Marian Buck Murray

EFT and IFS for Sensitive, Creative People. Empower yourself self-compassion and deep understanding.

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Triggered? Here’s What To Do

November 4, 2020 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment



W
e all know what it feels like to be triggered.  Triggered by something someone says.  Or does.  Or by something we read in the news, or on social media.  For some of us, sometimes all it takes is a song on the radio to trigger a round of tears.  Or, the sight of a particular person to send us spiraling into anger.

Usually when we feel triggered, we’re being reminded of something from our past.  In other words, we experience the same feelings as we did during a similar event(s) in the past.  It’s easy to blame our triggers on whatever is in front of us.  However, though our current situation might feel awful, it’s when we shine a light on our subconscious wounds, that we begin to eliminate our triggers.

What’s important to realize, is that when we are triggered, whether with anger, sadness, or fear, we are essentially disempowered.  We’re less able to think, or speak, clearly.  And, we’re more likely to react impulsively, and in ways we might later regret.

The goal is to help deactivate the triggers, so that we can face unpleasant, challenging, situations more effectively. 

So, how do we do this?   

Pause.  Honor what you’re feeling. And take a breath.

When you feel triggered, pause to notice what you’re feeling.  Slow your breath.  Begin breathing deeply from your belly.  Slow, deep, breathing turns on the relaxation response. 

Next, while breathing deeply, tune into what you’re feeling, and use your fingers to tap on the fleshy side of your hand.  (It doesn’t matter which hand.)  This tapping will help you interrupt your automatic trigger reaction. In addition, tapping helps to reduce cortisol,  reduce the intensity of the feeling, and bring blood back to your brain. 

All of this makes your brain more effective, and helps you feel better — enabling you to handle your situation in a more powerful way.

It’s simple.  By pausing, and interrupting your reaction, you will be more able to respond consciously, rather than unconsciously.

Because our triggers typically stem from painful events, they can actually lead us to the places we most need to heal.  If you struggle with strong triggers, reach out for professional guidance to learn how to manage them. 

For the video:  EFT Tapping For Feeling Triggered, see below…

Wishing You Peace and Wellbeing,

Marian

 

EFT Tapping is an efficient, quick way to deactivate, and neutralize triggers.  Contact me to learn more about how you can use EFT tapping to work with your triggers.

Filed Under: EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), Uncategorized Tagged With: anger, cortisol, deep breathing, EFT tapping, eliminate triggers, Fear, How to deal with emotional triggers, neutralize triggers, sadness, subconscious wounds, triggers, What to do when you're triggered

Make Friends with Fear

October 23, 2019 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

 

Halloween — a month-long celebration of spooks.  The kids on my street decorate early, with skeletons lazing in front yards, spiders poking out from curbside gardens, dangerous looking pumpkins standing guard on front porches.  Neighboring streets have spooky graveyards, inflated black cats,  sound machines, you name it.  All in fun…and of course the prospect of trick-or-treating always helps to soothe fearful feelings.  

Why then, can it feel so hard to celebrate the fears that arise daily? The fears that stop us in our tracks.  The fears that keep us small? 

How do we actually make friends with fear? The answers, fortunately, are numerous:   Feel it.  Sit with it.  Understand it.  Stay with it.  Heal it.

Here are some steps to help fear feel more friendly:

Understand it. The more you sit with your fear, the more you’ll be able to see underneath it.  Often our fears stem from a younger place within us.  A time when we were scared, perhaps with no one to help us.  The longer you observe your fear, the more information you will receive to help it heal.

Bring compassion. Compassion for your fear is crucial.  Rather than making your fear ‘wrong’, approach it with a sense of compassion.  Imagine a child who feels afraid.  How would you respond to this child?  With a hug? Reassurance? Love?

Ask yourself what you need in this moment to feel more courageous. Do you need some friendly encouragement?  Assistance or guidance of some sort?  Do you need more information?  When you know what you need, take action to give yourself what you need.

Recognize fear as a friend who wants to keep you safe. Fear is a natural aspect of your biological fight/flight/freeze response.  Although your fear might feel inappropriate for the scope of your circumstances, it is triggered by the part of the brain tasked with keeping you safe.  Often, this response has been conditioned by previous experiences.  Accepting this will make it easier for you to add space between you and your fear, recognizing that it stems from a conditioned, habitual response, not an actual danger. 

Relate to your fear in the moment. Most times our fears are related to past experiences, or future worries.  Getting clear with fear in the moment will help you become more centered.  Rather than being consumed by a scary mind-story — get present and real with your fear.  With practice, you’ll begin to see fear as a feeling, and nothing more.  Remember:  If the fear is true fear, warning you of true danger, you’ll respond most effectively grounded in the present moment.

Meditate. Consistent, daily meditation helps your brain become more effective during times of stress.  It helps facilitate easier access to the relaxation response.  It helps you disentangle from the emotions that seem to control you.  If you’re new to meditation, start with short periods of time.  Even 5 minutes. Gradually build your endurance so that you can sit for longer and longer amounts of time.  Remember, it’s okay that you don’t feel ‘bliss’ right away.  Sitting with your fear, will help it begin to dissipate.  It’s this patience observance of your feelings that helps them transform.

Use EFT Tapping.  EFT Tapping helps neutralize fear, and other painful emotions.   EFT has been clinically proven to reduce cortisol, the major stress hormone, which is elevated during times of fear.  By reducing cortisol, you turn on the relaxation response, allowing your nervous system to relax.  For a video on how to use EFT tapping, click here.

The bottom line:  Making friends with your fear might just be one of the greatest gifts you’ll ever give yourself!

In Courage,

Marian

Need help with fear and anxiety?  Contact me.

Filed Under: EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), Uncategorized Tagged With: compassion, cortisol, Courage, EFT tapping, Fear, fight/flight/freeze response, friendly fear, halloween, meditation, scary, self-compassion, spooky, Staying present

3 Places Fear Loves to Hide & What to Do About It!

July 8, 2016 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

Depositphotos_1804066_s-2015Not only do we hide from fear, but fear also hides from us, waiting to pounce and sabotage our best efforts in business and creative projects.  Here are some of the places where fear loves to hide.

Procrastination –

An all-time-favorite hiding place for fear.  When a job or task feels scary, it might feel easy and even natural to avoid it.  Unfortunately, habitual avoidance = procrastination.

Procrastination takes you on the ultimate guilt-trip. We blame ourselves for being lazy, and this feeling of laziness leads to more of the same.  A soul-sucking cycle for sure.

Instead, what if the next time you find yourself procrastinating, you simply take a moment to notice what you’re feeling inside.  Take a look at the activity you’re avoiding.  Ask yourself why you’re avoiding it. Notice any fear that arises.  Next, try one of the methods listed below to help calm your fear.

Over Busyness –

Busyness may seem like the opposite of procrastination, but not always.  Keeping yourself overly busy, with tasks unrelated to your creative projects, might mean you’re avoiding something scary.

It can feel very scary to expand our talents and creativity.  Conversely, it can feel much safer to keep busy with busywork, volunteer work, housework, etc.  And then, before you know it, there’s no time left over for your dream.

The next time you find yourself busy with everything but your business or creative work, get clear on what you’re avoiding.  Decide upon one quick step you can take towards the project you’re avoiding.  Build your momentum with quick, small actions that won’t stress your overly-busy life.

Indecision —

How many times have you felt stuck in indecision, when it feels impossible to make the right decision?  Or desperately muddled, unable to see any clear choice of action.  It’s frustrating, for sure.

It’s important to know that indecision often points to a fear of clarity.  Or rather, a fear of what you know needs doing.  Getting clear might mean making a scary decision, such as leaving a job, starting a new business, scrapping an idea, or taking some sort of risk.

When you’re feeling besieged by indecision and anxiety about your next best steps, relax.  Clarity comes most easily when you’re relaxed.  When you’re feeling more relaxed, get clear on what you really want.  Then take a step in that direction.  Allow your intuition to guide you each step of the way. Try one of the techniques below to help yourself relax.

Three Methods to Help Calm Your Fears:

Deep Breathing – Slow, deep breathing helps to oxygenate your blood, and facilitates better brain function. Deep breathing also helps stimulate the para-sympathetic nervous system, to create a calm state of being.

EFT Tapping – EFT Tapping helps reduce cortisol, the major stress hormone released when we’re in fear.  Using EFT tapping when you’re feeling fear, helps to reduce the intensity of the fear, and can often neutralize it.  Click here for more information on EFT Tapping.  To learn more about using EFT Tapping to reduce fear and anxiety, contact me.

Heart Breath – The Heart Breath is another form of deep breathing where you imagine that you’re breathing in and out through your heart.  It’s a fabulous technique to help you move out of a fearful, busy mind, into the wisdom of your heart.  Click here for a free audio meditation.

Find that fear, clear it, and do it anyway!

In Courage,

Marian

Free workshop for solopreneurs, entrepreneurs, and creatives:  Overcome Your Fear of Shining in Your Business, So You Can Do What You Love.  Click here for the download.

Filed Under: EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), Uncategorized Tagged With: calming fear, EFT tapping, Fear, heart breath, how to calm fear, Indecision, Overbusyness, Procrastination

The Real Reason You’re Stuck

February 1, 2016 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

small cat stuck in a tree
Stuck in Fear

Truth be told, I’m the queen of stuck. I’ve been stuck so many times, so many ways, it’s amazing I’m even writing this blog.

It sucks to be stuck.

I judge it, I hate it, I call it bad.

But stuck is stuck for a reason.  There’s always something there.

When I’m stuck,  and I manage to stop judging myself,  I usually notice a bunch of uncomfortable feelings and beliefs simmering just beneath the surface.

So often it boils down to fear.

Fear of not knowing what to do. Fear of doing the wrong thing. Fear of mistakes. Fear of rejection. Fear that I won’t have what it takes. And that old persistent fear of shining.

It’s when I stop to listen to my feelings that I can take steps to release them.

That’s when I use EFT Tapping, or Heart Breath, or guided visualization, to help me clear old patterns of fear and restriction.

When I clear what holds me back, I feel free to move forward.

Next time you feel stuck, take a moment to go inside, and notice what you’re feeling. Notice what you’re telling yourself. Notice what seems to be in your way.

Once you’re clear about what’s going on inside, use a technique such as EFT, or work with an EFT Practitioner, or therapist,  to clear unwanted feelings and beliefs.

When you’re clear of old stuck emotions and limiting patterns, you’ll feel much more confident, and inspired, to move forward.

Marian

Click here for a complimentary Heart Breath Audio.

Click here to apply for a complimentary 30-Minute Unleash Your Creative Genius Clarity Call.

 

Filed Under: EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), Uncategorized Tagged With: EFT for Fear, EFT tapping, Fear, feeling stuck, Getting Unstuck, guided visuaization, heart breath, heart breath audio, reasons for being stuck, stuck emotions, stuck feelings

To Bloom or Not To Bloom

May 28, 2015 by Marian Buck-Murray Leave a Comment

peony bud

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” ~ Anais Nin.

Watching the peonies in our garden, I am reminded of this quote.  I wonder if the blossom feels pain and fear before breaking out of its bud.  It surely must be the case for the baby bird, breaking from its shell, the butterfly emerging from its cocoon.

Living within a tight space can feel cozy and safe, like a maternal hug.  The outer walls  forming formidable protection for emerging growth.

Then comes that day, that exact moment, when everything begins to change.  What once felt safe becomes stale and stagnant. Outer protection presses painfully.  Coziness turns constricting and restrictive.  All the while, an underlying fear of the unknown swells to the surface.

Despite it all, I doubt the blossom, the bird, or the butterfly, ever regret the pain of emergence.

What if fear and discomfort are just signals that it’s time to emerge?  What if once we emerge, the sheer joy of blossoming overcomes it all?

Where are you ready to blossom?  Are you being signaled? Is it time?  Remember that it’s the act of moving through discomfort that has the power to dissolve it.  Vibrant life shines brightly on the other side.

Peony open blossom

Open up to the beauty within you. 

It’s time to unlock your brilliance!

Marian

Contact me for more info about a free 30-Minute Tame Your Critic with EFT Tapping Strategy Call.  Learn how you can use EFT to release fear and self doubt, and unlock your brilliance.

 

 

 

Filed Under: EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), Uncategorized Tagged With: Anais Nin, Blossoming, Butterfly, Cocoon, EFT tapping, Fear, Self Doubt

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The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with nature.

Joseph Campbell
Certified EFT Practitioner

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