healthy boundaries | Marian Buck Murray

Have you ever been told you’re too sensitive? Or, to grow a thicker skin? Do you have a habit of taking on other people’s pain? Do you consistently put others’ needs before your own? Do you struggle with your sensitivity, at any time, in any way?

If you’re like me, you might be an empath, a highly-sensitive person, or maybe someone with an extra dose of sensitivity. There’s a spectrum, and if you find that you have heightened sensitivity, you likely fall somewhere within the spectrum of empaths.

Although, as sensitive souls, we know how painful it can be, it’s important to know that sensitivity is actually a source of inner power. What’s tricky, is knowing how to manage sensitivity — so that rather than disempowering us, it empowers us instead.

There’s no question in my mind that sensitive people must be vigilant about self-care. Daily self-care is not an option if you want to thrive as a sensitive person. And, fortunately, with the right methods and tools, it’s possible to turn your sensitivity into your superpower!

What do I mean by turning your sensitivity into your superpower? I mean nurturing your inner gifts, such as: intuition, inner vision, deep knowing, psychic ability, love, compassion, healing energy, creativity, artistic vision, and so many more — and letting them shine.

Our creative abilities come from our senses, and we help them flourish by creating a nurturing inner environment.

Here are 4 Steps to Turn Your Sensitivity into Your Superpower:

STEP 1: EMBRACE

This is where you start. Tune your awareness to what lies within you. How does sensitivity show up for you? How does it assist you? How does it hinder you? Embrace everything that shows up with love, and acceptance. Let go of judgement.

Write a list of all things you love about your sensitivity. Write a list of all that is painful. Practice embracing yourself with love, when you notice either the pleasurable, or painful aspects of your sensitivity.

For one of my clients, when she learned how to embrace her sensitivity, without making it wrong, she was able to harness it in her work as an artist. Now she infuses her sensitive gifts into her creative projects, and her work has blossomed.

STEP 2: CLEAR

This step creates space for the magical part of your sensitivity to assist you in ways you could never imagine. Freeing ourselves from judgement, other people’s opinions, other people’s feelings, and all the old emotions we’ve stuffed down, is the key to allowing our sensitivity to shine.

Sensitive people are prone to experiencing intense bouts of self-doubt, anxiety, fear, sadness, and overwhelm. In addition, because we are sensitive, we’re sometimes more likely to accept beliefs that aren’t even ours. When these emotions and beliefs get stuck in our system, they contribute to persistent limiting patterns.

Clearing out old stuck emotions, and releasing limiting beliefs and patterns is crucial for our sensitivity to truly thrive. Clearing techniques include: meditation, deep breathing, yoga, EFT tapping, matrix reimprinting, heart breath, and various talk and/or touch therapies.

Experiment with what works for you. Many times, if not most, it’s helpful to enlist professional help when dealing with old persistent patterns and stuck emotions.

And, remember, self-love is the healing elixir for clearing any, and all, old negativity.

STEP 3: RECHARGE

Cell phones, with all of their amazing apps, only work when they’re charged. Think of your superpower, or your inner power, as a battery that needs recharging on a regular basis. When we don’t recharge, we lose power. Recharging is essential.

Recharging for sensitive people often means a daily self-care ritual, perhaps combined with services such as massage, sauna, salt therapy, and energy therapies.

It also means creating healthy routines to allow for alone-time, creative expression, sleep, and time in nature.

And perhaps the most important aspect of recharging, is the presence of healthy boundaries. Without them, overload and burn-out are almost guaranteed. Boundaries can be firm, hard, loose, stretchy, soft, or any way you want them. How ever you decide to create them, remember that boundaries are essential to protect yourself from unwanted energy, people, ideas, and anything else that’s not a match for your system.

STEP 4: ACTIVATE

Once you’ve become clear on the different aspects of your sensitivity, you’ve begun to clear out old, stuck energy, and you’re regularly recharging your inner power, you’re ready to active your gifts. As with anything, this is a process. The more you repeat the steps in the process, the easier, and more powerful it will become.

Decide now, which of your sensitive inner gifts will you expand? Which of your natural sensitivities will help you enrich your work life? Your relationships? Your Health? Your Spiritual Life? Your creative life? How will you shine your gifts, and with whom?

When you begin to see the picture of how sensitivity can flow through your life, activate one aspect of your sensitivity. For example if you have a lot of compassion, you might choose to volunteer as a way to share your compassion. Or, if you have a gift for sensing subtle energy, you could expand your knowledge of energy therapies. The possibilities are endless. The goal here is to expand what you already possess, in the way that enriches your life. This is what turns your sensitivity into your superpower.

Throughout the process of activating your inner gifts, it’s important to recycle through the first 3 steps. Embrace, Clear, Recharge. A continual act of self-love will help you continually activate your brilliance.

You deserve your own magnificence!

Here’s to Bold Sensitivity!

Marian

Contact me for a free 30-minute Clarity Call – I’ll help you get clear on your best strategy to manage your sensitivity, so you can turn it into your superpower.

If you’re sensitive, like I am, you might very well struggle with boundaries. Perhaps you have very few boundaries. Perhaps your boundaries are weak, or full of holes. Maybe you’ve constructed some extra rigid boundaries to protect yourself from being hurt.

No matter what type of boundaries you have, if they’re too tight, too loose, or too weak, you won’t feel good. And, true happiness might feel completely out of reach.

Good, strong, healthy boundaries are crucial for everyone, especially sensitive people. Here are some suggestions to create them.

Some tips before you get started:

Determine Your Limits — The clearer you are about your limits, the easier it will be to determine your boundaries.

Use Your Feelings as Your guide – Notice how you feel when you think about or experience something. The stronger your feelings, either positive or negative, the more you need some sort of boundary to help limit or expand your experience.

Be Direct – Be clear and direct when communicating your boundaries with others.

Make Self-Care a Priority – With self-care as your priority, healthy boundaries will be easier to create.

Start Small — One boundary at a time. Just get started, the momentum will build.

For each category below, determine your limits. Decide which boundaries you will create or transform.

Time – Do you feel short of time? Do you need more time to do something you love? Do you spend too much time doing something that doesn’t fulfill you, or that disrupts your emotional well-being? Make decisions on how to spend your time. Carve out time for your innermost desires. Let go of time-sucking extras and non-essential responsibilities.

Space – Sensitive people, especially, need space. Space for rest and rejuvenation. What do you need in terms of space? Do you need time alone each day? Do you need to experience nature on a regular basis? Do you need a room of your own? What can you do now to create more space in your life?

Social Life – Get clear on what depletes you and what nourishes you. If large crowds deplete you, decide how you will limit your exposure to large crowds. With people who annoy, diminish, or stress you out, how can you minimize, or alter your experiences with them? If your social boundaries feel too rigid or tight, help yourself imagine comfortable ways to loosen them up. Which boundaries need to change so you can create a balanced, enjoyable social life?

Emotional Life — What pushes your limits emotionally? What extends you beyond your limits? Which activities cause you to stir up negativity, sadness, anger, shame, anxiety or discontent? Which experiences help you shift into a place of happiness, contentment, satisfaction, enthusiasm, optimism and love? What boundaries can you create to limit your negative experiences? How can you create boundaries to integrate more of what feels good into your life?

Health — Which boundaries will help you maintain a healthy lifestyle? Do certain foods or activities need to be off-limits, at least some of the time? Do you need to carve out time for exercise and self-care? What will help you make your self-care a priority?

Personal Relationships — With family members, partners, or close friends, which of your boundaries need to loosen, which ones need to tighten? How can you create healthy boundaries to improve your experience in your personal relationships?

Healthy boundaries don’t happen over-night. It takes time. But by creating just one healthy boundary, you will feel immediate results. The rewards are enormous, and life-giving. It’s the ultimate gift of self-love.

For help releasing your blocks around your own healthy boundaries, contact me.

In Courage,

Marian