Marian Buck Murray

EFT and IFS for Sensitive, Creative People. Empower yourself self-compassion and deep understanding.

Don’t Be Afraid of Your Shadow

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Many of us spend a lot of time avoiding our shadows.   Those places we don’t want to talk about.  Those places we don’t want anyone to see.  Those places that sometimes get so triggered.  It’s easy to be scared of these places.  They’re distressing, and they hold all sorts of uncomfortable feelings. 

But, what if, at the same time we’re scared of our shadows, our shadows are scared of us?

Think about it.   Think about all the judgement and criticism we throw at our shadows.  Banishing them into exile, under lock and key.  Demeaning them, belittling them, refusing to accept them. 

How would you feel if you were treated that way?

Imagine instead, that your shadow, or shadows, are eager for your attention.  Just like a child who yearns for parental love and acceptance.  The more you push them away, the more they act up, or the more they shy away.  They show up in our lives in a variety of ways — from unhealthy habits, and relationship problems to issues with career, happiness, success, and more.

A shadow, simply, is a part of ourselves which we  avoid or push away.  It can be anything from a hidden gift or talent, to a painful memory, tucked away into the subconscious mind.   Because they live in the subconscious mind, shadows hold enormous power in our lives.  Even when we’re not aware of them. Experts have reported that our subconscious mind is responsible for more than 90% of what we say, think and act. 

Learning about our shadows is paramount.   And, we can’t learn about them if we’re busy avoiding them.  When we approach our shadows with compassion and curiosity, we’re able to discover the origins of our limiting patterns, so we can begin to unravel them.

Our shadows hold potent information, waiting for us to tap in.  Tapping in helps us soften the pain that keeps us stuck.  Embracing them allows us to harness long-lost gifts, talents, and power.

If you’re scared of looking into your shadows, it’s completely understandable.  It’s important to feel safe when you do any type of shadow work.  Because shadows live in the dark, it’s helpful, and sometimes necessary, to do shadow work with a healing professional.

Below I offer a few suggestions on reducing fear around shadow work.   

    • Imagine your shadow is actually a younger you.  As much as you can, summon compassion for this younger you.  When you see your shadow this way, it can feel a lot less frightening.
    • Understand that your shadow is simply a part of you that has been pushed away for some reason. So often it’s not the shadow that’s scary.  It’s typically the feelings of judgement surrounding the shadow that feel scary.  Ask for assistance from a healing professional if you need help navigating your feelings.
    • Open up a conversation with your shadow. Get curious.  Ask questions.  For more information on how to talk to your shadow click here.  For a video, click here.
    • Use EFT Tapping to reduce fear surrounding shadow exploration. No need to start with the shadow itself.  Simply notice any fear you feel about exploring your shadow, and tap through the EFT acupressure points.  For more information about tapping, click here.  Again, reach out for help  if you need it.

May your shadows illuminate your way forward.

Peace,

Marian

To learn more about shadow work, and how it can help you transform your life, contact me.

Shadow Talk

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I’m all about befriending our shadows.  It’s part of my self-care practice and a big part of my work with clients.  And, as a person who used to be terrified of my own shadows, I am so thankful I’ve learned how to make friends.  It’s helped me feel so much lighter, happier, and free to truly be myself.  What’s more, it has helped me unravel old, stuck, sabotaging patterns which have interfered with my success.

One practice I do on a regular basis is talk with my shadows.  I find that when I get to know them on a deeper level, I discover the clues to a specific challenge I might be experiencing.  For example, a shadow of my Unmotivated Teen might come up when I think about doing the work in front of me.   This shadow might urge me to zone out and avoid my work.  Obviously it’s hard to get my best work done when there’s a shadow urging me to avoid it.  So, rather than shunning this shadow, I take the time to learn more about it, and everything changes.

Here’s how to strike up a conversation with your own shadows:

When you notice a limiting pattern coming up for you, perhaps a self-sabotaging pattern, pause.  Notice the emotions you’re feeling.  Notice what you are being urged to do or not do. Notice how young you feel.  As best you can, form a picture in your mind of a character (human or other) which represents this limiting pattern.

Approach this character as if it’s a shadow within you.  You might want to give it a name. Do your best to cultivate a sense of curiosity, with the intent to be accepting and non-judgemental. 

Here are some sample questions you might want to ask.  For each question, pause, listen, and tune in to the answers that come up.

  • Can you tell me more about why you’re here right now?
  • What’s going on for you, what are you feeling?
  • Is there something you’d like me to understand about you?
  • What would help you feel better?
  • What do you need?
  • Is there anything else you want to tell me?se

You can take this conversation deeper by using a journal to dialogue with your shadow.  Create back and forth journal entries between you and your shadow.  Ask questions, stay curious, invite your shadow to answer the questions. 

No matter how you do it, the practice of conversing with your shadows is powerful.   It encourages self-forgiveness, and resolution of inner conflict.  It makes it easy to bring compassion and understanding to the shadowy, dark places within.  It’s informative and transformative.  It’s something, once you get going, that you’ll likely want to come back to, again and again. 

Peace,

Marian

NOTE:  If you’re dealing with trauma, or feel that your pain is unbearable, reach out to a professional who can assist you with this practice.  Contact me to learn more about using EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting to work with your shadows.

Finding Flow

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When we’re in flow, we’re in the zone, that beautiful place of creative expression. It’s typically accompanied with ease, grace, and a lost sense of time.  Flow is place where new ideas sprout and grow.  It’s where we feel energized and engaged in creative pursuit.  In short, flow feels great.

Who doesn’t want flow?

But where do we find flow?  And how do we move into it when we’re reeling from the world around us?

The past year has been triggering, disruptive, distracting, overwhelming, and for some of us, downright traumatizing.  It has left so many of us feeling completely and utterly exhausted. It’s been easy, even necessary, to revert to old coping habits that allow us to escape, tune out, and numb down our feelings.  

And, it’s exceedingly hard to flow when we’re experiencing any of the above.

So, if this is where you find yourself, know that you have my compassion and deep understanding.  And, along with my compassion, I bring you some tips to find your flow again. Tips I use all the time to get back into my own flow.

Stay with your feelings —   Feelings, when embraced, will begin to dissipate, and feel more manageable.  This will allow you to stay in the moment, and it’s in the moment where we find flow.

Get your energy moving — Don’t wait for motivation.  Move your body on a daily basis.  Yoga, walks, workouts, dance.  Movement will break up stagnant energy, helping you move into flow.

Take one step ––  Get started.  Jumpstart momentum by doing one small thing at a time.  We strangle our flow by focusing only on the massive work we have to get done.  Focus instead on one thing at a time and you will get it done.  This helps you stay present, in the moment, and will increase feelings of accomplishment, and flow.

Let go of stagnating habits — Easier said than done, right? Yes, definitely, but here’s a way to start.

First, get clear about the habits which keep you stagnated. Notice which feelings trigger the desire to indulge in a habit.  Stay with these feelings. When you do indulge in your habit, notice what happens to your sense of flow.  No judgement here — just mindfulness.  Remember — limiting habits start as coping strategies.  The key is to stay with the feelings that we’re trying to avoid.  Again, staying with your feelings will them process and become more manageable.  This in itself will facilitate flow.

Acknowledge your shadows – Shadows are those disowned places within us.  These shadows are often activated more acutely during times of stress.   Learning to recognize them as they arise helps us form a new relationship with ourselves.  Click here for my video on working with your shadows.

Use energy work —  The goal of energy work is to help stuck energy move into a healthy flow. Recurring habits, reactions, and emotions signal that energy flow has been disrupted.  Practices such as EFT Tapping, Matrix Reimprinting, Acupuncture, along with other energy modalities, are effective for clearing disruptions to flow. 

Wishing you abundant flow,

Marian

For more information on using EFT Tapping to help let go of stagnation, and move into flow, click here.

 

 

Shadow Love — A Call For Unity within Ourselves

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Unity, such a beautiful word.  During these times of deep division, many of us have been calling for it.  But, let’s face it, it can be hard to find common ground with those we call our enemies.  At a time when it might feel easy to dehumanize, condemn, or ‘cancel’ those whom we judge, why on Earth would we want unity?

It’s all very understandable — this ‘us and them’ mentality.  Yet, our lack of unity leaves us polarized.  And it’s difficult, if not impossible, to move forward when we’re feeling polarized.

Now I’m not suggesting that we befriend or agree with everyone.  Rather, what I am suggesting is that we seize this moment to befriend those parts of ourselves which we’ve condemned, hidden, neglected, and judged.  It’s when we make peace with ourselves that we find it easier to find peace with others.

We all live with some degree of inner polarization.  It shows up as that struggle to accept ourselves just as we are. That habit of hiding who we really are.  The masks we wear to please and impress. The lies we tell to save face. 

However, it’s when we reintegrate the shadowy places within us, that we find profound inner peace.

Sometimes we’re so afraid of our shadows, we’ll do everything possible to get away from them.  But, alas, we can’t outrun our shadows.  Avoidance won’t make them disappear.  In fact, they usually come back even stronger, popping into our lives when we least expect it. As long as we’re driven to avoid our shadows, they will continue to sabotage our lives. 

It’s when we turn to embrace our shadows, that they help us transform our lives.

During times of stress, it’s easy to fall back into our shadow patterns.  Those habits, behaviors, and moods, we’d rather not admit to.  So, what if,  instead of judging ourselves, we pause to notice what’s happening.  As painful as it might feel, our shadows are calling for healing.  When we move into acceptance, we can take a deeper dive to see what’s hiding beneath the surface.

So, how do we embrace what we don’t want to embrace?  How do we feel compassion for a part ourselves that we truly dislike?

A good start is to approach our shadows as we would a scared child.  When we approach ourselves with gentleness, compassion, and non-judgement, we can listen on a deeper level.  This simple act of compassion helps illuminate what’s truly needed to feel better, happier, and empowered to transform our lives.

It takes time, and commitment to work with our shadows.  But it’s worth it.  EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting are particularly helpful tools in shadow work.  Contact me to learn more.

Peace,

Marian

Interested in shadow work?  Learn more about my new Shadow Love Programs.

Befriend Your Shadow

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So often, especially for sensitive people, our personal shadow side is difficult to acknowledge. It’s as if acknowledging the shadow will somehow negate the good we’re doing in the world. Or perhaps the sheer presence of a shadow means we haven’t done enough ‘work’ on ourselves. Or that we’re not spiritual enough. Or, worse, that there’s something permanently wrong with us.

Yes.  Our shadows are tough to explore. They’re designed to be tough.  Tough enough to keep us away from those unwanted parts of ourselves, banished so long ago.  Sometimes we don’t even know they’re there.

The problem with shadows, though, is that they never truly stay hidden.  They creep into our behavior, our reactions, our moods, and our personalities. Sometimes they scream at us. And they always push us out of alignment.  They will continue to push us out of alignment, until we begin to take notice. Until we embrace them.  Simply put, until we befriend our shadows, we will never be able to find true fulfillment.

If you’re new to shadow work, here is a brief description of a few common types of shadows.

3 common types of shadows:

Dark Shadows:  These include mistakes, wrong-doings, and traumatic events.  This is where we harbor shame. We typically spend inordinate amounts of energy trying to hide, deny and avoid these dark shadows.  Neglected, they can lead to all sorts of negative, and even harmful, behavior towards ourselves and others.

Unacknowledged Gifts:  Here we find our natural strengths and talents which have been pushed into the shadows. This usually happens during youth, as a result of some form of rejection.  They can get triggered by someone else’s success, along with resentment, anger, or jealousy.  These shadows can lead to all sorts of self sabotage from unfulfilling jobs, to procrastination, to overall stagnation.

Light Shadows:  These shadows can stem from an inner belief that we’re not good, lovable, or valuable enough. Often these shadows include an unresolved need to be loved, or validated.  They can lead to overly-friendly, overly-giving, and overly-responsible behaviors.

An effective way of approaching any of our shadows is with forgiveness, compassion, and love. Woven into our shadows are layers of pain and suffering, yearning to be healed.  EFT Tapping, meditation, therapy, journaling, prayer, and deep self-care routines, are all helpful methods to assist you as you work with your shadows.

Remember, shadow work takes consistency, patience, compassion, love, and help from others.  It’s worth it.  It’s an experience that will truly transform your life.

 Reach out to me if you’d like to learn how to use EFT Tapping to work with your shadows.

With Love,

Marian