sensitive | Marian Buck Murray

Watching the Olympics, it’s easy to feel inspired. So many strong, able, beautiful bodies all in one place. So many inspiring stories. It motivates me to get my own body into really good shape.

But I, like most of us, am not even close to understanding what athletes go through to get to the Olympics in the first place.

We all know it’s a lot of work. Pre-dawn wake-ups, hard-core work-outs, compromises, schedules, expenses, pain, injury, and rejection.

What we don’t know, because they’re too numerous to count, are how many times the athletes fell down. In practice. At competitions. The first 100 or 1000 times they tried.

What we do see, however, after all the pain, are the phenomenal feats of athletes such as Skater Adam Rippon, Snowboarder Chloe Kim, Cross Country Skier Simen Kreuger, and so many others. We see them when they’re at their best. And, even then, sometimes they fall, and then they get back up again.

And of course, there’s Shaun White, who, after failing to medal in 2014, and after a horrific crash in the Fall of 2017, got back up again to win the Gold in 2018!

What brings these athletes to the Olympics is not only their enormous talent and skill, but their ability to persevere — to get back up after falling — and continue on, right where they left off.

I fall down when I get some sort of rejection in my business. Or when I create an idea for a workshop that just doesn’t fly. Or when I find myself neglecting my work, my health, or my family.

Where do you fall down? What do you do to get back up?

Of course, it hurts to fall down. And the more we fall, the worse it can feel! And, if we’re sensitive or perfectionistic, it might feel almost unbearable. But each time we fall, we’re presented once again, with the chance to get back up and do it even better the next time.

Here are some tips to help you get back up again:

Accept mistakes and misfortunes as part of the game. It’s not about something being wrong with you. Or even that you did something wrong. The more you swim around in feelings of defeat, the more defeated you will feel. Allow yourself to begin to let go of your perception that mistakes and ‘failures’ are wrong. Instead, remind yourself that each misstep is actually a stepping stone towards your goal.

Surround yourself with love and acceptance. Give yourself some much-needed love at those times when you’re feeling down and defeated. Hug yourself, literally, by wrapping your arms across your chest, holding the points above your elbows. Close your eyes, and hold yourself like this, breathing deeply, and imagine a field of love and compassion all around you.

Feel your uncomfortable feelings, and then let them go. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, disappointed, ashamed, frustrated, or scared when you lose your footing. Embrace these feelings, and then let them release. Holding onto them, or resisting them, will only make them stronger in the end. Try deep breathing, meditation, or EFT Tapping to clear away your uncomfortable feelings.

Use your experience as guidance for your next step. What can you learn from your fall? What can you do differently next time? Is there a different way to prepare? Do you have inner blocks or doubts you need to release? Assess your situation, take action, and move forward.

Use Creative Visualization. Visualization is a very popular tool among athletes. Often, you’ll notice that an athlete appears to be going over her routine in her mind, right before a performance. This visual rehearsing helps the subconscious mind remember what to do, automatically. When done consistently, visualization will teach the subconscious mind a new pattern, and the ‘thinking’ brain (with all its fears and limitations) can take a rest.

Reach out for support. One thing is very clear. Athletes need the support of their coaches, teammates, friends, and family. A healthy source of support can help minimize the effects of failure. If you’re feeling unsupported, reach out to a friend, family member, or professional. The right support will help you feel encouraged, so you can build and strengthen your sense of value, confidence, and courage.

What I love about EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting, is that they’re such amazing tools to help when we’ve fallen down. EFT helps to release uncomfortable feelings, and increase a sense of peace and calm. Matrix Reimprinting uses the creative mind to overwrite an old limiting vision with a brand new, positive vision. Invaluable tools to help us get back up again. Contact me to learn more.

In Love and Courage,

Marian

If you’re sensitive, like I am, you might very well struggle with boundaries. Perhaps you have very few boundaries. Perhaps your boundaries are weak, or full of holes. Maybe you’ve constructed some extra rigid boundaries to protect yourself from being hurt.

No matter what type of boundaries you have, if they’re too tight, too loose, or too weak, you won’t feel good. And, true happiness might feel completely out of reach.

Good, strong, healthy boundaries are crucial for everyone, especially sensitive people. Here are some suggestions to create them.

Some tips before you get started:

Determine Your Limits — The clearer you are about your limits, the easier it will be to determine your boundaries.

Use Your Feelings as Your guide – Notice how you feel when you think about or experience something. The stronger your feelings, either positive or negative, the more you need some sort of boundary to help limit or expand your experience.

Be Direct – Be clear and direct when communicating your boundaries with others.

Make Self-Care a Priority – With self-care as your priority, healthy boundaries will be easier to create.

Start Small — One boundary at a time. Just get started, the momentum will build.

For each category below, determine your limits. Decide which boundaries you will create or transform.

Time – Do you feel short of time? Do you need more time to do something you love? Do you spend too much time doing something that doesn’t fulfill you, or that disrupts your emotional well-being? Make decisions on how to spend your time. Carve out time for your innermost desires. Let go of time-sucking extras and non-essential responsibilities.

Space – Sensitive people, especially, need space. Space for rest and rejuvenation. What do you need in terms of space? Do you need time alone each day? Do you need to experience nature on a regular basis? Do you need a room of your own? What can you do now to create more space in your life?

Social Life – Get clear on what depletes you and what nourishes you. If large crowds deplete you, decide how you will limit your exposure to large crowds. With people who annoy, diminish, or stress you out, how can you minimize, or alter your experiences with them? If your social boundaries feel too rigid or tight, help yourself imagine comfortable ways to loosen them up. Which boundaries need to change so you can create a balanced, enjoyable social life?

Emotional Life — What pushes your limits emotionally? What extends you beyond your limits? Which activities cause you to stir up negativity, sadness, anger, shame, anxiety or discontent? Which experiences help you shift into a place of happiness, contentment, satisfaction, enthusiasm, optimism and love? What boundaries can you create to limit your negative experiences? How can you create boundaries to integrate more of what feels good into your life?

Health — Which boundaries will help you maintain a healthy lifestyle? Do certain foods or activities need to be off-limits, at least some of the time? Do you need to carve out time for exercise and self-care? What will help you make your self-care a priority?

Personal Relationships — With family members, partners, or close friends, which of your boundaries need to loosen, which ones need to tighten? How can you create healthy boundaries to improve your experience in your personal relationships?

Healthy boundaries don’t happen over-night. It takes time. But by creating just one healthy boundary, you will feel immediate results. The rewards are enormous, and life-giving. It’s the ultimate gift of self-love.

For help releasing your blocks around your own healthy boundaries, contact me.

In Courage,

Marian

How To Get Back Up After You Fall Down

How To Create Healthy Boundaries