Marian Buck Murray

EFT and IFS for Sensitive, Creative People. Empower yourself self-compassion and deep understanding.

Bad Day? Try This.

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I’ve had a few of ‘those’ days lately.  You know, those days when nothing seems to go right.  From problems with my computer and email, to issues with my mother’s care, and so on.  And then of course, occasionally, there are disappointments I face as a self-employed person.  When too many glitches combine at the same time, it can make a day feel utterly horrible.

What’s important, on a day like that, is to avoid sliding into a punishing rabbit hole. That place that beckons when things feel their worst.  That place that blames, shames, and tells us how wrong we are.  And then, sternly reminds us that nothing will work out.  It’s a truly awful place to be.

In my opinion, the descent into the rabbit hole serves only to add salt to the wound.  It’s bad enough to have things go wrong.  To add punishment and shame on top, is especially cruel.  So if you do find yourself in the rabbit hole, be kind to yourself, and know that there are ways to find stable ground again.

Here are some ways you can help lift yourself to a better feeling place.

Pause.  Pause and look around.  Pause to notice how you feel about what is happening.  Do what you can to help yourself relieve your feelings.  Try some EFT tapping.  Take a walk outside.  Call a friend.  The goal here is to interrupt your thought pattern, release, and refresh.  This will help you re-engage with more clarity.

Ask.  What is here for me to learn?  What ‘s one thing I can do to help myself right now?  What can I do differently which will help in the future? Who can I ask for help?  What matters most right now? What can I let go of?  How can I see this situation differently?  Asking questions will open your mind to additional solutions and possibilities.

Look.  Look around to notice what’s going right.  Look for something you can accomplish right now.  Look for others who have succeeded in similar circumstances.  Look at what you’re already doing successfully.   Noticing success will enable you to create success more easily.

Encourage Yourself.  Remind yourself of times you’ve gotten through tough situations.  Tell yourself that you can get through this.  Assure yourself that you’ve got what it takes to move forward, even if it’s a baby step.  Above all, be compassionate with yourself.  Compassion and encouragement will empower you to do what’s most beneficial.

The goal here is to get to a better feeling place.  A place where you feel more confident and hopeful.  A place where you feel inspired to take action.  It’s here where you will find the energy to move forward.

My best wishes for your success in whatever you’re facing right now.

Peace,

Marian

For a tapping video to help you through a bad day, click here.

Lighten Your Load

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As we approach summer, we’re called to lighten up. Lighter clothing, lighter bedding, lighter foods.  And sometimes, a lighter workload. You know the drill.  We loosen and lighten up, in order to celebrate the freedom of the season.  Time to let go of the same-old, same-old, and welcome in something fresh. 

When we’re weighed down by the past, it’s difficult (or impossible) to feel lively, happy and free. Unprocessed limiting beliefs, hurts and resentments interfere with our daily lives.  Sometimes it can feel like ground hog’s day, every day. The same pattern, the same routine, on continual repeat.

When old patterns don’t change, or new plans don’t hold, there’s usually something from the past that’s holding us back.  Processing old pain and outdated beliefs is key to shifting limiting patterns.

Following are some ideas to lighten your load:

Resentment – Take a look at where resentment shows up in your life.  Old, festering resentments can impede the success of meaningful relationships.  Even when the resentment has nothing to do with the people involved.

Acknowledging that you feel resentment is the first step in letting go. You might find it hard to admit to resentment because you think you’re wrong to feel it.  Yet, resentment is very common. It arises from being wronged or hurt,  and/or feeling helpless to change your experience. The resulting disappointment, anger, and frustration, if not processed, will contribute to feelings of resentment.  Ongoing resentment will affect the way you communicate and relate with others.

Letting go of resentment will help you create more peace and joy in your relationships.  Meditation, EFT tapping, therapy and forgiveness practices such as ho’oponopono are powerful tools to help you loosen the grip of resentment. Try what works best for you.

Outdated Beliefs – It’s the beliefs that we don’t even question which are often the most outdated.  Though these beliefs might have nothing to do with our current circumstances, they can impact them in a negative way.  We hold fast to outdated beliefs because they’re what we’ve always believed.  For example, beliefs formed in childhood, such as ‘I’m not wanted’, or ‘I’ll never be good enough’, will exert enormous pressure on our lives.  We keep on believing the falsehoods – despite mountains of evidence to prove otherwise

Observe your beliefs, no matter what they are.  Determine which ones are worth keeping, and which ones hinder your growth.  With each, look to the past to see where, and from whom, the belief might have originated.  Create a list of beliefs you’d rather have, and look to role models for evidence that these new beliefs are indeed possible. 

Explore practices such as meditation, journaling, affirmations, EFT tapping, coaching, or therapy.  These tools will help you release outdated beliefs, and reinforce new beneficial beliefs.  Create a system that works for you.

Resistance – Resistance yields resistance. It builds, and it builds, until it feels like an insurmountable wall.  Often, the resistance is far more intense than whatever we’re resisting.

Resistance feeds upon fear, and the stories we tell ourselves.  Acknowledging  that resistance is a collection of feelings and thoughts, and not the thing you’re resisting, is a first step in moving beyond it. 

Next, looking deeper into the nature of your resistance will make it easier to resolve.  For example, is there fear that something will be too hard?  Or that you will feel vulnerable in an unwanted way?  Or that you will be rejected, criticized, embarrassed, hurt, or overwhelmed?  Deeper understanding will help lead you out of resistance. 

Proceed with an encouraging, non-judgemental mind. Keep your eye on the prize, and focus on how you’ll feel when  you take action.  Take a step, and then another, to build your momentum.  Happily, resistance often disappears once you’re actually doing what you were resisting. 

In addition, of course, meditation, EFT Tapping, movement, coaching, and therapy, will all assist you in moving forward.

Emotional heaviness zaps vitality, and squashes any sense of true freedom. Resentment, outdated beliefs, and resistance will drag you down. Period. Try some of the tools mentioned in this blog, or any others that work for you, to lighten  your load.

Release your way forward into more happiness, peace, and joy.

Peace,

Marian

 

 

10 Ways To Love Yourself

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Why do I believe self-love is so important?  Well, I know from both personal and professional experience that when we practice self-love, we do more to improve our lives, and in turn, the world around us. Most importantly, it’s self-love that helps us build a deeper connection with the authentic self within. 

When we practice self-love, we can gradually let go of the defenses and facades we use for protection. Self-love is about accepting ourselves, including the parts we hide and avoid.  It’s about realizing that even our darkest weaknesses are indeed lovable.  Self-love is healing, and when we feel loved we begin to radiate love. 

Self-love is not about letting ourselves off the hook.  Rather, it’s about encouraging ourselves, and releasing the blocks that stand in our way.  It’s about taking true responsibility for our lives, in a loving, compassionate way.

Here are 10 ways to express self-love.  Use what works best for you.

Give yourself a hug each morning when you wake up. Hold yourself and tell yourself good morning!  Welcome yourself into the day.

When you feel an uncomfortable feeling — pause. Send love and compassion to your feeling.  When possible, ask yourself if the feeling has a message for you.

Spend quiet alone time with yourself, each day. Treasure this time with yourself.  Pay loving, kind attention to yourself.

Do something loving for yourself. Ask yourself: What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?

Close your eyes, and breath in and out from the area of your heart. Imagine that your heart is radiating love. Allow this love to expand through your body, and radiate even further outside of your body.  Allow yourself to rest in the field of love surrounding you.

Do something just for yourself. Something that will awaken your spirit, or nurture your soul.  Do it for you, not for self-growth, or achievement, but just for your enjoyment.

Make a list of all the things you like and love about yourself. Keep this list handy so you can add to it. Refer to it often, especially when you’re feeling down about yourself.

Catch your inner critic in the act. Help this voice find encouraging phrases to use instead.

Accept your mistakes and imperfections. Be gentle with yourself, and remind yourself that you are human.

Write yourself a love letter. Tell yourself what you truly appreciate about yourself.  Show compassion for what you are going through.  Draw special attention to strengths and kindnesses that might go unnoticed.  Write one of these letters once a week, once a month, or as needed.

When you practice self-love, little by little, you can fall in love with yourself.  Each and every act of self-love is worth it, and so are you!

Peace,

Marian

Clear the Way

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For me, there’s something about January which feels light and fresh and clear. The end-of-year holiday congestion has dissipated.  The trees stand tall and bare, allowing the winter sun to make its way through my window.  The new calendar on my kitchen wall boasts a brand-new clean slate.

If only that were completely true.  While in many respects it does feel like a clean slate, I’ve found again and again that it’s never purely a clean slate.  Remnants from the months, and years past, still vie for attention.  It’s been a lot these past few years.  And despite my desire to move full steam ahead, I sense a part of me is holding back.

It’s the reason why so many of those lofty resolutions barely make into February.  Despite our best intentions, when we don’t let go of the past, it can feel difficult, even impossible, to move forward.  When we don’t take time to clear the residue, we repeat the same old patterns which keep us stuck.

Often, when I notice resistance around my intentions, I pause.  And, rather than giving up, or pushing forward, I look within to determine what’s still in my way. I tune into my fears and doubts so that I can help clear them away.  And, though I often do this, I don’t always.  So, this year,  I aspire to add more consistency to my practice.

During the first few days and weeks of January we are bombarded with countless practices to help detox and shape the body.  It’s assumed, especially after holiday excess, that January is the perfect time to begin paying more attention to the physical body. Yes, maybe this is true.  Yet, just like the physical body needs periodic cleansing, so does the emotional body.  Similar to any other toxin, our doubts and fears, when allowed to build up, form the sludge that weighs us down. 

I suggest that in order to cleanse the emotional/energetic body, we incorporate doable daily practices into our lives.  And, just with any type of exercise, consistency is key.  Consistently releasing old emotions, along with relaxing the nervous system, reaps benefits for every area of our lives. 

When I worked as a nutrition coach, I would recommend gradual dietary changes, and slow detoxes.  Slow and steady is what ensures lasting results.  The same goes for an emotional detox.  Little by little is what helps our system get used to the changes, allowing them to take hold.

Tapping, meditation, therapy, and body work are fabulous tools to help clear stuck emotions.  Some can be done in as little as 10 minutes a day.  Those with longer time commitments can be practiced less frequently. All will help clear out the pockets of sludge that weigh us down.  Find what realistically works for you, so that you can stay consistent.

Here’s to clearing your way forward! Commit to what you can do, and enjoy!

Happy New Year!

Marian

PS:  Watch my newest EFT Tapping Video:  I Can Do It!

Procrastination: What’s it really about?

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If you ever feel frustrated with your own procrastination, I know the feeling.  Procrastination can be very seductive, and it might feel impossible to resist. Whether it shows up as busy work, succumbing to addictive distractions, or doing nothing at all, it can be a mighty fearsome beast.

As if the results of procrastination weren’t punishing enough, we top it off by beating ourselves up. We say things like:  I’m so lazy.  I never get anything done.  I’ll never get ahead… so why bother?  It won’t work anyway.  I’m such a screw-up.  All of this feels pretty crappy, to say the least.

So what to do when the to-do list feels too hard to accomplish?  Or when you don’t have a clue of what to do.  Maybe you know what you ‘should’ do, but it’s the last thing you want to do. Perhaps you feel like there’s far too much to do, so why even try. 

There are many reasons we use to justify procrastination. Some might be completely justified.  Yet, ongoing procrastination will hold us hostage until we do something about it.

What I’ve found, is that procrastination is seldom solely about the willpower to accomplish more.  Sure, some of our habits might look like a lazy lack of willpower.  Yet, typically, somewhere underneath it all, there’s fear. Fear that might be hiding, or perhaps camouflaged, but strong enough to keep us stuck in procrastination.

The most common of these fears include:  Making a mistake. Being rejected. Shining too brightly. Being incompetent.  Not being enough.  Being too much.  And so on.

What I suggest, when you feel stuck in procrastination, is to proceed with compassionate for yourself.  Beating yourself up will only serve to make you feel worse.  This, of course, can lead to even more procrastination. Or, a flurry of over-activity, followed with a backlash of procrastination. (I’ve done it all…)

What if procrastination is actually a call to look more deeply within. 

What if it’s a call to ask ourselves, what’s triggering me? What am I afraid of? What do I believe about myself? What do I believe about the tasks at hand?  Asking questions is what helps us clarify our blocks and limiting perceptions.

So, once we find our blocks and limiting beliefs — what’s next? 

I highly recommend using EFT Tapping as a tool overcome the emotions and beliefs which underlie procrastination.  Meditation, matrix reimprinting, somatic work, journaling, and/or reaching out to a healing professional are very helpful as well.  Combine your preferred tools and resources to begin resolving the inner conflict which keeps you stuck. I truly believe that until we resolve the issues plaguing us from within, we can only go so far in life.

What I suggest, is to proceed one step at a time. Sometimes the to-do list might look unwieldy. Impossible, perhaps.  Yet, starting with one small action will help build momentum.  Start with one doable task from your list.  Add to that an underlying fear, and use tapping, meditation, or your preferred method, to help it release.

It’s important to take action towards both the tasks that need doing and the limiting beliefs and feelings.  Doing one will help build momentum with the other.  For example, accomplishing a task will help you feel better about yourself, and diminish fear.  Releasing fear and limiting beliefs will enable you get more done.

Start where you are.  Start with something.  Start with one action, one fear.  Build momentum, and go from there.

Here’s to your success!

Peace,

Marian

For a Tapping Video to Help  You Get It Done, Click Here.

Need help getting unstuck? I’m here to help. Reach out.