Let Go of Perfectionism

If you wait for perfect you will never get anything done - words of wisdom on a vintage slate blackboard

According to author Anne Lamott:   Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor.

What does perfectionism do to you?  Does is stop you from putting yourself out there?  Does it stop you from finishing creative projects?  Does it make you feel like you’ll never be good enough?  Does it work you too hard?  Or does it make you want to give up and not even try?

I know all about perfectionism.  Lately, I’ve been recording videos for a couple of multi-media projects…and it’s taken me a lot longer (much) than I expected. One reason, is that when I started, I kept trying to get it perfect.   All of it.  The sound, the shot, my appearance, my vocal intonation, and on and on.  But alas, between the tech issues, and my mistakes, it was far from perfect.  I realized it would never BE perfect.  And, I was driving myself crazy trying.    

So I relaxed.  And I took my own advice.  I began welcoming the glitches.  Learning from each one.  And I enjoyed feeling my creative flow, untethered by the constrictions of perfection.  

Once I relaxed into the imperfection of the process, everything got easier.  I felt more productive, finding solutions that I never would have found if I had stayed in the vicious do-over cycle.  And I finally finished my most important video, and it’s not perfect.  But it’s finished and it’s perfect for me at this time.

So many of my clients tell me how perfectionism is truly the voice of the oppressor, just as Anne Lammott said.

It holds them back, forcing them to hide their work for fear that it’s not perfect.

Makes them do far more work than is necessary

Stresses them out.

Keeps them on edge.

Fills them with resentment when they see others doing what they wish they could do.

Prevents them from enjoying their work.

Keeps them pretending they are who they’re not.

Blocks intimacy

And on and on.  It’s time to let it go.  Here are some suggestions:

Notice what it’s doing to you. Observe yourself within a situation where you’re attempting perfection.  Notice how you feel. Notice what you do to attain ‘perfection’.  Notice what goes wrong when you try.  Observe, and ask yourself if this pursuit of perfection is truly how you want to spend your time and energy.

 Get clear on your personal best possible outcome. Often, we reach for someone else’s vision of perfection.  Certainly, it’s beneficial to learn from others as we improve our skills, however, it can be easy to create unreasonable expectations based on someone else’s results.  When we don’t meet these expectations it can lead us to give up, or put undue pressure on ourselves to perform.  You can always, always, do your best.  Accept your current abilities and do the best with what you have.  Create your vision of your best possible outcome with what you have right now.

Redefine what perfection means to you. Each mistake and misstep has the potential to teach you something new. When you accept your mistakes with compassion, and humor, it opens the door to perfect solutions.  Acceptance leads to relaxation, which makes it easier to get things done. Help yourself see imperfections as perfect for what you need to learn and accept about yourself.

 Notice the beauty within imperfectionGo examine the design of the wood grain in a hard wood floor.  Observe the bark of the trunk of a big old tree.  Handle a piece of hand-thrown pottery. Notice how beauty unfolds from even from chaos.  Leonard Cohen expressed this beautifully with these words:

Ring the bells that can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That’s how the light gets in.

Use EFT Tapping. EFT works to help clear perfection’s oppressive shell, and the underlying feelings of stress, anxiety, and self doubt.   I’m currently finalizing the Tap Into Courage Toolkit for Entrepreneurs, Solopreneurs, and Creatives. It’s designed to help clear the most common blocks to success.  One of the modules is all about Perfectionism, since it can be one of the biggest blocks.  If you’d like a free trial of the Perfectionism module once it’s available, contact me.

Truly, letting go of perfectionism is one of the most liberating,  joyful things you can ever do for yourself.

In Blissful Imperfection,

Marian

To apply for a free 30-Minute Unleash Your Creative Genius Call, click here.

Cultivate Love and Kindness

flower with hearts

Absolutely no question.  Our world needs LOVE more than ever right now.  Looking around it’s easy to get sucked into the seemingly endless outbursts of anger inflaming the USA and beyond.

It’s never been more important to actively cultivate Love and Kindness.

Though so much of the anger is certainly well justified, the fueling of it does nothing to ease our pain.  And, it increases the growing fire of dueling insults.  Anger alone is not an effective tool for building communication and healthy relationships.

What if, instead of fueling anger, we pause long enough to find the loving, kind, respectful way, to express what we need and want. 

My hope is that we can transform our anger into the fuel for a revolution of LOVE, KINDNESS, and RESPECT for all.

Here are some suggestions to help you increase your internal feelings of love and kindness. When you expand your own inner light, it’s easier to share it with the world.  And the extra added bonuses are endless….

Give gifts of kindness. Daily.  – Random or not, kindness is always valuable.  In sharing your gifts of kindness, you increase your own sense of well-being.  By not being attached to others’ responses to your kindness, you move into the joy of being kind just to be kind. Whether it’s opening the door for someone, stopping your car to allow someone to merge ahead of you, helping a neighbor, giving a compliment, or lending your smile…. kindness is always valuable, and most often appreciated.

Extra added bonus – When people notice others being kind, they are more likely to act kindly themselves.

Increase your love vibration.  It’s difficult to act in a loving way when you’re feeling anxious, sad, or angry. Commit to practices which help you tune into the peace and wisdom of your heart.  The Loving Kindness Meditation is one such practice which will help you increase your feelings of love for yourself and for others.  Click here for the Metta Institute’s description of this meditation.  And of course, I love the Heart Breath Meditation.  By breathing into the power of your heart, you can actually increase your heart’s resonance.  Here’s the  link to download a free meditation.

Extra added bonus —  By increasing your love vibration, you will automatically bring more love into the world.

Listen deeply to build deeper understanding — What I hear so often from my clients, is that the people around them don’t really understand them.  It’s simple — everyone wants to be heard and understood.  And, listening deeply is how we help.  It might feel difficult when the person to whom you’re listening feels angry or sad, or says something that conflicts with your own beliefs.  It’s in the listening, however, that we can move beyond assumptions, and into deeper understanding of the truth.  Listening to one another, without trying to defend our views, or fix each others problems, is what helps us find common ground.  And deeper compassion.

Extra added bonus — People who are listened to will often feel and act more kindly.

Send Loving Thoughts Send benevolent, loving thoughts wherever you are. Send them to family members, friends, animals, strangers on the street, train conductors, cab drivers, people in cars, shop keepers, the person in front of you in line.  To step it up a notch, practice sending benevolent, loving thoughts to people with whom you have differences.  Generate and share the thoughts you want more of yourself.

Extra added bonus –Sending loving thoughts will not only help you spread love, it will also help you feel it as you share it.

Let it go with EFT Tapping EFT Tapping is an excellent tool to help you release your anger, fear, sadness, disappointment, and any other feelings that might be inhibiting your desire to be kind and loving. When you’re clear of built-up emotions, you will feel freer to express kind and loving thoughts and actions.  To learn how EFT Tapping can help you clear away unloving feelings, contact me.

Extra added bonus — Clearing unwanted emotions with EFT Tapping will absolutely, positively, change your life!

 

In Love and Courage,

Marian

To apply for a free 30-Minute Unleash Your Creative Genius Call, click here.

 

How To Embrace Uncertainty

Indecision confusion. Portrait confused young woman pointing in two different directions not sure which way to go isolated grey background. Negative emotion facial expression feeling body language

I hear it from everyone… “These times feel so uncertain.”… It feels like we’re standing on the brink of something…but what exactly?

What I also hear, from many of my clients, are the common worries: “I don’t know what to do.”  “Nothing is clear.”  “I haven’t heard back yet.”  “I have no idea what’s going to happen…”

Certainly, uncertainty can feel real uncomfortable.  It’s that unsettling place of limbo, betwixt and between.  And it can be especially hard when it creeps into to your job… your finances… your family…your health… your relationship.

I believe that in times of deep uncertainty, the only thing to do, is to look within, and bring focus to the present moment.

Here are some tips to help you embrace your times of uncertainty:

  1. Ground yourself with morning meditation. A daily meditation practice will help you infuse a sense of peace into your day. It will also help you open up to the intuitive and spiritual guidance necessary to clarify your situation.
  1. Write daily morning pages, or keep a journal. The regular practice of free-style writing will allow you to tap into your deeper wisdom.  Use this as a tool to release the mind chatter that clutters your mind. Pose questions as you write, and allow the answers to come to you.
  1. Get clear about what is certain for you in this moment. Although parts of your life might feel completely uncertain, it’s likely that other parts hold more certainty.  For example, what beneficial daily routines, activities, friends, or family, can you count on right now?  Use this time to cultivate meaningful habits and relationships which will help you move forward.
  1. Be open to good outcomes. We never know exactly what will happen in any situation. However, it might feel natural to focus on what ‘could’ go wrong, when faced with uncertainty.  Instead, open your mind to the numerous positive possibilities available to you in any moment.  Use your imagination to visualize positive scenarios that appeal to you.  Keeping yourself in a positive mind frame will help you create more of what you want.  Your brain’s reticular activator is always active, and it will help you find more of whatever (negative or positive) you’re focused on.
  1. Use EFT Tapping. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  EFT Tapping is the perfect tool to release old limiting beliefs and negative mind chatter.  Times of uncertainty can easily trigger feelings of fear, low self-worth, and self-doubt.  EFT Tapping helps to neutralize these negative feelings, and dismantle stuck patterns of negative self-talk.  Click here to learn more about EFT.
  1. Use the Heart Breath. The Heart Breath is a very powerful technique, especially during times of uncertainty.  It will help you reduce fear, and increase clarity.  I’ve got a free audio meditation.  Click here for the download.

Sending you wishes for Peace and Clarity.

In Courage,

Marian

BRING THE LOVE

divine-mother-front

divine-mother-words

Recently, I was invited to the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck NY to assist Dawson Church in the EFT Level 1 and 2 Certification Training Program.  It was bliss.  I got to spend 5 days amongst the autumn foliage in the beautiful Hudson Valley.  I received 3 delicious vegetarian meals a day.  I felt uplifted, surrounded by the peaceful community of seekers gathered to learn more about themselves.

On my last day, as I walked back to my cabin from breakfast, I looked down to see the Divine Mother card, lying in the leaves.  I looked around to see if there were more cards, or if the person who had dropped it was anywhere to be found.  And I saw nothing.  The card was for me.

I’ve spent the days since using my morning meditation to focus on the meaning of the Divine Mother.  What I saw right away, was that I was being asked to open to unconditional love.  Unconditional love for myself.

Next I saw that the energy of Divine Mother was begging to be a part of me, asking me to embody her essence.

I was being asked to fully own my power as a woman and mother, full of unconditional love, strength, wisdom, ingenuity, and creativity.

Yes.  Yes. Yes. And Yes.

Of course, the only way to embody this energy, is to truly, once and for all, surrender to the flow of unconditional love for myself.  I’m surrendering all the places I’ve judged, pushed away, and hidden.  All that’s frightened, sad, unspoken within me.  I’m surrendering all to LOVE.

As we now move forward from the painfully divisive 2016 US election, I have an even deeper understanding of what’s being asked of me, and of all of us.

LOVE.  Pure, simple, profound LOVE. LOVE is the only answer to help us come together in peaceful acceptance of each other.

And we can only share love in its fullest when we first feel it for ourselves.  When we judge and belittle ourselves, we increase both inner and outer discord.  Inner discord taints the love we bring to the world.

So let’s bring it on.  Let’s bring on the LOVE. 

The more you love yourself, the more love you will naturally radiate into our world. And when you love yourself, it will be easier to assist in activities which increase love, compassion, and understanding among people and friends who disagree.

Here are some tips to increase self-love.  Use often:

Sit quietly and breathe deeply. Imagine you are breathing in and out of your heart.   Notice any discomfort, or discord within you.  Allow yourself to breathe love into any place that feels discomfort.  Breathe this way for a few minutes, allowing yourself to release and soften inner judgements.

Write a love letter to yourself. Write a letter describing all the qualities you appreciate about yourself.  You can use this technique in different ways – as yourself, as your younger self to your current self, as your wise older self to your current self, as yourself to your younger self, etc.

Beautify your surroundings. Do this with the intention of nurturing your spirit. This could be as simple as cleaning up your space.  It might mean getting flowers for yourself.  Or, try adding your own art work, or craft work, to your workspace.

Keep a collection of positive quotes and affirmations, which will help you believe in yourself. Peruse them when you need a lift.

Do something loving for a friend, family member, or neighbor. Tap into the feeling of being a loving person.

Use EFT Tapping to release stuck beliefs and self-criticisms. EFT Tapping helps to untangle and soften negative inner talk. Contact me to learn more.

My love to you,

Marian

To apply for a free 30-Minute Unleash Your Creative Genius Call, click here.

Message Overload

 

Closeup portrait young woman wondering, thinking daydreaming with brain melting into lines question marks looking up isolated on gray background. Human facial expressions, emotion feeling sign

I’ll admit, I’m a little bit embarrassed to tell this story.  It’s one of those “I should have known better” stories.

So, here’s what happened.  I was checking email on my phone one day, and saw that I couldn’t read anything but the subject lines.  None of the body text appeared in the email.  Not a huge problem, I thought, I could always read my email on my computer.

But soon I realized it was a big problem.  How would I read last-minute emails from my clients when I was out without my phone?  What about the emails I needed to read again for instructions for the event I was attending.  What if it got worse and I stopped receiving emails?

So I began searching the internet for anything that would help me understand why this was happening.

And I found nothing.  Or at least nothing that caught my eye.

So, at last, I went to the Verizon store to see if they could fix it.  The woman helping me searched through my phone to see what could possibly be going wrong.

“Nope, I can’t find anything.”  And before handing me back my phone, she handed it her co-worker to take a look.

“Nope, can’t see anything”

I watched as he shook his head and handed the phone back to my helper.

Then, just before handing me back my phone, she checked one more time.

“UHHH.  Your Email is taking up A LOT of space.”

“Huh?” I said,

“Your Email.  It’s taking up TOO MUCH space.  That’s why you can’t read anything.  You don’t have any space.”

“But how could that be?” I stammered.  “I only see 20 emails.  How could 20 emails possibly be taking up too much space?  Aren’t the other emails automatically deleted?  I never see more than about 10 or 20.

Exasperated, she shook her head.  “No they’re still there. See?” She held her finger down on the ‘more’ link at the bottom of the email list.  “See they’re loading, 20 at a time. They don’t get deleted unless you delete them.  Looks like these emails go back at least a year or more.”

“Oh” I said, embarrassed, shrinking at the realization of my obvious ineptitude with cell phones. “Thank you so much for your help.  I really appreciate it.”

And then proceeded to sit at a table right outside of the store to delete hundreds, if not thousands of messages.  I then realized to my dismay, that I had never emptied the trash for all the emails I had deleted.  So I began tackling them as well.

It took me hours of dedicated purging over the course of a few days to finally clean up my phone.  But very shortly into the effort, I got my email back.  At last I could read my incoming messages.

And then I got the message.  Loud and clear. All those emails —  I didn’t even realize they were there.  And yet, they were affecting my ability to receive incoming information.  Old messages clogging my ability to receive.

And that’s the way it works.  Unless they’re released, old negative messages, from past experiences, traumas, and relationships, get stuck in our subconscious.  We can get so used to them, we often don’t even realize they’re there.  Or, sometimes we know they’re there, but we believe it’s just a part of who we are.

The more we look within, the more we’re able to see the old, stale beliefs that are blocking our ability to receive fresh new beliefs. Sometimes awareness and intention are enough to dislodge them.  But not always.

EFT Tapping is one of the best ways I know to dislodge and release old, worn-out messages. EFT Tapping works to target and release the stuck emotions and outdated information that limit your ability to receive the guidance you need create positive new change.  Click here for an illustrated description of the EFT Tapping Points.

With the release of old beliefs and messages come the clarity, the understanding, the renewed ability to receive divine guidance all around us.

Let go, and receive.

In Courage,

Marian

Contact me to learn how you can use EFT Tapping to release old, outdated messages that interfere with your success.