Marian Buck Murray

EFT and Matrix Reimprinting for Sensitive, Empathic, Creative People. Step out of the shadows and share your gifts and talents.

10 Ways To Love Yourself

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Why do I believe self-love is so important?  Well, I know from both personal and professional experience that when we practice self-love, we do more to improve our lives, and in turn, the world around us. Most importantly, it’s self-love that helps us build a deeper connection with the authentic self within. 

When we practice self-love, we can gradually let go of the defenses and facades we use for protection. Self-love is about accepting ourselves, including the parts we hide and avoid.  It’s about realizing that even our darkest weaknesses are indeed lovable.  Self-love is healing, and when we feel loved we begin to radiate love. 

Self-love is not about letting ourselves off the hook.  Rather, it’s about encouraging ourselves, and releasing the blocks that stand in our way.  It’s about taking true responsibility for our lives, in a loving, compassionate way.

Here are 10 ways to express self-love.  Use what works best for you.

Give yourself a hug each morning when you wake up. Hold yourself and tell yourself good morning!  Welcome yourself into the day.

When you feel an uncomfortable feeling — pause. Send love and compassion to your feeling.  When possible, ask yourself if the feeling has a message for you.

Spend quiet alone time with yourself, each day. Treasure this time with yourself.  Pay loving, kind attention to yourself.

Do something loving for yourself. Ask yourself: What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?

Close your eyes, and breath in and out from the area of your heart. Imagine that your heart is radiating love. Allow this love to expand through your body, and radiate even further outside of your body.  Allow yourself to rest in the field of love surrounding you.

Do something just for yourself. Something that will awaken your spirit, or nurture your soul.  Do it for you, not for self-growth, or achievement, but just for your enjoyment.

Make a list of all the things you like and love about yourself. Keep this list handy so you can add to it. Refer to it often, especially when you’re feeling down about yourself.

Catch your inner critic in the act. Help this voice find encouraging phrases to use instead.

Accept your mistakes and imperfections. Be gentle with yourself, and remind yourself that you are human.

Write yourself a love letter. Tell yourself what you truly appreciate about yourself.  Show compassion for what you are going through.  Draw special attention to strengths and kindnesses that might go unnoticed.  Write one of these letters once a week, once a month, or as needed.

When you practice self-love, little by little, you can fall in love with yourself.  Each and every act of self-love is worth it, and so are you!

Peace,

Marian

Stay With Yourself — Be Here Now

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I just got back from a beautiful week at the Omega Institute, assisting Dawson Church with the EFT Practitioner Training program.  Throughout the week, we helped participants transform limiting feelings and beliefs with both EFT Tapping and meditation.  It was a transformative, and in many ways miraculous, week for us all.

What became so clear to me (once again), is the importance of accepting all feelings, no matter how uncomfortable.  It’s in the acceptance of these feelings, that we are able to transform our experience.

In this world of ours, so often it’s the striving that takes front seat. How, for example, will we succeed if we don’t strive for more?  And more? And more? And so often, once we get ‘more’, we don’t feel the success we imagined.

The problem with striving is that we’re frequently propelled by a feeling that we’re not enough, or complete, without whatever it is we’re striving for.  You know the refrain:  I’ll be happy when___________. 

The underlying feeling of inadequacy will follow us, until we find a way to stay with it long enough to transform it.

To stay with yourself, to be here now, means to be present with whatever is going on.  Not off in the future, hoping for something better.  Not back in the past, wishing things were different.  Here now, whether it’s comfortable, or not.

It’s when we avoid the now-moment that we lose power.  That we abandon ourselves.  Unfortunately, by avoiding our feelings with substances and experiences, we will never feel better about ourselves.

True transformation happens when we accept ourselves exactly as we are, exactly where we are, right now.

Easy to say, and usually, not so easy to do.  Yet, it gets easier once you begin to realize how truly powerful you are.

Next time you find yourself avoiding, whether it’s with food, internet, tv, shopping, alcohol, or any other type of escape, ask yourself what you’re avoiding. Be gentle with yourself.  Pause and notice what you’re feeling.  If you can, stay with yourself.

Stay with yourself, through thick and thin.  Stay at the time when you need yourself the most.  Stay to reveal the truth of who you are.

Ideas to help you stay:

  1. Sit, close your eyes, and notice what you feel.  Don’t push anything away.  Just sit.  Don’t worry if you don’t feel peaceful or enlightened.  Just sit and notice.  Stay with any discomfort.

  2. Breathe deeply, from your belly, and notice the flow of your breath. Notice the beat of your heart. Notice this power within you. Know that this power is always with you.

  3. Send love and compassion to any discomfort you feel. Any and all discomfort is worthy of your love and compassion.  If you can’t summon feelings of love and compassion, that’s okay too.  Stay with what you are feeling. Notice any insights that arise.

  4. Use EFT Tapping to tap on your feelings. Accept them, and if they’re ready, allow them to release. For information on how to use EFT Tapping, click here.

  5. Connect with your higher consciousness.  Use meditation to tune into your higher consciousness. Ask it to help you during challenging times.  This added assistance will help you tune into solutions, and relief,  you didn’t see before.

For most of us, it’s not possible to stay present at all times.  Escapes can be pleasurable and sometimes necessary.  And, we can choose to stay present with any escape.  However, when escapes turn into chronic avoidance, we will always experience more pain.  We can’t maintain the bliss of the escape, so we fall into a funk, or look for new ways to escape.

The key to all of this is to stay.  Stay with the discomfort, with love and acceptance, so that it can begin to transform. By being here now, we find the true bliss of a clear mind and soul, as we open to the gifts of the universe.

Peace,

Marian

Do you need help transforming your discomfort? contact me.

Your True Value

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Recently I went to the store to buy a large pad of paper.  My collage teacher had told me that I needed larger paper to allow for ample white space for my ongoing collage work.  She says the white space will give my collages the value, and respect, they deserve.

So, thinking I knew exactly what I needed, I eagerly went off to my favorite art store.  Once there, however, I realized I hadn’t checked the dimensions of the paper I had been using.  I couldn’t seem to find a pad which looked like the next size larger.  So, I purchased a pad which was obviously larger, even though it seemed too big.

Once home, I immediately realized the paper was far too big.  Knowing I needed the dimensions of the original pad, I peeked inside the bag where I store my collage materials.  And, there, in plain sight, were the dimensions printed on the lower corner of pad’s cover.

If only I had taken one extra second to check in ….

So, feeling eager, dimensions in hand,  I set out the next day to purchase the ‘right’ pad of paper.  This time I found a pad which seemed to be the proper size. Strangely, though, something didn’t seem quite right.  I couldn’t put my finger on it.  So, I purchased the pad, and went home, excited to finally have what I needed.  Or so I thought…

You guessed it.  Once home, to my great chagrin, and embarrassment, I realized I had AGAIN purchased the wrong paper.

This time, though, as I pulled the original pad from its storage bag, I realized my mistake. Instead of 140-pound paper (which I had purchased the first time around) I had twice purchased paper that was only 98 pounds.  I purchased Mixed Media paper instead of Watercolor.  The wrong value, wrong quality, for the work I was creating.

UGH!!!

Feeling so disappointed in myself, I knew I needed to shift out of my foul mood.  I also knew that my inner critic was running wild and needed some loving attention.

So I meditated.  And during my meditation,  I hugged my inner critic with love and compassion.

I saw that in my eagerness, my playful glee, I had gone to the store without taking time to see what I truly needed.  In other words, I had forgotten to check in.  A common error, and one I could forgive.

What I saw next was even more important.  In forgiving myself, I saw what I had truly missed. I had missed the original value, or weight, of the paper. 

So, I went for the bigger, cheaper versions,  neither of which worked.

And, isn’t that what we’re always doing?  Forgetting our value, and looking outside of ourselves for bigger, cheaper versions of ourselves? Versions that will never align with who we truly are?

The facades we wear.  The secrets we keep to avoid exposure.  The criticisms we take to heart.  After a while, we forget who we are.  We forget how valuable we are.  And the more we forget, the farther away we go.

Two pads of paper.  Both wrong, because I failed to check in to see what was right for me.  Wrong because I hadn’t appreciated the value of the original pad.

The white space surrounding my collage helps me see it’s true value.  Stepping out of our busy minds, checking in with ourselves, helps us create the space to see our own.

If you need to  get in touch with your true value, contact me.  I can help.

Peaceful Blessings,

Marian

 

 

 

You Are Enough: How to Cultivate Self-Love

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Without ample self-love, you will never feel good enough, successful enough, beautiful enough, or loveable enough.  It truly is that simple.  And…if only it were that simple!

Self-love, authentic, non-egoic self-love, can feel tricky.  We’re often taught to diminish ourselves, so as not to brag or boast. And, for sensitive people, it can feel especially tricky. Sometimes it feels okay to love and accept everyone, except, of course, ourselves.

But, tricky as it is, self-love is crucial for a genuinely happy, successful life.  It’s something I am continually cultivating for myself.  Something I’ve finally learned how to do for myself. Something I’ve finally realized is the key to it all.

Here are some ways to cultivate self-love.

You Are Not Your Negative Self-Talk — Get really clear about this.  All of your negative self-talk, and limiting beliefs, come from somewhere else. We learn what to say and believe about ourselves from our family, teachers, and friends. We pick it up from the air that we breathe.  We see it everywhere we look.  And even if seems to be true, that doesn’t make it true.  It is societal hearsay, and it’s certainly NOT who you are.

Clear Out the Clouds of Doubt and Negativity — Use techniques, such as EFT Tapping,  to clear out the clouds of doubt and negativity.  Again, no matter where the negativity comes from, it doesn’t belong in your body and mind. EFT Tapping is a wonderful technique for deactivating old negative feelings and thought patterns. Contact me to learn more.

Forgive Yourself –Without forgiveness, your negative self-beliefs will stay in the dark, pestering you again and again.  Punishing yourself for the past helps no one.  Make amends as appropriate, then move forward.  Try using Ho’oponopono to help yourself let go of self-blame. To use Ho’oponopono, bring to mind something you’re blaming yourself for, hold your hand over your heart, and repeat the words:  I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You.  By repeating this mantra, you will help yourself release negative feelings towards yourself.

Cultivate Self-Loving Habits — Daily habits.  Ask yourself, what is the most loving thing I can do for myself?  It might be getting up early to meditate. Or carving out daily alone time.  Or taking a luxurious bath.  Or honoring your needs with a series of wellness sessions. It might mean committing to a new health routine which will benefit your overall well being.  Be clear about the difference between loving and ‘improving’ yourself.  Each day, ask yourself: “How can I love myself today”, and keep this question fresh throughout your day. 

Use Loving Affirmations — Create a collection of affirmations and mantras which will help you increase feelings of self love.  Use affirmations such as “I love myself, exactly as I am,” or “I can do it,” or “I am open and receptive to love.”  Find what works for you.  And, remember, repetition is crucial for success.  Repeated affirmations will gradually help your subconscious mind believe what you don’t currently believe about yourself. 

Say I Love You To Yourself — Put your hand on your heart, close your eyes, and say: “I love you.” Repeat for 5 minutes.  Simple, and powerful. 

Meditate on a Love Bubble — Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe deeply, from deep down in your belly.  As you breathe, deeply and slowly, imagine that you are surrounded by an iridescent bubble. Imagine that this bubble is filled with unconditional love.  And that this love is here to soothe you, hold you, and love you. The more you practice this, the more powerful it will become.

Stay with yourself —  Even, and especially when the going gets tough.  Stay in the moment, instead of avoiding with drink, food, tv, internet, or whatever you use to avoid tough feelings. When you’re going through a tough time, allow yourself to stay with the feelings, loving them as you would love a hurt child. It’s this love and acceptance that will help you transform the darkness.

Even when you waver in and out of self-love, it’s always there for you.  Come back to it.  Cultivate it.  Remember,  love is here for you, even in your darkest moments.

In Love and Gratitude,

Marian

Want more self love?  Come to YOU ARE ENOUGH, DAILY PRACTICES TO BOOST SELF LOVE, February 24 at the Lotus Lounge Holistic Sanctuary in Morristown NJ.  Click here for more info and registration. 

Dancing with My Pain Monster

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Eckhart Tolle calls it the pain body.  Painful memories and emotions trapped within us, directing aspects of our lives.  The bigger the pain body, the bigger the effect on our lives. 

I like to call it the pain monster.  Yes, it sounds scarier, but for me, it also sounds more personable, in a monster-like way.  And certainly, when pain takes control of our thoughts, mood, and actions, it can feel quite monstrous.

And, it’s at that very moment, when things feel their darkest, when there’s no apparent light in sight, that it’s time to invite the monster to dance.

But monsters are scary, you might say.  And I agree, they are. They’re scary because they’re hiding.  They’re scary because they’re in the dark.  They’re scary because we can’t always predict what they’ll do. Scary because they embarrass us, shame us, and make us feel so bad.  And sometimes, they just won’t leave us alone.

The pain monster wants attention, pure, and simple.  Attention, and understanding. 

Recently, I was having a particularly hard time feeling calm and relaxed. My usual tools weren’t doing the trick. I was feeling quite unable to shift my emotional state, no matter what I tried.

So, I surrendered my struggle.  I sat down to meditate.  And, this time, I truly sat down with my pain.  It’s not that I never sit with my pain, but sometimes there’s an undercurrent of wanting it to change. In other words, judgment.  Though I think of myself as being rather non-judgmental, I, like most sensitive people, have a hard time completely letting go of my own self-judgement.

What happened in this meditation brought me to tears.  My pain transformed into a monster,  who wanted my love and attention.  And he wasn’t going anywhere until I gave him what he wanted.  (not quite sure why he was a he, but he was.)

So, I invited him to dance.  I visualized reaching out my hands to hold his.  As he came towards me I saw that he was heavy, bloated, grey, disheveled, and very hunched.  His hands were rough, not used to being held.

I drew him closer to me, so that I could look into his eyes.  I saw, and felt, his sadness.  He looked lonely, and dejected. His enormous heart was heavy and drooping.

I asked him, “What do you want to tell me?”

He replied:  “I want you to see that I’ve being doing this for you.  I’ve been holding on to your pain.  Carrying it for you.  Hiding it for you.  You don’t want me around, but I’m doing it all for you.  And it’s getting too heavy!”

In that moment, I got it. This monster within me, has been here for decades.  And though I have cleared out so much pain and trauma over the decades, there was obviously more.  Pain, previously hidden, was being dredged up by my exposure to the Supreme Court Nomination testimonies and its aftermath. 

All I wanted was to feel better. But in that wanting to feel better, I was judging my pain, trying to get rid of it.  Dismissing it, when all it needed was my unconditional love. 

As I lovingly danced with my pain monster, he began to lighten up.  He stood straighter, allowing his heart to open and release.  He shed his frumpy clothing, revealing a brilliantly colored costume underneath.  He looked younger, happier, more energetic. He was ready for a new role, ready to help me in new ways.

And I promised him that day, to love him unconditionally.  To love my pain unconditionally.  To sit with it when all I want is to run the other way.  To truly see it, honor it, and in that space, give it permission to release.

Anything that is not love will serve to feed the pain monster.  Love is what helps heal the monster’s wounds.  Love is what helped me heal from decades of illness.  When we stay with our pain, with love unconditional, we can truly move forward in new, amazing ways.

Love,

Marian

Need help learning how to dance with your pain monster?  Contact me.