Marian Buck Murray

Release, Relax, Tap into Your Brilliance. EFT Tapping to help you unleash your creative genius.

Wavering In Faith

by Leave a Comment

 

Faith. What does it mean to have faith?  To be faithful?  To stand strong in faith? To have unwavering faith?

Truthfully, so much of the time, I find myself wavering.

I ask myself, faith in what?  Faith in a higher power? Faith in family and friends to show up when I need them? Faith in myself? Faith that everything will turn out all right?

Looking inward, I see different strands of faith stretching into many places.  Some quite desirable, others not so pleasant.  I see places where building my faith will assist my growth.  Some, such as faith in my weaknesses, my errors, my mind’s inner critic, only serve to diminish me.

So, I ponder, where do I want to grow my faith. What is it that I truly value? How do I build my faith to expand my values? And where do I need to let go?

Listening to my heart, my list of values begins to form. My family, of course.  My friends and community. My body and my health. The food that I eat. The air, the earth, the sun, the moon, and all of nature. The creative process. The healing spirit within me.  My soul’s expression. The universe in all its infinite power.  Peace. Love.

As I look at my growing list, I see my yearning for the expansion of my spirit, and alignment with my soul.  I see my continual asking.  And I realize, that when I ask without giving, without showing up, I limit my ability to receive, wavering my faith.

It’s in the places my heart so values, where I am called to show up. Where I am called to build my faith.  When I neglect to show up, I neglect my heart’s values.  That’s when faith in myself, Spirit, and all that I value, begins to waver.  And, that’s also my cue to show up — perhaps in a way I haven’t before.

Showing up, even as I waver, is what helps me build my faith. It’s my continual practice of meditation that helps me build faith in both my intuition, and something larger than myself.  Showing up to this page, even as my mind wavers, builds my faith in the ever-presence of creative process.  And, as I continue to heal old wounds, I renew my faith in the power of love, and in the healing spirit within me.

Faith, I realize, needs to be cultivated. And sometimes, where our faith brings us to harm, it needs to be dismantled.  

Faith is how I show up in life. I get to choose where to build my faith, based on the wisdom of my heart. When I show up to do my part, with grateful heart and deep appreciation, the universe shows up for me. Guiding me, teaching me, showing me the way. It’s in this place that my faith finds its ground.

In Love and Courage,

Marian

Dancing with My Pain Monster

by Leave a Comment

Eckhart Tolle calls it the pain body.  Painful memories and emotions trapped within us, directing aspects of our lives.  The bigger the pain body, the bigger the effect on our lives. 

I like to call it the pain monster.  Yes, it sounds scarier, but for me, it also sounds more personable, in a monster-like way.  And certainly, when pain takes control of our thoughts, mood, and actions, it can feel quite monstrous.

And, it’s at that very moment, when things feel their darkest, when there’s no apparent light in sight, that it’s time to invite the monster to dance.

But monsters are scary, you might say.  And I agree, they are. They’re scary because they’re hiding.  They’re scary because they’re in the dark.  They’re scary because we can’t always predict what they’ll do. Scary because they embarrass us, shame us, and make us feel so bad.  And sometimes, they just won’t leave us alone.

The pain monster wants attention, pure, and simple.  Attention, and understanding. 

Recently, I was having a particularly hard time feeling calm and relaxed. My usual tools weren’t doing the trick. I was feeling quite unable to shift my emotional state, no matter what I tried.

So, I surrendered my struggle.  I sat down to meditate.  And, this time, I truly sat down with my pain.  It’s not that I never sit with my pain, but sometimes there’s an undercurrent of wanting it to change. In other words, judgment.  Though I think of myself as being rather non-judgmental, I, like most sensitive people, have a hard time completely letting go of my own self-judgement.

What happened in this meditation brought me to tears.  My pain transformed into a monster,  who wanted my love and attention.  And he wasn’t going anywhere until I gave him what he wanted.  (not quite sure why he was a he, but he was.)

So, I invited him to dance.  I visualized reaching out my hands to hold his.  As he came towards me I saw that he was heavy, bloated, grey, disheveled, and very hunched.  His hands were rough, not used to being held.

I drew him closer to me, so that I could look into his eyes.  I saw, and felt, his sadness.  He looked lonely, and dejected. His enormous heart was heavy and drooping.

I asked him, “What do you want to tell me?”

He replied:  “I want you to see that I’ve being doing this for you.  I’ve been holding on to your pain.  Carrying it for you.  Hiding it for you.  You don’t want me around, but I’m doing it all for you.  And it’s getting too heavy!”

In that moment, I got it. This monster within me, has been here for decades.  And though I have cleared out so much pain and trauma over the decades, there was obviously more.  Pain, previously hidden, was being dredged up by my exposure to the Supreme Court Nomination testimonies and its aftermath. 

All I wanted was to feel better. But in that wanting to feel better, I was judging my pain, trying to get rid of it.  Dismissing it, when all it needed was my unconditional love. 

As I lovingly danced with my pain monster, he began to lighten up.  He stood straighter, allowing his heart to open and release.  He shed his frumpy clothing, revealing a brilliantly colored costume underneath.  He looked younger, happier, more energetic. He was ready for a new role, ready to help me in new ways.

And I promised him that day, to love him unconditionally.  To love my pain unconditionally.  To sit with it when all I want is to run the other way.  To truly see it, honor it, and in that space, give it permission to release.

Anything that is not love will serve to feed the pain monster.  Love is what helps heal the monster’s wounds.  Love is what helped me heal from decades of illness.  When we stay with our pain, with love unconditional, we can truly move forward in new, amazing ways.

Love,

Marian

Need help learning how to dance with your pain monster?  Contact me.

Overcome Social Anxiety– Tips to Make it So Much Easier!

by Leave a Comment

 

Frequently my clients will talk about feeling anxious when meeting new people, or  participating in social situations.  I understand their anxiety.  And though I still deal with it, I have created ways to overcome it, so I can step into new situations with ease.

Social anxiety can be more acute for sensitive, empathic people. Consistently being attuned to how others are feeling can create a sense of overwhelm and discomfort.  In addition, sensitive people are more apt to worry about what other people think of them. This can easily trigger an ongoing mind-loop of anxious thoughts, which of course will make socializing even more difficult.

The key to overcoming social anxiety, is somewhat paradoxical.  The key is to both detach from what others are thinking, and at the same time, listen completely to what they are saying. 

We can’t ever truly know what a person is thinking.  However, when we listen carefully, we can understand deeply.  And people love to be understood.

Here are the steps which help me overcome my own anxiety:

Positive visualization.  Before the event, I sit down and visualize things going smoothly.  This is an important step, because we’re so often visualizing that things will go poorly. In my visualization I don’t get very detailed.  Instead, I visualize the scene filled with peace, laughter, and joy. I visualize, and sense, how I’d like to feel when I’m there.  This technique is amazingly helpful. It’s gotten me though interviews, corporate talks, workshops I’m hosting, holiday parties, and more.

EFT Tapping. Again, before the event, I do a few rounds of EFT Tapping.  I tune into any anxiety I might be feeling, and I tap.  This helps reduce cortisol, the major stress hormone.  Sometimes only 5 minutes of tapping will do the trick.  For more anxiety-provoking situations I might work on it longer, or get help from another practitioner.

Deep Breathing. Once you get to your event, remember to breathe deeply.  Check in with yourself to make sure you are breathing.  Shallow breathing, up high in your chest, will trigger a sense of stress. Deep breathing, from down in your belly, turns on the relaxation response.

Listen Deeply. When talking with someone at the event, someone you know, or someone you don’t, remember to listen deeply to what they are saying. Most people truly like to talk about themselves. And everyone loves to be heard and understood.  So, rather than stressing about what you should say, relax, and listen.  Drop out of your head, and allow yourself to tap into your intuitive flow.  Ask questions to learn more about the person you’re with.  This will help form a connection, and create an easier flow of communication.

Find Your People. Now, it’s definitely important to step out of your comfort zone to meet new people.  However, if you feel overwhelmed by social anxiety at first, it’s okay to start by spending time with just a few people, or even one person, with whom you feel comfortable.  The goal here, is not to use these people as a crutch, but rather to use deep listening, and question-asking, to help you build your confidence.  Get yourself going, and then step out to meet someone new.

Plan Your Exit – Often times it’s okay to leave early. It’s also okay to excuse yourself for a moment to go outside to get some air. Social events can be over-stimulating for anyone, especially a sensitive person. So, when appropriate, and if needed, plan an early exit. Bring your own car, or agree ahead of time on an exit time with whomever is driving. Just knowing you can leave early will help you relax and enjoy yourself.  And, if you’re truly okay, you might even want to stay longer than you planned.

By following these steps, you will help make socializing will feel easier and easier.  You’ll make a deeper connection with more people, and therefore feel comfortable around more people. You might even begin to crave social events.  I do, even though I still get anxious sometimes.

Need help calming your own social anxiety?  Contact me.

In Courage,

Marian

 

 

 

Speak Easy: 5 Steps to Easier Public Speaking

by Leave a Comment

 

It’s said that some people would rather die than speak in public. You might be one of them.  Certainly, if you’re a sensitive person, you might avoid public speaking at all costs.

Public speaking can be difficult for the sensitive person, because we’re often more concerned about what other people feel and think. This can create a sense of anxiety, and anxiety, of course, makes it really hard to articulate clearly.

When we’re feeling anxious, or overly stressed, we experience a rise in cortisol.  This rise in cortisol triggers blood loss from the thinking part of our brain. High cortisol limits the brain’s ability to process and articulate information. This, obviously, makes effortless articulation nearly impossible – especially on the stage or in front of a group.

So what to do?  Here are some steps to make public speaking easier for you. These are the steps I take each time I speak or offer a workshop:

Be prepared. No matter the type of speaking engagement, it’s crucial to do your work ahead of time. This means doing your research, refining and updating your knowledge, planning your talk, writing your outline, and creating any hand-outs or informational documents.  Ahead of time.  Preparation will help you deepen your well of knowledge about your topic.  It’s this well of knowledge that will help keep you in the flow once you’re on stage.

Let Go. Once you’ve done your preparation, you’re ready to let go.  Allow time (plenty) before your event to permit the creative process to take over.  Keep a notebook handy to write down spontaneous ideas and additions to add to your outline.  This is the time to give your mind a break.  You’ve done the work, it’s time to trust the process.

Relax. Use the hours before your event to relax.  Meditate.  Listen to soothing music.  Take a walk in Nature.  Keep your energy field as clear as possible from negative disruptions.  Get yourself into the ‘zone’ of relaxed energy flow.

Use Stress-Relief Tools.  So, you’ve done your preparation.  You’ve allowed the creative process to work with you.  You’ve relaxed (hopefully).  Now, when your moment on stage is imminent, use in-the-moment tools to relieve stress.  These tools include:

Deep Breathing – Slow, deep breaths will turn on the relaxation response.

EFT Tapping – Tapping  on the karate chop, or other points – this helps to reduce cortisol, so you can think more clearly.

Heart Breath – Close your eyes, and Imagine that you’re taking slow, deep breaths in and out of your heart. Allow yourself to sense the energy in your heart lightening and expanding. Breathe this way for 1 minute or longer. The Heart Breath helps to entrain the brain to be calmer and more effective.

 Speak. You’re fully prepared.  You have a deep well of knowledge.  You might even have a brief outline by your side to refer to if needed.  You’ve used your relaxation tools. Now it’s time to let go, and move into your zone.  Allow your knowledge and talent to flow through you.  Speak.  It’s all within you.  You’ve got this, go for it!

Need help getting up the courage to speak, or to put yourself ‘out there’?  Reach out to me, and learn how EFT tapping can help.

Blessings,

Marian

 

Daily Practices for Focus, Peace, & Joy

by Leave a Comment

 

I know sometimes I must sound like a broken record.  I repeat myself again and again to my clients, my students, my friends, my family.  And I’ll say it again.  Self-care is not an option if you want to live a happy, peaceful life.  Especially if you’re a sensitive, empathic, person.

Self-care, of course, includes the obvious elements, such as a nutrient-rich-plant-rich-diet, plenty of exercise, and good hygiene. None are optional if you want to maintain good health.

To maintain happiness and inner-peace, self-care must include emotional, spiritual practices as well. My daily practices, which I share below, help me stay centered, focused, optimistic, connected, creative, productive, peaceful, and happy. 

These are the tools and techniques that work for me.  With most, I mix and match, depending upon the day, the amount of time available, and my emotional/spiritual needs.  Some practices, such as Meditation and Gratitude, are non-negotiable, and I do them every day.

Most days I usually do at least 4 or 5 of these techniques. Some days I do only 2.  Other days I might do them all!  Some are so quick, or so easy to fit in my day, that they don’t take ‘extra time.’   And, truth be told, when I don’t do anything, which does happen once in a while, I feel completely off, out of focus, and anxious.  That’s why I use a checklist to track my progress.  I’ve learned the hard way, it’s not worth falling off track.

Create your own plan. Take any of the following techniques that work for you, add in your own, and tuck them into pockets throughout your day.  Choose at least one activity, such as meditation, to do each day, no matter what. None of the activities need to take a lot of time.  And, as long as you’re peppering them throughout the day, you’ll be optimizing your energy.

Meditation
I practice some form of meditation, each day, from 10 to 60 minutes. Some days I do two or more shorter meditations.  Insight Timer,  is a fantastic, free, app, that I use to time my meditations.  It comes with an extensive library of sounds, bells, meditations, and music.

Another meditation I love is the Eco-Meditation, created by Dawson Church, founder of EFT Universe.  When I assist at Dawson’s professional trainings, we practice this meditation each morning before we begin class for the day.  At home, I use this meditation on my own, without audio. Click here for the Eco-Meditation instructions

Abundance Meditation
For this meditation, I use The Abundance Book, by John Randolph Price.  It’s a little green book with 10 principle statements. I meditate on one principle a day for 15 minutes, for 40 days or more.  This helps keep me in an abundant, spiritual, frame of mind.

Gratitude Meditation
Closing my eyes, I meditate for 5 minutes on something for which I am grateful.  It can be something that I already have, or that I would like to have. This sense of gratitude feels truly authentic, and really, really good.

Goals
I hand-write write my goals, in present tense, expressing my gratitude for reaching them. This feels good, and it helps me keep on top of my goals.  I write my goals nearly every day. This takes about 10 minutes.

Morning Pages
Originated by Author Julia Cameron, morning pages are 3 hand-written free-flow pages each morning.  They’re invaluable for clearing the mind, and sparking creative flow.

Yoga or Exercise
Exercising in the morning invigorates me for the rest of the day.  Movement is crucial for efficient energy flow, lymph flow, strength, anxiety release, and more.

Heart Breath
I add the Heart Breath in whenever I feel stuck in my head.  The Heart Breath helps me drop out of a busy, over-worked mind, into the peace and calm of my heart.  It’s a great tool for reducing anxiety.  1 minute, or longer.

Uplifting Reading
Somewhere during my day, I find time to read.  Sometimes it’s work-related, but it’s always uplifting. 

Uplifting Listening
This includes music, podcasts, Hayhouse Radio, audio courses, and more.  I like to listen when I make dinner. This helps keep me in a positive, optimistic, frame of mind.

EFT Tapping
This is an any-time-of-the-day, as-needed, practice.  EFT Tapping is perfect for releasing anxiety, tension, fear, sadness, or any other unwanted feelings that might creep in.  Click here for an illustrated guide for the tapping points.

More Gratitude
Gratitude is something that can be expressed in many ways throughout the day.  In addition to my 5-minute gratitude meditation, I enjoy spontaneous moments of gratitude, or write a gratitude list, or a thank you note, or simply say thank you, thank you, thank you as I do something that brings me joy.  Gratitude helps me feel more connected to the spiritual world.  And, the more grateful I am, the more I have to be grateful for.

Nature Walk
Nothing better for pleasing the senses and soothing the soul.

Enjoy!  And reach out — let me know what works for you! 

Love,

Marian

To schedule a FREE 30 Minute Call, where I’ll help you get clear on your best strategy to honor your sensitivity, and give you a tool to turn it into a superpower,  click here.