’s helpful, and sometimes necessary, to do shadow work with a healing professional.

Below I offer a few suggestions on reducing fear around shadow work.   

    • Imagine your shadow is actually a younger you.  As much as you can, summon compassion for this younger you.  When you see your shadow this way, it can feel a lot less frightening.
    • Understand that your shadow is simply a part of you that has been pushed away for some reason. So often it’s not the shadow that’s scary.  It’s typically the feelings of judgement surrounding the shadow that feel scary.  Ask for assistance from a healing professional if you need help navigating your feelings.
    • Open up a conversation with your shadow. Get curious.  Ask questions.  For more information on how to talk to your shadow click here.  For a video, click here.
    • Use EFT Tapping to reduce fear surrounding shadow exploration. No need to start with the shadow itself.  Simply notice any fear you feel about exploring your shadow, and tap through the EFT acupressure points.  For more information about tapping, click here.  Again, reach out for help  if you need it.

May your shadows illuminate your way forward.

Peace,

Marian

To learn more about shadow work, and how it can help you transform your life, contact me.

Call Back Your Energy

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Many of my clients talk about feeling fatigued and overwhelmed by all that is happening with the people in their lives and in the world.  It definitely makes a lot of sense.  And, it’s certainly important to do what we can for those in need — our world needs more of it.  However, when boundaries are loose, or non-existent, empathy and compassion for others can easily morph into a belief of being responsible for their well-being.

 I am not suggesting we ignore the well-being of others.  Rather, I am suggesting that the belief that we’re responsible for another’s well-being is what contributes to fatigue and overwhelm.  This belief pushes us to over-give, overextend, micromanage, self-censor, worry, and more.  It can easily leave us feeling completely drained.  When we’re completely drained, it’s impossible, to participate in our lives at our highest potential.

It takes a great deal of energy to take responsibility for another person.  It takes more even more energy to worry about that person.  Add to that the worry for people and creatures around the world, and energy depletion is guaranteed.

I understand, that for many of us, especially sensitive people, it usually doesn’t feel like a choice.  It can feel as though if we don’t take responsibility, no one will. Most often, there are life circumstances which have led to these conclusions.  Because it’s a repetitive pattern, it feels natural, no matter how uncomfortable.  In fact, it typically feels like the ‘right’ or most compassionate thing to do.   

So how do we stay compassionate and caring, without depleting energy? How do we take a step back to spend more time tending to our own needs?   It’s not always easy, but it’s definitely possible.  And the rewards are truly worth it.

Here are some of the mindset shifts and tools that are working for me, and for my clients:

Let Go of Feeling Responsible  — We need to always remember that each person is ultimately responsible for their own well-being.  It can be a tricky dance, but the more we’re able to let go of feeling responsible for another’s well-being, the better.  

It’s a balance that we need to find.  There’s nothing wrong with giving, and helping, and extending ourselves — but letting go of feeling responsible is necessary.  When we feel less burdened by responsibility, we’re able to come from a more genuine, loving place.  This enables us to be truly compassionate, rather than overburdened or resentful.

Certainly, there are those for whom we need to take some or more responsibility, including young children, disabled loved ones, and elderly loved ones.  But even here, there are limits.  Allowing for another’s independence, inner-wisdom, and true nature is paramount.  

Stop Trying to Control What You Cannot Control  — No matter how distressing, we can’t control what happens in the world.  We can’t control what people believe, or how they react or feel.  The same is true for much of what happens with our families, and friends.  Sometimes, we can’t even control what happens to us.  By wanting, imagining, or exerting control over what’s impossible to control, we deplete essential energy.  It’s when we let go of trying to control that we reclaim this energy.  When we reclaim our energy, it’s much easier to manage our responses to our current circumstances. 

When Triggered, Pause and Look Within — When you find yourself triggered, or are afraid of triggering another, it’s time to pause and look within.  Ask yourself what you are trying to stop from happening.  What are you trying to make happen?  What emotions or reactions are you trying to avoid, either in yourself or another?  

Pausing to check in with yourself will help you bring your energy back. This in itself will help de-escalate the trigger.  By checking in, you can focus on your emotions and needs.  This will enable you to do what’s necessary for your own well-being.  This might mean taking a break, doing a meditation, journaling, or reaching out to a healing professional.  All of this will help you call back your energy.

Spend Time Alone – Spend time alone, whether it’s a 15 minute break, a soothing bath,  or a walk in nature.  This will help you let go of external influences, and regroup your energy.

Meditate —  The more you’re able to meditate, the more you will realize that there’s a whole world within, beyond the noise outside.  Maintaining a consistent meditation practice will help you reduce stress, and focus your attention on what’s important to you.  Meditation is a perfect way to call back your energy.

Tap —  EFT Tapping will help you calm your nervous system, and release emotions that keep you on edge.  By physically tapping on acupressure points, you automatically begin to focus your energy back to your body and mind. EFT can also assist you in resolving issues that keep you stuck in energy-depleting patterns.  Click here to learn more about EFT Tapping. 

Practice the Heart Breath — The Heart Breath is a beautiful way to drop out of a worried, distracted, mind, into the power of your heart.  This breath can be incredibly relaxing, and energizing.   An overactive, worried mind depletes an enormous amount of energy. By using the heart breath, you can call back your energy, and harness the power of your heart.  To learn how to use the heart breath, contact me.  To access my Heart Breath Audio Meditation, find me on Insight Timer, or enter your email in the Heart Breath box to the right of this post.

Here’s to more energy!

Peace,

Marian

To experience the power of EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting to call back your energy, contact me.

 

A Little Bit Better

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Just a little bit better.  What if that’s all it takes to eventually feel a lot better.  It’s something I’ve been playing with during my recovery from heart surgery last summer.  It’s been a long recovery, not quite sure why.  Perhaps because I’m getting older.  Perhaps because I have more to learn about loving myself unconditionally.  Perhaps because of a number of bumps along the way.  Perhaps all of the above and more.

It’s been rough.  Rough physically, but rougher still because I’ve struggled with beliefs about what healing truly means.  This was my third aortic valve replacement.  I was used to bouncing back quickly.  I was used to feeling incredibly healthy, despite health concerns.  So, I assumed this recovery would be quick.  When I realized it would be anything but quick, I grappled with a slew of negative, disheartening thoughts.  This, again, was not something I was used to.

What I’ve learned, is that the miracle of healing is sometimes so subtle it can be hard to notice.  As the days turned into weeks and months, I found I was very disappointed with my progress.  I dismissed small progress because it was not the full-on recovery I was seeking. This disappointment, and lack of gratitude,  led me down the  ‘nothing’s working, I’ll never feel better’ rabbit hole.

It was when I  decided I just couldn’t stand it any more that I began to hear: “just a little bit better”.  I heard it on podcast, in a workshop, from a healer, during my own meditations.  I asked myself if I could simply focus on feeling just a little bit better. What if that could be my daily goal.   Surely I could do that. 

And to the best of my ability, that’s what I’ve done since.  I’ve acknowledged subtle progress, and expressed gratitude for feeling a little bit better.  Right away I noticed that by taking my attention off what was going ‘wrong’, I began to see what was going right.  I opened up to more and more gratitude for the blessings I did have. 

In addition, I used a number of self-help techniques to help me relax and boost my mood.  I also reached out to a gifted EFT Practitioner for help in releasing thoughts and feelings that were not serving me.  Before long, I realized a number of my symptoms had improved —  I was feeling a lot better.

Now I’m not saying that this is what helped heal my symptoms.  Could be that it did, or maybe not.  And, I’m not completely out of the woods yet either.  The point here is that this practice helps me feel a lot better emotionally.  Feeling better emotionally helps me stretch into more joyful activity. Feeling better also helps me appreciate the numerous gifts within some of my darkest moments.

Here are some of the tools I used to help myself feel a little bit better:

A Walk in Nature – Fresh air does wonders to lift the spirit.  Sunshine brings vitamin D, a mood booster.  Nature’s beauty is a feast for grateful eyes.

Acupressure Mat – Lying on an acupressure mat helps reduce cortisol, and relax the nervous system, body and mind.  A perfect time to listen to a soothing audio.

An Uplifting Podcast – An upbeat, uplifting podcast, or radio show, or youtube video, can be a wonderful way to shift to a better feeling perspective.

Do Something Nice for Someone —  Contributing so someone else’s happiness is an effective way to boost feelings of connectedness and belonging.

Express Gratitude for Anything – Feeling grateful, truly grateful, for anything, is a good way to shift out of a negative head space. 

EFT Tapping – Sometimes we need to go deeper to help release distressing feelings and thoughts.  EFT tapping is a fast, effective tool.  Because EFT Tapping helps to reduce cortisol, it can also help release physical pain.  It can be used as both a self-help tool, and with a certified practitioner.

Meditation —  Silent or guided meditation can be very helpful for clearing the mind, and calming the nervous system.   It’s also a great tool for tapping into your intuition for guidance around your current issues.

More Self Help Tools—  Magnesium baths to detoxify and relax.  750 Words to encourage and uplift.  Nutrient-dense foods, herbal teas, lemon water, etc. to hydrate and nourish.

Reach Out To a Healing Professional — Self-help techniques are wonderful and effective.  Yet, there are times when a healing professional can help us face what might be too difficult to face alone. Reach out to someone you trust.

May you enjoy an abundance of well-being.

Peace,

Marian

Contact me to learn more about using EFT Tapping to feel better.