Marian Buck Murray

EFT and IFS for Sensitive, Creative People. Empower yourself self-compassion and deep understanding.

Bad Day? Try This.

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I’ve had a few of ‘those’ days lately.  You know, those days when nothing seems to go right.  From problems with my computer and email, to issues with my mother’s care, and so on.  And then of course, occasionally, there are disappointments I face as a self-employed person.  When too many glitches combine at the same time, it can make a day feel utterly horrible.

What’s important, on a day like that, is to avoid sliding into a punishing rabbit hole. That place that beckons when things feel their worst.  That place that blames, shames, and tells us how wrong we are.  And then, sternly reminds us that nothing will work out.  It’s a truly awful place to be.

In my opinion, the descent into the rabbit hole serves only to add salt to the wound.  It’s bad enough to have things go wrong.  To add punishment and shame on top, is especially cruel.  So if you do find yourself in the rabbit hole, be kind to yourself, and know that there are ways to find stable ground again.

Here are some ways you can help lift yourself to a better feeling place.

Pause.  Pause and look around.  Pause to notice how you feel about what is happening.  Do what you can to help yourself relieve your feelings.  Try some EFT tapping.  Take a walk outside.  Call a friend.  The goal here is to interrupt your thought pattern, release, and refresh.  This will help you re-engage with more clarity.

Ask.  What is here for me to learn?  What ‘s one thing I can do to help myself right now?  What can I do differently which will help in the future? Who can I ask for help?  What matters most right now? What can I let go of?  How can I see this situation differently?  Asking questions will open your mind to additional solutions and possibilities.

Look.  Look around to notice what’s going right.  Look for something you can accomplish right now.  Look for others who have succeeded in similar circumstances.  Look at what you’re already doing successfully.   Noticing success will enable you to create success more easily.

Encourage Yourself.  Remind yourself of times you’ve gotten through tough situations.  Tell yourself that you can get through this.  Assure yourself that you’ve got what it takes to move forward, even if it’s a baby step.  Above all, be compassionate with yourself.  Compassion and encouragement will empower you to do what’s most beneficial.

The goal here is to get to a better feeling place.  A place where you feel more confident and hopeful.  A place where you feel inspired to take action.  It’s here where you will find the energy to move forward.

My best wishes for your success in whatever you’re facing right now.

Peace,

Marian

For a tapping video to help you through a bad day, click here.

Lighten Your Load

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As we approach summer, we’re called to lighten up. Lighter clothing, lighter bedding, lighter foods.  And sometimes, a lighter workload. You know the drill.  We loosen and lighten up, in order to celebrate the freedom of the season.  Time to let go of the same-old, same-old, and welcome in something fresh. 

When we’re weighed down by the past, it’s difficult (or impossible) to feel lively, happy and free. Unprocessed limiting beliefs, hurts and resentments interfere with our daily lives.  Sometimes it can feel like ground hog’s day, every day. The same pattern, the same routine, on continual repeat.

When old patterns don’t change, or new plans don’t hold, there’s usually something from the past that’s holding us back.  Processing old pain and outdated beliefs is key to shifting limiting patterns.

Following are some ideas to lighten your load:

Resentment – Take a look at where resentment shows up in your life.  Old, festering resentments can impede the success of meaningful relationships.  Even when the resentment has nothing to do with the people involved.

Acknowledging that you feel resentment is the first step in letting go. You might find it hard to admit to resentment because you think you’re wrong to feel it.  Yet, resentment is very common. It arises from being wronged or hurt,  and/or feeling helpless to change your experience. The resulting disappointment, anger, and frustration, if not processed, will contribute to feelings of resentment.  Ongoing resentment will affect the way you communicate and relate with others.

Letting go of resentment will help you create more peace and joy in your relationships.  Meditation, EFT tapping, therapy and forgiveness practices such as ho’oponopono are powerful tools to help you loosen the grip of resentment. Try what works best for you.

Outdated Beliefs – It’s the beliefs that we don’t even question which are often the most outdated.  Though these beliefs might have nothing to do with our current circumstances, they can impact them in a negative way.  We hold fast to outdated beliefs because they’re what we’ve always believed.  For example, beliefs formed in childhood, such as ‘I’m not wanted’, or ‘I’ll never be good enough’, will exert enormous pressure on our lives.  We keep on believing the falsehoods – despite mountains of evidence to prove otherwise

Observe your beliefs, no matter what they are.  Determine which ones are worth keeping, and which ones hinder your growth.  With each, look to the past to see where, and from whom, the belief might have originated.  Create a list of beliefs you’d rather have, and look to role models for evidence that these new beliefs are indeed possible. 

Explore practices such as meditation, journaling, affirmations, EFT tapping, coaching, or therapy.  These tools will help you release outdated beliefs, and reinforce new beneficial beliefs.  Create a system that works for you.

Resistance – Resistance yields resistance. It builds, and it builds, until it feels like an insurmountable wall.  Often, the resistance is far more intense than whatever we’re resisting.

Resistance feeds upon fear, and the stories we tell ourselves.  Acknowledging  that resistance is a collection of feelings and thoughts, and not the thing you’re resisting, is a first step in moving beyond it. 

Next, looking deeper into the nature of your resistance will make it easier to resolve.  For example, is there fear that something will be too hard?  Or that you will feel vulnerable in an unwanted way?  Or that you will be rejected, criticized, embarrassed, hurt, or overwhelmed?  Deeper understanding will help lead you out of resistance. 

Proceed with an encouraging, non-judgemental mind. Keep your eye on the prize, and focus on how you’ll feel when  you take action.  Take a step, and then another, to build your momentum.  Happily, resistance often disappears once you’re actually doing what you were resisting. 

In addition, of course, meditation, EFT Tapping, movement, coaching, and therapy, will all assist you in moving forward.

Emotional heaviness zaps vitality, and squashes any sense of true freedom. Resentment, outdated beliefs, and resistance will drag you down. Period. Try some of the tools mentioned in this blog, or any others that work for you, to lighten  your load.

Release your way forward into more happiness, peace, and joy.

Peace,

Marian

 

 

Procrastination: What’s it really about?

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If you ever feel frustrated with your own procrastination, I know the feeling.  Procrastination can be very seductive, and it might feel impossible to resist. Whether it shows up as busy work, succumbing to addictive distractions, or doing nothing at all, it can be a mighty fearsome beast.

As if the results of procrastination weren’t punishing enough, we top it off by beating ourselves up. We say things like:  I’m so lazy.  I never get anything done.  I’ll never get ahead… so why bother?  It won’t work anyway.  I’m such a screw-up.  All of this feels pretty crappy, to say the least.

So what to do when the to-do list feels too hard to accomplish?  Or when you don’t have a clue of what to do.  Maybe you know what you ‘should’ do, but it’s the last thing you want to do. Perhaps you feel like there’s far too much to do, so why even try. 

There are many reasons we use to justify procrastination. Some might be completely justified.  Yet, ongoing procrastination will hold us hostage until we do something about it.

What I’ve found, is that procrastination is seldom solely about the willpower to accomplish more.  Sure, some of our habits might look like a lazy lack of willpower.  Yet, typically, somewhere underneath it all, there’s fear. Fear that might be hiding, or perhaps camouflaged, but strong enough to keep us stuck in procrastination.

The most common of these fears include:  Making a mistake. Being rejected. Shining too brightly. Being incompetent.  Not being enough.  Being too much.  And so on.

What I suggest, when you feel stuck in procrastination, is to proceed with compassionate for yourself.  Beating yourself up will only serve to make you feel worse.  This, of course, can lead to even more procrastination. Or, a flurry of over-activity, followed with a backlash of procrastination. (I’ve done it all…)

What if procrastination is actually a call to look more deeply within. 

What if it’s a call to ask ourselves, what’s triggering me? What am I afraid of? What do I believe about myself? What do I believe about the tasks at hand?  Asking questions is what helps us clarify our blocks and limiting perceptions.

So, once we find our blocks and limiting beliefs — what’s next? 

I highly recommend using EFT Tapping as a tool overcome the emotions and beliefs which underlie procrastination.  Meditation, matrix reimprinting, somatic work, journaling, and/or reaching out to a healing professional are very helpful as well.  Combine your preferred tools and resources to begin resolving the inner conflict which keeps you stuck. I truly believe that until we resolve the issues plaguing us from within, we can only go so far in life.

What I suggest, is to proceed one step at a time. Sometimes the to-do list might look unwieldy. Impossible, perhaps.  Yet, starting with one small action will help build momentum.  Start with one doable task from your list.  Add to that an underlying fear, and use tapping, meditation, or your preferred method, to help it release.

It’s important to take action towards both the tasks that need doing and the limiting beliefs and feelings.  Doing one will help build momentum with the other.  For example, accomplishing a task will help you feel better about yourself, and diminish fear.  Releasing fear and limiting beliefs will enable you get more done.

Start where you are.  Start with something.  Start with one action, one fear.  Build momentum, and go from there.

Here’s to your success!

Peace,

Marian

For a Tapping Video to Help  You Get It Done, Click Here.

Need help getting unstuck? I’m here to help. Reach out.

Get Centered When Life Feels Scattered

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“I have too much on my plate.”  “I’m being pulled in so many directions.”  “I feel so scattered and overwhelmed…”

This is what I hear so often from my friends and clients.  Most of them, as the sensitive, empathic people they are, feel responsible for much more than is truly necessary.  This includes other people’s emotions, behavior, expectations, over-all well-being, and more.  And then there are the daily tasks, workplace duties, volunteer obligations, and various family and friends who are calling for attention.

When we’re pulled in different directions, stretched beyond our limits, we get pushed off center. However, it’s when we’re centered and grounded that we can focus on our priorities.  In order to make meaningful progress in life, finding center is paramount.  It might feel impossible, but it’s not.  It might feel easier to try to handle it all, but it’s not.  Getting grounded and centered, is truly the way forward.

Following are some suggestions to help you get grounded and centered when life feels scattered:

Set the stage for the day ahead.
Allow time for yourself in the morning — before your mind fills with the worries of the day, and before you check your phone.  If necessary, go to bed earlier so you can rise earlier, without scrimping on sleep.  Use this time, even if it’s only 10 or 15 minutes, to meditate, write, take a walk, or do something which helps you connect with yourself.  Find a rhythm which feels doable, enjoyable, and centering.

Shift your vision from all that ‘needs’ doing, and towards what’s most important right now.
Acknowledge that you have a lot on your plate, but that you can’t do it all right now.  Decide what you can let go of for now.  Tune in, and ask yourself what are the 3 (or 2 or 1)  most important things for me to accomplish.  Sometime before the end of each day, decide upon priorities for the next day.  Start you day with a plan.

If you’re struggling to clarify priorities, perhaps you’re assuming that everything is a priority.
Take the time to tune in to see what might be clouding your vision.  Ask yourself any of the following: Am I trying to please someone else?  Am I trying to prove myself?  Why does this matter so much to me.  Is this really my responsibility?  How will this be beneficial for me?  How could this harm me?  Is this in alignment with what’s truly important right now? Is this in alignment with my values? Develop a practice to help yourself let go of what obscures your vision.  If you need help, contact me.

When you feel overly distracted, or overwhelmed, take a few minutes to ground yourself.
Get into your body, and out of your head.  If possible, go outside.  Feel the earth under your feet.  Breathe deeply to clear your lungs.  If you’re inside, exercise your core and lower body muscles.  Tap your heels on the floor, march in place, jump up and down, all with the intention of grounding and centering yourself.

Most importantly, remember that when life feels scattered, it’s time to take extra good care of yourself.  If you’re a sensitive, empathic person, you might believe you have to put others first.  Yet when we consistently put others first, ignoring self-care, we burn out.

It’s amazing what even small pockets of self-care can do to bring us back to center.  Self-care can be woven in throughout the day.  It’s in the nourishing foods we eat.  It’s in the nature walks, the meditations, the naps, the yoga, the good night’s rest, the visits to healing practitioners, and time spent with art, and music. When we feel well cared for, it’s easier to focus on what’s most important, and easier to let go of what’s not.

Wishing You Inner Peace,

Marian

Contact me to learn how EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting will help you feel more centered, and at peace with yourself.

 

 

Exit the Mind Loop

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In our society we’re trained to give the brain most of, if not all, the credit.  Many of us believe that the brain is the only place to go when we want to solve a problem.  We say things like:  I’m wracking my brain.  Let me think about it.  And, I’m trying to wrap my head around it…

When left unchecked, all of this brain activity takes an enormous amount of energy. Especially when we’re worried.  It’s easy to overthink and overanalyze our circumstances. And, sometimes, often without realizing it, we can get trapped in a punishing mind loop. 

The brain, of course, with its myriad functions, is an amazingly intricate and powerful organ. However, when we rely solely on the brain to help us, we miss out on the treasure chest of wisdom residing in the rest of the body.  A mind loop, after all, rarely resolves itself with thinking alone. 

And when it comes to accessing creative or intuitive flow, it’s the thinking brain that presents the biggest hurdles.  Typically, the more we think about being creative or intuitive, the more we doubt and second-guess ourselves.  A self-doubting, second-guessing mind blocks intuition, and cripples creative flow.  The longer we engage with the mind loop, the further we take ourselves from the luscious experience of flow. 

So, while recognizing and respecting the power of the brain, it’s important to consult the body and heart, in order to facilitate flow.   

Here are some ways to help yourself drop out of a busy mind loop:

Breath Deeply – Deep breath will help activate the relaxation response.  In addition, by focusing on your breath, you take your focus off of your busy mind. 

Move your Body Parts– Mindfully move different parts of your body.  Pay attention to your hand, your leg, your foot, etc.  Notice any sensations with that arise with each part of your body.  Notice any information or metaphors your body might be expressing. Observe what happens with your thoughts when you  purposefully steer them to your body.

Get up and Dance!  —  Dancing, especially to music you love, will help you break out of a troubling mind set.  Get silly and exaggerate your moves.  If you’re up for it, shake your body from top to toe.  Shaking will help release anxiety and loosen your body and mind.

Chant —  Chanting a simple mantra, such as Om, for 10 -20 minutes is an effective way to exit a mind loop. By focusing on a simple phrase, chanting will help you transcend the mind.  In addition, chanting helps activate the vagus nerve,  thereby relaxing the nervous system.   If you’re new to chanting, start with a few minutes, and work up to longer periods of time.

Use the Heart Breath —  The heart breath will help you relax a busy brain.  According to experts,  the heart’s electromagnetic energy field  is as much as 5000 times greater than the brain’s.  This means that we can use the heart to entrain the brain into a calmer brain wave state. This will help boost effective brain function.  Click here to access my Heart Breath Meditation on Insight Timer. 

Use EFT tapping –  An anxious mind can trigger a spike in cortisol.   EFT Tapping has been clinically proven to be one of the most effective techniques for reducing cortisol.  By reducing cortisol and calming the nervous system, we help ourselves drop out of the mind loop.  This enables us to think more clearly, in a solution-based way.  Contact me to learn more about EFT Tapping.

Here’s to giving your busy mind a well deserved break!

Peace,
Marian

Contact me to learn how EFT Tapping can help you exit a painful mind loop.