Marian Buck Murray

EFT and Matrix Reimprinting for Sensitive, Empathic, Creative People. Step out of the shadows and share your gifts and talents.

5 Tips to Deal with Family Triggers

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Ahhh.  Holiday time.  So often that means family-gathering time.  And time with family can be wonderful.  Unless, of course, it’s not. 

For some, family gatherings mean a whole host of triggers getting triggered.  Everything from old sibling squabbles, unresolved wounds, political or lifestyle differences, and even food choices, are game in the family trigger arena.  

Even when we’re trying so hard to be ‘zen’ about it, old hurts can throw us right back into the ring.

So here, my friend, are some tips to help you actually feel a whole lot more zen, so maybe you can truly enjoy your family this season.  Or, for that matter, anytime you get together, call, write, or somehow communicate with your family members.  Enjoy.

 

 

Peace,
Marian

P.S.  Reach out to me if you’d like help releasing old hurts and disappointments.

You Are Enough: How to Cultivate Self-Love

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Without ample self-love, you will never feel good enough, successful enough, beautiful enough, or loveable enough.  It truly is that simple.  And…if only it were that simple!

Self-love, authentic, non-egoic self-love, can feel tricky.  We’re often taught to diminish ourselves, so as not to brag or boast. And, for sensitive people, it can feel especially tricky. Sometimes it feels okay to love and accept everyone, except, of course, ourselves.

But, tricky as it is, self-love is crucial for a genuinely happy, successful life.  It’s something I am continually cultivating for myself.  Something I’ve finally learned how to do for myself. Something I’ve finally realized is the key to it all.

Here are some ways to cultivate self-love.

You Are Not Your Negative Self-Talk — Get really clear about this.  All of your negative self-talk, and limiting beliefs, come from somewhere else. We learn what to say and believe about ourselves from our family, teachers, and friends. We pick it up from the air that we breathe.  We see it everywhere we look.  And even if seems to be true, that doesn’t make it true.  It is societal hearsay, and it’s certainly NOT who you are.

Clear Out the Clouds of Doubt and Negativity — Use techniques, such as EFT Tapping,  to clear out the clouds of doubt and negativity.  Again, no matter where the negativity comes from, it doesn’t belong in your body and mind. EFT Tapping is a wonderful technique for deactivating old negative feelings and thought patterns. Contact me to learn more.

Forgive Yourself –Without forgiveness, your negative self-beliefs will stay in the dark, pestering you again and again.  Punishing yourself for the past helps no one.  Make amends as appropriate, then move forward.  Try using Ho’oponopono to help yourself let go of self-blame. To use Ho’oponopono, bring to mind something you’re blaming yourself for, hold your hand over your heart, and repeat the words:  I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You.  By repeating this mantra, you will help yourself release negative feelings towards yourself.

Cultivate Self-Loving Habits — Daily habits.  Ask yourself, what is the most loving thing I can do for myself?  It might be getting up early to meditate. Or carving out daily alone time.  Or taking a luxurious bath.  Or honoring your needs with a series of wellness sessions. It might mean committing to a new health routine which will benefit your overall well being.  Be clear about the difference between loving and ‘improving’ yourself.  Each day, ask yourself: “How can I love myself today”, and keep this question fresh throughout your day. 

Use Loving Affirmations — Create a collection of affirmations and mantras which will help you increase feelings of self love.  Use affirmations such as “I love myself, exactly as I am,” or “I can do it,” or “I am open and receptive to love.”  Find what works for you.  And, remember, repetition is crucial for success.  Repeated affirmations will gradually help your subconscious mind believe what you don’t currently believe about yourself. 

Say I Love You To Yourself — Put your hand on your heart, close your eyes, and say: “I love you.” Repeat for 5 minutes.  Simple, and powerful. 

Meditate on a Love Bubble — Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe deeply, from deep down in your belly.  As you breathe, deeply and slowly, imagine that you are surrounded by an iridescent bubble. Imagine that this bubble is filled with unconditional love.  And that this love is here to soothe you, hold you, and love you. The more you practice this, the more powerful it will become.

Stay with yourself —  Even, and especially when the going gets tough.  Stay in the moment, instead of avoiding with drink, food, tv, internet, or whatever you use to avoid tough feelings. When you’re going through a tough time, allow yourself to stay with the feelings, loving them as you would love a hurt child. It’s this love and acceptance that will help you transform the darkness.

Even when you waver in and out of self-love, it’s always there for you.  Come back to it.  Cultivate it.  Remember,  love is here for you, even in your darkest moments.

In Love and Gratitude,

Marian

Want more self love?  Come to YOU ARE ENOUGH, DAILY PRACTICES TO BOOST SELF LOVE, February 24 at the Lotus Lounge Holistic Sanctuary in Morristown NJ.  Click here for more info and registration. 

Let Go of Family Triggers So You Can Bring More Joy to Holiday Gatherings

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Family gatherings can be wonderful.  They can also trigger a host of uncomfortable feelings such as resentment, jealousy, anger, sadness, helplessness, etc.  No matter how old we are, or how many years have passed, it can sometimes feel as though we’re walking into a trance, where we  have no choice but to revert back to our old family roles.

Certainly, the healthier we are emotionally, the easier it is to navigate the family landscape.  We might even feel as though we’re ‘over’ whatever issues we faced in the past.  

But just in case any remnants of those old patterns and feelings get triggered, here are some tips to help your time with family feel easier, and more joyful.

Before You Go:

Try Ho’oponopono – Ho’oponopono is a Hawaiian prayer that’s useful for forgiving old wounds. It can be used to clear resentments and negative feelings towards anyone, including family members.  To use Ho’oponopono, bring someone to mind, hold your hand over your heart, and repeat the words:  I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You.  It doesn’t matter if you feel you were ‘wronged’ by this person.  By repeating this mantra, you will help yourself release negative feelings towards the person.

Send Love — There are a number of meditations which you can use to send love to your family members. You can use the heart breath meditation to create a field of heart energy which you imagine you are extending to family members.  Also effective is the Eco Meditation, created by Dawson Church.  In this meditation  you can imagine sending a beam of love and light to a family member.  To learn how to use the eco meditation, click here.

Use Creative Visualization – Use creative visualization before an event to imagine it going smoothly. Don’t be concerned with too many details.  Instead, imagine yourself feeling relaxed and happy.  Imagine peaceful conversations, and laughter.  This type of visualization will help you feel more relaxed about the event, and it will make it more likely that you will act in the way you desire, even if others don’t.

EFT Tapping – EFT Tapping is a wonderful tool to help reduce any anxiety you feel about a family event. In addition, EFT can be used to release specific feelings towards family members. For a video to learn how to use EFT Tapping click here.  For one-on-one guidance in EFT to assist you in navigating a family issues, contact me.

While You’re There

Focus on Beauty — Be truly present with your family, and your surroundings.  Show your heart-felt appreciation for any food, gifts, decorations, etc.  Take time to look at each family member and guest. Find something you admire, appreciate, love, like, or are willing to lovingly accept about each.

Don’t Engage with Drama — It’s easy to get triggered by family members, and it’s easy to react in an old, habitual way.  Remember that everyone, including your family members, has their own triggers.  Disengage with the need to react to someone else’s trigger, to avoid reverting to old reactive patterns.  Be mindful of these patterns.  When you feel triggered, or when someone else is triggered, notice the trigger, and allow the intensity of it to pass before responding.  This might mean stepping away for a moment, counting to ten, breathing deeply, or tapping.  Coming back to a place of inner peace will help you communicate in the kindest, most effective way. *See note below

Get Curious – It’s likely you usually feel most comfortable talking with certain family members over others. Step out of your comfort zone and reach out to those you tend to avoid.  Get curious about their lives.  Open your heart, and your ears, to listen to what they have to tell you.  Reach out to make the connection, instead of waiting for someone to do it first.

Honor your needs with self care. Finally, take care of yourself.  Family gatherings can be overwhelming.  Between the work, the anxiety, the emotions, the late hours, it’s easy to get overly saturated.  Especially if you’re a sensitive person.  Taking care of yourself might mean taking a walk outside, excusing yourself for a quick meditation, leaving early, or sitting quietly in a darkened room for a bit.  For extended gatherings, weave moments of self-care throughout. 

In Peace, Love, and Gratitude,

Marian

 

*For an abusive or volatile situation, emotional or physical, give yourself permission to decline the invitation, or leave early when necessary.  Seek help when needed.

 

My Shortlist of Books to Help You Go Deeper

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I’m keeping this post extra short with a shortlist of books I love.  These books are potent and you might want to keep them handy so you can revisit them again and again.

The Untethered Soul
by Michael Singer

This beautiful book is simple, and profound.  Michael Singer takes us on a lovely dive through consciousness, into the liberation of the soul.  It’s in this place of the soul, that we find freedom from the thoughts that bind us.  Rich, and meditative. 

The Easiest Way to Live
by Mabel Katz

This book is based on Ho’oponopono, the ancient Hawaiian art of problem-solving.  Mabel Katz teaches us how to use the Ho-oponopono prayer:  I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You.  The philosphy: when we take responsibility for our lives, we can heal our lives.  A thoughtful, insightful book, for those who are interested in learning how to use Ho’oponopono to make life easier.

Everything is Here to Help You. A Loving Guide To Your Soul’s Evolution, 
By Matt Kahn

Although this is perhaps the most woo-woo of the bunch, this book has practical guidance for evolving your soul.  Matt Kahn gives us step-by-step guidance for moving from ego-driven blame and self-denial, into self-love and authentic expression.  Included is a chapter with clearings and prayers to help the reader clear out old beliefs and patterns.

Crossing to Avalon
By Jean Shinoda Bolen, MD

Beautifully written, Jean Shinoda Bolen brings us on a pilgrimage through some of the most sacred sites in Europe.  A blending of memoir, myth, and the mystical Holy Grail, Bolen guides the reader into a deeper appreciation of the sacred feminine. Rich in spiritual metaphor, this is the kind of book you’ll want to savor, slowly.

The Empath Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People
by Judith Orloff, MD

This is a great self-help book for sensitive, empathic people. Psychiatrist  Judith Orloff, an empath herself, gives us assessments, tools, and techniques to navigate a not-so-sensitive world.  A helpful book, combining  expert guidance, and first-hand experience.

Enjoy!  Let me know which are your favorite books for diving deep into your soul!  Leave a comment below.

In Love and Courage,

Marian

 

To learn how to use EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting to go deeper within your own consciousness, contact me.